1.

The Lais moved in next door when Jihoon was eight.

Mr and Mrs Lai were kind people as far as Jihoon could tell. They didn’t talk to him in the way that most adults did, like they pitied him for being the child of a single mother who was at work all the time, and they doted on him like they would their own child. Perhaps he reminded them of their own son, who would also be left alone most of the time now that his sister was in college.

This was probably why Jihoon didn’t mind having to look after Guanlin after school when the Lais were at work. Two years younger than him and still clumsy with his Korean, Guanlin was more than happy to have an older friend to hang out with. Having Jihoon around meant playground bullies never made fun of his accent. Guanlin was pretty easy to take care of, as he was mild-mannered and always helped Jihoon with the chores, smiling with all his gums showing whenever Jihoon praised him. Jihoon found him cute.

The two of them always had fun together after the chores were done. Most of the time they stayed at home, watching TV and eating some snacks, but sometimes they liked to go to the park and play soccer by themselves.

This afternoon the two of them decided to go to the convenience store. They chat as they walk home, Jihoon holding his shopping bag full of snacks in one hand and a popsicle in the other. Guanlin finishes eating his popsicle first, and he grins mischievously as he grabs Jihoon’s ice cream from his hand.

“Hey!” Jihoon protests as Guanlin sprints up the asphalt road away from him.

“Hyung, this is mine now!” Guanlin yells back victoriously.

The brat. Jihoon runs after him on their usual route home, almost catching up to Guanlin until the boy is tripping and falling down.

“Guanlin!” Jihoon cries as he finally reaches him. He checks out Guanlin’s condition in worry. There’s a large scrape on his knee that is bleeding a lot, and some smaller scratches on his arms from cushioning the fall. “Are you okay? Can you stand up?”

Guanlin tries, but he is obviously in pain so Jihoon carries him on his back all the way to the Park residence. Good thing they were already near the apartment so it wasn’t that much trouble to Jihoon, Guanlin wasn’t as light as he looked.

They wash Guanlin’s wounds with soap and water in the bathroom. Jihoon makes him sit down on the toilet seat cover as he reaches for the first aid kit in the medicine cabinet.

He mumbles soothing sorrys as he cleans Guanlin’s wounds. The younger boy sure managed to keep a cool expression well, only scrunching his eyebrows slightly when Jihoon pushed a little too hard with the antiseptic-soaked cotton ball. After covering Guanlin’s wounds with varying sizes of adhesive bandages, Jihoon starts packing up the first aid kid.

“Jihoon hyung, I’m sorry.”

Jihoon looks at him as he puts the first aid kit where it belongs. It’s the first time Guanlin’s speaking after he fell over today and Jihoon has no idea what he’s sorry for. “For?”

“Well, I took your ice cream and it fell.” Guanlin stares hard at his fists in his lap. “I will buy you another one when I get allowance.”

“It’s okay. We still have the other snacks that we bought.” Jihoon didn’t even remember the stupid popsicle, as worried as he was. He pats Guanlin’s head affectionately before helping him up. “Don’t get hurt like that again though. Hyung doesn’t like you getting hurt.”

Guanlin nods and what they do afterwards Jihoon forgets years later, a hazy memory of two kids playing video games while chatting about something trivial. What he doesn’t forget is the feeling of not wanting Guanlin to get hurt.

2.

Being two years older than Guanlin, of course Jihoon would be off to high school earlier. It’s a little sad because he doesn’t see Guanlin around at school, but he meets new friends to hang out with and becomes busy with the dance team.

There are also girls.

Jihoon never dated anyone in junior high or grade school, but now that he’s in high school he’s become curious about dating, since everyone else had a girlfriend or was after a girlfriend. There wasn’t really anyone in particular that he liked, but since he got a lot of love confessions anyway, he would try and date girls until they didn’t like him anymore. They always found him too inattentive, as if it was obvious to them that he wasn’t really interested in them.

“Jihoon hyung.”

Jihoon was walking home thinking about his current relationship, when he’s brought back to reality by Guanlin calling him. The younger boy seemed to have been waiting for him at the Lais’ front porch. “Oh, hey Lin.” He grins. “You wanna hang out?”

Guanlin eagerly joins him for Friday game night, a weekly tradition they used to have that was always canceled lately, with Jihoon having to go to club practices and dates.

Dating. Maybe he could ask Guanlin about it.

“Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon starts, fingers still mashing the game controller’s buttons. “Have you ever dated anyone?”

“Nope.” Guanlin seems unfazed, and Jihoon isn’t sure whether Guanlin was losing focus on the game or he was just as bad as he usually is. “I would probably tell you if I did.”

