Brian can’t remember a single time he’s gotten this angry at someone, especially not at Sungjin. The latter is his best friend for a reason. He’s too honest and straightforward, and even if they did have some fights in the past, they always talk it through. 

 

“You have something to say, say it in my face. You’re angry about something, tell me about it. Anything can be fixed if we talk about it rationally.”

 

This is what Sungjin has always told him, which explains why he’s been calling him nonstop since the moment he’s bolted out of his apartment. But Brian has been so angry that he literally stopped thinking and let himself be driven by his temper. He shut down his phone and has been hiding at Jackson’s house without telling anyone. He didn’t go to the company as well, because he knows Jae will be there and he’s still not ready to face him. Not yet.

 

Jackson stays true to his words and doesn’t tell anyone about his location. He spends most of his time outside, sensing that Brian needs his alone time. But even being alone is starting to drive Brian crazy. 

 

How was he supposed to think straight when everything was dumped on him all at once? Jae kissing him, Sungjin and Wonpil kissing, Wonpil knowing the truth, Sungjin telling Wonpil the truth, and that whole who’s-chatting-with-who issue. And last but not least, Jae’s confession.

 

That’s too much to process in one go and he has one single brain. It’s no wonder he went overdrive and snapped like that at his friends. And despite spending more than twenty four hours away from everyone, his thoughts and emotions are still all over the place. Thinking about that night still infuriates him all the same.

 

 

It’s on the second day when Sungjin finds him. 

 

“He’s here, isn’t he?!” he yells at Jackson who’s opened the door for him.

 

“Hyung wait, who are you talking-” poor guy doesn’t finish his sentence because Sungjin walks inside without his permission to find Brian sitting on the kitchen’s isle, eating his lunch.

 

“YOU ING COWARD!” Sungjin is grabbing the collar of his shirt in a second, eyes flaming red, “AREN’T YOU DONE HIDING!”

 

Brian has never seen his friend this furious, but he tries not to flinch. Jackson tries to calm him but he gets kicked out, “I need to talk to Brian. Alone.” Sungjin tells him, and he retreats without much resistance, leaving the house.

 

“Now let’s talk,” Sungjin lets go of his collar and goes to sit in the living room. Brian takes his time to follow. No matter how reluctant he is, he’s still curious about what the other has to say.

 

Sungjin takes a deep breath, calming himself, before he looks at him directly in the eyes, “Okay, I understand you needed space, but at least you could’ve reassured Dowoon. He’s not part of this after all.”

 

“I’m sure you didn’t come all the way here to scold me about worrying Dowoon,” Brian comments drily.

 

Sungjin purses his lips for a second, then says, “You’re right. I do have a lot to say,” he pauses, contemplating from where to start.

 

“How about I tell you the story you refused to listen to back then?” 

 

Brian shrugs. He’ll listen, even though he’s sure it won’t change his mind much.

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

They’ve agreed on meeting at ten in the morning in one of the nearby coffee shops, but Sungjin is forty minutes earlier. He hopes sitting at this seat for a while will help him ease down his nerves. Such a stupid idea, he thinks, because it doesn’t do him any good. His leg has bee bouncing so uncontrollably under the table that it’s starting to hurt, and he’s fidgeting badly. 

 

Sungjin wonders for the millionth time if what he’s about to do is right, if it’s not too selfish or reckless. But he’s doing it for Brian’s sake, and he’s thought about it for too long, tried to cover all prospects and points of view, and couldn’t find any better way out. 

 

Five minutes to ten, Wonpil walks into the nearly empty coffee shop. His eyes wander around until he catches Sungjin sitting next to the big window, and as usual, he breaks into a wide smile. 

 

It’s that damned smile! It’s the cause of everything happening right now, the reason behind Sungjin’s decision. 

 

So Sungjin’s motto in life is “bros before hoes”, or whatever the gay version of that is. He would never, ever, try to make a move on any of his friend’s crushes or lovers. But making a move and having feelings for them are two different things, and he’s started growing feelings for Wonpil. He’s not sure when it started -he’s found the guy interesting since he’s first met him- or how intense it is, all he knows is that he needs to stop this attraction from turning into something more. 

