“Hey?”

 

Mingyu looked up from his phone and shifted his attention to Hansol sitting next to him on the couch, “What?”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.” Mingyu reached for one of the water bottles on the coffee table and took a sip.

 

“What was your first time like?”

 

Mingyu almost choked on his drink and started coughing violently. After a good full minute of coughing and having Hansol pat his back he managed to squeak out a weak “Excuse me?”

 

“ehm...” Hansol had to think for a second what he had asked Mingyu before he he had a coughing fit, “oh right, I was just asking what your first time was like. I mean, you've had right? How was it?”

 

“It...it was...ehm..why are we talking about this?”

 

“I'm just curious. Me and Seungkwan have been together for a while now and...well...”

 

“Oh...so you guys actually haven't...yet.”

 

“Nah. We wanted to take it slow, you know. Wait for the right moment and all that. I guess we just want that special first time moment or something.”

 

“So why are you talking to me about it?”

 

“I just...wanted to talk to someone who has already done it. I mean, I know it will be special because we love each other, but I'm still kinda nervous. In school they only really teach you the basics about straight and isn't very realistic...at least I hope not.”

 

“Yeah, no, is weird.” Mingyu let out a nervous laugh and cleared his throat. He wondered if it would be rude if he just got up and left. He didn't want to have this conversation.

 

“So...anything you can tell me about having for the first time? Any do's or don'ts or something?”

 

“Well, ehm...just...make sure you're really ready. You might think that you're ready or to just get it over with, but you only have one first time. I-I mean you can of course have a first time with more than one person, but you yourself only have one first time. Which doesn't mean that if you have with another person for the first time it can't be equally special, but you can never take back your first time. But people also put too much pressure on first times, I mean is it really that big a deal? Everybody does it. So, ehm, what I mean is...you only have one first time and it can be special but it doesn't really matter.”

 

Hansol furrowed his eyebrows together, confused by Mingyu's rant, “Are you okay? You're being weird.”

 

“I'm not being weird! It's just weird to talk to you about ... with Seungkwan.”

 

“Whatever, you're being weird. The other members talk about and you don't get all rambling and choke on your water.”

 

“Well then go and talk to someone else about this!” Mingyu stood up and walked out of the room leaving Hansol with more questions than answers.

 

<>

 

Later that day Hansol was cuddled up with Seungkwan on his bed watching a movie. When the movie was over they stayed like that, neither of them feeling the need to move. It was comfortable and warm.

 

“Today when I was hanging out with Mingyu and the topic of came up he acted to so weird.”

 

Seungkwan untangled himself from his boyfriend's arms and sat up, “Why would you talk with him about ?”

 

“I was just curious about his experiences. I mean, we've talked about having before and I feel like the moment is getting closer so I just wanted-”

 

“But of all people why with Mingyu?” Seungkwan stood up from the bed. Hansol couldn't tell if he was angry or just upset or embarrassed for some reason. He straightened himself up and looked at him. “Okay what is up with everyone acting so weird? Is it a problem that I talked to Mingyu about or is it about the itself? I know we both said we were ready, but it's okay if you've changed your mind. I just thought-”

 

“It's not that. It's not that I'm not ready. And I guess the problem isn't really that you talked about it.”

 

“Oh. All right, so...what's going on?”

 

Seungkwan sat back down on the bed, close enough for their legs to touch. “Okay, I have to tell you something and I don't know how you're going to take it.”

 

“Okay.” Hansol said slowly, unsure what to expect.

 

“I know we've talked about having together.” Seungkwan began, “But, what we haven't really talked about is...well...past experiences.”

 

“What do you mean? What past experiences?”

 

It took a moment for Seungkwan to reply, “I'm not exactly a .”

 

“What!? I...aren't I your first boyfriend?”

 

“You are, but...”

 

“So you've had before? When was this? We've known each other for years...I...I just don't understand when this could have happened.”

 

“Well it was a few years ago and-”

 

“Wait a minute,” Hansol interrupted him, “Is this why Mingyu was acting weird? Does he know about this? Does he know who it is or something?”

 

“Well. That's the thing...” Seungkwan hesitated, “He's the only one who knows who it is.”

 

This time it was Hansol who stood up from the bed, “I can't believe this. Not only are you not a , but you confided in Mingyu instead of me.”

 

“No, Hansol. Listen to me.” Seungkwan also got up so he could get his boyfriend to listen to him, “He's literally the only person who knows who it is because...”

 

“Because it's him.” Hansol finished for him.

 

Seungkwan didn't say anything, but the slight nod he gave was enough.

 

“You...and Mingyu?”

 

“It was before you and I got together! It was only one time. It was the first time for both of us and-”

 

“Oh god...” Hansol said more to himself than to Seungkwan.

 

“What?”

 

“Earlier...I asked him how his first time was. Oh man...I...I need to take a walk or something.”

 

“Hansol wait!” Seungkwan tried to grab his hand, but Hansol pulled away.

 

“Please, Seungkwan. I need a moment alone to...process this.”

 

<>

 

Jihoon got home from a long day at the studio working on a new song and he was ready to lie down on his bed and do nothing but meaningless stuff on his phone. When he opened the door, however, he found Seungkwan sitting on the couch with puffy red eyes and surrounded by crumbled up tissues. He sat down next to him, but didn't say anything. He knew Seungkwan would start talking if he wanted to.

 

“Hansol is going to break up with me.” Seungkwan mumbled between sniffles.