“Oh.” Now Jihoon feels bad about not telling Guanlin about every girlfriend he’s had so far. It’s not like the two of them weren’t close, it’s just that dating wasn’t something they talked about until now. “Then, I’ll tell you that I am dating someone now. Her name is Yoojung.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been thinking about breaking up with her, I don’t think I like her in the way that I should as a boyfriend and…” Jihoon pauses the game to focus on Guanlin. “Wait, you knew?”

“Yeah.” Guanlin stared back at him blankly. “I saw on your phone when I grabbed it from you the other day.”

“Oh.”

Guanlin’s favorite prank, the one with the stealing things from Jihoon and making him run and catch him for it. He did it when the two of them coincidentally got out of the train at the same time and Jihoon was busy texting Yoojung to notice. At first he thought he was being robbed, until he saw Guanlin waving the phone at him victoriously from afar.

Jihoon sighs at the memory. “Don’t make me run like that again, Lin.”

They go back to playing the game but there is an awkward silence Jihoon just can’t pinpoint. Maybe Guanlin wasn’t really at that age yet where he would be interested in dating, so Jihoon doesn’t press the matter further.

Guanlin brings it up again after a while. “You should break up with her if you don’t like her. It’s unfair.”

“Unfair?”

Guanlin nods. “Unfair to her. Unfair to you. Unfair to people who like you but have to watch you getting into relationships just for the sake of getting into a relationship.”

Now that answer, nothing could have prepared Jihoon for. “You’re right,” he finally says. Guanlin is mature for his age, insightful and concerned about people’s feelings. “It’s unfair to Yoojung.”

“I said it was unfair to you too,” Guanlin tells him. There was something cold about his tone right now. “You’re forcing yourself to act like a boyfriend without considering your own feelings.”

“I guess that’s one way of looking at things,” Jihoon agrees.

The aura is weird around them for the rest of the night, like the two of them weren’t close friends and were just spending time together for the sake of spending time together.

After giving much thought to what Guanlin said regarding his dating life, Jihoon doesn’t date as much as he used to during his remaining years in high school. He flat out just rejected the girls who tried to date him, and although he felt bad that he had to see those girls’ sad faces, he did feel a little less stressed without having to go on dates with people he didn’t like.

3.

Guanlin enters the same high school during Jihoon’s junior year.

The two of them fall back into the same routines of going to school together and try to go home together as much as they can, despite the duration of their after school club activities usually not matching up.

So it’s sad to have to say goodbye to Guanlin again for two years when Jihoon graduates from high school.

The two of them have a quick dinner with Jihoon’s mother after the graduation ceremony until Mrs Park has to go back to work again for the night.

As soon as they get out of the restaurant, they are bitten by the cold winter air. Guanlin puffs hot air into his cupped hands, rubbing them together. He smiles gratefully when Jihoon presses a hot pack into them. “Thanks, hyung.”

“What would you ever do without me,” Jihoon says dramatically. The two of them aimlessly walk around the row of shops in the commercial area they were at. “You won’t see me for two years, who will take care of you if you don’t take care of yourself?”

“Hey, I took care of myself just fine during middle school,” Guanlin protests. He slings an arm around Jihoon’s shoulders, nuzzling against the side of his head and putting his entire weight on Jihoon. “But don’t leave me anyway, Jihoon hyung~”

“Follow me after you graduate, you big baby,” Jihoon laughs as he tried to wrestle Guanlin away.

The two of them continue window shopping, until Guanlin decides that he would like Jihoon to get some exercise. “I’ll race you to the bus stop!”

Jihoon does not want to run around in a padded jacket and his school uniform, but Guanlin is already a block ahead of him so he hurriedly weaves his way through the people on the street to get to Guanlin.

Of course the younger boy gets to the bus stop first, because Guanlin is a cheater who started running before Jihoon did.

“How was that fair!” Jihoon huffs exasperatedly as he collapses on the bench next to Guanlin to get his breathing back to normal.

Guanlin laughs at him, creating white puffs of air around him as he did. “I was cold and needed warming up. That helped, didn’t it?”

Jihoon was sweating under his thick winter clothing, so he guessed it did help. He wasn’t about to agree with Guanlin though. He starts rummaging in his pockets for his handkerchief to wipe his forehead with.

“Jihoon hyung, I really like you.”

Did Jihoon just hear that wrong? He looks up to see Guanlin smiling at him, face flushed from running four blocks and something else.

“I meant that romantically.” Guanlin gets up as the bus pulls up to the stop. He looks back at Jihoon, who was still sitting at the bench wordlessly. “Come on, hyung. Let’s go home.”

Jihoon scrambles to his feet to go on the bus as well.