 

How, you may ask? Well, the best way is to help Brian get with Wonpil faster. That way, he’ll know for sure that his feeling are useless and will get rid of them no matter what. Also, Brian is taking too long. It’s like he’s intending to keep the lie going on for forever. Sungjin isn’t very sure about what can happen during that time. So, he’s hitting many birds with one stone. The truth will come to light, Brian and Wonpil will probably get together, and he’ll get over his -hopefully- meaningless attraction. 

 

Sungjin has done the awful deed of spying over Brian and Wonpil’s chat, and has came to a few conclusions. Undoubtedly, there was a connection between them since the beginning. Sungjin could physically sense it through the text messages alone- that’s how obvious it was. He tried not to read everything- there was too much for him to read anyways. Some parts seemed too intimate, there was even some flirting going on, and other parts were too incomprehensible, like the two shared the same brain cell and spoke in a way that was too hard for him to decipher. 

 

Anyways, everything was going so well for a month or so. And then something changed. There was no fight or disagreement, they were just falling apart, texting much more less. Now, they barely talk more than twice a week, and it’s barely anything notable. Sungjin wonders what went wrong. Why did they become so distant now that they’ve met several times in real life? 

 

 

“Morning, Sungjin hyung,” Wonpil sits across him, his posture visibly stiff and smile off. He tries to start a conversation for the time he waits for his order, but as soon as he takes the first sip of his coffee, he sits back straight, looks at Sungjin dead in the eyes, and asks him the dreadful question. 

 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” 

 

Sungjin searches for the right words to say, but after opening and closing his mouths several times, he groans and buries his head in his hands, “You’re going to hate me once I say this.”

 

And he really doesn’t want to do it anymore. What if everything goes wrong? What if Wonpil and Brian will stop talking to him after this? 

 

A warm hand softly pulls his hands from his face, and he’s greeted with Wonpil’s kind smile, “It’s impossible to hate you, hyung. Maybe I’ll be a little bit mad for a while, but I’ll forgive you eventually,” he says, half teasing, half reassuring, and it eases Sungjin’s nerves. 

 

“Now, what unforgivable sin did you commit?” Wonpil tries to sound playful, but he’s obviously as distressed as him.

 

“Actually, it’s something I didn’t do,” Sungjin replies hesitantly.

 

Wonpil rises an eyebrow in question, so he continues, “I’m not the one you’ve been chatting with.” 

 

That’s only half the truth, which explains the confusion in the other’s expression. Sungjin takes a deep breath before adding, “It’s Brian. It’s been him all this time.”

 

Now that he’s said it, he feels kind of better. Of course there’s still the nervousness of waiting for Wonpil’s reaction, and the guilt of doing this without Brian’s consent, but he wants to be optimistic about it. 

 

Wonpil blinks once, twice, thrice, before his eyes and mouth open wide.

 

“No way,” his words are almost inaudible. He searches Sungjin’s face for any sign of insincerity but when he can’t find any, he lets out a desperate, “Please tell me you’re joking around.”

 

If only he knew how much Sungjin wishes for it to be a joke. But it’s not. So he apologizes, seemingly killing Wonpil’s last hope. The younger drops his head to the table with a loud thud and starts mumbling incoherently. 

 

At first, Sungjin thinks it’s because of his big revelation, so he tries to apologize more and explain their actions, “I’m really sorry Wonpil. I’m sure you know by now about Brian’s feelings for you, and I really hope you won’t blame him for this. As stupid as it sounds- and Brian is really stupid- he’s done it with the best intentions in mind and he’s been intending to tell you the truth but he’s really at explaining himself so that’s why-”

 

Wonpil looks at him, shaking his head, “You have no idea how bad this is.”

 

“No I know! And I’m really so-”

 

“That’s not it, hyung. You’re not the only one with a stupid friend with a crush,” Wonpil’s reply makes him frown, “You’re not the only one who’s let their best friend use their identity to talk to their crush.”

 

The clarification doesn’t do him any good. He still doesn’t get it, so Wonpil puts it into more clear words for him, “It’s been Jae all this time as well.”

 

It takes him a moment. What is Wonpil talking about? Why did he bring Jae into this? 

 

And then everything connects, and it’s way messier than he’ll ever imagine.

