7:32 P.M

Jongin dumps the dirty dishes in the sink while the chorus to ’I Kissed A Girl’ nearly makes the walls rattle. He can’t recall the last time he ate a meal this large, and even though his stomach is cramping painfully, he doesn’t regret stuffing himself with at least fifteen pizza rolls.

Jungah turns the music off when Sehun walks over to the sink with his own empty plate. ”So you liked the food?” she squees.

”It was great,” Sehun chuckles, patting Jungah’s head. ”You should be a five star chef when you grow up if you're not already planning on becoming an artist.” 

Jungah takes a seat at the kitchen table with her science textbook and notebooks, all of which are filled to the brim with more cutesy doodles than actual writing. A part of Jongin hates himself for not picking up some form of dessert, since he has no idea what to do after he politely declines Sehun's offer to help him do the dishes. His heart hasn’t stopped racing ever since they sat down at the table an hour ago, so Jongin opts to focus on Jungah asking Sehun if he's good at studying to distract himself. It barely works.

After the very last plate has been washed, scrubbed and placed on the drying rack, Jungah turns to face Jongin. ”Can Sehunnie sleep here tonight?” she asks.

Jongin’s eyes automatically trail to Sehun. He wants to cover Jungah’s mouth for even suggesting such an idea out loud, but he’s unable to do so when Sehun rubs the back of his neck. Jungah’s excited grin is doing nothing to help things, to say the least.

”It’s fine with me,” Jongin blurts out. ”But you’ll have to ask Sehun, since it’s his choice.”

Sure enough, Sehun only chuckles when Jungah asks him. ”It’s fine by me, as well,” he says with a nod.

Jongin awkwardly shifts until he’s bouncing on the balls of his feet. ”I’ll…I’ll take the couch, then, I guess,” he mutters and blinks when Jungah squawks in protest.

”But you can’t do that,” she retorts. ”I mean, you’re my dad and Sehunnie is like my mother, so that means you have to sleep in the same bed, since it makes sense, right? That's what parents do!”

Jongin nearly cries in embarrassment. ”Again, you’ll have to ask Sehun if he's-”

”It’s perfectly fine,” Sehun says, which only makes Jongin’s urge to sink through the center of the Earth skyrocket. 

Jungah blows a raspberry at Jongin, who mutters something about Sehun being welcome to use the upstairs bedroom if he feels like it. Thankfully, Jungah picks the perfect time to ask one of them for help with spelling, and Jongin flies over before Sehun can comment on his reddening face. He ends up helping Jungah spell out the word 'Acrophobic' before she asks Sehun to assist her with her math homework. To Jongin’s surprise, he seems to have underestimated Sehun’s academic skills, because he and Jungah end up polishing off the entire worksheet in under five minutes without even breaking a sweat. 

”Mr. Z said we’re gonna be watching a movie about space tomorrow if we do well on the quiz, so I want to be well rested!” Jungah says after slamming her textbook shut with a deafening thud. Jongin tries to stifle a loud cackle when Sehun nearly shoots through the ceiling in surprise.

Jongin nods. "Sounds like a swell time budget to me,” he chuckles, patting her head.

After saying something about needing to get ready for bed, Jungah stuffs her schoolwork in her backpack before turning to face Sehun. 

"Can I show Sehunnie my big Rilakkuma plushie now?” she asks while grabbing Sehun’s right cuff.

Jongin doesn’t even get a chance to scold Jungah for being so pushy before she's quite literally dragging Sehun up the stairs two at a time. Not wanting to be abandoned in the darkening kitchen, Jongin awkwardly follows them to the upper floor until they’re all standing in the middle of Jungah's bedroom. 

”Nana gave me this when I was five,” Jungah says after moving her bookshelf aside and revealing a Rilakkuma plushie that Jongin forgot all about up until now. It’s at least a whole head taller than her and so wide that he worries it might topple over and crush her. Even though it’s nowhere near as tall as Sehun, Jongin can tell that Sehun is equally as flabbergasted as him. 

