When Seungwan awoke, Joohyun was fast asleep, still encasing her in warm arms. Her work clothes were wrinkled and she’d never taken off her makeup, which couldn’t be good for her skin. The cold light drifting in from the living room hinted at the coming sunrise. They’d slept through the entire night like this, in each other’s arms. They hadn’t even remembered to put the leftovers in the fridge and now she’d have to dump it all in the trash.

She shifted a little, testing the strength of Joohyun’s grip and the odds of escaping it unnoticed. As soon as she’d moved, the arms around her tightened and a low sound of protest escaped Joohyun. Seungwan’s face was still burrowing into Joohyun’s shoulder, so she couldn’t see her expression, but she could imagine the furrowed brows, the eyes scrunching up in displeasure.

“Joohyun,” she began softly, her voice a little muffled as she spoke into Joohyun’s shirt. Her captor hummed in response but made no move to release her. “You have to go to work,” she tried, pulling back an arm so she could poke Joohyun’s side for emphasis. Joohyun barely seemed to register the words, muttering something about skipping it then pulling Seungwan closer. She stretched her legs and reached out to entangle them in Seungwan’s.

That was around the time that Seungwan shed the last of her sleepy haze and suddenly became very aware of their position. Joohyun was warm from sleep and the heat emanating from her skin made Seungwan’s thoughts fuzzy and disjointed, all of her attention focused on the sensation. Her own pyjama top had ridden up slightly during the night and now Joohyun’s hands rested just above bare skin, so that every move she made to tighten or readjust her grip drew a thrill of something between anticipation and panic in Seungwan’s chest.

And then Joohyun’s legs started brushing against her own as she attempted to bring their bodies even closer together and this was definitely not something Seungwan’s heart could handle. She was glad she was the one with her head by Joohyun’s chest and not the other way around, because she could feel her own heartbeat in her ears and it didn’t sound healthy at all.

“Joohyun,” she tried again, a little embarrassed at how her voice came out in a thin squeak. At least seemed more cooperative than the day before. “I, uh, I think it’s time for my medicine.” She couldn’t actually see the clock from her current position, but it was an excuse and that was all that mattered at the moment.

Joohyun’s arms immediately jolted aside, allowing Seungwan to shift backwards until she had enough space to sit up. A quick sweep of the room let her know that Mr. Fluffers had moved to the sofa, which was probably for the best. A glance at her bedside table informed her that Joohyun would definitely be late for work.

Her neighbour remained horizontal, only rolling over on her back and raising her hands to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Sorry,” she finally said, a little sheepishly, but Seungwan barely registered the word. Joohyun’s voice was rough from sleep, a little lower and huskier, and it sounded absolutely sinful. “I got a little clingy, didn’t I?”

Seungwan hummed distractedly before she realized that she should be disagreeing. “No, it’s fine. I mean, I kind of started it last night,” she rushed to add, inwardly groaning at the way her voice dipped back into a squeak at the last two words.

She quickly moved on from the subject, getting up from the bed to take her medicine and making a few teasing comments about how Joohyun seemed to be putting on her best impression of Sleeping Beauty. Her neighbour endured it peacefully, only really reacting when Seungwan informed her of the time, at which point she jerked upright, paused for a second to study her wrinkled clothes with a frown, then jumped off the bed entirely and hurried to her own apartment after checking that Seungwan was alright. Judging by the silence as she left, she probably didn’t even notice the cat that must be on the sofa.

Alone again, Seungwan picked up her phone to answer Seulgi’s messages, sent after her shift had ended. There was also a text from Sooyoung, letting her know that Joohyun would be dropping by. That had been nice of her, even if Seungwan hadn’t noticed it at the time. She quickly answered it to thank her, then left the bedroom to make some breakfast.

As she munched on a piece of toast, taking small bites to spare , her mind returned to Sooyoung’s text. There was a time when she wouldn’t have said anything at all, letting Joohyun invade Seungwan’s apartment with no warning, so it was certainly nice that she’d thought to let her know.

