Chapter I: When we met again

Paris, the fall 2020.

Seohyun looked up at the majestic Eiffel Tower litting up so brightly in the night and let her mind wander to the past. To all the things that were said and done under this symbol of romance. Or not said and done. Or to be exact, should have been said and done.

How long had it been then?

She knew it was a long time ago, but she did not want to walk down the memory lane to calculate exactly how long it had been. Just because it no longer felt like someone stabbed her in the chest by the mere thought of them was in no way meant she did not feel her heart ached at all the memories as she recalled them vividly. Seohyun closed her eyes and sighed quietly. Sometimes it was so tiring to carry the burden of the past on her back, but at the same time, she was still reluctant to let it go, because they used to...no, they still meant so much to her. Too much that she was afraid that she would be completely lost if she somehow became successful in burying those memories.

 “Hyun..."

Someone called her name softly and Seohyun had thought it was all her imagination, but her senses told her otherwise. She did not need to open her eyes to know who it was: There was only one person on Earth who called her that. And that heart-warming voice had only stopped hunting her dream in months, but it had creeped in her subconscious for far longer. Her first thought was to pretend not to hear it and walk away, like a handful of times they had seen each other from afar and decided to change their way abruptly. But all those times, it was never Paris and its Eiffel Tower.

Kyuhyun shook his head lightly, not completely certain if he just slipped her name once more time. Probably yes, just like every time when he caught a glimpse of her from afar and accidentally whispered her name, before realizing that it had been forbidden on his lips. She made no reaction at his slip, so he was not sure if Seohyun had heard him. Slowly, he let his eyes take in her slightly slenderer shape than the last time he saw her, her calm demeanor as always, and her trembling eyelashes, betraying her true emotion turmoil. Just like his. He did not know what thoughts crossed his mind, when his eyes immediately and unintentionally landed on her in the crowd, that made him approach her. Probably no thought, just his heart screamed so loudly that all his wits was subdued in the seconds and when he was able to gain control of his actions again, she was standing right in front of him.

“Kyuhyun oppa.”

The moment she called his name, Kyuhyun knew he had made a mistake. A hundred people could call him Kyuhyun oppa at the same time, and the only thing that he would have heard would be her angelic voice. He inhaled slowly in an effort to keep his composure, but it turned out to be a grave mistake, worse than the first one: because for the moment, her familiar and alluring scent had sunken into all his senses that he could think of nothing to respond. He knew he should not have approached her, or whispered her name, or stood still where he was. He had gotten so good at pretending that he did not see her for the last few times they almost ran into each other, but somehow all that facade and effort had vanquished tonight. Maybe it was because they were sheltered behind the trees and hidden in the dark, shielded away from all the unwanted attention that he for one moment had wanted to throw away all the burden. But he knew deep down that Paris, and its Eiffel Tower were never a good idea for his heart.

“I did not think I would see you here tonight.”

“Neither do I.”

And then everything became quiet again, because what else should they say to each other? 

Kyuhyun asked himself that question and found no answer. It was not that he had nothing to say, it was quite the opposite: He had so much that he could and want to tell her, to ask her. All the things that should have been said years before, those that used to make him feel a pang in the chest at the thought that they never had the chance to roll out of his lips. At the same time, he wondered if all that still mattered, when he no longer needed alcohol to bury those feelings, because he had mastered the ability to ignore them until his heart became beating normal again.

For what seemed like forever, they stood there silently, as all the lights, the noise, the people and everything faded out of their minds, leaving them alone with only the other in the darkest corners of their memories. There were so much that could be said and there were also nothing left to say. A word slip, a wrong phrase and all the walls they tried to build for the last few years would collapse like they were never there in the first place. 

The wind of an October night passed through and made Seohyun shuddered, cruelly pulling her out of their shared world. She looked up to stop the tears that threatened to come out any minute and knew well that their stolen time was up. The pain inside her refused to be bottled up and demanded her to feel it, to be shattered under its pressure that she could not take any second of it longer.

“Maybe one day, oppa.”

Kyuhyun smiled bitterly, between all the strong and indifferent masks they thought they put up, there were vulnerable gaps like the moment that menanced to wash away their effort and expose their scarred souls. Despite how hard they tried to work on this matter, like everything else they had worked on, somehow this still had not become successful.

And so, there was only one thing that he could do for her, for him and for everything between them, and in the hope that the word might come true eventually, even when he seriously doubted it. His voice was shaking in effort to control his own unbearable turbulence.