”It looks cuddly,” Sehun chuckles, carefully sitting down on the small bed. The sheets make a faint crinkling noise, which only makes Jongin realize that Jungah hasn’t slept in her bed for nearly three months.

Jungah nods. ”It’s too big to fit on my bed, so I keep it over there instead,” she hums, removing her hair tie and letting her long, black locks fall over her shoulders. ”Sometimes I wanted to give it to Dad since he always says he's lonely, but now I don’t need to anymore!”

Sehun raises an eyebrow. The drawn, pink curtains cast a rosy glow that perfectly accentuates his high cheekbones. ”Why is that?”

Tugging on the bear’s chocolate brown ears, Jungah points to Sehun. ”Because he has you now!” she squees and turns back around just in time to miss the way Jongin shifts. ”Mr. Z said that when people are feeling lonely, they usually need somebody to hug, so make sure you hug Dad a lot, since he needs it, okay?”

Sehun nods. ”I’ll make sure to keep that in mind,” he says with a smile so fond that Jongin wants to cry.

It’s not until Jungah goes on to talk about her crafting assignment in school that Jongin is struck with a thought. He doesn’t want to interrupt Jungah’s story, though, so he opts to awkwardly lean against the doorframe as she gestures everywhere. All the while, Sehun listens with the usual, contemplative look on his face. 

Sehun gets to his feet after Jungah concludes her fifteen minute rant about how much she hates Lisa for making fun of Jongin like she did. ”I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” he says, patting her shoulder.

Jungah pouts in irritation. ”But we weren’t supposed to talk like that, and she did anyways,” she grumbles, crossing her arms over her chest. She says something about never wanting to be friends with Lisa ever again before she grins at Sehun. ”But that’s okay, because you’re my new best friend now!”

Jongin definitely doesn’t miss the way Sehun glances at him before he speaks. 

”I think you should talk to Lisa about it, anyway.” Sehun runs a hand through his hair. ”And who says you can’t have two best friends?” he adds with a wink. 

The gigantic Rilakkuma plushie nearly swallows Jungah’s frail form entirely before she dumps it on her bed. "Fine,” she giggles. ”And I want to sleep here tonight instead of at Nana’s, okay?”

Jongin nods, not even bothering to inform her that his mother wouldn’t have allowed Jungah to sleep over at her place even if she wanted to. A moment later, Sehun says something about needing to complete a few reports due to leaving the office early this afternoon. Jongin can only nod before Sehun apologetically excuses himself and slips out of the room.

Subsequently, all Jongin hears is Jungah’s low humming, which is closely followed by footsteps disappearing down the stairs. As much as he wants to follow after Sehun, since he’s terribly behind on his own assignments, Jongin finds himself glued to the pink carpet as he watches Jungah retrieve her Hello Kitty pajama top from her dresser. It’s not until she asks him to quiz her that he opens his mouth to speak. 

”You shouldn’t have hit Lisa like that,” he lowly says, to which Jungah responds by looking up like a deer caught in headlights.

Smoothing out her top, Jungah pouts. Something suddenly flashes in her wide eyes.

”Are they going to take me away?” she whispers, voice trembling with worry as she chews on her lower lip. "If they are, tell them that I don’t want them to.”

It takes Jongin a minute to catch up with what he’s hearing. He has to take a deep breath to pull his thoughts together, because the mere thought of having Jungah taken away from him makes him want to vomit, even if he knows that it isn't going to happen anytime soon. Jungah slips into her pajamas in silence, although Jongin easily picks up on her anxious breathing from his spot six feet away.

Jongin waits for his brain to stop spinning until he shakes his head. ”No, they aren’t,” he responds, making sure to keep his voice low. "Lisa lied to you, alright? Nobody's taking you anywhere."  

Jungah’s cheeks flush in distress when she looks up. ”Are you sure?” she asks. ”I don’t know if Nana wants me to stay with her anymore, so if they take me away from you I’ll have nowhere to go." 

