How to love you 

Heart by Yang Yoseop
Composed by Yoon Ddan Ddan
January, 3 2018

I looked up to the ceiling, humming to a song which ddan ddan sent to me a while ago. I met him for the first time when we teamed up for a JTBC program, to make an arrangement for a song which popular in 1995, Aspirin. it will be aired on February i guess. Even though the result wasn't like i expected, but i wish people will like it. 
Since then, i love to hear his music. I love an accoustic vibe to be included on my new album later, so personally, i asked him to worked with me. 
Surprisingly He agreed right after i asked, and he called me often just to ask 

"Yoseop ssi, do you like this style?"

He sent me a guitar accompanient of him. But he will suggested me another one.

"Yoseop ssi, which one do you like? version or other? Or should i give you another accompanient?"

It was a cute side of him, he is so strict when it related to music. I respect him because he did with passion, people should know about how precious other artists are. They are working diligently, even though that their presence weren't popular enough to be known compared to idols. I wish people will know how good their songs are, it was a masterpiece. 
Okay, back to yoon ddan ddan. Since he texted me quite often, so i asked him to come to Around Us. To be honest, it felt so ease and proud when i asked an artist to come to our agency, i know other members will felt the same, as same as me. Around Us is our Home, it was our everything.

We met, and we talked a lot, he even finished his lyrics and brought it to me. I thought that he was too shy to worked with me, but my thoughts weren't reasonable now. I am glad that i met so much people like him. I think lights will like our songs. It was a sweet accoustic song and i like it.

Flashback

Around Us Entertainment, Gyuberlake studio

When we were on a date for the first time in a while
I suddenly wanted to kiss your cheek
So my heart kept trembling for some reason

When we went on our first date
I honestly didn’t know we’d last this long
But you stuck by me through any situation

I want to see things how you see them
I want to follow your footsteps
I like being with you on good days
But I want to be with you more on hard days

"Do you like it hyung?" Ddan ddan asked
"To be honest, the lyrics ..."
"Is that too much?"
"No, i ever read the most cringe until the most dangerous lyrics from gikwangie and Junhyungie..don't worry about it. I just like how you write it, it is so sincere."
Then, he talked how he inspired by his girlfriend and soon to be his wife. I congratulated and , glad that he could love someone sincerely.
We are starting the recording process, and it going really well. 
"Thank you for your hardwork."
"Thank you for your hardwork too." 
"Hyung."
"Yes?"
"I am sorry, but i think i will make several changes with the lyrics, is that okay?"
"Oh, it's okay. But why?"
"I think it will be better if i change it, especially for second verse. I will send it to you tonight."
"Okay, i understand."

End of the flashback

Now, i am looking to the upgraded lyrics, hehe if i could say it so. Honestly..i like it both, but for this new second verse..i think  ddan ddan did it on purpose, since he texted me ..

"Hyung, this is the upgraded version, i am sorry to make a change..but i know you will do well.

thank you for asked me to worked with you, i felt so honoured, no wonder why people like you the most, your voice is incredibly good and soothing. Beside that, you are so kind and take care of me well.

I wish that you could love someone freely too, you are so kind and gentle, you deserve to be happy with someone who you like. When the right time comes, please be happy."

Is that too obvious? I mean, how could he knew it? From my expression? I thought i could keep it by myself without getting noticed if like..someone. i read the whole lyrics which attached in it.

Instead of loving you as much as you love me
I want to love you without measuring anything
In this world that will change in the future
I hope we will stay the same

Days we laughed together
All of those days were good, even the days we cried
The reason I could sleep peacefully was you

I want to see things how you see them
I want to follow your footsteps
I like being with you on good days
But I want to be with you more on hard days

Instead of loving you as much as you love me
I want to love you without measuring anything
In this world that will change in the future
I hope we will stay the same

Sometimes, when you get disappointed
And you feel like you want to leave me
When you look back
If you see happiness and laughter

In all our days, it’s you and me
In all our days to come, let’s walk together
I called out to you in a quiet voice
If you smile for me, I’ll be happy

Amazing and strange
Our encounter was so natural
In this world that will change in the future
Will we stay the same?

What is it? He changed everything, this lyrics .. i don't know how to say it, but it describes me well. This is what i want to say to her, to Jeong Eunji
Yes, i like her since we met at Cube. She is so kind although i ever thought that she wasn't a friendly girl based on her dialect and her expression. but i was wrong, she was so cute and warm.