It’s a quiet bus ride home. The two of them sit side by side but Jihoon is a little awkward. He’s never thought of Guanlin as anything but a little brother he doted on and would protect from everything. He never even thought Guanlin was at the age where he was interested in anyone, much less thought of the possibility that Guanlin liked guys. So this came as a complete shock to Jihoon and he had no idea how to handle it.

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon finally says when they’re near their stop. “I don’t think of you that way.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything so don’t worry about it.” Guanlin looks back at him in understanding, giving him one of his usual smiles. “I really hope you won’t treat me any differently though.”

Jihoon forces a smile, wondering if the awkwardness of today would disappear somehow over time. Surely Guanlin would get over him and date other people, especially since Jihoon was going away to college.

The two of them still meet after that, Guanlin even helping with Jihoon’s packing for college. But there is still an air of awkwardness that makes Jihoon glad to be leaving.

4.

Jihoon finds out that he likes men in his first year at university.

No one bats an eyelash at gay couples in this university. It’s a huge culture shock to Jihoon, who grew up in the countryside where there weren’t any visible gay people, seeing so many men holding hands with other men and women cuddling with women.

Hell, even his high school friend turned college roommate Woojin, who never had any gay tendencies as far as Jihoon knew, suddenly came home with a boyfriend one night.

Jihoon finally understood why his face always turned red and why he was so shy around a certain senior.

Hwang Minhyun was perfect in Jihoon’s eyes. He was kind, handsome, tall, and got along with everyone. He also had the most beautiful singing voice Jihoon had ever heard.

Minhyun was an even more perfect boyfriend when Jihoon finally mustered up the courage to confess after months of pining. He always helped Jihoon out with his schoolwork as much as he could, tidied up Jihoon’s dorm whenever he was over, and always took him out on the most enjoyable dates Jihoon had ever experienced.

So of course Jihoon was absolutely devastated when Minhyun decided to dump him for his equally perfect ex-boyfriend Jonghyun, who Minhyun could never forget.

After moping around at home for an entire week, Jihoon decided to follow Woojin’s advice to go back to his hometown for a while.

Guanlin is more than happy to see him, despite Jihoon looking like crap.

“What has university done to you,” Guanlin jokes as he hustles him to the inside of the Lai household.

There's a small feast of Jihoon’s favorite food on the table, with different types of chicken and soda.

“Surprise?” Guanlin says sheepishly. “Woojin hyung said you just broke up with someone and that you were sad, so I prepared this.”

“Woojin told you?” Jihoon never really told Guanlin about being in a relationship with a man, afraid that Guanlin would judge him for it. Maybe Woojin left that part out.

Guanlin nods. He sits down at the table while Jihoon does the same across from him. “He also told me to not flirt back if you flirt with me, or I'll just be a rebound boyfriend.”

Jihoon cracks a smile at that. “That Woojin.”

They eat while Guanlin tells him about school, how he's doing pretty well at basketball and how Daehwi is dating a college dude who was really nice.

“I hope he's really consistently nice unlike the guy who just dumped you,” Guanlin finishes.

Jihoon puts his drumstick down. “Woojin told you that too…”

“Yeah. No big deal.” Guanlin chews some more and takes a swig of orange flavored soda. “It's not like I am going to judge you for it. I literally confessed to you so you know I have no problem with gay people.”

Right. Jihoon chews his food in awkward silence, while Guanlin continues on like normal.

“You know what I like to do when I’m sad?” Guanlin asks with a grin.

Apparently, what Guanlin does when he’s sad is watch horror movies. According to him, it was in order to “replace the feeling of sadness with the feeling of fear”. Jihoon thinks it’s the stupidest idea, but he finds it funny whenever the long-haired ghost seeking revenge appears on TV and Guanlin does a little jump in his seat (he wouldn’t admit that he was also as scared as Guanlin).

They set up sleeping bags on the floor of Guanlin’s room after that, in case there were ghosts under the bed (which was the dumbest thing, as under Guanlin’s bed was a pile of clothes and junk which left no room for even the most transparent ghost).

It’s kind of hilarious how the movie made the two of them jumpy and paranoid at every noise they hear, and they both laugh at each other for being so scared.

“We’ll never fall asleep at this point,” Jihoon whines. He pulls the blanket to cover his ears.

“At least you aren’t so sad anymore,” Guanlin says back. He pauses. “Are you?”

“I feel a little better. Aside from being scared of that long-haired woman.” Jihoon laughs. Hwang Minhyun didn’t cross his mind that much today, aside from when there was a couple in the movie. Jihoon honestly did feel better. “Thank you, Lin.”

