Sehun makes sure not to step on the puddle of fresh vomit as he attempts to stand Jongin upright. To his dismay, Jongin only goes back to being a human liquid as he flops back into Sehun’s arms. The tequila on his breath alone is enough to make Sehun tipsy, and he finds himself shoving Jongin further into the apartment when Jungah's eyebrows furrow in worry.

By some miracle, Jongin manages to break free from Sehun’s iron grasp. After nearly falling flat on his face, he staggers towards the kitchen table. Jungah runs up to him and tries telling Jongin about the paper cranes she made earlier, but her voice falls on deaf ears while Jongin fetches himself a packet of Advil. It’s not until Jongin dumps seven into his palm that Sehun contemplates telling Jongin to go to bed, only to give up on trying to get his message across when he downs every single pill without water.

”Jungah, go to your room,” Sehun says as calmly as he possibly can, seconds before Jongin slams his fist on the countertop with enough force to make Jungah flinch.

”But I want to help him,” Jungah retorts. 

Sehun shakes his head. ”I'm serious, I want you to-”

”Go up to your room,” Jongin drawls, mimicking Sehun’s voice as he attempts a chuckle. But all that comes out is a twisted sob that echoes for seconds. ”Bet you’d like him as your goddamn father." 

”Go lie down, ,” Sehun growls while making sure to keep Jungah at a ten foot distance. 

”I knew it, I ing knew it,” Jongin wails, an agonized expression on his face as he wipes his eyes. ”You’re all so perfect." He stares at Jungah almost accusingly. "You’re all too perfect and I hate it."

Sehun can only watch as Jongin seemingly forgets everything he just said while he goes on to complain about the searing pain in his temples. Next to him, Jungah’s eyes flicker with both puzzlement and worry, and Sehun can tell that she’s peddling back and forth between staying back and rushing over and helping Jongin.

”If you think he’s so much better, you’re free to get the out,” Jongin growls in response to a question he was never even asked. Despite barely being able to stand upright, the spark in his eyes is eerily steady as he stares at Jungah.

”I want to,” Jungah retorts. ”At least he stays with me and doesn’t forget about my birthdays.” She grabs Sehun’s sleeve. ”And at least he wants to be with me.”

”Cut the bull,” Jongin slurs and even though he probably has no idea what he’s saying, Sehun fights the urge to walk over and whack him upside the head. ”You have no idea, you have no idea what it’s like to-”

”But you never want to do anything with me nowadays,” Jungah interrupts. ”I hate being with Nana sometimes ’cause I miss being with you.” A handful of tears falls from her eyes, which makes Sehun want to scream. ”You always say your job is busy, but you never want to take me there so I don’t know what to do.”

Sehun bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. He figures that he shouldn’t intervene, but it takes every fiber in his being not to do so when Jungah wipes her cheeks with her small hands. A bolt of lightning strikes in the distance, although not far from the house. 

”I miss having fun with you but you don’t like being with me anymore,” Jungah sobs. ”You never care about what I say or anything.” She's silent for a moment. ”I wish Sehun was my dad instead of-” She cuts herself off when Jongin slams his fist on the tabletop so forcefully that a few of her colored pencils tumble off the edge.

”Don’t you dare talk to me that way, you little ,” Jongin hisses from across the kitchen. ”All I ever do is protect and worry and make sure you’re safe, and for what, exactly?” He rubs his sore temples. "God, it's all just-" 

”Jongin,” Sehun interrupts before he can stop himself, ”shut the up already-”

”You don’t know a goddamn thing about how I feel, or why I do the things I do,” Jongin drawls as he tugs on his hair. At this point, he’s slurring so much that Sehun can hardly comprehend what he’s saying. ”So just…God, just shut it already.”

Sehun remains bolted to the floor as he watches the tears fall from Jongin’s face and onto the carpet below. As much as he wants to walk over and envelope Jongin in a bone crushing hug, he restrains himself in fear of possibly strangling Jongin on the spot instead. Sehun doesn't get a chance to consider it before Jungah tugs on his sleeve.

”Can we do something to help him?” Jungah whispers and Sehun nearly wants to look away when he sees that her entire face is nearly as splotchy and flushed as Jongin’s.

Sehun automatically looks at Jongin, who is grumbling incoherencies to himself over by the counter. ”I think it’s best if we just leave him be,” he says, her hair. 

To Sehun’s relief, Jungah simply nods before going back to wiping her wet eyes. Sehun suddenly reminisces Jongin’s car sitting out in the yard and how it must be downright drenched by now. The neighbors must have noticed the black vehicle parked on their property and all the skid marks in their yard by now. 

Jongin is silent for a moment as muffled thunder fills the air. ”I never wanted to be your goddamn father,” he drawls while gesturing everywhere. ”I never wanted this, I never wanted any of this, don’t you get that? I never wanted any of you, I just wanted to dance.” He sobs again. ”Instead, I got all…all this.”