”Nobody’s going to take you away from me, I promise,” Jongin says and takes a step forward when Jungah slowly sinks down on the edge of the mattress. "And if they are, I won't let them."

Downstairs, a faint typing sound is heard. Sehun must have made himself comfortable in the living room with his laptop, Jongin thinks.

Jungah wipes her eyes with the back of her hands. Even though she must have grown a full inch since Jongin last saw her sit on her bed, her feet still hover above the floor as she swings them back and forth. Her black hair almost blends into the darkness, and Jongin briefly contemplates opening the door just to let some light in.

”I know it was rude of me to do that to Lisa,” Jungah sighs, fidgeting in her lap. ”But I got scared when she said that because she's the smartest girl in the whole class and I didn’t want her to be right.” She’s silent for a minute. ”Because even though you don’t want to talk to me much anymore, I still don’t want to be away from you.”

A pang of guilt erupts in Jongin’s chest. His words get stuck in his tightening throat when Jungah wordlessly changes into her matching pajama shorts a moment later. He can barely even see her, but the faint, green glow from her Totoro nightlight makes the wetness in her eyes shine like the stars outside. The sound of Sehun typing away downstairs is all Jongin registers as Jungah pulls back the covers and tucks in the giant plushie. 

It’s not until she once again asks Jongin to quiz her that he is struck with the same thought from before. As much as he wants to turn on his heel, run downstairs and take a few deep breaths on the balcony, he finds himself reaching into his back pocket.

Jongin fidgets with the sharp edges to the paper while Jungah combs her hair with her fingers. She’s probably waiting for him to leave her alone, but he’s unable to head for the door, especially when she goes on to sing a lullaby to her plushie - the little tune he always sang for her whenever she had nightmares as a toddler.

”Jungah, there’s…” Jongin nearly bites down on his tongue when Jungah looks up at him. ”There’s something I want to talk to you about, is that okay?”

Jungah’s eyes immediately land on the sheet of paper in Jongin’s hands. Her expression is unreadable, almost deflated, but she still nods ever so slightly. "I think it's okay,” she hums.

Jongin tightens his grip on the sheet. He feels his throat closing up when he reminisces the warmth that flooded his system while his eyes trailed across the few handwritten paragraphs on the balcony earlier. Despite his right shin still throbbing with pain, Jongin flies forward before he can think another thought.

Jongin figures that his ribs should all be on the verge of shattering by now, but he pays it no mind as he tightens his hold around Jungah’s frail torso and pulls her as close as he possibly can. Her newly washed hair is soft against his cheek and reeks of strawberry shampoo, and it doesn’t take Jongin long to feel his skin getting soaked with her warm tears after she buries her face in the crook of his neck.

Amid his raging heartbeat, Jongin pulls away a moment later to give Jungah space to wipe her eyes. He doesn’t even need to touch his face to know that his own cheeks are probably drenched, too.

”Mr. Z said he wasn’t going to grade those,” Jungah says after nearly a full minute. 

Jongin swallows. ”Sehun actually gave it to me,” he responds, bending down in front of her. His head is spinning so forcefully that he wants to lie down before he can pass out. ”But Yixing must have given it to him before I got there.”

Nodding, Jungah goes back to playing with her small fingers. ”I told him not to show it to anyone, or you,” she whispers, ”since I thought you wouldn’t like it if you saw it.”

Jongin blinks. The paper in his hands is probably wrinkled beyond belief at this point. "Why wouldn’t I like it?”

Jungah's bangs fall in her eyes as she hangs her head. ”Because you don’t like me anymore,” she mutters.

"That isn’t true,” Jongin blurts out. ”That isn’t true, you know it isn’t-”

"But you don’t,” Jungah retorts. ”You never have time for me anymore and-”

"You know I work a lot,” Jongin interjects, ignoring the sharp coiling in his chest. He doesn't want a repeat of this. Not right now. 