I love her, but i never tried to asked her, you could tell me if i am a coward or else. I know that i love her, but i can't. I could do everything for her, but i can't asked her to date, because...it will make people hurt.

People said that when idols got caught for dating, it will be an end for their carreer. It might be right, or might be not. I am not sure..but i know how it was. I don't want it to be happened twice.
I remember when an article released around half of may..

=========================================
Flashback

[BREAKING] Highlight's Yang Yoseob repotedly dating a musical actress Shin Go eun
----
"YANG YOSEOP!!"

"Just go and date, i want romance"

"IF IT IS TRUE KSBJSJSJS IM HAPPY FOR YOU"

"I won't mind him dating, but while doing musical Yoseop said that 'the worst thing u could do to a fan is date' so i cant rly trust it"
-----

I remember that i read almost all of the comments, most of it were supporting me, and i should admitted that i found some of them who hate it.

"I hate you Yang Yoseop."

I read it on my instagram comments section, of course most of fans come to dealing with it. But i don't want it to be happened, i don't want beauties attacking at each other. 

So i posted a picture with hashtag #no, but still, i found them arguing and send their hatred towards each other. I dont want it to be like that.

My group chat seems to be exploded, It is not like they mad or else, They are teasing me a lot.

"Yoseob ah, seems that you are in trouble, ㅎㅎ"

"Admit? Or deny it? ㅋㅋ have you settle it well? I am sorry i wasn't there but i will asked Ji Young hyung to help you" 

"Do you like go eun noona, hyung?"

"I thought that you like Eunji the most?"

"Yah! I don't know how this rumour spreaded! ! I am sorry..the official statement will be released soon, i asked ji young hyung first dujun ah, it will be okay, i wish.." i apologizing

"It's okay hyungㅎㅎㅎㅎ"

"How will eunji react, ㅋㅋㅋ?"

"She will stay away from him, Gikwang ah" junhyung said

"Yoseop will be dumped! Hehehe, you should cut your hair short!"

"Dujun ah, you are not helping at all."

I felt bad for them, dating rumour will hurt members, i know they might not tell me, but i know .. it will be hard for us and i might make it worse. I mean we just established Around Us, redebuted as Highlight, and preparing our repackage and our special album. I shouldn't make off my guard, and let this happened.

I've told Around Us staffs that the rumours wasn't true, and they could understand and make a statement by my words. After that i apologizing to Go Eun noona, and she just laughing instead. I am glad that her reaction wasn't that bad, i thought that my fans will leave hatred comments on her instagram, but she told me that her followers increased instantly by that, and asked me to not worrying about it.

------
Around Us denies Yoseop dating musical actress Shin Go Eun
------
Flashback ended
=========================================

I wondering how will eunji reacted at that time, i didn't dare to call her, i mean HOW COULD? should i call her and said, 

"Eunji yah, don't worry, the rumour isn't true, i still love you."

OF COURSE I CAN'T! I think, our official statement will enough to explain, so i didn't called her. We are not dating, but we are close enough. we communicated well, i know everything about her schedules, she told me everything when i just being a good listener for her. We did video call at night, she will talk and i will listen to her while eating my salad or other meal. 

If i think about it, we never have a meet up, we talked a lot by phone. I know she is busy and so i am, as long as she feels comfortable with me, i will not ruin it by my confession. I will love her, and it's enough just to be like this.

My members knew it even though i didn't tell them, they always tease me a lot, whenever it related to a girl talk, like we did in 2014, when we promoted 12.30 several years ago and appeared on "I am...a man?" Or "I am a Woman special", i can't remember it well, but i remember when we asked what we like the most between and hip of a girl.

Most of us were laughing, because we're not sure how to answer, it is quite sensitive after all. But Yoo Jaeseok sunbaenim asked Dujun first, who fluttered and shyly answered . Junhyungie a lot after that. Then, i remember that we asked who was choosing hip as their answer, so i raised my hand, pretend to be naive. But my members teased me, they said

"ey, why do you acted so naive?"

I choose hip, with a reason. I remember about Eunji  at that time, i just realized that she was well known as Jung Kardashian, as a girl with big hip. I just remember of her, because i like her, thats all. Oh, i am sorry to talked about this, Eunji might not be like it! I am not a ert! I am sorry Eunji-ah! Grab your sense Yoseop!

I love her, but i don't know if she likes me as same as i like her. But as i told you, i am glad and happy by everything she did with me, i am happy if i could see her happy, nagging or else. she will calls me when she was on her bad mood, we will have a video call with frown on her face, i ever asked why did she called me? And she will said ..

