11:43 A.M

The sound of chattering and faxes being shuffled fills the room as Jongin shifts into a more comfortable position. His legs are already beginning to go numb, but he decides to stick to his promise of finishing his report before heading off to the break room.

Somewhere in the distance, the head of the production department, Minseok, talks to a client in his usual fabricated tone. Jongin regrets skipping out on breakfast this morning when his stomach grumbles, and the emptiness within it subsequently reminds him of the fact that he’s probably close to getting a ticket if he doesn’t move his car soon. However, Jongin opts against it when he looks out the window and sees the familiar black Honda parked in its usual place, without a ticket on the windshield. He figures that he’ll leave it for just a few more minutes while he fetches an apple from the break room.

Jongin barely makes it out of his chair, though, before his phone vibrates.

From: Mom

We made these cute little paper cranes today, you should check them out when you stop by! xx

Don’t forget to pick something up for next Saturday!! xx

The starved rumbling in his stomach soon turns into an uncomfortable churning as Jongin stares at the few sentences before him. Despite reminding himself every single morning, he’s been so busy at the office lately that he’s barely gotten a chance to head out and buy Jungah a tenth birthday gift. Jongin mentally slaps himself for forgetting it again, even though he knows that giving it a shot tonight is out the window, given the amount of overtime he's been scheduled to work.

I’ll make sure to when I get the time. She knows I’m running late tonight, so please make her her favorite. I’ll pay for the groceries if you want. Ask her if she'd like to put it on the kitchen windowsill next to the clay Rilakkumas she made yesterday ^ - J

Jongin knows for a fact that there’s no way he’ll be able to squeeze in a trip to the grocery store after eleven o’clock, but he sends the text anyway before putting his phone away. The reply is instant, but Jongin doesn’t bother checking it, since he knows that it’s his mother declining his offer, like usual.

Even though the cold truth of having been abandoned as a single father initially scared him to death, Jongin is still surprised that everything worked out as well as it did. As far as 'well' goes, anyway. Jongin is pretty sure that this month marks the four year anniversary of when he first asked his mother to watch over Jungah while he went about at the office. At first, with work being minimal, Jongin made sure to leave as early as he could to take Jungah home, after which they would spend the evening watching TV and or playing ‘House’ with her Rilakkuma plushies. However, Jongin soon found himself extending and multiplying Jungah’s stays as his workload grew more and more intense over the years. To his relief, his mother welcomed every suggestion with great enthusiasm. While Jungah initially expressed dismay over needing to spend even more time with her grandparents, Jongin soon began to notice her barely protesting when he would inform her that she would be needing to spend the evening or night at her grandmother's after school due to his busy schedule.

In fact, Jongin doesn’t recall when he simply stopped telling Jungah altogether, but he figures that it must have been around the time that Jungah turned nine and was able to walk six blocks to his parents place on her own. The thought of being unable to spend time together as a family still makes his heart clench, but the fact that she was better off with his parents rather than alone at home most evenings kept Jongin on his feet as the months turned to years.

Jongin nearly collides with his boss on his way down the corridor, and he mutters a hasty apology as he tries not to think about all the faxes waiting for him on his desk. If he miraculously manages to finish early, he’ll stop by at a convenience store and pick up Jungah’s favorite mochi treats. And, if he doesn't need to come in early tomorrow, he might just stop by and drop them off at his parents place before heading to the office.

The door to the break room opens mere inches from Jongin’s face, seconds before his all time favorite coworker, Luhan, sends him a grin. Jongin blames his starved stomach for making him unable to reciprocate, and he practically flies into the room before heading over to one of the fruit baskets on the counter.

Eyes trailing over his colleagues, all of whom belong to the same department as him (save for Taeyeon from Sales, who is deep in conversation with her coworker Sunny). Jongin bites down on his apple, only to toss it in the trash can when his gut responds by churning in protest. A female worker retrieves some take-out fried tofu from the fridge, which reminds Jongin to text his mother to please make Jungah the same thing for dinner.

It’s not until Jongin snaps out of his trance that he realizes that he’s spent the past few minutes ogling a colleague’s skirt, but he doesn’t get a chance to apologize before he feels a hand on his shoulder. He barely manages to stifle a shriek as he whirls around with wide eyes. “Whattheheck-”

The soon-to-be head of the sales department, Jongdae, stares back at him with his usual feline grin. His tie is straight and his dress shirt is entirely void of wrinkles, as opposed to Jongin’s own attire.