But it was a little… short. Dry. It conveyed the necessary information but carried no particular tone. There were no innuendos or winky faces. Which was such a dumb thing to worry about that Seungwan couldn’t even say it out loud. Sooyoung had probably been busy, working on some project or attending class or just chatting to someone else.

Yet she worried. She couldn’t help it; she’d been spoiled by years of friendship with Seulgi and now any text message that didn’t come with emojis seemed cold and detached.

It was probably nothing. It would be dumb to ask. She’d sound like some insecure high-schooler, asking her friends if they were mad at her. Besides, what would Sooyoung even be mad about?

Well, Joohyun. Not mad, but definitely frustrated. Seungwan saw it in her eyes, in Yerim’s too. They were tired of waiting and Seungwan couldn’t blame them. She’d promised Seulgi she’d try, hadn’t she? And Sooyoung, kind of. Even on that evening weeks ago, when Sooyoung had told her about her feelings for Seulgi, the last thing she’d told her before she’d left was that she had to try. To tell Joohyun.

And she hadn’t. In fact, she was becoming increasingly convinced that she couldn’t. Just the previous night, she’d said the words out loud and immediately fear had gripped her heart at the mere thought that she might lose Joohyun. Besides, Joohyun had been quick to assert her friendly affection, so wouldn’t it just be reckless of Seungwan to keep trying? She wasn’t Sooyoung, she couldn’t risk losing a friend or ruining a friendship just so she could get something off her chest when she already knew she didn’t have a chance.

The truth was that, no matter what she told her friends, she had already more or less made up her mind. She just didn’t want to tell them because they’d try to argue, they’d get frustrated, they’d insist. And she really didn’t want them to insist because she was tired and scared and not very good at this and they kept pushing.

She knew they wanted her to be happy. She knew they thought she’d find that happiness if she only told Joohyun how she felt. She knew they were only getting upset on her behalf, because they thought she could do better. But she didn’t think she could do better and they just kept pushing.

Mr. Fluffers had gotten up from his nap and he stepped onto Seungwan’s lap tentatively, trying to reach the plate with her half-eaten toast. “That’s not for cats,” she said distractedly, lifting it out of its reach. He lay back down, his back paws on the sofa and his front ones on Seungwan’s leg, and fixed his unimpressed eyes on her.

Reaching out with her free hand, she petted his head gently until his eyes slipped closed. “I wish people were more like cats,” she sighed out, keeping her voice low for his benefit. “You might be a little hard to read, but you never do anything you don’t mean.”

People were so much scarier. They could be lying, not necessarily out of meanness or coldness or selfishness, but even in an effort to spare her feelings. She couldn’t really trust that they meant it when they said they cared, that everything was fine, that she was worth it – whatever it might be at the time.

“I guess Joohyun is a little like you, isn’t she?” she mused. Joohyun didn’t really lie, even if she might say some pretty confusing things and spring some unpleasant surprises on Seungwan. When she said something, Seungwan believed that she meant it. She sighed again, letting her head fall against the back of the sofa. “I’m the one who isn’t.”

She wished she could will away all the lies and secrets. She wished she could start over and make all the right choices, the ones that would land her just where she was but without any of the pesky feelings that kept getting between her and her friends, in one way or another.

She wished Joohyun felt the same way. She wished it so very badly. She wished it with every inch of her body. So maybe she was just a hypocrite.

(…)

It was Joohyun’s birthday. For Yerim’s, earlier in the month, they’d had a surprise party. They’d even contacted Saeron, so that they could all act like they hadn’t prepared anything, which supposedly was what Yerim wanted, or so she stubbornly insisted. By the end of the day, when Saeron dragged a sulking Yerim to the park by the campus to find Sooyoung, Seungwan, Joohyun and even Seulgi casually waiting for her on a bench, she’d let out a squeal that she insisted was a surprised yelp. Then they’d gone out for dinner and ice cream afterwards.

