“Let’s put our hands together for the one and only Byun Baekhyun in which I will be interviewing today!”

“Ah, thank you. I didn’t expect so much attention from an empty studio but thank you, Sehun.”

“My pleasure. You seem so kind, what made you decide to live in a dorm room with such jackasses?”

“Hah, If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Since I’m new to the university, this was the only room that had an empty space so I decided to go for it. Regardless, you guys don’t seem that bad. You guys all seem equally great, actually.”

“Well then, you’re in for… a treat.”

“That sounded skeptical-”

“MOVING ONTO THE NEXT QUESTION, how do you like your pancakes made?”

“I don’t know? I guess I like them plain with strawberries on them.”

“Kyungsoo needs this information so he knows how to cook your pancakes, and I’m sure he’ll be happy to hear that your order isn’t overly complicated. Good choice, by the way.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem. What are your current relationships outside of this university. Any friends? Any, I don’t know, lovers?”

“Um… I have friends… But I kinda left them behind once I moved away from Daegu.”

“Like who?”

“My friend, Taehyung. He lived next to me for the longest time. Unfortunately I had to give that up in order to go to my dream university, but it’s not like we don’t still talk. We skype daily, really.”

“Have you guys ever… experimented?”

“You mean, like, been gay? God, no. Why would you even ask that?”

“Out of curiosity. If you’re gonna live with me and the others, you’re gonna have to get used to it.”

“I guess…”

“Do you have any fur allergies?”

“Nope.”

“Good, then my child won’t be a burden to your stay.”

“Aha, your child?”

“Yes. It’s a serious matter.

“That’s cute.”

“Y-You think I’m cute?”

“No, I meant the pet-”

“I don’t care. Anyway, how do you feel about the idea of continuous slapping?”

“Why do you ask…?”

“Not saying you have a nice , but I’m not NOT saying that… Forget it, I’m asking for Yixing hyung.”

“Yixing?”

“Yeah, we don’t talk much about him, though. We don’t like him.”

“That’s kinda mean. He seemed sweet.”

“We’re jackasses, remember?”

“Right. Okay.”

“Last question, have you ever experimented with men?”

“What the hell is this interview-“

“Just answer the damn question!”

“No! I’m straight! Is that what you wanted to hear?!”

“Huh.”