"And you said you never wanted to be my father,” Jungah sighs while pushing her bangs aside in exasperation. ”So I thought you wouldn’t like it if Mr. Z let you read it!”

A group of drunk teenagers shout something incoherent outside, but Jongin barely hears it over the blood rushing in his ears. ”What?” he blurts out. ”When the hell did I ever say that?”

”When Sehun was here,” Jungah exclaims. ”You said you never asked for any of this and that you never wanted to be my father and that I could move in with--” Her voice trails off when Jongin reaches out and grabs her hands.

”Jungah,” Jongin breathes, wrapping his fingers around Jungah’s tear stained fists. ”Jungah, honey, listen to me, okay?” He ignores the nagging pounding at the back of his head. "It's...I can’t remember much, but I want you to know that whatever I said, whatever I did that night, I don’t mean any of it, alright?”

Jungah chews on her bottom lip. ”You said that last time, too,” she mutters. ”And before that, and before that, as well.”

”I know, and I’m sorry,” Jongin says, not even bothering to mask the distress in his voice. ”I’m just...it's all just really difficult right now.”

”Is this about your job?” Jungah asks. ”Are you like this because it’s too stressful for you?” She her her aside in wonder. ”Is that why you’re always coming home late and being angry and sad and all that?”

The nausea in Jongin's throat is threatening to make him vomit, but he manages to hold it in by wiping Jungah’s eyes. ”I know I've never really been the dad you've always wanted me to be, but I would never, ever hate you, do you understand?” He swallows. ”None of this is your fault, it’s never been your fault, and I’m going to try to do my best to prove that to you, alright?”

Jungah eyes him before she nods. ”Alright,” she hums with a small smile. ”You could change your job if you think it’s too stressful, right? You could be a firefighter or a police officer since you’re so good at giving piggyback rides,” she giggles.

As much as Jongin wants to laugh along with her, he bites the inside of his cheek. ”I’m afraid it’s not that easy,” he sighs. ”I can’t leave my job, but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure I don’t have to stay behind as often from now on, I promise.”

A spark of disappointment flashes in Jungah’s eyes, but her tone is still gleeful. ”Okay,” she says. ”Does that mean we can do fun things again? Even if I can't have a dad who's a fireman or a police officer?”

Jongin can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips. "Of course it does." They fall into silence again. "But I don’t want you to worry about anybody taking you away, because it’s not going to happen, okay?”

Jungah presses her lips together. "It actually doesn't matter if they have to take me away or not, because I'll be happy as long as you still love me," she says with a blinding grin. Her expression shifts slightly. ”Were you sad because of Sehun?”

Jongin is so busy internally screaming over Jungah's words that it takes him a moment to realize that she's asking him a question. "What do you mean?"

”Sehun said you couldn’t be friends when I talked to him on the phone,” Jungah says. ”And I got upset because he seems to make you really, really happy. Like, really happy.”

Jongin has to take a seat next to Jungah before his thighs can cramp up from all the squatting. He doesn’t have the energy to tell her that he not only has no memory of Sehun ever saying that, but that she should probably lower her voice before Sehun hears. 

”I don’t want you to worry about that, either,” Jongin says. In the darkness, he honestly can’t tell if he’s sitting on the Rilakkuma plushie's face or not. He can feel the words on his tongue, and he opens his mouth to speak before he can stop himself. "There's...I have to tell you something, okay?”

Jungah looks up with wide eyes. ”Tell me what?”

Jongin unconsciously grips the sheets beneath him until his knuckles turn white. ”Ten years ago, before you were born or even a baby, I...I did something stupid,” he says. "I did something really, really stupid with a person I used to be friends with.” 

Jungah pouts in wonder. ”You did?”

Jongin nods. ”I was young, not as young as you, but just out of high school. I cared about him a lot, and when you’re as young as I was, it’s easy to become too dependent on other people.” He runs a hand through his hair. ”So when I found out that he didn’t care about me as much as I cared about him, I did a bunch of stupid things to try to make myself feel better.”