 

“Is it really what I am thinking?” he asks for confirmation, getting a nod in response.

 

“Jae wanted to get closer to you so I suggested it. It’s been purely my idea,” Wonpil pulls his hair in exasperation, “I can’t believe this is actually happening!!”

 

They sit in silence for a few, but very long minutes, trying to absorb the whole situation.

 

“So what do we do now?” Sungjin breaks the silence with the most reasonable question he can come with, “Do we tell them the truth or what?”

 

Wonpil looks at him thoughtfully for a second, nods hesitantly, then shakes his head furiously, “I don’t even know!! I have no idea how are they going to take it!” 

 

 

Sungjin takes another minute to turn the possibilities in his brain before he replies, “I say we leave it for ourselves for now,” Wonpil frowns at him, and about to object when he cuts him with a  clarification, “Brian won’t take it so well now. He still believes he likes you. God that guy can be on top of his class but he’s so freaking dense!” 

 

Wonpil finally cracks a smile at that, “At least Jae is smarter and has figured it out alrea-” he slaps a hand over his mouth, panicking after revealing his friend’s secret. 

 

Sungjin rolls his eyes at him, “Oh please! My best friend is not the only obvious one. Those two are a match made in heaven, believe me.”

 

They both chuckles at that. “Let’s just make sure everything turns out fine,” he adds, and Wonpil nods with a determined grin. 

 

 

They stay at the coffee shop for a while longer, until they’ve finished their drinks and discussed the outcomes thoroughly. 

 

“Do you have any plans after this?” Wonpil asks him after they’ve exchanged phone numbers -because that’s the safest way to talk with each other.

 

Sungjin shrugs, “Not that I know of.”

 

“Great!” the younger stands up enthusiastically, “You’re coming with me!” he pulls him by his arm and drags him out of the place.

 

Sungjin gets to be a lot of things that day. Wonpil’s driver, Wonpil’s gift advisor- since the younger wanted to buy Christmas gifts for his family and friends but needed a second opinion-, Wonpil’s pillow while they’ve watched that animation movie, and the best part? he got to be Wonpil’s date -which he fails to take note of until he gets a peck from Wonpil when he wishes him good night after he’s dropped him to the dorms. 

 

The night doesn’t end there, because they spend the rest of it talking over the phone.

 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you look at me, hyung.” 

 

Even though Wonpil has said it over the phone, it makes Sungjin stutter, “W-what are you t-talking about?”

 

“Don’t worry, it’s not just you.”

 

Sungjin doesn’t fail to notice the hint of remorse in Wonpil’s voice. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, knowing that both of them needs the silence to think.

 

“Wonpil-ah, you know that we-”

 

“-can’t be together? I know,” there’s acceptance in his sad tone, “We’re already doing wrong by not telling them, let alone get in a relationship behind their backs.”

 

Sungjin hums in response, “I can’t do that to Brian.”

 

“I know, hyung, I know. I can’t either.”

 

 

So maybe they both count as bad friends- Sungjin more than Wonpil- but they will never prioritize their feelings over their friends. It’s a red line that none of them will ever cross. 

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

“Believe me, there’s nothing between me and Wonpil. We both agreed to keep our feelings for ourselves and stay as good friends. That’s all,” Sungjin adds at the end, making him scoff.

 

“What about what I’ve seen? Is that your way of staying friends?” 

 

“That- that was a mistake. We just went with the moment, that’s all.”

 

Brian notices the dejection in his friend’s posture and voice. Out of everyone, he should know how genuine Sungjin is about his feelings, and should be touched by his sacrifice and loyalty. Yet, he’s too blinded by his anger and his brain is still processing all the new information he’s just heard. So he choses to keep guilt-tripping his best friend. 

 

“So just because Wonpil isn’t the one I’ve been chatting with, you two decided that my feelings were invalid?” 

 

“No Brian, that’s not it. I’ve always respected your feelings for Wonpil, he too,” Sungjin objects, before adding, “But let me ask you this, are you sure you still have them? Because from what I’m seeing, Jae has been the only thing on your tongue for a long time now. It makes me question who do you really like.”