“Zoned out there, I see,” Jongdae snickers, wiping crumbs from the corners of his mouth. “Did you get yours yet?” he asks while gesturing at the fridge.

Jongin shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to tell Jongdae that he forgot his lunch box at home for the third time this week. “I was planning on going out,” he fibs.

Jongdae hums a tune under his breath. “Sounds good to me,” he chuckles before his eyes light up. “I don’t know if you know them or not, but Baekhyun and Chanyeol from my department actually went out to some fancy Italian place just now.” He blinks when Jongin only stares at him. “Y’didn’t know? They’re getting married in September.”

The sound of a microwave going off fills the air. Jongin doesn’t know how to tell Jongdae that he is familiar, all too familiar with said couple from the sales department ('The Romeo and Juliet of Sales', as Minseok likes to call them). Jongin even recalls the feminine swoons that filled the break room when somebody from the printing department spilled the news of Baekhyun's engagement to Chanyeol two years ago. Despite managing to remain professional around his colleagues, Jongin can still taste the whisky that lingered his taste buds that same evening. He hasn’t told Jongdae, though, and knows for a fact that he never will.

Moving aside for a colleague, Jongin does his best to nod. “Hasn’t everybody heard by now?” he mutters dryly.

Jongdae shrugs. “Pretty much, yeah. It’s just that they’re becoming more and more open about it, so it makes sense that not everybody knew before.” He makes himself a double espresso, which he downs in two seconds. “I heard they’re even inviting some people from Sales and Printing, isn’t that cool?”

Jongin regrets throwing his apple out just now, because his stomach subsequently cramps so badly that he fights the urge to lean against the counter for support. He knows that it doesn't matter if he belongs to said departments or not, because he certainly won’t be receiving an invite, anyway. In fact, the mere thought makes him want to laugh out loud and cry at the same time.

“I’m leaving Cali that same week, so I had to decline,” Jongdae apologetically says after placing his mug in the sink. “You doing anything special over the weekend?”

Jongin inwardly sighs. If he knows a thing or two, he’s going to be cooped up in his room completing faxes while Jungah has a much better time with her grandmother, but he simply mutters a low ‘Dunno’ as he runs a hand through his hair. While Jongdae proceeds to spill every single detail of his upcoming skiing trip, Jongin pretends to be invested as he tries not to think about that godforsaken wedding.

Jongin is torn between hating and feeling sorry for himself, because even though he's supposed to be happy for Chanyeol's sake, he gave up on trying to feign excitement less than a week after news about the engagement broke out. Jongin knows that if his mother were here, she would probably tell him to raise his head up higher and learn to move forward. But Jongin figures that he must be unnaturally stubborn, because he hasn't been able to convince himself to follow her imaginary words no matter how hard he tries.

The sales department being on the upper floor is both a blessing and a curse, since Jongin wants nothing more than to run upstairs and scream at the top of his lungs. However, Jongin opts to head back out into the corridor instead, because deep down, he knows that he has zero business in scrutinizing Chanyeol for a situation that he started in the first place.

A few cubicles down, Luhan tosses an eraser at Minseok, who retaliates by threatening to steal his lunch a second time. The pink object lands on the floor, inches from Jongin's feet, and he picks it up before flicking it square in Luhan's forehead. Minseok nearly falls off his chair in stitches, to which Luhan grumbles something about how Minseok's wife manages to put up with somebody with a laugh like that.

Even though Jongin doesn't know much about his colleagues in general, he's never been able to prevent the spark of envy that flares up every time his colleagues discuss their wives, husbands, and children with bright grins on their faces. Jongin doesn't even remember when he stopped participating in said discussions just for the sake of being polite, after which he went on to tune out his colleagues, particularly Minseok and Luhan, whenever they would bring up their wives and sons.

The smell of tobacco s Jongin back into reality, and he realizes that he's zoned out to the point that he somehow managed to walk all the way to the smoke room at the end of the hallway. As much as he wants to turn around and walk back to his desk, Jongin would be lying if he said that he wasn't dying for a smoke right now. He's lucky, because with all three departments being forced to share the same smoke room for a month due to ventilation issues, Jongin is certain that he'll be able to slip inside without being seen thanks to all the smoke. The last thing he needs right now is for yet another colleague to about his addiction in spite of his (alleged) soft, juvenile appearance.

