I couldn't see anything. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Only one thought kept circling around inside my head.

He's back. 

My head was hidden between my knees as I was cramped in the corner of my dark and musty closet. I could hear my blood rushing in my ears, my heart furiously,and most probably unhealthily, thumping in my chest and my breath coming out ragged and irregular. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I was stuck inside my own mind and it was filling me up with toxic thoughts- thoughts I supposedly left behind ages ago. Now they're back with full force and there was nothing I could do about it. 

The man I hated the most in the world has come back. There was no doubt in my mind that he would come for me- to hurt me and to make sure I was still as broken as he left me. 

My father. 

"Jen?" I heard a voice call out. 

'Oh . she can't see me like this. I look like a total mess.' were the type of thoughts that I would be having if I was in the right state of mind. Unfortunately, the rational part of my brain had completely shut down and I couldn't seem to be able to form a single coherent thought. She'd find me like this soon and I didn't even care. 

"Are you home? I brought some food!" She continued. I wish I could reply. 

I also wished I could breathe like a normal human being. There's that. 

"......Jennie?" She sounded worried now. She was always the worrier. Ever since she learnt about my condition, she has been extra careful around me. It was sweet. She was sweet. Too sweet. 

"Hey, you're scaring me now. Please come out." Come out, she says. That would've normally earned a chuckle from me, but we've already established that I wasn't the least bit my normal self just then. 

I heard the door to my room open. Then came footsteps on my hardwood floor and the opening of another door. She's probably checking the bathroom. Any moment now she'll find me.

Please find me. 

I heard the bathroom door close and a few seconds later, the closet door opened and I heard a small and gentle gasp come from my saviour.

"Oh no, Jennie...." Chaeyoung whispered. 

My head was still hidden between my knees. I was shaking with quiet sobs and my hands were tangled in my shoulder length hair. I felt her warmth surround me as she pulled me into her. I immediately relented as I wrapped my arms around her neck while hers went around my waist. It was an awkward position but I didn't care. All I wanted was her warmth and comfort or else I was afraid I was gonna internally combust.

"Hey. What happened?" She asked in a low voice while my mess of a hair. 

That made me sob even harder. I didn't deserve Park Chaeyoung. She was way too nice. Too gentle. Too good to me. Too much of an angel for someone as tainted as me. 

She put her hand underneath my knees and proceeded to carry me in her arms, bridal style, over to my bed. She laid me down on it and lay next to me.

Well, I hung onto her for dear life so it's not like she had any other choice but to lie down next to me.

"Breathe, Jennie." She whispered into my ear. 

"Just keep breathing. Slow and deep. It's gonna be alright. I'm here now. I'll protect you." She kept whispering soothing things into my ear. 

My sobs eventually turned into quiet sniffles and then a few moments later, I felt wave after wave of embarrassment and shame roll over me. It was so overwhelming and suffocating that I suddenly jerked to get out of her embrace, even if deep in my heart, there's no other place I'd rather be. 

She let me go but didn't let me move away. We were sitting down on my bed, face to face. Although my gaze was currently on our intertwined hands and hers was most probably running all over my face, scrutinizing but soft. 

She brought her free hand up to tuck my hair out of my face and then her hand remained on my cheek as she wiped away a few stray tears that escaped my eyes. 

She didn't force me to look at her or to speak. She never forced me to do anything. Sometimes I wished she would but she was much too kind-much more than I deserved. Always way too much more.

"How are you?" She asked, voice as gentle and soft as ever. It made me want to pathetically start sobbing like a little again but with much will-power, I restrained from doing so. 

I didn't answer her. I couldn't. Speaking was out of the question for now and she understood. She always just understands. 

"Ah I see. That bad, huh?" She said, knowingly. 

I manage to nod a bit this time. 

She shuffled a bit closer until our knees were touching. That, and her hand still on my cheek contributed to the instant warmth I felt throughout my entire body. It was almost magical, the effect she had on me. with just a simple touch and some comforting words, she managed to make me feel so much better. 