"you are my only moodbooster oppa."

I ever touched by her words towards me. Like what she said to me when we were struggling in the end of 2016. 

"Yoseop oppa, i don't want you to be give up, beast is just a name which always been lingering on our mind as a beautiful memories. I will support you whoever you are, as beast or not. I know you and others will do well, you said that you planned to establish your own agency right? I believe that you can do it, please don't give up, and calls me whenever you need, i will be your listener."

She even posted a picture of her screenshooted phone, to show that she supported us as Highlight who just debuted with "plz don't be sad"  It make me felt so thankful. 

Again, i don't know what should i do, i can't and shouldn't  take it seriously, she might seen me as her sunbae, that's all nothing else. All that i could do just support her and take care of her from a far.

Like i did when Eunji had a back pain. She rushed to Hospital and i can't stay beside her since Highlight still promoted  with Plz Don't be sad. 

"What's wrong hyung?" Dongwoon comes to me in the waiting room
"Nothing" i said
"Its Eunji, she rushed to Hospital right?" Dujun, Mr. Know it all
"What will you do?" Gikwang asked me
"I really want to do something, i want to be with her but i know i can't..so, forget it."
"Have you called her?"
"No, i am afraid that she might be busy and she need to recovered soon, so i will not disturb her at this time, but i've texted her."
"It should be enough, then."
Ah! Suddenly i think about a brilliant idea
"Can i asked for something?"
"What?" Dujun asked
"It related to our performance."
"Eh?" Gikwang has a problem with understanding the whole situation
"Can we change our outfit?" I said it blurtly
Dujun is smiling "just ask our stylist instead."
"I take it as yes from our leader."

And that was how i asked our stylist to performed with doctor outfit. Since we cant do it right at that time, so we wear doctors outfit in Mcountdown instead.

(Sigh) i take a deep sigh and smiling when remember that Eunji called me to say that she was okay and thankful for our performance as a doctor. she said that she cured well.

It wasn't just me, but other members will willingly do it. Apink was like our sister though, we've known each other very well, so when they harassed by bomb threat, we called them personally and do anything that we could. But we can't do it too much because Around Us will be on trouble if we did. We can't take our pride just to bet with our staffs safety. We just can't.  

If you asked,
Is that too much?
Should i hold it?
so, the answer is yes.
I know that i shouldn't let my desire put me into the wrong path.
I promise, and i've promised
I won't let my members 
I won't let my staffs 
I won't let my family
I won't let my Lights 
And i won't let Eunji with her beloved families got hurt.
I will protect them all, no matter how it will take. 
I will love her like the way i did for these years. I will be so thankful if she likes me too, but if she wasn't, and all that she did with me never have a special meanings, it will be okay.

Drrt...drrt..
I am looking into my phone and it was Gyushik. 
"O, what's wrong Gyushik-ah?"
"I just called to make sure that ddan ddan has sent you the lyrics."
"Oh, i just read it."
"How is it?"
"It was so sincere, and i love it.."

In all our days, it’s you and me
In all our days to come, let’s walk together
I called out to you in a quiet voice
If you smile for me, I’ll be happy

Amazing and strange
Our encounter was so natural
In this world that will change in the future
Will we stay the same?

5 January 2018

Jeong Eunji has sent you a message
"Happy birthday oppa!"

What is it? 
How could she remember about it? 
Does she really know about my birthday? 
I mean today was Huh Gak hyung birthday too, did she send it for me? 
Really for me? Not for him and wrongly sent it to me? 
Should i reply her? Of course! I can't make her feel dumbfounded or else

"Thank you, eunji.."

It wasn't too long until she replied me back with

"Keep healthy and grow up to be taller, okay!"♥♥

What did you do to me? 
Jeong Eunji...

=========================================
Hello, 
Please dont mad at me because i make another story when i have "the soloist" to be updated too..
I am sorry hehe
I really want to make a one shot like other sunbaenims did, but its hard than i thought TT
To be honest, most of story in this fanfic was real, it was some of eunseob hidden moment which i found 

Okay, i am a delusional fan, i am sorry)

Oh, please be understand, when i put beauties up there, since when the dating rumours spreaded, light hasn't be announced yet.

I have several moments which happened in 2018 and 2019 as well, but..is this too much? I will not make it if .. yah it might be something that shouldn't i write.

Hehe, with love
Please waiting for "the soloist" 
Good luck, be healthy and be happy!