 

The other’s words did nothing but aggravate his anger, “That’s what this is all about?!!! Jaehyung! Is this some kind of scheme to get me with him so you can be with Wonpil without feeling guilty about it?” Brian huffs in disbelief, “Wow hyung! aren’t you stepping too low now?!” 

 

“Brian can you stop being so ing dense for one second!!” the older snaps back, revolted by the accusation, “You ing wrote a song about Jaehyung that you named ‘When you love someone’! When you freaking LOVE someone! I dare you to tell me that means nothing!!” 

 

Brian is at a loss of words for a second. He’d be lying to say that Sungjin didn’t struck a string here. A very sensitive one. Why did he chose that name for a song he practically wrote for Jae- a friend he doesn’t have any romantic feelings for? Was it really arbitrary and just because he liked the sound of it? Or was there more to it? He tries not to overthink it whatsoever. 

 

Brian would be asking Sungjin how he’s known about it, but that will be beside the point. So he just retorts with a weak, “Stop assuming my feelings, will you?! They’re my feelings for a reason.”

 

His friend opens his mouth to retaliate, but then closes it without saying a single word, deciding that debating over this, at the moment, won’t lead them anywhere. 

 

“Okay, forget all I’ve said. Let’s say I’ve misunderstood you and your feelings,” he raises a hand to stop Brian from interrupting him, “But that doesn’t make you guilty-free. What you said to Jae was so wrong on many levels, and you can’t just justify it by your anger.”

 

The stubborn part of Brian chooses to huff in annoyance and cross his arms, refusing to acknowledge his wrongdoings. 

 

“You don’t get to be a brat about this, Kang Youghyun,” the use of his real name alerts Brian, “You might be my best friend, but you’ll definitely get a taste of my wrath if you don’t apologize.”

 

It feels like he’s being scolded by his father rather than his friend, and Brian is about to keep the attitude, but Sungjin’s next words are like a slap to the face.

 

“I was the one driving a crying Jae home, so I know how much you ed up.” 

 

Sungjin is merciless, his glare only getting harder on him, but Brian is only focusing on one thing, a realization he should’ve came to a long time ago. 

 

I made Jae cry.

 

And he’s suddenly flooded with all of the guilt and regret he’s been blocking all theses days. They hit him a wave after wave, as his words keep ringing in his ears.

 

‘I got the wrong guy to fall for me!’

 

Never did Brian dare say such mean words to Jae before -or anyone for the record-, not even when they used to hate each other’s guts. Yet, when they’re this close, when Jae has feelings for him, he went and threw those words at him so ruthlessly.

 

‘I got the wrong guy to fall for me!’

 

How could he be so selfish and say that, to Jae, out of everyone. Isn’t he the one who swore to beat whoever makes the taller sad?  

 

Oh God how am I supposed to fix this? 

 

Sungjin doesn’t talk for a while, certainly noticing the changes in Brian’s facial expressions. When he’s certain he’s made Brian realize the aggravation of the situation, he stands up, a sign that he’s leaving.  

 

“Go back to your room,” he says when he’s a few steps from the door, “You’re being too childish. Although I might say beware of Wonpil. He’s furious.” 

 

Of course. Unlike Sungjin who can relatively control his anger, Wonpil becomes an unleashed beast when he’s angry, or that’s what Jae has told him. A punch or two from the younger is inevitable now. 

 

“And don’t forget to think it over,” is the last advice Sungjin gives him before leaving him to his thoughts.

 

 

First things first, Brian goes back to his room after a long apology to Jackson. The latter just shows him concern when he announces that he’s leaving and offers help, even though he knows nothing about his situation. The same concern shows on Jaebum’s face when he sees him entering their shared room. He’s as informed as Jackson about the reason behind Brian’s disappearance. 

 

“Your friends have been really worried. Dowoon came a few times and kept calling, Sungjin and Wonpil as well, although they seemed a little bit pissed,” he tells him, “Jae hyung came as well,” and Brian’s attention peaks at that.

 

“He did? When? What did he say?” he demands, feeling nervous more than anything. 

 

“This morning. He just asked if you were back, but when I told him you’re still missing, he left right away. He looked concerned.”