This wouldn’t be such a good idea for Joohyun, since she didn’t really like going out and she particularly disliked surprises. Instead, they settled for the usual plan of spending the evening at her apartment, although this time the food and drinks would be provided by the guests. It fell on a Friday, so at least they could celebrate for as long as they wanted and nobody had to think about early classes or work the next day.

Seungwan was worried. Joohyun had claimed that she knew just what she wanted as a birthday present from her and that Seungwan shouldn’t bother getting her anything because she’d let her know on the day. This was exactly the kind of thing that kept Seungwan up at night, especially after she’d tried to insist and Joohyun had flat-out told her that she’d get upset if Seungwan showed up on the day with anything resembling a present.

Her only concession was that Seungwan could bake her birthday cake, which she happily did, because then she’d at least have something to soften the blow when Joohyun asked her for something that she had no idea how to do or that she was terrible at. Honestly, she wasn’t even sure what she should be worried about, since she couldn’t begin to imagine what Joohyun would request. Her brain helpfully took this as a cue to worry about everything, of course.

Soon enough it was Joohyun’s birthday and Seungwan walked into her apartment carrying nothing but the cake and a lot of stress. Joohyun greeted her excitedly, replied effusively to her wishes of a happy birthday and took the cake from her hands, but she didn’t mention the subject of a birthday present. For a brief, horrible moment, Seungwan wondered if she’d dreamed up the whole thing and now she was just the idiot who hadn’t bought her friend a gift, but then Joohyun was back and whispering in her ear about how she was glad she didn’t have to get upset at her and she breathed out with relief.

With all five of them present and alcohol available, the topic of drinking games didn’t take long to arise. Seungwan had reached a point in her relationship with the demon children where she knew better than to argue these things, so she only shrugged as they went over the full list of suggestions. It did help that Seulgi was there, sandwiched between them, ready to keep them from ganging up on her best friend.

“Never have I ever!” Yerim exclaimed excitedly, and even Sooyoung looked dubious at that one.

“I think you’ve already drunk enough if that’s what you’re going to suggest,” Seungwan said, entirely unimpressed. She really liked her newfound confidence around the youngest two, born out of their growing proximity and also a little out of the alcohol she’d had.

“What’s wrong with it?” Yerim riposted with petulantly furrowed brows, gripping her beer a little tighter just in case somebody had any ideas.

“Well,” Sooyoung cut in with a look of boredom that seemed carefully cultivated to annoy Yerim. “I for one am not particularly interested in playing a game where we learn all about people’s past experiences. And I’d think that you, as the only one of us currently in a relationship, would be the most invested in picking something else to play.”

“Me? What about Seungwan?” Yerim asked incredulously. “She’s the one with all the past relationships,” she added, aiming an antagonistic glare at the subject of her accusations. Seungwan immediately snuck a glance at the kitchen, where Joohyun was getting a refill of her gin and tonic. She needed to change the topic quickly.

“Yes, and do you really want to know more about them?” she pointed out with a raised brow. “Remember the hot tub?”

Yerim’s features crinkled into a grimace of disgust. “Now I do!” she complained unhappily. “Fine, we’ll play something else. You didn’t have to stoop so low.”

“It’s literally the point of the game,” Seungwan said tiredly. Sooyoung snorted at that and Seulgi smiled in amusement.

They eventually decided to play more innocuous drinking games, spending an impressive amount of time playing fizz buzz and never actually managing to get through a round successfully, even as they set the target number lower and lower. The main problem was Yerim, who never managed to grasp the rules and kept losing on the first round.

“Yerim, for the last time,” Sooyoung growled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You say fizz on multiples of three and buzz on multiples of five. That’s literally the only rule. How do you keep messing this up?”

Yerim shrugged, a little unsteady from all the penalty drinks she’d taken. “I don’t know, numbers are dumb, okay?”

