I'd be sleeping, doing homework, rearranging my room or even just lying there, doing anything to pass the time as I waited for that soft tap against my window.

Waiting for her.

I hadn't realized when it became a routine of ours. It just happened.

One night, after a particularly extreme fight between her parents, (which I'd heard every word of no matter how much I tried to drown it out) was the first time I heard it. Just a gentle tap against my window. It was so quiet, I spent minutes wondering if I imagined it. Almost as if she didn't really care whether I heard or not.

I reluctantly made my way over to my window and there she was, clad in her pajamas and wearing a hoodie jacket over it.

I quickly struggled to open the window that I mostly kept shut before that day.

She seemed a bit surprised at the sudden sound and almost fell off the roof she was sitting on.

She sat there staring at me and I stared right back. Then she smiled.

I liked to believe that was the moment I fell for her. Seeing her pure and childish smile in such a strange situation. Me standing inside my room, still holding onto the window and her sitting there on my roof, hugging her knees.

Later I'd find out that I fell for her in steps. It was a process. My love for her grew like a seed planted in snow. It was always there, hidden deep within. As time went by and I became more and more exposed to her sunshiny personality and bright smiles, it started to bloom. Until my heart felt heavy with the garden of overwhelming love I had for the one ironically named Rosé. Or Rosie as I liked to call her.

That night, I let her in without a fuss. I knew what was going on in her home. Being neighbours and all.

She asked me what I was doing up so late. I said I could ask her the same question.

Then she smiled that heart stopping smile again and went over to sit down on my bed, uninvited.

"Cool room." I remembered her saying, looking around and nodding appreciatively.

We ended up talking until the sun peeked it's way into my room. Blissfully unaware of the passing of time as we chatted like we'd known each other forever, I was sad when she had to leave.

I didn't ask her to stay. She didn't promise to come back.

I let her go, not knowing whether I'll get to talk to her again or not.

Strange thing was, I didn't care. Because she felt too good to be true. A dream.  A trippy hallucination I'd come up with due to my extreme need for companionship. It was pathetic really. But true.

And so I let her go.

And she came back. Again and again and again.

Sometimes she'd even sleep for a while. I'd watch her sleep. Tracing the curves of her lips with my eyes, the slope of her nose, the graceful dip between her collarbones. Her gentle breathing sometimes lulling me to sleep, and she'd be gone when I woke up.

And I'd be left wondering whether the ghost of her lips on my cheeks was a true memory or one I simply dreamed up of in futile attempts of having my love reciprocated.

Her smile was the first thing I fell in love with. The way it managed to leave a lasting impression on my brain since the very first day. The way it'd be the only good thing about my day sometimes.

And the way she spared them to me so easily. Through months of her coming over and me seeing all kinds of her smiles, I realized something that made my heart flutter but also break.

She had lots of friends. I'd see her in school, always surrounded by people. Laughing and joking around. She'd be laughing too. But it would rarely reach her eyes.

I knew her smiles for me were genuine, but at that cost, I wasn't sure I wanted them. I wanted her to smile more freely. I wanted her smiles to always come as easily to her as they did when she was with me. I wanted her heart to be as light all the time. Not only at the dead of the night when I'd tell her embarrassing stories of my childhood and she'd hide her face in the crook of my neck and laugh. Laugh until tears ran down her face. Without a care and worry in the world.

She was most beautiful to me then. Absolutely breath taking.

She asked me once, why I was staring at her as she was wiping tears of laughter from her face.

I told her it's because I thought she was beautiful.

I wasn't so sure whether the tears in her eyes were from before or if they sprung up just then but she hugged me so tight I wondered whether no one had told her how beautiful she was before.

I fell in love with her mind next. It'd hit me at the most random times. At face value, she was an absolute goofball. I knew how smart she was and if she tried a little harder, she'd have no problem climbing to the top of the class. However, it seemed she just wasn't that fond of studying.

At least, not what they taught at school.

I'd catch her staring out the window in class, completely zoning out. The teachers had given up on trying to get her attention after the first few unsuccessful attempts. I'd wonder what she was thinking about. Because when it comes to her, I could never be sure.

I asked her once, what she thought about during those hours she spent doing nothing in class.

"Well..." She paused to think. "Mostly I just count. Sometimes I have no idea what I actually think about but I always count. Counting down or up. Doesn't matter." She shrugged.

"For the whole class?"

She nodded.

"Remarkable."

"The highest I ever got to was 3245 seconds." She said when I just kept staring at her in awe.

Her mind was peculiar. At times, she seemed like the most open person ever. With her friendly aura and fun energy. Other times she'd be so serene, I'd be hesitant even breathing because I didn't want to disturb her peace. She'd lay there on my bed with her eyes closed, a calm smile on her face and I'd feel myself falling more and more.

