“WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE EVERYTHING.”

***

“Hey, how long are you gonna continue your little rebel?”

One voice asked, pain is clearly portray within her voice. The person whom responsible to answer the question just sit silently, glueing her eyes onto the television. She definitely have no intention to answer it.

“You know, it is painful for us too but what can we do? You never want to tell us what exactly happen to you and yet you are acting like this, expecting us to understand you ”

Asked the voice again, wanting at least to be heard even though she highly anticipate to hear her daughter’s voice again. Even just one more time.

“We are not getting younger, you know. If you are going to continue being like this, then it is up to you.”

With that, she left the girl alone. Within the room, that girl just stare blankly onto the screen while her hand is working at an amazing speed. She neither grunt or making any voice even if she is in the verge of losing.

On her wall, countless poster is hanging, varying from anime, game and idol. At one corner, there’s some photo in a frame which is her, receiving some kind of prestigious award. She pause her game and went to the frame again, gazing into her long past.

What a waste. She is a bright girl too.

Never thought that she will turn our like this, what’s on her mind?

To think she will turn into a hikikomori. Such a shame.

(Hikikomori = shut in (Japan). Often used to refer extreme otaku or person which choose not to involve with real world. They rarely going out, spending most of their time in isolation from any social interaction.)

“Enough!”

She shouted and threw away some of her plushies onto the wall. Fortunately, the frame is not crashing onto the ground or it will be lots of work to clean it.

She used to be such an excellent prospect.

Really bring humiliation.

Should not let her live and waste her parents money anymore!

“STOP IT! I DON’T WANT TO KNOW ANY IF YOU SCUMS THOUGHT!”

She yelled. She closed her eyes and blocking her wide ears from reminiscing any of those hurtful words thrown at her, even though not directly.

“Mi- -ra!”

“Stop! I said stop! Don’t come near me! Go away!”

Her yelled turned into a beg. Tears are rolling out from her big, round eyes which used to smile happily but filled with sorrow at the moment. She curled like a ball, trying to exterminate all of those devilish voice that keep echoing in her mind.

“Miyawaki Sakura! Come back! This is not you! Please, onee-chan!”

She felt some warm touch embraced her from behind. Even though she can feels like those hands are shivering, maybe terrified to watch her throwing her antics again, it never left her.

Sakura slowly gaining her composure again and breathing calmly. Her sweats drenched her clothes, as if she just finished some 21 km run without stopping for a moment.

“Onee-chan. Are you okay? It is hurting again?”

(Onee-chan/Nee-san = older sister (Japan). Used to refer sister in a family or any people that you regards as family.)

Some small voice piercing her ears. She lowered her gaze and see that little boy with big, round eyes exactly a carbon copy of her. He tried to not show his fear towards his one and only elder sister, which acting strange since a few months back.

His sister which usually a bright person, always cheering and encouraging others suddenly changed after she went missing for a week, during her school trip.

He do not exactly understand why but every time his sister going on some rampage, he instantly goes and wrapped himself with her and she somehow calming down soon after.

“Nothing, Yuki. I am fine.”

She replied and give a quick peck on her little brother’s cheek. She knows that she is not the same sister as she used to be for Yuki but her brother always succeed to make her being her again.

“Why are you lying to me? Aren’t we best buddies?”

Yuki looked Sakura directly into her eyes, trying to understand reasons behind his sister’s peculiar action even though just a little bit. She evades his gaze at first but then, they eyes locked into one another.

Just then, as  they interlocked their gaze, Yuki suddenly feels like he can hear his sisters unheard scream, trying to ask for some help but yet being pushed away from people without trying to actually understand her. Sure, Yuki is a young boy but he is as bright as his sister.

He can feel his eyes get teary out of sudden, as if he can feel Sakura struggles to be normal again, to fight some unknown demon within her, to protect herself from people’s heartless action and perception.

Her eyes that yearned for help, that’s what made Yuki actually crying. He felt hopeless, powerless as he cannot protect his one and only beloved sister. They hugged each other tightly, trying to ease some invisible burdens from one another.

