SinB POV

“So, does anyone know why Sojung keep on ignoring me nowadays?” 4 sets of eyes immediately land on me as soon as I finish my sentence.

We are at the living room of our dorm where everyone is basically doing our own business, Yuju is watching her favorite drama “Sky Castle”, Yerin is playing with her phone, probably texting with only God knows how many girls she’s currently flirting with, Eunha is talking to her new pet, Paul, the cactus – this girl keeps on being weirder and cuter as time goes by – and Umji is doing the homework our Japanese teacher gave us last week, and me? I am lying down on the sofa, covering my face with a blanket, trying to make sense of what’s going on with Sojung’s attitude when I’m around. Oh yes, she’s not in our dorm currently, heard that she has a late-night schedule for her “Trend by Me” broadcast.

“Wahh, Hwang Eunbi, you seriously don’t know?” Umji replies, and she looks surprise

“I thought Sojung has make it pretty obvious to you?” Eunha put her Paul away and move to sit right next to me.

“Maybe Sojung needs to learn it from me since I’m definitely better than her when it comes to this” Yerin adds, still playing with her phone, smiling like a fool

“~We all lie~~~” Yuju suddenly sings.

“Yahh, focus back on your Sky Castle and stop teasing me, Choi Yuna” Yerin grabs the pillow that I used before and throw it towards Yuju who couldn’t stop herself from laughing as soon as she hears the words that came out from Yerin’s mouth.

“Okay girls, all of you aren’t helping. And if it’s obvious, I wouldn’t have asked any of you, won’t I? So, help your little sister for once, will you?” I lay my back against the sofa and covers my face with the blanket again, feeling disappointed with them, and with myself, mostly.

“She likes you…” My heart is pumping when I heard the words that come out from Eunha’s mouth. I slide down the blanket from my face and ask again just to be sure

“Who likes me?”

“Not me” Eunha replies, I know obviously it’s not her, she’s Sana’s.

“Definitely not me, I have my Jane” How can I forget? Yuju has been talking about Jane ever since she knew her. And we’re glad she’s happy with Jane after how heartbroken Yuju was when she broke up with her ex-girlfriend last year.

“Though I may have a crush on you when I first saw you, I’m way pass that stage now, I have too many girls that I like and I can’t afford to have another one” This time it is my turn to throw back the pillow straight at Yerin’s face. This girl really need to stop flirting around too much.

“Yeap, not me either. I’m too busy with my study that I don’t have time to like someone. Plus, I have 5 protective sisters that it’s hard for other girls to approach me anyway” Life of being the maknae in our group, our forever baby Yewon.

“Got your answer already SinB? I might be the slowest in picking up things, but I definitely know who’s that person that likes you” Yuju switch off the television as her sky castle drama has ended

“But the real question now is, do you like her?” Yuju adds

“If you ask me, I’ll say, no. It doesn’t seem like our Hwang Eunbi here likes our Sojung though. I’m right, am I, SinB? I’ve flirt enough to know that you definitely didn’t show any form of interest for her” Yerin interrupts before I could give them my answer.

The other 4 fix their eyes on me, waiting for me to give them my answer. How can I give them one when I don’t even know if the answer I’m going to give them would be the right one?

“I- I don’t know” I lowers my head, feels sorry that I lie to them. Lying to myself.

“Not the answer we are hoping for. But maybe that’s why she’s been ignoring you” Eunha shrugs and gets up from the sofa, heading to her room.

“If you don’t like her, why do you even bother if she acts differently towards you. She has her own feeling to been taken care off, SinB” Yuju follows Eunha from behind.

“I don’t have anything else to say aside from it’s your lost?” Yerin sigh as she throws back the pillow towards me, hard, and goes toward her room, closing the door shut tight leaving me in the living room with Umji, whom I’m guessing is waiting for her turn to fire back at me.

“Anything else, you wanna add, Umji?” I have my tone lowers, looking at her.

“Yes, I do” Umji returns my gaze “I know you very well that I also know you’re lying to us, and to yourself. Act now before it’s too late. I know you’ve been hurt enough in your past relationship that makes you afraid to be in another one. But love comes at the right time, so if it’s meant for you to fall in love, with the person you never thought you would, then let yourself to fall in that love. Because who knows, that’s the love you’ve been searching for this whole time” Umji ends her sentences that hits me deep enough for me to realize how stupid I can be sometimes, before leaving me alone at the living room as she heads towards our bedroom with her books.