They discuss how Jihoon should be the one to chase out the ghost since he was the stronger one, and Jihoon promised to protect Guanlin despite being a mere mortal himself who would probably be killed by a supernatural entity in one second. It’s one of those pointless conversations that Jihoon enjoys having with Guanlin. He felt like he had his friend back. Whether he liked Jihoon as a friend or romantically, Guanlin was his close friend. Jihoon has no idea how they managed to have a long period of awkwardness between them.

The two of them talk until Guanlin’s mother is knocking on the door for breakfast.

5.

Since Guanlin was accepted to the same university, the two of them started rooming together. It was a little strange to Jihoon, like he was with a new but still familiar person. Guanlin had grown into a smart and responsible young man that made Jihoon question whether he was the older of the two of them sometimes, with Guanlin always being the one to cook for the two of them and the one to always remind him to clean up after himself (although the two of them were rather messy together).

Guanlin, however, was not mature enough to not play childish pranks like taking Jihoon's phone while he was playing a mobile game.

The two of them run around the flat, Guanlin knocking over a few books during the chase and stopping to mock Jihoon whenever the two of them got tired. Finally, Jihoon catches him by lunging on to his back, propelling Guanlin forward so the two of them roll on to the carpeted floor. The younger boy protects his stomach with his arms as Jihoon exacts his revenge by tickling him. 

"Stop!" Guanlin giggles, one hand still tightly clutching the mobile phone while fighting Jihoon off with the other. "I'll give it back, okay! I just wanted to spend time with you."

Now that Jihoon has his phone back, all his energy is gone from running around the flat. So he just lies down beside Guanlin on the floor, trying to regain his breath while Guanlin does the same. "I'm too tired to spend any time with you, Lai Guanlin."

"You're like an old man." 

Jihoon pokes his side particularly hard, eliciting a high-pitched squeak.

They lie beside each other on the floor quietly. Spending time with Guanlin like this was a little nostalgic to Jihoon, running around like they did when they were children. Both of them have been busy with university and part-time work lately, but they made sure to spend time together once in a while. Jihoon turns to the other boy to stare at him staring at the ceiling, probably making a note to clean out some of the unattended cobwebs. 

It's not like Guanlin hasn't matured; the years showed in how his jawline had become more chiseled and refined. His previously scrawny arms have become more toned recently from working out as well. But some aspects of his personality had stayed the same: playful and mischievous as he had been as a child, and always wanting to spend time with Jihoon.

"Guanlin-ah."

Turning his head to smile at Jihoon, Guanlin's eyes become little crescents under his puffy eyebags. His smile has always been endearing. Just like every little thing about him that Jihoon has come to know over the years: how hardworking he was, how dependable he was despite his age, how scared he gets watching horror movies. How he confessed his feelings to Jihoon a few years ago. Jihoon feels a little tug at his heart. 

"Do you still like me? Like, in a romantic way?"

Jihoon searches for the answer on his face, but Guanlin keeps his smile on.

"Of course," Guanlin says simply. Like it was something natural. Something no one could question.

Jihoon reaches out to push back the slightly sweaty fringe framing Guanlin's face with his fingertips, sliding his hand down slowly to settle on a smooth cheek. Now Guanlin's smile falters, and although Guanlin never lets his emotions show obviously on his face, Jihoon sees it in his eyes. Uncertainty.

"Hyung-"

Kissing Guanlin was something Jihoon hadn't thought about during all those years of knowing him, not until lately, when he noticed that spending time with the younger boy started feeling like home and all of its comforts. It took him by surprise how giddy he was inside; like he hadn't kissed any of his old boyfriends and girlfriends and this was the first time he was ever kissing anyone. Or maybe this was the only kiss that ever mattered, Jihoon thinks as he pulls Guanlin closer to deepen the kiss. He starts to wonder how Guanlin learned to kiss like this, fervent and determined, but he's also getting a little light-headed from the way Guanlin's tongue swipes against his. 

It's Guanlin that pulls away first.

“Hyung.” He stares at Jihoon with his dark eyes, his lips parted and shiny. Jihoon can feel the younger boy's warm breath and the rapid beating of his own heart. “What is this?”

Jihoon’s fingers curl around the fabric of Guanlin’s shirt. He’s too breathless and dazed to say anything yet, and he sees the hurt in Guanlin’s eyes at the lack of response.

“Is this your idea of a joke? It’s not funny.” Guanlin tries to pull away from Jihoon’s hold, but Jihoon snakes his arm around his abdomen to hold him in place. “Let me go.”

“No,” Jihoon huffs stubbornly. He pretty much wrestles the squirming boy into a hug, resting his chin on Guanlin’s shoulder until the younger boy relaxes.