Moving closer, Jungah rests her cheek against Jongin’s shoulder. ”Sehun said that people can do different things when they’re feeling sad,” she hums.

"He’s right about that,” Jongin sighs. ”A short while before all that, I had applied for this dance university in New York, but they rejected me at the last minute, so I wasn’t happy with myself and I didn’t listen to what other people said for the longest time.” He’s silent for a minute. ”Until I met Sehun, that is.”

Jungah’s eyes immediately light up, and Jongin has to frantically quiet her down when she loudly asks him how much he cares about Sehun on a scale of one to one thousand. ”Is that why you’ve been so unhappy?” she asks after a moment, clinging to Jongin’s pink sleeve.

”You could say that,” Jongin says and regrets it when Jungah looks like she’s about to burst into tears again. ”But it’s good to feel sad sometimes, though,” he says. ”Because then you learn to appreciate how nice it is to be happy, right?” He cards his fingers through her thick bangs.

”Yeah, but you have Sehun now, so you don’t need to feel sad,” Jungah says. ”And I wrote that I wanted you to be best friends forever, remember?” She jabs Jongin’s arm. ”But you have to promise not to smell or act so weird ever again, okay? It’s really annoying and I don’t think Sehun or Nana like it, either.”

Jongin nods. ”I’ll do my best, I promise,” he says, rubbing her shoulder.

A sudden noise nearly makes Jongin shoot through the roof with a yelp, and it takes him an embarrassingly long time to deduce that it’s coming from his pocket. He fumbles for his phone before his brain can catch up with what he’s doing.

”Hello?” he breathes, trying to control his spinning head.

A low chuckle is heard on the other end. ”Sorry for scaring you,” Sehun says from his spot downstairs. ”I didn’t want to disturb by knocking, but I wanted to ask if everything was alright since you’ve in there for quite a while now.”

”I’m fine, we’re fine,” Jongin squabbles. ”I’ll…I’ll be right down, sorry.” He turns to Jungah after hanging up. ”Sehun's our guest tonight, so I need to take care of him, but let me know if you need anything, alright?”

Jungah nods as Jongin gets to his feet. She inevitably doesn't hold back her loud guffaw after Jongin accidentally trips on one her smaller Rilakkuma plushies on the floor and falls flat on his face.

____

Jongin closes Jungah’s bedroom door as quietly as he can, only to emit an unmanly shriek when he comes face to face with Sehun after turning around.

The smile on Sehun's face quickly melts away when he notices Jongin’s splotchy cheeks. "What happened? Is everything alright?" he asks. 

”I’m fine, everything's fine,” Jongin mutters. His wrists ache from sticking his hands out to break his fall, even though he still thanks his lucky stars that he managed to save himself a broken nose by falling on top of Jungah's fluffy beanbag. 

Zipping his briefcase shut, Sehun chuckles to himself. ”If you say so.”

With his cheeks about to explode with heat, Jongin shuffles towards his own bedroom. The sheets are still disheveled from his nap earlier and the jar of blue antidepressant is still sitting on the bedside table. It's not exactly a welcoming environment, but Sehun thankfully doesn't comment on it. Jongin doesn’t have the energy to brush his teeth, which wouldn’t be an issue, since he hasn’t eaten a single thing since yesterday's dinner. He suddenly realizes that he’s grabbing onto the rumpled paper, which he’s about to lay aside when he notices Sehun eyeing it.

”It’s…you must’ve seen it,” Jongin mutters, trying to ignore his rapid pulse as he hands it to Sehun.

Sehun carefully smooths it out with a shake of his head. ”I haven’t, actually,” he hums.

After unfolding it, Sehun seems to take his sweet time reading, almost as if he’s aiming to absorb each and every word. Despite it, Jongin is unable to avert his gaze until he looks up a minute later.

For a second, Sehun looks like he's torn between smiling and crying. ”That was lovely,” he says, eyes glittering.