I lay myself back on the sofa, looking up at the white empty ceiling, almost as empty as my heart is. But is it really empty? Or it is just me who keeps on denying all those feelings that come barge in? I still remember vividly how torn I was after my break up with my ex last year, and wanna know what’s worst? We broke up on new year eve. Just when others went out to celebrate it with their love one, or went to downtown to watch the fireworks, I locked myself in the bedroom, telling them that I was feeling unwell.

I still remember the sound of someone knocking against my bedroom door, softly calling my name, asking me to open the door. It was her, Sojung, who chose to stay back at the dorm, just to make sure I’m okay, afraid of leaving me alone. And she’s the first person who knows about the news of my sudden break up. It was from that moment onwards, she’s been treating me differently. Not totally different, but you know what I mean. Sojung has been giving me extra attentions, she’s been much more playful when she’s around me, making sure that I wouldn’t stop smiling nor letting me feels alone.

Sojung is always unexpected when she’s with me. She can sometimes be a little bit too sweet and sometimes way too scary for you to fools around with. Can’t forget the time during an award show, how she made me flustered when she suddenly put her hand on top of my thighs, her face remained uncanny, as her hand slowly move towards mine and got our fingers intertwined. I’d be lying if I say that my bloods weren’t bursting all over inside me as I tried to remain calm while her warmth slowly taking over my entire senses.

The time during one of our fansign, when she would come behind me and casually wrap her arms around my waist, landing her soft chin on top of my shoulder, whispering nonsense thing in my ears, trying to make me laugh or at least smile, whenever I looked lonely. Despite me trying to put up a smile as I don’t want to worry our fans, Sojung somehow managed to read it through me.

“What are you thinking?” She whispered loud enough only for me to hear

“Nothing…” I tried to hide it with a smile

“Now, that’s better”

“What’s better?”

“You and that smile” She answered, hugging me tighter “I need my Jerry back. And I hope she come back soon cause it’s certainly boring not having someone to hustle with” She started to tease me, squeezing my cheeks, trying to make me look ugly in front of our fans.

I’d usually teases her back, or do something to her as a payback, but that day, I chose not to.

That day, I decided to let my Tom do whatever she wants to me. Seeing the way she smiles as she keeps on teasing me, the fun she had, enjoying every moment of it, I gotta admit, she tugged my heart-string. That day, she made me realize, that because of her, my heart is never lonely.

But all those times, be it during me in my relationship, or after the break up, I’m dumb enough for not be able to read it through her. Not that I never have any feelings towards her - that would be another big lie I ever did, for the fact that she already owns a part of me ever since I saw her before our trainee days started – it’s just that, there’s a wall that I created myself, between me and her, as members, and as I tried to view her actions not more than just a caring and loving leader and sister. For the reason, it will be the best for both of us, for the team, for us to not be in love with each other, for me not to fall in love with her – that’s the reason why I try to fall in love with someone else instead, trying to forget the feeling I have on her, and I did, I really did fall in love with someone else, but perhaps, my feelings for Sojung come back when she was with me during my lowest point, or maybe, it was never gone.

I couldn’t fully recall since when she started to keep her distance. But it become obvious during our Sunrise promotions. How we both sat right next to each other for one or two fansigns, yet she didn’t even bother to look at me nor talk to me unless I’m the one who initiated the conversation first. Even so, her replies, look a bit too force, only wanted to cover the real situation from our fans. After the fansign ended, during our talk time with the fans, she will play and jokes around with other members, or do anything, as long as it doesn’t involve me. She will also make sure, that we both won’t ride in the same van as we head out to our schedule which is the most obvious thing she did because we both were always assigned in the same van before all of this happened.

Tons of flashback come across my mind but they all fly away when I hear the sound of someone opening the door. Knowing who that someone is, I immediately put myself onto a sit, hugging the pillow tight, trying to think what should I say as soon as she appears.

10, 9, 8… I hear her footsteps walking closer

7,6,5… And then her shadow appears

4,3,2… It’s now or never

and 1…

“Hi Sojung… Welcome home” Smile forms on my lips as I greet her. But it also breaks my heart seeing how tired she is, and I look at my watch, no wonder she looks tired, it’s already 2 in the morning.

“Hi…” She replies short, not looking at me at all, as she walks straight towards her bedroom.

