Chapter 10.

Mark looked at his own reflection now that his raven black hair had been cut short. His bangs ended just above his brows and he liked that it would not fall into his eyes anymore. Ten had cut his own straight above his brows, Mark’s weren’t a clean cut. He had once received that, and he had not wanted to leave his house because he thought he looked silly with that haircut. Ten though could do whatever he wanted with his hair, his pretty face always made up for it.

They were eating lunch and Mark found himself picking on his food. Ten and Haechan noticed but none of them commented on it.

Mark could not tell any of them about why he could not force the food down his throat. They were not the people he should talk with. He just knew that.
That would be too awkward.

Mark was sitting with Yuta and Jaemin, watching over Lucas’ unconscious form. Haechan was meeting up with Jaehyun and Johnny. Ten went back to check up on Taeyong and Mark could not forget that look on Ten’s face as he fiddled with the hem of his shirt.

  “I am telling him about all that happened from the very first meeting in the 5th Clan till now.” He had said, his eyes fixed on the wall as if he was recalling the moment. “Helps him with the timeline.”

Mark just relished in the joy that seemed to radiate from Ten.

  “Do you love him?” Mark had found himself blurting out. Ten’s eyes had grown wide and he looked frightened.

  “I know I shouldn’t-” he began but Mark had to interrupt.

  “You’re allowed to love him, Ten.” He said with a stern look. “The only one who can decide whether you can or cannot is you.” He then added just for good measure. It was also because he wanted to argue against the part of him that tried to protect Ten from Taeyong. He was not the one to decide whether Ten could love Taeyong or not.

Ten had given him a smile, his cheeks glowing in the light from the world outside. “You’re right.” He agreed.

Mark had felt a smile making its way onto his face and he backed off with a grin. Ten chuckled and gave Mark a small wave of goodbye. Mark had swung his hand in a short wave and then headed to Yuta’s room where Lucas was.

Jaemin was unsurprisingly sitting with his journal and Yuta was sorting out his herbs. Mark eyed Jaemin who did not look up from his journal, before he took a seat on the desk that was facing the window, looking down at the work Yuta was doing.

  “Seems like he will make it,” Mark muttered and eyed Lucas’ figure. The blood that had soaked his clothes had dried into dark spots. Yuta threw a glance over his shoulder before continuing to grind something in a small stone bowl.

  “If he didn’t it was a waste of your blood.”

Mark nodded and took a look at the bustling city below. Yuta stopped working.

  “Do you have something to say?” He asked, and Mark forced himself to act casual.

He failed miserably at clearing his throat and starting out the conversation normally. “Yeah, I have something to ask… Eh…” Yuta cocked a brow and Mark’s voice faded into a mutter. “… in private.”

Jaemin snapped his journal shut and it made Mark and Yuta flinch. They both turned their heads to look at the boy on the floor. Jaemin gathered his things before walking towards the door. “Jeno promised to take me on a walk.” He explained nonchalantly and gave them a bored look before he closed the door behind him. Mark was grateful for Jaemin not wanting to stay or being wise enough to know that Mark wanted privacy.

He let out a sigh. How the hell was he supposed to start this conversation? “I need some advice.” Mark began and his lips. Yuta pushed his hair out of his eyes and leaned back in his chair. He looked interested. “How did… how do…”

Yuta could not hold in a chuckle and Mark found himself laughing as well. “Why are you stuttering?” Yuta asked and reached out to push Mark off the table. Mark put down a leg to keep himself on it.

  “It’s Haechan.” He said quickly and grimaced, waiting for Yuta to understand. The Damned squinted before his eyes widened and his lips curled into a smile.

  “The Desire.” He said with exaggerated nods, he knew exactly what Mark meant. “Taeyong is a great example of a Damned who has no control when it comes to the Desire us Damned experience.” He started. “Not that I am the best myself. Doyoung though is a prude, or else he just does not like anyone at all.” Mark chuckled. Yuta’s eyes settled on him and his hand touched his chin in a thoughtful gesture. “It is not something you can suppress for long. You’re young and even before I turned I knew what to do. Do you?”

Mark shook his head.

  “Ah, that must be tough. You can help yourself, you know that, right?” Yuta made a flick of his wrist with a half-closed hand and Mark took an extra second to get what the other was implying.

  “Will that help on keeping this… monstrous feeling satisfied?” Mark asked and stood from the desk and turned to face the window. Yuta snickered.

  “It’s a beautiful feeling.” He said wistfully. “It is just as strong before you become Damned, Mark. It is harder to control as Damned, but don’t think you’re the only one feeling like that.” Yuta was serious, the amusement in his smile gone. “Ask questions and do what you think is good for the other person… You learn as you go.” He was sincere.

Mark nodded, for a moment his eyes flickered over the scenery in front of him. “Did you and Hansol… ever hurt each other?”

Yuta’s eyes were on the desk. “No.” He replied simply. “It was when we loved each other the most.”

Mark turned to look at Yuta and the other’s long brown hair. Yuta’s brown eyes met his and Mark felt his chest tighten. There was so much pain in those eyes, but Yuta did not cry. He released a sigh, but then he smiled.

  “Fearing love and holding back will only give you many regrets.” He said. “I have no regrets when it comes to my time with Hansol.” Mark took a moment to watch the other’s face as he looked at the city. He wondered if Yuta dreamt about Hansol as well. If it was nightmares or if it was dreams of the man Hansol was before he met his end on those stairs.

Mark barely knew that man, he only knew that Hansol had been a good and loyal person and th