Sure enough, the entire room is overflowing with smoke to the point that Jongin fights an impulse to gag when he closes the door behind him. As much as he hates himself for it, he low-key hopes that Jungah will ask to spend the night at his mother's place, because Jongin doesn't think that he will be able to handle her remarks about how he 'smells funny' when they meet up.

All the smoke must be heightening his senses, because it doesn't take Jongin long to remember that both his cigarette pack and lighter are in their usual places inside his briefcase. He mentally smacks himself, but opts against walking out in worry of the fresh air making his headache return. Instead, he figures that he might as well it up and risk ruining his cutesy reputation by tapping the nearest person on the shoulder.

Except Jongin wishes that he had just gone over to his desk when said person turns around and looks at him.

The thick, gray smoke nearly camouflages Chanyeol's silver hair entirely, and Jongin hates how long he ends up staring after they fall into silence. Chanyeol's expression is unreadable as ashes fall from the cigarette between his fingers. After failing to become one with the smoke, Jongin is torn between crying and screaming at Chanyeol for being so goddamn quiet. Because, although Jongin knows he'll say something stupid if Chanyeol chooses to break the long silence between them, he's always wished that Chanyeol would talk about it. Just once, so that he's sure that Chanyeol hasn't forgotten.

Inevitably, Chanyeol turns his attention back to talking to the person across the table, whom Jongin didn't even notice at first due to all the smoke. In an attempt at ignoring the sharp stabbing in his chest, Jongin opens his mouth to ask if he can borrow a lighter. But all he ends up doing is choking on his words, and he's about to scramble back out the door when he looks up.

With the air occasionally clearing, Jongin easily makes out a mop of fiery red hair across the table. It takes Jongin a minute to process it, but he soon comes to the realization that it must be Baekhyun, the Juliet of Sales, if the silver ring on his finger is anything to go by. Jongin is glad that he manages a polite (albeit half-assed) nod when Baekhyun gives him a warm smile.

There must be something in the smoke, because Jongin suddenly feels like he's been crushed by a ton of bricks. Because while Baekhyun smiling at him is better than being verbally berated, the fact that Baekhyun still doesn't know only adds to Jongin's raging pulse. He manages to ignore the guilt piling up in his throat by awkwardly running a hand through his hair. All he can think about is Jungah crafting little paper cranes in her grandmother's living room, and the thought is enough to make Jongin want to slam his fist on the tabletop before he can vomit.

God damn it.

Baekhyun takes a long drag before he taps his cigarette above the ashtray. "A lot going on lately?" he chuckles.

It takes Jongin a minute to process what he's hearing. "Not really," he blurts out, trying to avoid Chanyeol's gaze on him as he shifts. "I mean, it's...what do you mean?"

"It's just that you look a little...you know," Baekhyun chuckles, words muffled as he takes another drag. "You're from the production department, aren't you? I don't think I've seen your face around all that much," he adds and absently fidgets with his ring.

Jongin blinks. "I am," he blurts out. A part of him is physically aching to swipe the red pack and lighter on the table, but he forgets all about it when Chanyeol sends him a look. Why isn't he saying anything?????

Exhaling, Baekhyun seemingly picks up on the adamant twinkle in Jongin's eyes, because he gestures at the pack with a slightly surprised hum. "I should've offered, sorry," he chuckles. "But you just look so...you know."

Jongin attempts a chuckle, but it comes out sounding more like he's got a frog stuck in his throat. "It's fine, I...get that a lot," he murmurs, trying to shove aside Chanyeol's expression upon finding out that he was, at the time, quite the heavy smoker.

However, Jongin doesn't get a chance to grab the cigarette pack before Chanyeol quickly swipes it and stuffs it in his suit pocket. Jongin doesn't bother protesting, and he tries squashing the sob traveling up his throat as Baekhyun playfully whacks Chanyeol's arm.

"Since we haven't met before, I'm Baekhyun, but everyone calls me Baek or Bacon," Baekhyun chirps while shaking Jongin's hand with far too much energy for Jongin's liking. "And this is my fiance, Chanyeol." He doesn't even attempt to hide the hearts in his eyes as he gestures at Chanyeol, who only takes a drag.