“How was your photoshoot?” I still try my best to get her to talk to me though I feel bad doing it

“It was okay” She says half-heartedly, and then I hear the sound of a click, as she shut herself out from me.

It makes me feel broken and torn, useless and lifeless, when she did that to me. Yet I couldn’t find myself, to properly fix the broken relationship we both are facing. And I need to do something about it, real fast.

Perhaps, it’s about time I let myself drown in that feeling of being in love again.

Sojung POV

It’s 5 in the morning, and I have to wake up already for my morning schedule. Yerin is still in her deep sleep, covers herself with her pink blanket, head to toe, not having to wake up early and I bet the other members are still sleeping soundly as well since they all don’t have any schedule to attend today aside from practices.

It takes me only 20 minutes to get myself ready, wearing my grey tracksuit with my favorite white sweatshirt, putting my ring black cap on, and then I head outside of my room, waiting for my manager to give me a call. As soon as I step outside of my room, I realize that the light at our living room is already turn on, signaling that someone other than me is already awake, and I assume it is our manager unnie who’s living with us in the dorm. But turns out, my assumption is wrong, when someone suddenly wrap her arms around my neck from behind, pushing me down to level our height, quickly steals a kiss on my cheek, whispers “Good Morning” into my ears, and then letting me go as she makes her way to our pantry.

I freeze because of her unexpected action “Did she just kiss me?” knowing how she hates doing that kind of stuff with any of us, and she definitely hates it when others wanted to do that to her as well. So, why the sudden changes? I’m still standing at the same spot I was before, trying to make sense of the thing that just occurred between me and her, only to be brought back to reality, when she takes my hand and drags me towards the door.

“Let’s go. Manager oppa is already waiting for us downstairs” She explains before I could even ask her.

“Us?”

“Yes, us. I’m coming with you” She says as she passes me my yogurt drink and she immediately takes my empty right hand to intertwine it with hers as we both head downstairs to meet our manager.

This is another level of weirdness. She has never agreed to accompany me to my morning schedule, usually it will be either Umji or Eunha that will follow me whenever they have nothing to do, mostly Umji just because Eunha loves her bed so much, but her? Never. So, why out of the blue? Not to mention that she even prepares breakfast for me, even though it’s only an eggs sandwich, but still…

I actually thought that she’s coming with me just to drop me off at my schedule and goes out somewhere else after that but instead, she comes with me to my recording set. She almost got me worry because her behavior today is so unlike her. The way she stares at me while I’m getting ready, her non-stop smiling throughout the entire recording. And when my eyes land on her, it’s slightly amusing seeing how she tries to quickly hide her phone away, while her eyes pretend to wander around anywhere else but not at me. Lol. Guess she gotta do better next time if she doesn’t want to get caught red handed.

Her behaviors today aren’t the only thing that’s messing with my mind. The conversations that we have during lunch time are even more full of surprises.

“You did well today” She starts the conversations

“Thank you” The only respond she’s gotten.

“And you look absolutely gorgeous” That was unexpected. Since when she’s full of praises?

“Thanks”

“You make my heart melted…” She looks at me with a smile and my heart begins to thunder.

“What are you trying to do, SinB…” I lock my eyes with hers, trying to decipher her sudden change of behavior.

“Do what?”

“All of these” Her pretentious makes me feel frustrated “You waited for me to come back home last night, you woke up super early this morning, made breakfast for me, then you came here and stay with me throughout my recording, and now what’s up with the sudden praises? All of those aren’t you at all…”

She’s wrap with silence for a short second

“Would it be wrong if I say I’m trying to win your heart back?” Her eyes settled back at me.

“What if I say that my heart is never yours?”

“I’ll make it mine” Her words

“No matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes. I’ll make yours mine” Are full of promises

“Just like how you make mine, yours…” Similar to the promises that I made between me and myself starting from the day I fall for her.

What I like about her is how sometimes she is too subtle with her way of tackling my heart back, but at other times, she can be a little bit too daring, I would say. Ever since the day she follows me to my recording set for the first time ever, she does that for my subsequent recordings or photoshoot as well if her personal schedule permits even if I strongly say no. Not that I feel uncomfortable having her around, but there was once, she came home late because of her photoshoot for Evisu, and I was already awake getting ready for my Marie Claire photoshoot that was schedule at 6 in the morning. She was planning on heading straight to her bed but when she saw me getting ready she decided to skip bed and accompanied me i