I remembered the day I felt completely in love with her. It was the start of the weekend. We were laying on my bed, side to side, pinkies intertwined.

She was telling me about the stars. She told me about how she learned to identify and name the clusters of stars by spending hours on hours in the library. She told me how she begged her father for years to buy her a telescope, and when he finally did, the first thing she did was set it up in her backyard and spend hours searching for every single one of the clusters she learned about.

"It was amazing, Jennie. That was the first time I felt truly accomplished. Like I had done something great. Oh, it was the greatest feeling. I wish you'd been there, Jennie."

And I lay there, watching her talk about the stars with such passion, such a prominent sparkle in her eyes that I believed for a moment that the stars existed just for her and her only.

"I'll take you stargazing one day. I'll show you all of them!" She said.

I smiled and thought about how I'm already seeing all of them, in the sparkle of her eyes as she looked into my soul and stole my heart.

That night, she told me about the stars.

And I told the stars about her.

I've fallen in love, I told them. They twinkled in approval.

I hoped they heard me. I hoped they'd hear me and align in my favour.

Roseanne Park was a sort of enigma at school. She was loved by everyone, but no one but a select few knew about her situation. Her real self. Namely, only Lalisa Manoban and Kim Jisoo had bothered to try to get to know Rosie enough. The others gave no effort and so Rosie never indulged.

Sometimes, the four of us would hang out. At my house or their houses. Never at Rosie's house. Her parents only accepted Rosie becoming friends with kids of their own "social class". Rosie scoffed while telling me this.

"They try to control every single aspect of my life. Including who I make friends with." She shook her head.

"One day, I'm gonna tell them. I'll tell them that I'll be friends with whoever I want. And there's nothing they can do about it."

The kids she hung out with at school were apparently of her social class. They were specially selected by her parents for her to get close to. Lisa and Jisoo were two of the kids from these kids. They were the only genuine ones in the crowd. Actually making an effort in getting to know her instead of putting up a pretentious front for the sake of class.

Rosie and I never acknowledged each other in school. Sometimes it hurt, just passing by, pretending not to know her. But sometimes she'd purposely brush our hands together or bump into me. That gave us excuses to smile at each other. It made my day.

It was the start of another weekend. I hear the little tap tap on my window and in comes Rosie in all her glory. Even though I told her that she can just come in without knocking. she simply refuses to.

"You could be changing!"

I knew she just liked our little unspoken tradition too much to let it go.

That night, as we lay on the bed, I kept fidgeting with my fingers. Wondering whether I should ask the question that's been nagging at my brain for the better part of the week.

"Okay. Spit it out." Rosie spoke up.

"Huh. What? What are you tal--" She gave me a look. I sighed.

"Alright. I was just.....I was just wondering...."

She raised her eyebrows at me.

"Wh-why can't we just...hangoutatschool?" I got it out and opted to stare at the ceiling and not at the amusing look Rosie was giving me.

"Well, you know why." She said gently.

I sighed again.

"Yeah...."

She took my hand in hers, rubbing circles on the back with her thumb. I eventually fell asleep, cuddled up to her side with her arm around me.

She didn't come back the next night.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

Good job, idiot. You ruined everything.

I woke up the next day with puffy, red eyes.

I felt even worse after realizing I had to get ready for school.

The sight that greeted me after I stepped out of my house to go to school made me tear up.

There stood Roseanne Park, with her backpack on and a single rose in her hand. My steps halted and I just stood there, not quite believing the sight infront of me.

Then she noticed me and smiled her usual, familiar smile and I practically ran into her arms to hug her, barely keeping myself from sobbing into her hair.

She gave a surprised chuckle and hugged me back.

I kept saying I'm sorry and she kept trying to shush me.

She gently untangled herself from me and looked at me. She was taller than me by a couple of inches but she didn't tower over me in any way.

"I got you a gift." She said, handing me the rose.

I took it, whispering a quiet thank-you.

"Let's go." She said, holding out her hand.

I looked at her hand, then back at her.

"Huh?"

"To school dummy. We're going to school together." She said, beaming at me.

"But--"

"No buts." She grabbed my hand and started walking with me and I was forced to fall into step with her.

She swung our intertwined hands back and forth between us and started giggling like a child.

After a while, we were both giggling like mad and it felt so right. Walking with her, having fun with her.

She looked so happy and carefree. And I was so glad for her. So happy because she was here, with me, and I loved her.

We went to school together every day from that day on. She ditched the kids she was forced to interact with and hung out with Jisoo, Lisa and I instead.

She still came at night. It seemed we were still holding on to that tradition.

Roseanne Park was the sunshine in my life. She was the moon and the stars and the whole entire galaxy.

And she was mine.

******

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who else is excited!!!!