 

Another rush of guilt surges through him. After everything he’s done to him, Jae actually came to his doorstep and asked for him. Jae is not pissed or angry, no, he’s just concerned. Brian does not deserve Jae’s concern.

 

“Did you drunk confess to Jae? Is that why you’ve been hiding?” Jaebum asks out of the blue.

 

Brian almost chokes on his own saliva. What is his roommate is even talking about? He does know about his crush on Wonpil, so why is he asking such a question now?  

 

“Where did you get that idea from?” 

 

Jaebum looks quizzical when he says, “That’s not it?”, his eyes widen, “Don’t tell me you soberly confessed and he rejected you!!” 

 

“No that’s not it!” he strongly objects. His voice then drops a little, in shame, “Actually, it’s the other way around. Jae has accidentally confessed and I not-so-nicely rejected him,” he admits, ashamed of himself. 

 

“WHAT? WHY DID YOU THAT? I THOUGHT YOU LIKED HIM!” Jaebum’s shocked exclamation startles him.

 

“Did you actually forget that I like Wonpil?” 

 

“oh,” Jaebum seems to finally remember. But then he rolls his eyes, “You really wants to convince me that you like, like really like, Wonpil?” 

 

Brian nods.

 

To his big surprise, Jaebum scoffs, “Oh please! I was there when you were head over heels with Jae on our freshman year, and it’s more visible now that you two decided to stop your childish disputes! That crush you had on Wonpil is incomparable! Just admit it Brian.”

 

The blush that creeps up his neck to his face is just the result of far, far memories -it’s a little bit over a year to be honest- and nothing more. He even wonders how Jaebum still remembers such an insignificant detail. 

 

Maybe it was not that insignificant after all?

 

“Just get together already! The whole faculty is betting on when you two will become official. Like it’s just too obvious.” 

 

Later on, when Jaebum goes out and he’s left alone, his mind can’t help but bring back to the surface a certain phase of his freshman year. And while he always fights against those memories, Brian lets himself revisit them this time. Maybe they’ll help. 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

The next day, Brian decides to finally go back to finish his internship. The head of department didn’t look the least angry when he appeared in his office to apologize for his absence. 

 

“It’s fine. Jaehyung has told me you had some important personal issues to deal with. Plus, he’s been covering for both of you so it was no big deal,” the man explained with a sympathetic smile, “I hope everything is fine now?” 

 

Brian nods, still feeling apologetic, but grateful for the chief for being so understanding. He’s also surprised by Jae’s interference. Why would he even cover for an like him? After everything he’s said to Jae, why did he help him? Just why?! 

 

He goes back to his desk with a heavy heart and keeps brooding. He didn’t deserve Jae’s help or affection, and he’ll never do. 

 

He thinks he’ll get some time to collect himself a little before the other employees- he means Jae- start coming. Surprisingly, he is on time. Brian hears his voice before he sees him. Jaehyung walks in with two employees, each holding a cup of coffee from the coffees shop around the corner, and they’re busy talking and laughing and it’s at that moment that Brian realizes something. 

 

He misses Jae. Really, really misses him. 

 

The taller finally notices his presence when he’s just a few steps away, and it makes him stop on his track. A mixture of everything flashes on his face in less that a second, and Brian manages to catch hints of surprise, relief, hurt, regret, and fear, before it all gets masked by a smile. A ING SMILE!! And it doesn’t disappear even when Jae resumes walking to his desk. It’s as stiff as his steps whatsoever.

 

“Morning, Brian,” he says when he passes by him. Brian greets him back, although his voice is not as half as cheerful as Jae’s. If anything, he’s confused. 

 

What’s going on? 

 

This is just getting harder for him. He came here today thinking that Jae is angry with him, and won’t acknowledge his presence at best. But Jae is smiling at him, talking to him about work, like nothing has ever happened, like that night didn’t happen. They even have lunch together, Jae recounting all the interesting episodes that happened in the office during his absence. And it’s all uncomfortable for Brian. 

 

This is obviously the other’s way of saying ‘please pretend nothing has happened’, and he respects that. He can only imagine how hard this is for Jae. Still, Brian can’t leave the matters like this. The guilt is eating him inside out and they need to talk about the elephant in the room. And that’s what he exactly does.