“That’s it, I call a vote to kick Yerim out of the game,” Sooyoung said, already raising her hand. Joohyun’s hand shot up after her, the frustration at their string of failures obvious on her slightly tipsy face. Seungwan shrugged and joined them, leaving a hesitant Seulgi alone on Yerim’s side.

“The people have spoken, you’re out,” Sooyoung told Yerim, who only shrugged again and slumped against the sofa to watch the other four give it another try.

The game continued for a few more rounds, most of the drinking falling to Seulgi, who wasn’t very good with quick thinking and numbers. The others also had their share of losses, even Joohyun, who looked absolutely disappointed in herself whenever it happened. Seungwan suspected that she’d be a lot better at the game if she weren’t already halfway to drunk when they started.

During a pause, Sooyoung poked at Yerim, who sat slumped to the side, hunched over her phone as she typed an endless string of messages. She smirked evilly and pulled the device from her hands, holding it above her head so Yerim couldn’t retrieve it and inspecting the screen.

“Wow, you are not afraid to double text,” she commented with a giggle. Instead of replying with her usual aggressive posture, Yerim only rolled over on the sofa and whined, wiggling her arms in the direction of the phone. “How does Saeron put up with this? You sent her like 15 texts in a row.”

Sooyoung scrolled through the messages, feigning disgust as she read them. “’Saeron, I’ve been ostracized’. Except she spelled it really wrong. How do you even get it that wrong?” She turned to Yerim questioningly, but the latter only widened her eyes to point out that it was a difficult word and she was drunk.

“’Saeron you’re the only one who really cares about me’. Then a couple of messages with just heart emojis. She basically cycled through them all.”

Seungwan looked between the two, torn between amusement and concern. “Hey, uh, is this cool? To be reading Yerim’s texts out loud?” Yerim turned to her and shrugged, muttering something that sounded like “s’okay”. That settled it. She leaned against Joohyun and continued to watch the show.

Sooyoung giggled before continuing. “Then she sent an emoji of a parabolic antenna and said ‘why does this emoji even exist lol’ and then another message saying ‘hey honey brb just going up to the roof to fix the’ and then the parabolic antenna emoji again.” She narrowed her eyes in confusion, moving her head a little closer to the screen. “There’s just a lot of typos, wow. This is barely legible.”

Seungwan felt the vibrations of Joohyun’s giggles and turned to her curiously.

“Aren’t they cute? Yerim and Saeron.”

“Well, so far it’s just been Yerim,” Seungwan pointed out with a smile.

“It’s not just the messages. It’s cute how they care about each other and are always texting back and forth,” Joohyun carried on, a little spark of affection in her eyes. “And it’s nice, how open she is with Saeron. She clearly makes her very happy, I’m glad she has someone like that in her life. That she’s not afraid to show vulnerability with her.”

“And then Saeron texts back to say ‘I’m guessing you’ll be hungover tomorrow’ and Yerim says ‘Saeron you’re here finally I love you so much’ and then more heart emojis,” Sooyoung’s voice cut in. Seulgi had moved to Yerim’s side and rubbed her arm gently as Yerim seemed to be over the babbling phase of her inebriation and moving towards sleepy.

“Aww, Saeron said ‘I love you too’ and sent a bunch of heart emojis back,” Sooyoung cooed as a peaceful smile spread on Yerim’s face. “I’m going to text her that we’re bringing her girlfriend back. And then maybe we should go?” she added, looking questioningly at Seulgi. They were much better off than Yerim but they had all reached a tolerable level of drunk and would be safer leaving it at that.

Joohyun’s smile grew wider as she watched the other three, the older two doing their best to convince Yerim to leave the sofa and stand upright long enough to put on her coat. She reached over with her free hand to entangle her fingers in Seungwan’s. On her part, Seungwan had been careful not to drink too much, ensuring that she could maintain a grip on the situation and keep her thoughts from straying too far. She squeezed Joohyun’s hand and gave her a reassuring smile, proud of how functional she still was.

