Joshua just adjusted to the timezone a couple days ago and finished setting up his position at his new office. Finally having some free time to think a little, he couldn't help but let his thoughts drift back to Jeonghan. Picking up his phone, he called him in the spur of the moment. 

Once he heard the connecting sound he realized what he had done and began freaking out, but it was all for naught since the line didn't connect. Feeling frustrated, he tried again and again, but he knew Jeonghan wasn't going to pick up. It wasn't the wrong number, he checked with Seungcheol. It was because he knew Jeonghan really didn't want anything to do with him, after what he said to him. 

Joshua sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Grabbing his coat off the coat rack, he slipped it and stepped out of his office. Feeling useless, he decided to busy himself with work. Getting into his car, he went to check out the place he bought. Parking in the owner's designated spot, he looked at his incomplete cafe. The workers he hired were good at their work, but they were slow. The weather must not be helping. 

After checking in with the manager, requesting for progress to be made, he wondered in the neighborhood. Walking a few blocks away, the wind was picking up. The street opened up to a park. Glancing over the trees and the children playing on the playground, it brought a ghost of a smile to his lips. Jeonghan use to like visiting the park. Joshua shook his head, pushing the thought to the back of his head. There was no point in reminiscing about someone who left him with nothing to love. His small smile faltered but grew again, as he neared the playground. The kids reminded him of the kids back at Seungcheol's home. Chuckling a bit, he pulled out his phone to text Seungcheol to bring him there again sometime. He received a message back immediately, filled with mushy words and tons of emojis squealing about how cute the kids were the last he went there. Joshua sent emojis back just as mushy before dismissing Seungcheol with a quick "get back to work!" and pocketed his phone, not feeling up to a conversation after starting one. There were just too many things rolling around in his head.

 Huffing on his cold  finger tips, he looked around for a bench to sit. Walking halfway around the park, he finally spotted one, but it was occupied by a lady. As he neared thinking the lady wouldn't mind, he realized it wasn't a lady. 

It was Yoon Jeonghan. The man he so desperately wanted to meet. 

He was looking down at his shoes, swinging his legs and scrapping his soles on the ground. Joshua walked up to him, stood right in front of him, waiting for Jeonghan to notice. Once Jeonghan spotted a pair of shoes in front of him, he lifted his head only to drop his gaze immediately. He could recognized the person in front of him with just a glance, after all, it was a face he could never forget.

Joshua scoffed, feeling like he should act arrogant, just like he did the cafe the other day. "Fancy meeting you here, Jeonghan." he said with spite.

Jeonghan didn't reply, but quickly stood up and tried to run away, but Joshua caught his arm. 

"Hey, that's rude." Joshua called out with fake confidence and a slight smirk. He didn't like that he himself was being rude, but if it was the only way to keep Jeonghan from running away immediately, he was going continue acting.

Joshua pulled Jeonghan back into the bench, they sat side by side. Jeonghan still refused to speak or look at him. Joshua sighed and looked at the tree nearby. 

"I'm not going to do anything today. You don't have to listen to me either, just sit there. For me." 

Joshua sighed and saw his breath in the air. Jeonghan didn't say anything, but he also didn't leave. Since Jeonghan wasn't leaving, he'll pretend he was a drunk and spill everything. Maybe he would feel better, rambling all his thoughts out. He started with a huff.

"When you left, I though I should wait. Maybe you had something urgent, you didn't have the time to explain. You did run off in the middle of our date after all." He chuckled remembering that day. 

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They were at the beach, kicking water with their feet, walking hand in hand. They were so happy together, so free. Jeonghan received a call from his dad and left Joshua in the water for some privacy. Joshua didn't mind, Jeonghan wasn't comfortable about his family, Joshua could understand. He always told Jeonghan that he was there to listen, and Jeonghan always replied him with a thank you and an 'I don't want to burden you.' He always told him that he would be fine, not something love couldn't fix, but Jeonghan wouldn't tell, and Joshua knew to stop pushing. But when the call ended, Jeonghan didn't come back to join him. Jeonghan looked at him with wide, hurt eyes. Joshua had called to him, asking him what was wrong, taking steps to have Jeonghan by his side, but Jeonghan turned. 

He ran. 

Joshua was so shocked, he didn't know what to do. Jeonghan sent him a text later, telling him not to look for him. He just disappeared, without a trace, without a word.

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Joshua sighed again. "I don't expect you to have the same feelings as me, I hope you do, or at least did, but I do want an explanation." Joshua began thinking if the problem was himself. Maybe Jeonghan's family didn't like him? Jeonghan must of had better things to do. He continued to sit there stiffly and silently. Joshua began regretting his decision.

"You won't even give me an explanation," Joshua lost confidence in himself, voice lowered into a whispered. "well, I was kind of harsh on you at the cafe the other day, and I feel bad. I'm sorry. You won't answer me but, just know that I..." he paused, he didn't want to continue, he didn't want Jeonghan to just walk away. But if he didn't say this, Jeonghan might just disappear forever. "I love you. I loved you while we were dating, while you were away. I still love you, but you... don't love me." It was the only reasonable answer Joshua could come up with. Jeonghan walked away that day, not telling him anything, there clearly wasn't enough trust in their relationship. Getting up off the bench, Joshua patted the dust off his clothes and turned to Jeonghan. 

"So I guess, goodbye, Jeonghan. I loved you." Joshua walked away.

Jeonghan didn't understand. The whole time Joshua spoke, he wanted to stop him. He wanted to ask how Joshua could do this. How he still loved him. He left him at the beach. How could Joshua still love him if he walked out first without explanation? He should be angry, he should be upset with him. How could he say he still loves him? He shook his head, not willing to think about Joshua any longer. Jeonghan liked it better when Joshua was more threatening.....

"We can't be together..." His voice was gone with the wind. 

"I loved... you too." It was better this way, no one would get hurt, no one needed to know.

Looking up at the cloudy sky, his eyes began to water. The statement was wrong, it felt so wrong in his mouth, it wasn't true. He was alone, he wasn't going to lie.

"I... love you too." 

Dropping his head in his hands, he cried softly. "I didn't stop loving you too." 

He had to leave him, he regret not being about to explain to Joshua. He couldn't go against his father, he wasn't strong enough. They love each other, but they can't be together. Jeonghan sighed, his tears still falling. He picked himself up and walked in the opposite direction. He remembered the times when he and Joshua would just walk around the parks in LA. They would hold hands, swing them between them, share endearing words and sweet smiles. It didn't matter how many times they walked around the park, it didn't matter if the weather was poor. Joshua would always walk with him, hold hands with him, make time for him. He didn't want to leave. He wanted Joshua by his side, but it wasn't meant to be. He wanted to deny all of Joshua's 'I love you's, he wanted to believe everything Joshua said was a lie. He wanted Joshua to say 'gotcha' and come back. He wanted to explain. Then he began thinking it was better this way. This way, they couldn't hurt each other anymore. He didn't know what he wanted anymore. Let's move on.......

Jeonghan could listen to his father without worries. Joshua could find someone new, he resolved. He halted in his steps, frowning at the ground. He didn't want Joshua to find someone new. He hated this feeling but he knew what it meant....

He still loves Joshua.