 

 

They’re getting out of work, so he asks Jae to follow him outside. They sit at the company’s garden, in silence. It’s harder than Brian has imagined it to be, and he can physically feel Jae’s distress. 

 

“Jae-”

 

“Brian listen-”

 

They both start at the same time, so he allows Jae to talk first. 

 

“About Christmas night,” he hesitantly starts, eyes on the ground and hands clasping hard on the material of his pants, “Let’s forget about it, shall we?” 

 

This is definitely what Brian thought he wants, to forget about it and never mention it again. But now that Jae has suggested it, he finds himself wanting to object. 

 

“We both were in the wrong together, and we both were wronged as well, so let’s call it even,” his words are reasonable, and Brian agrees with a nod. It makes Jae relax a little bit, but he still looks like he wants to say something else. When he speaks again, his voice is smaller, scared and vulnerable even. 

 

“Also, the confession,” he looks briefly into his direction to see his reaction to that certain part. Brian tries not to look as uncomfortable as he actually is. Jae diverts his eyes again and resumes talking, “That was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to keep it for myself. But now that it’s out in the open, I’m sorry about it. I’ll really appreciate it if you just forget about it. I really don’t want things to be awkward between us because of such a trivial thing.”

 

Despite his voice cracking at that part, Jae keeps on lying, his voice getting a pitch higher as he forces a smile.

 

“My feelings are mine and I will deal with them. I know myself, I’ll get over you and get another crush in the speed of light. So, let’s not let my temporary fling ruin our friendship, okay?”

 

He looks at Brian with such a fake happy smile, while his eyes are begging for Brian to agree with him. But Brian is horrified at the moment, and can’t react accordingly. How can Jae be so cruel towards himself just for someone like Brian? How can he bluntly degrade his own feelings and laugh it out just to reassure him? How can he still smile to him while h’s obviously hurting so much? JUST HOW?!! 

 

The longer Brian takes to react, the more nervous Jae gets, until he can’t take it anymore. 

 

“I really should go,” he stands up, and while still smiling, he waves at Brian goodbye and flees away. 

 

Brian sits there for an additional hour trying to process Jae’s words and actions, and it only makes him more miserable than he already is. There are millions of things he should’ve and could’ve said earlier, instead of staring at Jae wordlessly. He’s supposed to be the most eloquent among his friends, but something about the whole situation has rendered him tongue-tied. Something inside of him kept stopping him from speaking, from voicing out his thoughts, insisting that anything he’ll say will further hurt Jae. It’s as if he’s experiencing post-traumatic stress, hurting Jae with his words being his biggest fear. 

 

At the end of the day, Brian decides that what Jae wants, Jae will get. Or at least until Brian gets his back together. Maybe they’ll have that talk again, and he will have better things to say. However, it’s not as easy as it seemed to be, and while he really wants to believe that this is really what Jae wants, he hates seeing the other in such state. 

 

Jae can fool anyone with those wide smiles, exaggerated jokes, and excited talks, but not Brian. Because he sees behind them, he sees the effort behind those expressions- and they still don’t come out as half as genuine as they’re intended to be. He sees his hunched posture, and hears his deep sighs. Brian feels the sadness radiating from Jae when he lets his guards down for a moment, when he thinks no one -as in Brian- is watching. 

 

Brian notices everything about Jae. He watches him in silence and it only keeps killing him, at a rate that will probably bring him to his breaking point before Jaehyung himself. He so desperately wants to reach for him, to get him out of this state, to give him back his happiness, but he doesn’t know how. What makes it worse for him is that while he knows that all of this is purely his fault, he can’t do a thing about it. 

 

 

Brian is in desperate need of a friend’s help, that’s why he finds himself at Sungjin’s door, ringing while he can actually push the door open and enters. He doesn’t expect Wonpil to be the one opening it, and doesn’t have time to react before the younger’s fist connects with his cheek. 

 

 

“Oh please, he doesn’t need that. It will barely bruise!” Wonpil comments with a roll of his eyes, as he watches Dowoon sitting him down on the couch and pushing an ice pack to the bruise.

 

“Don’t you think you went overboard?” the youngest asks, upset about the use of violence.

