The day of their debut was scary, and the criticism they received was painful, but with Joohyun’s hand constantly in Seungwan’s, it was bearable.  As Yeri came of age and was finally able to officially be a part of the group, the group had their first hit.

As soon as the members went backstage, their composed leader ran to the bathroom, surprising everyone but Wendy.  She followed slowly, walking into the bathroom and hearing the soft sobs of Joohyun.  Wendy leaned on the stall that Joohyun had occupied, smiling to herself.

“Joohyunnie.”  The sobbing quieted a little, so Wendy continued “You did awesome out there.  Thank you for leading us to victory! Woo!”

Joohyun laughed, then sniffed, before replying “I didn’t do much, you guys are the ones who got that win for us.” Joohyun sniffed again “I feel like I didn’t do enough as leader.”

Wendy huffed, then jumped to grab the top of the stall, pulling herself up so she could make eye contact with Joohyun.  “You better take that back.  Open this door so I can tell you how wrong you are.”

Joohyun looked surprised to see that Wendy was able to lift herself up, but unlocked the door anyways.  Wendy released her grip from the stall door and opened it, seeing a disheveled Joohyun.  She bent down, not caring that her knee was touching the bathroom floor.

“Do you know how much you’ve done for us?”  

“Don’t make things up.”

Wendy shook her head the reached up to cup Joohyun’s face “Well let me at least speak for myself.  Every moment I spent with you relaxed me, and your constant encouragement made it possible for me to perform today.  Your presence alone out weighs what I’ve done for you.”

Joohyun smiled, her blush covered by her tears “You couldn’t be any more wrong Seungwan.”  She reached up to hold Wendy’s hand that was resting on her cheek, leaning into it.

After a minute the two agreed it was time to head out, they didn’t want to worry the others any longer.  Joohyun stood in front of the mirror, attempting to fix what was left of her makeup. 

“Ugh, my face is so puffy now.  My makeup is basically gone too... I can’t leave like this.”

“I think you still look beautiful.” The words flew out of Wendy’s mouth before she could stop them.  She always compliments Joohyun, but there was a certain intimacy to the way she said it this time. 

Joohyun looked at Wendy through the mirror, eyes wide.  “Thank you...” she quickly washed her face then turned to give Wendy a small smile.  “Let’s go.”

Wendy began walking to the door, and as soon as they exited Joohyun held her hand.  But, unlike before, she interlaced their fingers.  Wendy smiled, pleasantly surprised.  She looked at the older girl to find her staring straight ahead, leading the two of them to their group members.

Despite the group’s recent trend of success, there were still struggles.  Yeri decided to start studying at a college level, so all of her free time was spent with her eyes glued to a computer screen.  Joy struggled with her image, constantly trying to change up her look but only resulting in a constant frustration.  Seulgi, being the bear graced with obliviousness, seemed to be doing just fine.  Wendy on the other hand struggled with her weight.  Irene as leader had her issues and struggles as well, but she hid them so well it was impossible to pinpoint her worries.

Wendy leaned against the balcony, taking in the view from their dorm.  It was pretty, the city lit up with lights, but it made her miss the openness of Canada.  She began to think about what her parents would say. 

“Why are you so skinny?!  You must miss my cooking!  Ah, here, eat!” Her mom would say, in English with a thick Korean accent.

“You look weak, I didn’t name you Seungwan for nothing!  Eat up, get strong!” Her dad would say while flexing his arm.

Wendy sadly chuckled, thinking about them only made her miss Canada more.  But she wouldn’t cry, no she cried alone way too many times as a trainee, she wouldn’t allow herself to cry anymore.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun’s voice broke the silence.  By the sound of her voice Wendy could tell that Joohyun was tired, which was confirmed when she turned around to find her wrapped in a blanket with her hair messy and her face clear of any makeup.  She was beautiful.  “What are you doing out here?  It’s cold...”

Wendy smiled in an attempt to hide her sadness “I’m enjoying the view unnie.  Go back inside, it’s too cold for you out here and you look tired.”

Joohyun did what she always does, nod and then do the exact opposite of what Wendy said.  She leaned on the railing right next to Wendy, looking at out into the city.  “What’s bothering you Seungwan?”

Wendy isn’t surprised that Joohyun saw right through her, she always does.  “I’m just missing home a little bit, that’s all.  Nothing to be worried about.”  Wendy flashed Joohyun a smile to reassure her, but when Joohyun saw it she frowned .

“Seungwan, stop trying to hide your pain.”

The statement took Wendy by surprise.  Her eyes widened, but she couldn’t force herself to look away from Joohyun’s eyes, filled with worry.  “What do you..”

“Seungwan.” The sternness in which Joohyun had said her name told Wendy that should should be completely honest.  She didn’t want to burden anyone with her struggles, especially Joohyun, but she also didn’t want Joohyun to become angry with her.

“Ah well,” Wendy started with a nervous smile, breaking eye contact with Joohyun “as you know I’ve been put on a diet, and it’s working!  But now I feel kind of weak, I thought I would ignore it since I at least look good.  But,” by now her voice was wavering as she held in her tears “people are calling me ugly again.  And I-I just can’t -figure out what they want!”

Tears were falling freely down Wendy’s face now, she was just feeling too frustrated.  She felt weak, she felt ugly, she felt lonely, but most of all she felt guilty for feeling these things.  

“Seungwan.”  Joohyun’s voice was soft, almost motherly this time, a stark contrast from before.  “Seungwan, look at me please.”  She did, her tears slowing down just due to seeing Joohyun.  “I want you to stop the diet.  You don’t look healthy anymore, and that is the most important thing to me.  Don’t worry about the managers.” 

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