Jongin nods. ”Yeah,” he mutters.

”At least her teacher was right when he said that she’d be going places,” Sehun chuckles after handing it back to Jongin.

Jongin walks over and carefully places the sheet of paper in his bedside table drawer. He catches a glimpse of his closet, which is so unkempt that he worries half its contents might come tumbling out if he opens the doors just another crack. Behind him, he hears Sehun putting his briefcase away by the window.

The room grows so silent that Jongin swears he can hear Jungah’s soft breathing on the other side of the wall. He has to open his mouth to speak when he worries that the silence might take him under.

”You know when you came over and kept her company?” Jongin blurts out, hoping the closet doors won’t give in as he leans back against them.

Sehun nods. ”What about it?”

Jongin fights an impulse to turn his face away when he flushes. ”You probably won’t believe me, but..." He swallows the lump in his throat. "I just want you to know that if there was anything I said, or if there was anything I did, that I didn’t mean it and that it wasn’t your fault.”

Sehun only blinks in response.

”I know I say stupid when I’m like that sometimes,” Jongin sighs, running a hand down his warm face, ”and I hate myself for it, but I just…I don’t mean it, I never mean any of it.” He looks at Sehun. ”You have to believe me.”

Jungah can be heard shuffling about in her room while Sehun speaks. ”It's fine, it's all fine,” he says. "And I believe you."

Jongin has to whirl around in worry of Sehun possibly making fun of his reddening cheeks, and he briefly forgets about the visual state of his closet as he throws the doors wide open. A few belts fall to the floor with low clangs, but he’s too busy raiding the shelves for a clean shirt to pick them up. Jongin eventually finds a white T-shirt tucked away underneath a pile of jeans. He just hopes that Sehun won’t berate his nonexistent fashion sense as he chucks it across the room. 

Sure enough, Sehun effortlessly catches the garment in midair. Jongin finds himself ogling his own feet when Sehun goes on to remove his suit jacket, dress shirt and tie, all while he hears Jungah singing to her stuffed animals in her room.

Jongin looks up just as Sehun finishes slides the shirt over his head, and there’s something about its whiteness that does a terrific job at accentuating his dark eyebrows and high cheekbones. It’s not until Sehun catches him staring, though, that Jongin blindly scrambles for a shirt of his own. 

Aside from the ocean of random baseball shirts, blouses and old pregnancy clothes that he still hasn’t bothered to get rid of, Jongin eventually retrieves a sky blue shirt that he hasn’t worn ever since he moved in nine years ago. He doesn’t even need to put it on to know that it’s not only shrunk by at least three sizes, but that it’s going to accentuate every single curve once he slides it on. 

As much as he wants to slip into the bathroom, Jongin finagles his pink hoodie over his head before tossing it over his shoulder. He doesn’t get a chance to feel embarrassed about his entire upper body being on display, though, before Sehun breaks the ice.

”What’s that?”

Jongin blinks when he looks up and sees that Sehun’s brows are furrowed in concern. It doesn’t take him long to notice that Sehun is eyeing the bruises scattered across his lower abdomen, which have darkened to the point that they’re nearing a shade of purple. Despite his shirt being in his hands, Jongin is unable to lift his arms to put it on.

”They don't hurt anymore,” Jongin squabbles, only to take it back when his ribs ache in protest. ”It’s...it's nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Sehun seemingly doesn't hear Jongin's response as he takes a step forward. ”These look new,” he mumbles. ”What on Earth have you done? Did you fall off a cliff without a safety cord or something?”

”I didn’t do anything,” Jongin exclaims and mentally smacks himself when Sehun sends him a look.

Sehun is silent, so silent that Jongin wants to run outside just to drown out the deafening pounding in his chest. 

”Then who did this?” Sehun asks after a minute, eyes still trailing across Jongin’s exposed torso. ”Who the did this to you?”

Jongin scrambles to put his shirt on. ”I said it’s fine-" 

”Jongin,” Sehun says, gaze warm but tone ice cold, ”I don't know how else to say this, but I want to know who did this to you.”

