It's been a year and everything seems to go back to where they were before, the only difference is that it's not a secret anymore, for everyone at least.

Pondering, it's no secret to us since day one, of course... the friends knowing everything mantra (but not my secret). I didn't know how to react about it when Jennie told us she was seeing someone. Rose who was often vocal to everything at first was hesitant and worried for Jennie dating. Rose was the kind of friend who would give you an advice whenever she can and she doesn't crosses a line to others personal lives -just being the sweet girl that she is.

Perhap, you would think Jisoo agreed to supporting Jennie but no, she was in fact against the idea, they were best of friends so it was only given there had been a conflict which was later on fixed. Because at the end of the day, we were a group and we had to understand and respect each others' actions and differences.

And me? How did I react at first? I don't remember at all. I probably looked like an idiot statue feeling like I got ran over by a truck multiple times? I'm sure in a heartbeat I said "okay" or "just be careful" or "whatever makes you happy" with a forced smile on my face while trying to process everything. I was a dumb martyr like that. It .

"So... what do you think?" I snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Rose.

"What do I think?" I repeated the question.

"You know Lis...I would think you're dating someone. Heck you're always all over the place. It's like you're here but not really." Rose chuckled while sipping on her hot chocolate.

I could only hoped or wished she was right. I laughed sarcastically at myself.

"Sorry, just thinking"  I replied still looking at the tv screen showing whatever it was all about.

"Thinking? About?" Frowning she asked.

I was thinking I'm ready to free myself, Rosie. I'm trying step by step erasing, denying, blocking and rejecting every thing that keeps pulling me into her. I deserved that right? For once I'll give myself a break from further hurting. For once I'm going to lower my guard down and let my genuine feelings take over. I'm tired of pretending and seeing people happy while I'm not. After all, it's going to be me saving myself from my ownself. It was my choice beyond everything, how I let people in my life treat me. I was a happy kid in everyone's eyes, someone who doesn't seem to feel lonelines when I did. It's my fault of allowing them to perceive the other kind of me, the kind who only seem to share the glowing part of me and not the darkness that is eating me alive.

"Jennie" I replied getting out of my daze.

"Huh? What about her?" Rose continued to focus on me.

"I refused to go with her when she asked me." I learned how to refused her sometimes and it always felt like the first time to me.

"Really? Why? Before, you would go with her in a heartbeat I mean always ever." Curiousity was consuming Rose.

"Haha, what? Don't look at me like that I have no business there anyway." It felt good to say that.

Rose shrugged, "Hmm that's just weird. You love taking pictures and it's a good place and we don't have schedule for two days eh? And both Jisoo and I are gonna spend time time separate ways with our fams. Do you have other plans?"

"Nothing, well I was thinking of bringing Leo and Luca to the park or the cat café" I did have a plan which felt good again.

"Hmm 'kay, well I remember