“Someday, Hyun...Seohyunie.”

That word someday had hunted her dreams in days. When would that day come? Five more years? Ten more? She found herself turning that question in her head over and over again, and frustratingly admitted that there was no definite answer. On the day when the emotions took the tolls on her, she had thought that she might not ever live to see that day. However, there were times when she thought she had seen the end of it and told herself just a tiny little more effort and she would finally do it, just like how she always repeated that same thing during the trainee days. 

And she soon realized how wrong she was… especially when the man of those words that she had kept as her source of strength, stood in front of her one more time.

Tokyo, fall 2020.

Changmin hesitated when he realized that he was only a few steps away from the magnificent Tokyo Tower. He was pretty sure that he was not thinking clearly when he let his feet take him here in such an early time of the day and he chided himself for foolishly hoping to see what should have been long forgotten. Obviously, he did not find what he was looking for and worse, the orange color of the tower was so striking that he blamed it for stirring up all the memories that were in the far back of his mind and left him unsettled. The bittersweetness flowed over his body and once again, he wondered what could have been done differently all those years ago. But it no longer mattered at the moment, did it?

He shut his eyes in an effort to keep his composure and prevent himself from dwelling into all the unnecessary feelings that he had taken so much time to cast aside, or at least he hoped that he had succeeded in that task. Changmin decided to take the opportunity of waking up early and stroll around in Tokyo, because he had avoided doing that for the last many times he visited the city, fearing he would unconsciously turn back to this place. He already did it, so it really couldn’t hurt more, or so he thought, until...his eyes landed on hers.

He was just a few steps away. So close that Seohyun could smell his masculine, sharp but protective scent that was blending in beautifully with the scent of the rain, the moist soil, the dampen woods and the fresh leaves. The rain was pouring heavily that it seemed like they were separated in two different worlds by a curtain of water, but she could still see his eyes and the storm of emotions inside clearly. 

Seohyun had known it was him even before she closed the gap between them, because it was all too familiar that her subconscious had taken control of her body before her conscious mind realized it was a terrible mistake. She did not know which forces had snatched her perfect masks away and left her soul lay bare and vulnerable in broad daylight, but it was less painful than she had imagined in her dreams. Maybe she had this scene play in her head so many times that when it actually happened, she was not so unprepared to the point of breaking down. She took a breath and shut her eyes, it was still felt like someone has cut the wound open. Still hurt horribly. And she blamed the striking orange color of the tower that crushed all her logical thoughts and pushed her to do this rashly act, instead of letting her get away.

Changmin inhaled and exhaled sharply. It was still overwhelming that for one moment, he almost reached out to pull her into his arms, but thankfully, his reasons came back just in time to catch him in the middle of the act. He knew that he should have turned around and started walking the moment his eyes caught the sight of her, but there was something gluing his feet to the ground that it was impossible to leave. He was frozen in time and place as a question popped in his mind: How long had he not seen her this close? He couldn't remember, because he had been too busy running away from the faintest sight of her, fearing that he would have lost it all if he let his eyes fully take in her shape.

They stood there and looked at each other quietly. Neither one dared to speak and if possible, they would rather hold their breath as well. They were grateful that it was showering, so they wouldn't have to feel the dead silence hung above them and better, there was a nature wall between, because the ones they built had collapsed the moment their gazes met. They were afraid to move, worrying that it would disturb this intricate balance and send them toward a spiral downfall. It took them so long to achieve this state and one small wrong move threatened to destroy all their effort. 

They were not certain how long they stood in the rain and let their stubborn hearts remind them of all the moments they shared, the secrets that they held and the memories that only needed a little nudge to become vividly alive again. It was only until Seohyun felt her cheeks became wet that her reasons came back and shouted at her. She smiled bitterly and turned around abruptly, almost running away and without leaving any word or glance. She had to, because she could feel the upheaval inside her that a moment late and everything would spin out of control miserably.

Changmin stood there, watching her turn around and realized that the daydream had ended and he was thrown back to the cruel reality. He felt a pang in his heart and smiled bitterly, he really needed to work on this fragile mask that he had pride himself in. Because this was the one and only thing he could do at the current, with a faint hope that someday, he could either grow too accustomed with it that the mask would be impossible to take off, or really had succeeded in burying everything between them that the mask would no longer be needed. 

Somehow, he really thought that it would be the former.

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A/N: I uploaded chapter 1 before but I decided to rewrite it because I wasn't happy with what I put out then in a rush.

Thank you for following my story!