After they’d said their goodbyes and managed to pry Yerim away from Joohyun, whom she insisted on hugging again and again because it was her birthday, all three walked out, Seulgi and Sooyoung supporting Yerim between them. The two college students would take a taxi home, stopping by Seulgi’s place on the way.

That left only Seungwan and Joohyun in the apartment, the sudden quiet somehow setting Seungwan’s nerves on edge. Joohyun turned to her, face set in eerie purpose, and she suspected that her fears were about to be confirmed.

“Now we can talk about my birthday present,” Joohyun said with a blinding smile, the flash of white teeth reminding Seungwan a little too much of a predator cornering its next meal.

“Are you sure? It’s a little late. Maybe tomorrow –,“ she attempted, but Joohyun’s index finger tapped on her lips to silence her and she could do nothing more than obey.

“No, it has to be now,” Joohyun explained with wide eyes. “I want you to sleep over,” she finally requested, growing giddy at her own words.

Seungwan’s heart fell to her feet. She really should have seen it coming. Ever since the time Joohyun had fallen asleep at her apartment and they’d spent the night in Seungwan’s bed, she’d tried again and again to get Seungwan to return the action. Seungwan had always refused, of course, because it had only been the drowsiness of the medication and her sick state that had allowed her the peace of mind to fall peacefully to sleep in Joohyun’s arms. In any other situation, she knew it could only go as poorly as it had the last time she’d tried it, when she’d considered locking herself in Joohyun’s bathroom until morning.

But it was Joohyun’s birthday and she’d brought her nothing else, so how could she refuse the one request she had? She gasped in horror at her predicament. “You did that on purpose! Now I have to say yes or I’ll be the horrible friend who didn’t get you a birthday present!” she complained loudly, smacking Joohyun’s shoulder so gently that she barely felt it.

Joohyun’s smile grew, her eyes glinting with mischievous pride. “Yes,” she admitted easily. “So come on, I’ll get you something to sleep in.” She got up, putting an end to the discussion as she pulled Seungwan towards the bedroom.

She spluttered uselessly, trying to pull back, but Joohyun was surprisingly strong. “Wait, wait, I’m not – Are you sure you don’t want anything else? Like some really expensive jewellery, or maybe a pony? I can get you a pony, everybody wants a pony,” she rambled desperately. Joohyun stopped in her tracks.

“I’m afraid of animals, Seungwan, why would I want a pony?” she asked with a mixture of amusement and confusion. Seungwan deflated under her gaze, looking dejectedly towards the bedroom, and Joohyun followed her eyes with a sigh. “Of course, you don’t have to sleep here if you don’t want to. You can get me something else, I won’t mind,” she said in a sad voice, eyes downcast.

“But… It’s my birthday, and I’d really like for you to stay here and sleep with me. Just tonight?” she requested one final time, her hands on Seungwan’s and her eyes wide and pleading. Her lips jutted into a slight pout and Seungwan melted like putty in her hands.

“Fine, okay, just tonight,” she grumbled, and she knew very well that it wouldn’t be just tonight if Joohyun really set her mind to it, because she was incapable of denying her anything when she made that face.

So quickly that Seungwan felt like she might have been tricked, the clouds in Joohyun’s eyes cleared and she was beaming brightly, turning back around to continue their trek towards the bedroom.

“And I get to do whatever I want to you,” Joohyun declared merrily just as she opened the door. Seungwan froze in place, legs suddenly deciding that they didn’t know how walking worked anymore.

She cleared before speaking, hoping that she wouldn’t squeak out her words. “What does that mean? Exactly?”

Joohyun had taken a few steps into the room and now turned back to face her with curiosity. “Well, what’s the point of having you in my bed if you’re just curled up in the corner?” she said like it was a rhetorical question. Seungwan would have liked to ask what was the point of being in her bed at all, but she refrained from posing another question that Joohyun would have laughed off as obvious.