Jongin nods, all while he tries to ignore the nausea threatening to sweep him off his feet. Inevitably, Chanyeol doesn't shake his hand, which Jongin would be fine with if his urge to become one with the smoke wasn't growing by the second. "I know," he mutters.

Baekhyun takes one last drag before dumping the remainder of his cigarette in the ashtray. "Not to get cocky or anything, but we're actually getting married in three months," he says, eyes filling with stars as he grabs Chanyeol's hand. "Yeol actually invited a few girls from the production department to the wedding, and since you don't seem so bad yourself, maybe you could tag along, too?"

Jongin is torn between bursting into tears and questioning Baekhyun's bright idea of inviting complete strangers to his own wedding. He ends up doing neither, though, and he pretends not to hear Chanyeol's remark about the guest list probably being overfull by now as he lets the secondhand smoke fill his lungs. It stings like a dozen needles, but Jongin barely feels it over the blood rushing in his ears.

Shifting in place, Jongin attempts a nonchalant shrug. "I'll...I'll think about it."

"We should probably get going," Baekhyun says after checking his phone. He curses his tendency to get hung up in the smoke room for way too long before patting Chanyeol's shoulder. "Miss wants us to send down our monthly reports at four, so I take it that you and your people will be the ones reviewing them?"

Jongin nods. "Yeah, I...I guess."

With another puppy grin, Baekhyun gives Jongin a friendly pat on the back before heading out the door. The fresh air that briefly fills the room nearly makes Jongin lose his balance, and he hates that he remains frozen in place while Chanyeol takes his sweet time packing up his things.

Chanyeol isn't saying a word, which makes Jongin want to scream just to fill the thick silence. Even in the dimly lit room, Jongin easily makes out the contours of Chanyeol's sculpted face and how his styled hair perfectly accentuates his cheekbones. The sight fills Jongin with a sorrow that he recognizes all too well at this point. Even though he knows that Chanyeol doesn't care, it takes Jongin every fiber in his being not to blurt out everything there is to know about Jungah and everything she's accomplished for the past nine and a half years. But Jongin can't choke out the words no matter how hard he tries, and he opts to wait for Chanyeol to make his exit in worry of being annoying by having them leave together.

"How're things?"

Jongin nearly jumps out of his own skin in surprise. As much as he's dying to tell Chanyeol all about the insomnia he's been battling for six months, the look on Jungah's face when she was given her first birthday cake, all the times he cried himself to sleep while feeling like the tiest father in existence, and how he still hates himself for still thinking about it all after all this goddamn time, the fact that Chanyeol won't care enough to stick around and listen makes Jongin shrug instead.

"Good, I...guess," Jongin says and he's surprised at just how steady his voice is. "And you?" he blurts out, only to mentally smack himself.

Chanyeol's eyes automatically drift to the ring on his finger. "You could say things are pretty swell," he says after a moment. He's silent for another minute. "Listen, with all due respect-"

"It's fine, I-"

"I'd appreciate it-"

"-I get what you're gonna-"

"-if you didn't show up at the wedding."

Jongin nods. All he wants to do is scream how much he knows that it was all his fault, but he can't get the words out. Despite all the tobacco floating around, he can almost smell Chanyeol's strong cologne, even after Chanyeol takes a step back. Jongin opens his mouth to say something, only to close it again like a dazed goldfish while Chanyeol ogles him from his spot by the door.

Chanyeol runs a hand through his hair. "It's..." He's silent for a minute. "It's all-- It's all just... it, forget it." He doesn't even give Jongin a chance to respond before he throws the glass door open and steps into the corridor.

For a few seconds, all Jongin hears is the sound of keyboards clicking, phones ringing and colleagues laughing before it all comes to a prompt stop. With the door now closed, he figures that he'll be able to suffer alone for a moment before another colleague decides to take a smoke break. He barely makes it five seconds, though, before his phone alarm goes off. Jongin is lucky, because his heart is racing too quickly for him to process the fact that he's got a parking ticket waiting for him in the parking garage. All that he registers is Chanyeol's perfume, which only adds to the nausea in his throat.

Jongin doesn't register the warm tears flowing down his face until somebody clears their throat nearby and nearly makes him jump through the ceiling in surprise.