“Yuki… I am sorry for being such a bad onee-chan to you. I cannot play with you like before. We can never going out for some fun too.”

Sakura talked in between her sobs. She caressed his bushy head, trying to hold him as long as she can, while she can still see him. Who knows what she will be in the next hour? Or the next day?

She can feel that her sanity is slowly wearing away and she need to avoid from meeting others as she do not want to harm them while she is rampaging, battling with the demon inside her that is whispering devilish thought every now and then.

“No! Onee-chan, you have been so wonderful towards me, how can I forget that? You are the one that tend my injuries whenever I got into some fights and teach me to be better!

You can beat those demon inside you, Onee-chan. Yuki knows you can do it.”

He sank his head into Sakura’s bosom, trying to channel his energy to his sister. He do not exactly understand what kind of things Sakura experienced while she went missing for a week but she once told him about some demon that is trying to let loose from within her.

Of course he is confuses at his sister’s remarks about those demons but he choose to believe her as he accidentally saw Sakura’s shadow one night. He heard his sister went onto rampage again, throwing some curse words to no one and as he opened the door, he saw her shadow looking at him.

Even though it is just a flash moment, he can feel some chill right into his spine. It’s as if all of his energy is getting sapped out and he collapsed in front of the door.

Onee-chan, you are indeed a strong person. How can you endure that thing bothering you every now and then?

That is his last thought before completely passed out. Of course, their parents shocked beyond belief when they discovered him and almost scold Sakura, accusing her of hurting him but he quickly retorted.

“Onee-chan will never doing something like that! She is a good person!”

He shouted at his parents angrily. Of course, Sakura is not with them. She locked herself once she saw her brother lying unconscious at her door, blaming herself as if she is hurting him when actually she never lay even a finger onto him.

Yuki is furious at their parents for their lack of effort to actually help Sakura even though she had been an amazing daughter for so long. As soon as behaved like that, they casted her aside, blaming her for not conveying anything towards them.

If they do not want to try, fine! I will be the one that save my Onee-chan!

He strengthen his resolute and trying his best to calm his sister whenever she went into her rampaging mode again. Somehow, they will be able to stay calm and just snuggle each other until they fall asleep. Not even once his sister went crazy whenever he cuddling her and he want to be her healing pill, trying to ease his sister’s pain even by just a little bit.

Onee-chan, I will definitely protect you.

***

“I am sorry, Sakura.”

“No! What are you doing?”

“Forgive me. You say you want to meet your little brother again, right?”

“What are you gonna do?”

“I will end this and make sure to send you back home!”

“Don’t go!”

Sakura jolted on her bed and awake, covering in sweats from her nightmare

That dream again. What is it? Why can’t I remember any of it?

She pressed her temple, trying to remember any detail she can think about and failed. She sighed heavily and just covered herself with her pastel pink, wooly blanket.

“How can I explain things that I myself never know? It’s not as if I simply pushed them without reasons! I also suddenly having the ability to hear such devilish voice, do they think I just made up these stories?”

Sakura mumbled and channeling her anger towards the pillow. She clenched her jaws, attempting to recollect the memories.

I must remember something! It is impossible to forget it all completely!

Just then, she can feel excruciating pain throbbing her head, as if someone is trying to crack her head open. Unable to hold off the pain which she experiencing for the first time, she let out a long haul before everything went dark.

***

Flashback

Sakura stretched her arms as she finally free from all those exhausting studies for today’s mid semester examination. She managed to answer every paper flawlessly as usual and eagerly waiting for her friends to finish their respective paper.

She walked out of the classroom and headed towards a vending machine, just a few steps away from their cafeteria. She needed some glucose to replace her energy after battling with those difficult paper just now.

“Ah, it seems they only offer green tea. I want some green tea latte though.”

She mumbled as she stopped in front of the machine. She want to wait for her friends as they have things to discuss later and for sure, they will discuss it over some foods. Thus, Sakura choose some chocolate malt drink and pay for it.