“I mean,” she continued after a pause, seeing that Seungwan remained rooted to the spot. “That you’re going to be my little spoon. Unless you have strong feelings about being the big spoon, in which case go ahead,” she added pleasantly, then turned to her dresser to find sleeping clothes for Seungwan.

There was no way out of it. Not unless she wanted to hurt Joohyun’s feelings. She could always sneak back to the kitchen, find that gin and ensure that she became too drunk to even feel Joohyun’s hands on her. The fact that she entertained that idea at all told her that she’d already had enough to drink. Plus, she might overshoot it and pass out or, even worse, undershoot it and do something she’d regret.

Then again, she was already doing something she’d regret, so maybe that ship had sailed. She sighed and stepped forward to receive the pair of sweatpants and long-sleeved t-shirt that Joohyun handed her. They were softened by frequent use and smelled strongly of fabric softener, flowery and gentle on the senses and just familiar enough to lull her to sleep with a single whiff.

Dropping the clothes on the bed, she reached for the hem of her sweater and began to pull it off. She was too tired for modesty and it wasn’t like Joohyun would care. She’d certainly seen it before. The sweater went tumbling over her head, the sloppy motion leaving her hair in disarray, and she put on the t-shirt in its place, hands reaching out to pat down stray strands of hair as soon as she was done.

She looked behind her to find that Joohyun had disappeared. “Joohyun?” she called out as she folded her sweater to put it away on the desk.

“In the bathroom,” Joohyun’s voice drifted in from outside the bedroom, and the sound of running water finally filtered through Seungwan’s distracted mind. “I’m washing my face, you can come brush your teeth when you’re done changing.” After she spoke, there was a series of splashing sounds then the slight squeak of a closing tap as the water trickled to a halt.

Seungwan quickly stepped out of her jeans and into the comfortable sweatpants, thankful that Joohyun was as short as her, then joined her in the bathroom, where she was offered a toothbrush. She suggested going across the hall to get her own, but Joohyun immediately clung to her arm like she suspected that Seungwan would take the opportunity to escape her predicament.

Too soon for Seungwan’s taste, they were curled up under the sheets of Joohyun’s bed, Seungwan near the edge with legs protectively pulled up to her chest, Joohyun behind her with an arm thrown over her waist and her face just close enough to Seungwan’s back that every breath hit her neck even if no actual physical contact was made.

She wanted to lean into Joohyun’s comforting warmth and let it ease the tension away from her limbs but her mind, fuzzy with alcohol and fatigue as it was, refused to stop whirring away.

She’d always liked being held, the way the physical sense of security would compensate for the uncertainty that chased her through every relationship. In those moments, she could close her eyes and pretend that they’d remain that way forever, focus on the arms around her and not on the questions in her mind. The way Joohyun’s arms held her close enough to feel her steady breathing on her back, smell her shampoo, hear the steady cadence of every inhale and exhale was strikingly familiar, almost deceptive. It made her feel like she could curl back, rest her hands on the arm keeping her in place and twist her head to land a good night’s kiss on waiting lips.

It made her feel a lot more. Like muscle memory, it reminded her of hands that started out gentle and still but soon began to draw circles on her stomach, to burrow under her shirt and reach ever higher. The hot air hitting her neck brought with it ghost lips, pressing against the sensitive skin with pecks that grew to kisses, until teeth and tongue were involved and she couldn’t help tilting her head backwards and reaching out behind her with jittery legs. Then the wandering hand would slowly make its way downwards, or maybe she’d simply be turned around to meet shortened breaths that matched her own, eagerness that felt electrifying even before it was put to action.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked softly, right near her ear, and she nearly jumped off the bed. felt dry and the hand on her midriff seemed to be branding unbearable heat on her skin. She hummed to confirm that she was listening. “Is everything alright?”

The question was ominous. Had Joohyun felt her racing heartbeat? It certainly seemed like it was thrumming through her entire body. She took a silent breath and willed her body to release some of its tension, relaxing the muscles.