Jongin bites his lip. The hammering at the back of his head has him scrambling for his bed, seconds before he basically dives head first underneath the covers. He hears Sehun mutter something under his breath, something that Jongin is much too exhausted to pay a sliver of attention to right now. 

To Jongin’s relief, Sehun doesn’t push the question any further. Instead, Jongin only watches as Sehun wordlessly climbs onto the mattress. From his spot on the other side of the bed, it takes Jongin an embarrassingly long time to realize that he forgot to offer Sehun a pair of pants to sleep in. Even though Sehun doesn't seem to have an issue with it, Jongin still turns his face away before he can scream out loud.

On the other side of the wall, Jungah can be heard having a tea party with her Rilakkuma dolls. On any normal occasion, Jongin would barge into her room and tell her to keep it down, but he can’t bring himself to move a muscle as he stares at his mismatched socks. He’s put both of them on inside out, as usual.

Jongin doesn’t even realize that he’s sweating until he hears Sehun shift next to him. With his heart about to burst out of his ribcage, Jongin fears he might go into cardiac arrest if he doesn’t calm himself down somehow. He automatically reaches for the jar on his bedside table, only to still when he feels Sehun’s gaze burning holes in the back of his head. 

”But I need it,” Jongin blurts out, wanting to slap himself for sounding like a child being denied candy. ”It’s just…I can’t sleep without them.”

Jongin ends up recoiling when Sehun sends him a look. While he’s physically aching to down half the jar, since he knows that he’ll need at least fifty pills if he’s going to get a wink of sleep tonight, he lies down without as much as a word. However, he has to roll onto his back when his sore ribs feel like they’re going to combust. Jongin doesn’t need to turn his head to know that Sehun is staring right at him, which has him feeling a childish urge to hide his head under the blanket. 

”Try going without them for just a little bit,” Sehun says after nearly two minutes of silence. ”For me.”

Even though Jongin can’t remember the last time he managed to get more than ten minutes of sleep of his own accord, he sighs in defeat. All he can think about is the one night he attempted to fall asleep without downing a single pill beforehand, which in turn resulted in what was arguably the longest and most painful night of his whole life. It’s not until Jongin reminisces the three hour long panic attack than ensued when he was unable to close his eyes for more than two minutes that he swallows the lump in his throat. Since he would rather not scare Sehun off by lying wide awake for eight hours straight tonight, he opens his mouth to suggest crashing on the downstairs couch, instead.

Except all that comes out is a garbled, choked sob that echoes in the silence. If Jongin’s urge to scramble downstairs and hide away forever wasn’t already sky high, it’s nothing compared to when Sehun sends him a look. 

”I can’t,” Jongin croak-garbles. ”I can’t, I have to— I won’t be able to sleep, I need them, I need at least one.” He wants to grab the jar, but his arm won’t move. ”Just one, I swear.”

Sehun remains silent when Jongin continues to sob to himself. A lock of blond hair falls in his eyes when he lifts up the covers. ”Come here.”

Despite being unable to move an inch just a moment ago, Jongin finds himself scrambling into Sehun’s arms faster than he can blink. All that fills Jongin’s head is Sehun’s minty cologne and his natural scent, which seems to have overpowered the strong smell of laundry detergent lingering on his shirt. With Sehun’s arms wrapped around his torso, Jongin is unable to move an inch, which he sort of hates, because he knows that Sehun can pick up on the throbbing in his chest when he pulls him in closer.

”It’s alright,” Sehun whispers. ”You’re alright, everything’s gonna be alright.” He carefully wipes Jongin’s eyes with the back of his thumb. ”I know it’s difficult, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you, okay?”