A few more, barely coherent words fall from Jongin’s lips, only to be drowned out by a subsequent clap of lightning. At this point, Sehun can’t bring himself to respond since his tongue literally feels like a piece of sandpaper. Instead, he keeps a tight grasp on Jungah’s hand as she silently sobs next to him. She proceeds to ask Jongin something that goes unheard by Sehun. Jongin nearly stumbles over his own two feet reaching for the packet of Advil on the counter.

Sehun barely processes the following few seconds, but the next thing he knows, he’s making sure to avoid touching the patches of vomit on Jongin’s dress shirt while literally dragging Jongin up the stairs by the back of his coat.

 ____

The room falls silent, and on the upper floor, not even the thunder seems to reach them. For the first time in a while, Sehun wishes that it wasn’t so quiet, since he’s unable to dismiss the sound of his own blood rushing in his ears no matter how hard he tries. Not to mention Jongin’s agonized groans are doing little to help things.

Sehun gives up on trying to find the light switch when shuffling noises fill the air. Thanks to the moonlight seeping through the curtains, he can just barely make out Jongin moving into a half-assed sitting position until he’s leaning against the wall. A second later, the front door slams shut downstairs and Sehun lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

It’s not until the whole apartment has been dead silent for nearly five minutes that Sehun crouches in front of Jongin’s sobbing form. A part of Sehun is sort of worried that Jongin might have passed out due to how silent he is, only to dismiss it when he hears Jongin grumbling incoherencies to himself.

Sehun runs a hand down his face. ”How could you even say that,” he mutters.

Jongin looks up with bloodshot eyes. ”Say what?”

Sehun fights an impulse to sit down on the mattress. A part of him regrets not following Jungah outside, because the thought of her trudging through the rainstorm all by herself makes his nerves shrivel up. He stands up, only to stumble when Jongin suddenly clasps his arms around his leg and clings to him like a baby koala. 

”Wait,” Jongin croaks. All the upchucking must have done him some good, since there’s a hint of sobriety in his voice that Sehun definitely doesn’t miss. ”Wait here, okay???”

Sehun is torn between laughing, crying and or simply giving Jongin a taste of his heel. ”Yeah, that.”

”Please,” Jongin wails, only tightening his grip when Sehun tries wriggling free. ”You can be mad at me if you want, but just stay for a-”

”Jongin, if you don’t let go of me right this instant I swear I’ll-”

”Pleasepleaseplease—” Jongin’s sentence ends in a loud hiccup as he tightens his grip even more. ”You can be mad, you should be mad, but just--” He squawks when he’s harshly grabbed by the collar and yanked forward.

”How the could you say something like that right in front of her,” Sehun growls, not even bothering to keep his voice down. The sour smell of whisky filling the tiny space between them is almost nauseating. ”You’re goddamn hopeless, I hope you know that.”

Jongin’s tries shoving Sehun off to no avail. ”What’s it to you,” he hisses before all the color seems to drain from his face. ”, you’re right, I shouldn’t have--” His sentence ends in a loud retching noise, and Sehun takes a step back as he empties what's left in his stomach all over the carpet.

”Did you mean it?” Sehun blurts out, unsure if we wants to hear Jongin’s reply as he runs a hand through his hair. 

There’s only silence until Jongin audibly swallows. ”I don’t know,” is all he says before retching again.

”Then why’d you have her?” Sehun sighs. 

Jongin tugs on his bangs, which are sticking to his forehead like glue. ”I didn’t want to,” he wails. ”I mean, I did, but I didn’t-- , I tried not to, but it didn’t work.”

Sehun blinks. ”What do you mean?” he asks, feeling his pulse quicken. ”What do you mean, ’tried’?”

Jongin's breath audibly hitches. ”I tried to have a goddamn miscarriage, okay?” he breathes. 

At this rate, the storm should be on the verge of cutting out the power lines, but Sehun honestly couldn’t care less about the power going out at this point. With the adrenaline slowly seeping out of his system, Sehun can’t help but hope that Jongin feels as miserable as he looks as he sobs from his spot on the floor. The words resting on Sehun's tongue disintegrate when Jongin stands up, staggers towards the bed and flops down on the mattress.

Another clap of lightning strikes, less than a block away from the apartment.

Sehun forces himself to swallow the lump in his throat. ”I know this is difficult,” he whispers. ”And I know you’re struggling, and I ing feel for you.” He runs a hand down his face. ”But you can’t live like this, you can’t.” 

”You can just take her,” Jongin grumbles. ”She said it herself, you can just take her already, you’ll do more for her than I ever ing could, anyway.” He wipes his eyes in frustration. ”God, I hate this, I hate all of you and your goddamn perfect selves I just want to die--” His sentence ends in a low gasp when he’s harshly whacked across the face.

"Would you shut the up and learn to use your head for once in your goddamn life?" Sehun growls, not even bothering to keep his voice down while he ignores his stinging palm. "Think about Jungah for just a second. How the do you think she’d feel if she heard you spewing all this bull?” Beneath him, Jongin’s eyes well up with tears.

This time, Jongin does manage to shake Sehun off, and he sits up on the mattress while cradling his sore jaw. ”How about you lay off the whole ’I-know-better-than-you’ act of yours,” he mutters. ”And you talk real big for someone who barely knows a goddamn thing about me or my family.” 