“With us,” Joohyun added in a quiet voice, and it took her even more by surprise. She wanted to see Joohyun’s face, to check what emotions might be showing on it, but she was too afraid that she’d turn around and be faced with something she couldn’t resist.

“What do you mean? Of course we’re alright,” she assured quickly, hesitantly bringing up her hand to pat Joohyun’s arm. She felt an exhale that must have been a sigh, then she was pulled in a little tighter against Joohyun as her face burrowed into Seungwan’s back.

“Are you sure?”

She fidgeted, guilt returning to settle in her chest. This was her fault. She couldn’t keep pushing Joohyun away, acting like her touches were unwelcome. Running away to the edge of the bed like Joohyun had cornered her. “Sometimes it feels like… Like I push too much. Like you want space, but you don’t know how to say it without hurting my feelings.”

Her free hand curled into a fist by her side. She shouldn’t do this now, it was a bad time. She was tired and not entirely sober and in Joohyun’s bed. But Joohyun’s words felt like needles sticking to her skin. Jabbing at her. Guilt, blossoming freely.

“Joohyun,” she started uncertainly. Then she paused, just long enough to gather her thoughts and slow down her racing heart. “I love you.” She tried to infuse every word with her feelings, to let it out into the silent darkness of the room, until the confession spread to every corner and saturated the air with inevitability.

The hand on her waist tightened, crumpling the fabric of her t-shirt into a fist. “I know that,” Joohyun replied in a watery voice, and Seungwan could swear that the pain was actually physical, like a blow to the chest. “But I -“

She couldn’t let Joohyun keep talking, because she knew that whatever she said would only feed the void chewing up her heart. “And you love me too, right?” she asked to cut her off, trying her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice. It was selfish, selfish, selfish to take it out on Joohyun. To act like this was anyone’s fault but her own.

“I do,” Joohyun replied quickly, already sputtering syllables to get back on track because Seungwan’s confession did nothing to assuage her fears, because it wasn’t even a confession to her.

“Then everything’s fine,” she continued, voice a little louder to overpower Joohyun’s soft protests. “If that’s how I feel, and that’s how you feel, then everything has to be fine, doesn’t it?”

She patted the arm around her waist for emphasis, letting her body inch closer to Joohyun’s in a sacrifice that she hoped would silence her. She needed Joohyun to stop arguing before she started crying, before she humiliated herself.

Joohyun kept quiet for so long that Seungwan began to hope she’d fallen asleep. Then there was a tap at her waist and she held her breath in fearful expectation.

“Seungwan?” Joohyun asked in such a soft voice that Seungwan could barely hear it. She sounded painfully timid and it tugged at Seungwan’s heart, made her regret words that she clearly hadn’t wiped of all bitterness. “There’s something else I wanted for my birthday.”

“What is it?” she asked quickly, eager to please Joohyun, bring a smile back to her voice.

“It’s spring now. Can we go back to the park? Take another photograph?”

“Of course. But that’s not a birthday present, that’s the promise I made on Christmas,” Seungwan pointed out with a tap on Joohyun’s hand. Maybe she should let her hand rest over hers. She’d like that.

Joohyun giggled and a smile spread itself over Seungwan’s face without warning. “Of course, you’re right. I was just…” Checking, Seungwan thought, and the smile faltered. Checking, because Seungwan had promised but now she was pulling away. “Reminding you.”

Seungwan only hummed, accepting Joohyun’s explanation. She settled her arm over Joohyun’s, thumb brushing over the back of her hand, and let silence wash over them as she waited for sleep to come. It was hard to tell whether Joohyun’s breathing had acquired the steady cadence of sleep, so she remained motionless on her corner of the bed as the hours passed, thumb still moving slowly across the soft skin. Eventually, the movement faltered as her eyelids fluttered shut for the last time. She fell asleep to the sound of a soft sigh that she didn’t remember letting out.