Jongin nods. He’s most likely lying in a puddle of his own sweat right now, but he forgets all about it as soon as he nuzzles his face in the crook of Sehun’s warm neck. The heat that swells in Jongin's chest makes him want to cry, because he vividly recalls the last time he felt that feeling - nine years ago, when he looked into Jungah’s eyes for the very first time. It takes everything in Jongin’s power not to latch onto Sehun’s arm for dear life, especially when Sehun’s thigh grazes his own.

”It’s going to be difficult at times,” Sehun hums, Jongin’s hair. "But it’s important to remember that there’s no need to rush things.” He’s silent for a moment. ”My mother used to say that you should always start off by taking things one day at a time, and if that becomes too much, you can always take things one hour at a time.” He kisses Jongin’s cheekbone. ”And if that doesn’t work out, either, take things one minute at a time, or even just a second.”

Jongin swallows. If he knows himself, he’s probably going to be taking things one millisecond at a time, but he doesn’t comment on it. However, it’s not until until Sehun chuckles that he realizes that he must have said it out loud.

”That’s perfectly fine, too,” Sehun says and Jongin’s wet cheek. ”A millisecond is better than nothing at all, isn’t it?” 

Nodding, Jongin exhales against Sehun’s skin. All the heat must be getting to him, because his head suddenly feels like it’s being weighed down by a boulder. His words die in his throat when Sehun goes on to card his fingers through his hair. 

___ 

Jongin isn’t sure how long he slept, or if he even slept at all, but the next thing he registers is nearly jumping out of his own skin when the door is thrown open. Given that he can still feel Sehun’s fingers his hair, Jongin figures that he must have dozed off by only a bit, but he still flushes at the thought of having passed out with his head on Sehun’s chest.

The next thing Jongin knows, he’s scrambling into an upright position. Not wearing anything below the waist save his boxers certainly isn’t helping matters, and he makes sure to cover his bare thighs with the blanket. ”How many times have I told you to knock before entering?” he croak-garbles.

Jungah looks sheepish for a second. Even though she has pinned her hair back with one of her My Little Pony hair clips, majority of her bangs are coming loose. Her sleeveless pajama top accentuates her frail arms as she rubs her eyes.     

”I called your name like, five times, but you didn’t hear,” she mutters before the smile returns to her face. ”You two look like a mother and father now!” she squees and rushes into the room.

Thankfully, Jongin manages to convince her to stay back by ten feet. ”It’s way past your bedtime,” he sighs. ”What wrong? Is something the matter?”

Jungah points to the door, even though she looks far more hung up on asking Sehun if he’s willing to take on the role of being her mother instead of best friend. ”You never quizzed me, remember?” she says with a pout. ”My test is tomorrow and I want the top grade!”

Jongin automatically looks at Sehun, who only chuckles.

"And I want Sehunnie to do it,” Jungah adds with an apologetic smile in Jongin's direction. ”Sehunnie’s really smart at science and math, but you’re smarter than him at other things, so there’s no need to be sad!”

Jongin blinks. ”Like what?”

”Like Monopoly, playing hide and seek and giving piggyback rides,” Jungah says, at which Sehun emits a shameless laugh. She turns to face Sehun with a glint in her eyes that Jongin does not like. ”When I was eight, Dad accidentally got stuck in one of those baby swings in the park and we had to call a bunch of firemen to get him out, so he isn't good at everything.”

Sehun looks like he’s torn between cackling and recoiling in secondhand embarrassment. ”It happens to the best of us, don’t worry,” he says, even though Jongin can tell he’s trying his hardest not to laugh. 

”I even took a picture,” Jungah says and Jongin is overjoyed that she doesn't run to her room to fetch her camera. ”I also took a picture when we went to the petting zoo and he got chased around by an angry goat-”

”I could help you study for your quiz,” Sehun interjects and Jongin nearly cries in relief. "Only for a little while, though."

Jungah seemingly doesn’t hear Jongin demanding her to turn off her nightlight by at least ten o’clock while she bounces up and down in glee. Jongin tries his best not to stare when Sehun fetches himself a pair of black sweatpants from the closet, but he barely gets a chance to step into them before Jungah drags him out the door.