She grabbed the can and headed towards a water cooler to wash its lid before shaking it well and opening it. She gulped down and sensed some sweet, refreshing taste enveloping inside .

“Ah~ Now that’s a good drink for me!”

She exclaimed and stare off looking at the school’s garden. She felt all giddy while imagining things that she will do with her friends soon and started to smile gleefully. Suddenly, she felt a light smack onto her head.

“Ouch! Watch it!”

She roared and find out that her friends just standing behind her and there’s the real culprit of hitting her head earlier. A girl with same short hair as her just smiled and take a seat beside her.

“Sorry, I cannot hold it watching you taking your luxury time while we all just finished those killer paper. Ugh, it was hellish.”

Her friend remark and put her head onto the table. Sakura twitched her face at her friend and just smack her back.

“An eye for an eye, a smack for a smack.”

Sakura said and gulping down the remaining drink.

“Tch, whatever. Let’s grab some foods and drinks first before continuing with our agenda. Damn, I’m so famished!”

She quickly approaching the cafeteria counter and ordering some chicken curry rice, chicken karaage bento, tuna mayo sandwich and two cup of green tea latte. She waited for some time before carrying her order towards earlier table.

(Chicken karaage = deep fried chicken (Japan). Delicious (in my opinion)).

“Here! It's my treat today for teaching me before. Thanks to you I think I can probably pass my exam this time.”

She passed Sakura her chicken curry rice and green tea latte. Their friends also having their food as well and they silently eating for the first three minutes before Sakura opening up .

“So, do you guys already decided what we gonna do in Fukuoka?”

“Ugh, damn it. I always imagine we will visit Tokyo, Okinawa or Hokkaido. Just to visit Fukuoka is a bit…”

Her best friend poured out her dissatisfaction  as her dream to spend their last time together, creating long life memories to remember in the future is officially shattered. She wanted to be able to enjoy to the fullest with her cliques before they need to cram for college exam afterwards. But then, her wish seems to be fulfilled opposite from her actual one, sending them to Fukuoka which located just around 3 hour and 30 minutes from Kagoshima where their school is located.

“Ey! Don’t be like that! At least we can be together. Let’s just enjoy our time together, okay?”

One of their friend said and tried to cheer up Sakura’s best friend who is pouting right now. Of course, they also thought that their 3 days and 2 nights school field trip will be held at more lavish place such as Hokkaido, Tokyo or Okinawa but then, they are just grateful to be granted one last chance to enjoy their high school moment.

“You heard her, stop sulking like a baby! You are almost an adult now.”

Sakura playfully headlocked her friend. She can hear her friend groaning and struggling, asking to be released as she had yet finished her lunch. They just giggled together, enjoying their normal time spent together.

Afterwards, they went back to their class and continue their discussions. They gathered at the corner of the class where their designated seat is located and resuming their discussion again.

“I just want to visit those marine park and go shopping. Other than that I will just follow you girls around.”

Sakura’s best friend stated her mind and just flash her smile when her friends just shaking their head.

“Hey, we are gonna spend last time together, why not making some decent activities for once?”

“Yeah. We can always go shopping anytime. Let’s visit some park or any historical place.”

“But…”

As her friend is chattering, trying to find a solution to cater each of their wish, Sakura just stood there, watching them rambling.

I’m gonna miss these weirdos so much.

“Hey, how about we just cast some votes or decide it with ballots? Any choice will be final and no one need to feel bitter. Is it okay?”

Sakura asked carefully and tilting her head a little.

Her friends stares her and they quickly agreed with her suggestion. They quickly make some ballot, two for each person, totalling 12 ballot on the table.

“Each of us will only take one okay? Again, don’t feel bitter if your choice isn’t chosen! It’s all on your luck!”

Sakura reminded them and each of them quickly choosing their paper. As they opened their paper, everyone is looking satisfied as each of them managed to visit their chosen destination.

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