Sehun blinks. ”And what’s that supposed to mean?”

”You piss me off, you know that? I never actually got to tell you, but—” Jongin cuts himself off and rubs his sore temples. ”God, your type pisses me off, your everything pisses me off. Always acting like you know everything about everybody and everything, it’s ing annoying.” A spark of fury flashes in his eyes. ”You can’t just waltz into my life like this and up while trying to take my own kid away from me, y'know.”

Running a hand down his face, Sehun shakes his head in exasperation. ”You know damn good and well I never meant any of that.”

”Then why’re you doing all this?” Jongin wails. "What are you here for, then?"

”Because I give a  about you, moron,” Sehun sighs. 

”I know I’m a worthless ing father, I don’t need someone like you to come shove it in my goddamn face,” Jongin seethes, all while choking on his own words. 

Sehun bites the inside of his cheek. ”Is this about Chanyeol?” he mutters, only to regret it when Jongin’s gaze turns ice cold.

”Don’t say his name like that, you little creep,” Jongin growls. ”Stop talking like you-”

”Jongin," Sehun huffs, feeling his veins flare up in irritation, "you can’t let some goddamn teenage crush ruin your relationship with your-”

”You don’t know jack  about that,” Jongin growls with a gaze so deadly that if he was able to walk without stumbling, Sehun would be flying down the stairs. ”You don’t know anything about anything, so just get out of my house already." He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. "God, I never want to see your stupid face again.”

Sehun doesn't bother responding, mostly because the storm is growing more intense by the minute and he just doesn’t have it in him to raise his voice anymore. All he wants is a quiet place to lie down in before his head can explode. It’s not until the windowpane rattles due to the thunder that Sehun wishes he had Jungah’s cell phone number, because even though he knows she most likely made it to her grandmother’s house safely, he’s still aching to ask her, just in case.

The temperature in the room must have dropped by ten degrees due to the cold rain, and Sehun is surprised that his lips haven’t gone numb when he speaks.

”Maybe you’re right,” he mutters, mostly to himself. ”Maybe you really are a useless ing father after all.”

To Sehun's relief, he actually manages to shake Jongin off when the latter scrambles to cling onto his arms. The next thing he knows, he’s tuning out Jongin’s loud wails not to be left alone in the darkness as he he makes his way down the stairs four at a time. Sehun is surprised that the kitchen hasn’t flooded at this point, and he desperately tries to recall where he parked his car when he picks his coat up off the floor. In his peripheral, he notices that the orangey puddle is gone from its spot on the carpet. She must have taken it upon herself to clean it up before she left.

___

Heavy water droplets attack his face as soon as he opens the door, but Sehun ignores it as he tries locating his white Prius amid the rain. It doesn't take him long to spot Jongin’s car, which is still parked exactly where he left it an hour ago. Sehun feels his heart clench when he sees that the drivers side door is now closed. She took it upon herself to do that, too.

It’s not until Sehun descends the few steps leading to the porch that he notices that the ceiling light in Jongin’s car is still on. As much as he doesn’t want to, Sehun opts to switch it off, because if there's anything he knows, it's just how much those things tend to drain the battery.

However, Sehun halts in his tracks when he realizes that there’s something in the front seat. At first, he worries that a raccoon might have crawled inside the car while the door was open, but the thought disappears when he looks through the window.

Jungah is curled up behind the wheel with her pink rain coat draped across her frail body like a blanket. Amid the dim glow of the ceiling light, Sehun can make out the dry tear patches on her cheeks and the blue Rilakkuma doll tucked underneath her arm as she sleeps. A part of Sehun is relieved that she didn’t end up walking in the dark to her grandmother’s house all by herself, but he finds himself knocking on the window, anyway.

Thankfully, Jungah doesn’t look all too alarmed as she stirs awake. Her eyes light up the moment she sees Sehun, and she hurriedly unlocks the doors before throwing the driver's side door open.

”What are you doing?” Jungah asks, rubbing her eyes. She takes a look at Sehun’s suit, which is already drenched, with a giggle. ”You should’ve brought an umbrella!”

Sehun glances at the leather seats, all of which are at least six shades darker and definitely still damp to the touch. ”What are you doing?” he blurts out. ”Sheesh, it's freezing out here, you shouldn't be out here without a scarf.”

He figures that he must have sounded a tad bit too harsh, since Jungah quickly frowns. ”I wanted to be here instead of at Nana’s if that’s okay,” she says before pointing to the seats. ”They smell like Dad, so it helps me sleep.”

Sehun fights the urge to make a comment about the car smelling more like whisky and beer rather than Jongin’s sweet perfume. ”I see,” he sighs, feeling water droplets trickle down his neck. ”But I don’t want you sleeping out here, okay?”

Jungah pouts before she reaches out and touches Sehun’s wet cheeks. ”Are you sad, too?” she asks. ”The rain makes it look like you have tears on your face!”

Opening the door wider, Sehun bites his lip. At this point, he doesn’t even want to guess. ”I’ll drop you off at your grandmother’s, alright? My car’s right over there," he says, seconds before Jungah grabs his hand and drags him into the rainy darkness.