A few minutes passed and we were still pretty much in the same position except Rosie had moved her hand and placed it on my knee instead. She was rubbing circles onto it and I felt somewhat ticklish. I think that was her intention. 

Finally, I sighed and looked up at her. Her warm brown eyes never failed to make me feel at home and she gave me a reassuring smile, to which I returned a weak-but genuine- smile of my own. 

"Thank you. For everything. I....I don't know what I would've done. I'd probably be in such bad place right now if you weren't here. So just. Thank you. Seriously, I--" 

I was interrupted by her finger on my lips. My heart rate shot up so fast, it was a miracle I didn't collapse right then and there. My eyes grew comically wide and my lips involuntarily parted a bit as I looked into Rosie's intense gaze. 

"It was really no problem. I know you would've gone on and on about how grateful you are and all so I decided to stop you because really, its my pleasure to help you in any way I can. So please stop thanking me, okay?" She said smoothly. 

"But I really--" 

"Shh"

"Its just--"

"Shhh"

"Stop tha-"

"Shhhhhh." She said again with a teasing tone this time, because she knew it was getting on my nerves. She knew it would make me feel better. She just knew and I loved her for that. And I wanted to tell her. 

I've been in love with her for ages. I fell in love two months into our friendship. I have a strong feeling she knows but I never knew if it was reciprocated. Now was the time to find out. It was a good way-perhaps not the best- to get my mind off of the news that gave me my worst panic attack since I was 15. 

"I'm in love with you." I stated, looking into her eyes, gouging her reaction. 

She seemed shocked, to say the least. Her eyes went as wide as mine had been a few moments ago and hung open. I almost laughed at her but I needed to get it all out before I chickened out. 

"I don't know exactly how or when but I realized it a few months ago." I spoke softly, still staring into her eyes. 

"Remember when you came to our dorm that one night and you were all excited because that guy you liked finally asked you out? I remember feeling like someone just poured ice cold water on me. And at that time, I'd been under the illusion that nothing could ever faze me, you know? Not after all that I've been through. So imagine my shock when I realized that the thought of you with another person could effect me so badly that I wanted to simultaneously vomit and roll into a ball and cry my eyes out." I kept blabbing, hoping she'd say something, and not just sit there, frozen. 

"I just--I don't know why I felt the need to say it right now of all times but you've been so good to me, Rosie. Better than I would and could ever deserve. And you accept all of me with an open heart even though I am broken and tainted and dirty and everything you should stay away from but you don't. Even when I tell you to. So I just. I got a bit overwhelmed I guess. I'm still extremely overwhelmed. hence why I've been talking non stop for the past three minutes. Please stop me or I'm legit gonna go on about how much I love you for hours and its gonna be real awkward and embarrassing for both of us so--"

I got cut off again. this time, it was not with a finger, but by a pair of soft and warm lips against mine that genuinely made me feel super dizzy and disoriented. I managed to kiss her back though. With as much force as I could muster- which wasn't much to be honest.  

It was the world's best feeling and I was on a rollercoaster of emotions. Her lips moved gently against mine. It didn't feel forced or awkward. It was comfortable and warm and it felt like the stars aligned to make this moment just perfect. She made me feel so at home with just a simple kiss and I felt my love increase tenfold. 

I had been dreaming of this moment for ages and it was as perfect as it could get. Anything with her is as perfect as it could get. 

We finally parted and our foreheads were against each other and I didn't dare open my eyes, not wanting to wake up from this beautiful dream. Not wanting to shatter this peaceful moment of just us. With my heart in her hands for her to do whatever with, and I wasn't even worried. 

Because it was her. She'd take care of it. She always does. 

"I may be in love with you too, Jennie." She whispered, breathlessly. 

I could feel her gaze on me but I still didn't open my eyes. 

This was way too good to be true. 

"Holy crap, punch me." I blurted out.

I felt the vibration of her chuckle against  me and I involuntarily shivered. As embarrassing as my reaction was, I wouldn't mind listening to her laugh forever.

"How about I just kiss you instead?" 

And kiss me, she did. Until it got too much for me and the last thing I felt was her lips on mine as I fainted into oblivion. 

And I didn't even mind one bit.