“You know I have been in love with you all this time.”

Jihoon’s heart aches at how dejected Guanlin sounds. "I know," he mumbles against Guanlin’s neck. And he means it. He knows how much Guanlin longed for him, and always wondered when Guanlin would give up whenever he had to watch Jihoon fall in love with another person. He presses a kiss on Guanlin’s shoulder. "Sorry it took me this long to fall in love with you, Lin."

6.

Never in a million years would Jihoon have thought Woojin would marry early, but as soon as they graduated from college and started working, Woojin already proposed to his boyfriend.

Three years later, which is right now, Woojin is having a speech about how much he loves Hyeongseob in the cringiest ways. Hyeongseob is listening with an equally dramatic face on, while the couple’s family is also teary-eyed.

“Aw, Woojin hyung might cry soon,” Daehwi coos from beside Guanlin at their shared table. Jihoon snickers as Woojin starts sobbing as if on cue.

Guanlin leans towards Jihoon close, and Jihoon can see how handsome his boyfriend is in a suit. “You think we’ll be like that at our wedding, hyung?” he whispers. “Uglycrying?”

“Oh, have you two already proposed to each other?” Sungwoon butts in. He then frowns. “These youngsters, being so quick at everything. My grandpa has been bugging me to get married but I don’t even have a girlfriend!”

Jihoon chuckles, embarrassed. “Relax, hyung. No one’s proposed to anyone yet. We aren’t in a hurry like Park Woojin.”

Guanlin is smiling all pleased. “Wouldn’t it be nice though?”

“Can you guys stop flirting, there are single people here,” Sungwoon complains, earning laughs from everyone sitting at the table.

After the wedding reception, Guanlin and Jihoon take turns driving their old second-hand car home. Guanlin starts singing once in a while, which Jihoon has gotten used to but doesn’t find any less endearing.

Once they drive up to their apartment’s parking space, Guanlin speaks up. “Hey, I forgot to buy something at the convenience store.”

“What? Why didn’t you say so?” Jihoon groans from the driver’s seat. He’s tired and full of food and wants to change out of this suit. “Should I drive back?”

“Let’s just walk.” Guanlin gets out of the car, walking over to Jihoon’s side to pull him by the hand. “Let’s burn off all of the calories from the cake. I lost count of how many pieces we ate, hyung.”

Jihoon could never say no to Guanlin and was guilty about all the food he ate, so he begrudgingly walks with the younger boy to the convenience store and waits for Guanlin outside.

“What the hell?” Jihoon exclaims when Guanlin comes out carrying two popsicles in his hands happily.

“Hyung, remember when I stole your popsicle back in grade school? I’m giving it back now.”

Jihoon laughs. That was so long ago, why was Guanlin even bringing this up now? “What was that bull about burning calories then?”

“This,” Guanlin says before he sprints off to the direction of home. He stops at a few meters away from Jihoon, waving the popsicles.

“Lai Guanlin, I don’t have the energy for this!” Jihoon calls, but the distance between him and his boyfriend grows as Guanlin starts running again, so Jihoon forces himself to run as fast as he can to their home. Jihoon has strong legs that gave him an advantage in running, so he manages to catch up to Guanlin in no time, until the younger boy shuts the front door in his face. “Hey! You brat!!” he yells as he bangs on the door. He hears Guanlin laughing inside as he fished out his keys from the pocket of his trousers. He flings himself at Guanlin as soon as he gets the door open, tackling him on the couch and straddling his waist.

Guanlin is grinning from ear to ear, his previously styled hair now a sweaty mess but still looking handsome. He pushes the wet, probably melted packs of popsicles in Jihoon’s hand. “Here’s your prize, hyung.”

A ring. Jihoon could feel the cold metal on his palm between his hand and the popsicle, and it was confirmed when he held up his hand to his eyes. There it was: a simple silver band, with a small, shiny stone at the center. The brat made him run for a ring. Jihoon stares at his boyfriend in disbelief. “Guanlin…”

Guanlin pushes him off of his body and Jihoon willingly slides down to sit on the couch. “I know it’s a little early, but watching that wedding today made me want to marry you. Like, I also want to make people listen to me uglycry about how amazing you are. And I need to make the most out of this uncomfortable suit.” Guanlin smiles at him shyly. “So, what do you say?”

It’s supposed to be Woojin’s and Hyeongseob’s day today to be happy, and Jihoon is glad Guanlin waited for the two of them to get home for this, because he’s so happy he just kisses his boyfriend until they’re even more breathless, their hands wet and cold from holding packages of ice cream that have probably turned into liquid.