 

“What!? Why?” Jihoon surprised himself with his louder than usual voice.

 

“Because I told him I'm not a .” Seungkwan sniffed.

 

“Oh...” It was quiet for a moment until he asked, “Is that true?”

 

Seungkwan looked up with an angry look on his face, “Of course it's true! Why would I make something like that up!?”

 

Jihoon shrugged, “It's just that...you guys have been together for a while and even before that there was a definite vibe between you.”

 

“So?”

 

“So...when exactly did you have time to lose your ity?”

 

“I didn't cheat on him if that's what you're implying!”

 

Jihoon held up his hands as a way to say that he hadn't meant that and Seungkwan sank bank into the couch, “Okay so...you lost your ity to...someone who's not Hansol...at some point before you were in a relationship with Hansol?”

 

Seungkwan nodded.

 

“If he breaks up with you because of that he's an .”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“He can't be mad at you for being with someone that wasn't him before you were even with him.”

 

“But he obviously thought I was a and I didn't tell him I wasn't until now.”

 

“Okay so he can be upset about it, for a bit, but if he seriously dumps you because of it he's an .”

 

“There's one more thing. He knows the person who I had with. You all know him.”

 

“Oh god, don't tell me it's Soonyoung.”

 

“What!? No! I would never have with Soonyoung.”

 

“Jeonghan? No...he would never have with you. No offense, but he doesn't see you like that I think. Probably not Seokmin...definitely not Chan.” They sat in silence while Jihoon was ticking off all the members inside his head. “Was it Mingyu?”

 

“Why would you think it's Mingyu?”

 

“I dunno, just seems to make the most sense out of all the members. Except for Hansol, of course. Unless it's not one of our own.”

 

“No...you're right.”

 

“So, were you guys like...a thing or what?”

 

“No! It was one time! We were both curious and hormonal or something and it just...it just happened.”

 

“Does Hansol know that?”

 

“I told him it was a one time thing, but he kinda stormed off after I told him...”

 

Jihoon placed a hand on Seungkwan's leg and gave it a squeeze, “It'll be alright, Seungkwan. He'll be back. He's not an .”

 

<>

 

Hansol had been walking around outside to clear his head. The rational part of his brain told him that he shouldn't be mad at Seungkwan or Mingyu. What happened between them was before they were a couple and it's not like he had ever asked him if he was a , he had just assumed. Another part of him felt betrayed and felt like Seungkwan should have told him. If not who it was with, at least that it had happened. He had built up this romantic picture inside his head of them losing their ity together, but now he knew Seungkwan already had that with someone else. He considered talking to Mingyu about this, but was this really Mingyu's problem? He couldn't have known Hansol and Seungkwan would end up in a relationship together. All the different sides of the issue kept swirling together in Hansol's head and he wasn't able to sort out his own feelings. The whole thing just felt...weird. It was getting late, but he was still walking around aimlessly when his phone rang. He looked expecting it to be Seungkwan, but it was someone else. He answered.

 

“Jihoon? What's up, you never call me?”

 

“Yeah, well, I just wanted to know if you're coming home anytime soon?”

 

“I, eh, I don't know.”

 

“Okay, well, Seungkwan told me what happened and if you're not coming home can you at least tell him that you're not breaking up with him?”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“He's been crying his eyes out for hours because he thinks you're going to dump him.”

 

“W-what?”

 

“I told him that if you dump him for not being a you're an , and that you're not an . So please don't prove me wrong on this, man.”

 

“I'm on my way.”

 

And with that Hansol's mind suddenly felt a lot clearer.

 

<>

 

The door to the apartment opened but Seungkwan didn't even notice that it was Hansol until he felt two hands on his knees and he opened his eyes to see Hansol staring up at him. He was sitting on the floor in front of the couch. Seungkwan quickly averted his eyes. Hansol reached up and wiped away the tears on his cheeks with his thumb.

 

“Of course I'm not breaking up with you, drama-queen.” He had a hint of a smile on his face and Seungkwan knew he was trying to lighten the mood. And it worked. Seungkwan took a big sniff and a deep breath.

 

“No?”

 

“Never.”

 

He stood up from the floor and sat down next to him on the couch. “I've done a lot of thinking and I guess I was mostly shocked because I really thought we'd be experiencing it together for the first time, but-”

 

“Oh, Hansol, I'm so sorry that-”

 

“Please let me finish, Seungkwan. I thought that, but now I just have to accept that it's a different situation and that's that. It doesn't mean our first time together isn't going to be special and meaningful and I'm sure I'll be really happy when that time comes.”

 

“Me too! I love you so much and it will be so much more meaningful and emotional. I mean, that one time barely counted as anyway! It was clumsy and it only lasted for like-”

 

“Seungkwan, I have accepted the situation, but that doesn't mean I want details.”

 

“Sorry...I just meant that it might not be my first time technically, but it will be so meaningful because this time it's with someone I'm in love with.”

 

Hansol reached up his hand and cupped Seungkwan's cheek as he brought their faces closer together, “I love you, too. So much.” He closed the distance between them and kissed his boyfriend with vigor. He felt Seungkwan's hands making their way into his hair and he wrapped his arm around his waist to pull him on top of him.

 

Jihoon chose this moment to walk back into the living room with the tea he had made for him and Seungkwan. “Guys! GUYS! I'm glad you made up, but Seungkwan please don't take Hansol's ity on this couch. I eat there sometimes.”