 

“I went overboard?!! What about him? what about what he’s done to Jae then?” 

 

Wonpil’s feral tone makes him wince and shrink into himself. Who could’ve guessed that such a soft person could turn into something so ruthless? Brian doesn’t blame him though, thinks that he deserves the harsh treatment anyways.

 

“Wonpil calm down,” Sungjin finally joins them, sitting right next to him. Said guy surprisingly sits back, the tense line of his shoulders dropping a little, as if the older’s presence is grounding him.

 

“He only came here because he has something to say.” 

 

Of course his best friend would guess why he’s here, can read him like the palm of his hand. So, without any longer delay, he utters the words he should’ve said days ago, trying to pour all of his heart into them, “I’m sorry.”

 

And while Sungjin accepts it really well, with a nod and a smile, Wonpil just scoffs.

 

“I know I was an .” 

 

“You don’t say.” 

 

Wonpil yelps when Sungjin nudges him with his elbow, and then they gets into an aggressive whispering argument. It gives Brian the chance to observe their interaction from up close and finally see what he’s failed to see before. They look so good together, cute even, and he’s not even jealous. Maybe there’s a little bit of envy -envy for finding each other- but not jealousy. Coming to think about it, he didn’t feel any when he’s seen them kiss, only betrayal and fury. 

 

“I really did overreact, didn’t I?” he lets out with a bitter smile, stopping them mid argument. They both look at him in puzzlement.

 

“You guys look so well together. I’m sorry for making it hard for you.”

 

This time, his apology causes greater shock all over the room. Even Wonpil’s reply is sarcasm-free when he asks him, “Did you apologize to Jae?” 

 

Brian has no reply for such a question, so he purses his lips and shakes his head.

 

“Then I can’t accept any of your apologies until you do so,” his eyes are merciless when he gives him a final glare, and then he goes to Dowoon’s room and shuts the door aggressively. Sungjin hesitates for a second, but then follows him inside. 

 

“It’s okay, hyung. He’ll come around,” Dowoon puts a comforting hand on his shoulder, that he appreciates so much at the moment. 

 

He lets his eyes travel around, the events of the Christmas night replaying in front of him. The dinner, the playful banters, the smiles and jokes, everything seems like a faraway memory, a happy memory. He was happy, and a lot of things more. He still remembers all the emotions swirling inside of him when he and Jae kissed, the feelings of soft lips against his. There’s a want and a need to feel them again. It’s unexplainable and overwhelming all at the same time. 

 

When his eyes finally settle on the kitchen, he sees a replay of the intimate moment between Sungjin and Wonpil. Now that he’s came to know the truth and accept it, the scene actually warms his insides. He only wishes for their happiness, will make sure they get together and redeem for the time they’ve lost because of his stupidity.

 

Brian then tries something different. He imagines Jae in Wonpil’s position, and the image rises an ugly feeling in his chest, a feeling he can’t put a label on, but is certain he’s experienced before, because of Jae as well. He quickly dismisses the scene, replacing it with a memory of him and Jae in that same kitchen space, on the same night. And suddenly, he’s struck with an idea.

 

“Dowoon-ah, do you have that video of me and Jae singing?” 

 

Not a minute later, the younger leaves him alone with his phone, and a video playing on it. Brian recognizes the two fools singing their hearts out instantly, and it brings a genuine smile to his lips. Although they’ve butchered the song, he and Jae did a great job performing it, especially gestures wise. 

Watching the video one time is not enough, so he presses the replay button again and again. 

 

Through the second replay, his smile drops a little. He compares the Jae in the video with the Jae he’s been dealing with lately, and it tugs at his heartstrings.

 

His smile completely disappears by the third time. He notices the way Jae holds his gaze throughout the whole video, and Brian has to be really blind not to see the love in the taller’s eyes. The realization makes his insides flutter, and breaks his heart, all the same. 

 

The fourth replay is the one that finally, finally, makes him see the truth. No wonder everyone kept insisting he and Jae had something going on. Because in that video, Jae is not the only one who’s unmistakably in love with the other. Brian is nothing but a mirror of Jae’s expressions and emotions. 

 

 

I’m such an idiot.

 

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HALLELUJAH!! Brian finally uses his Brain LMAO