Foreword : Today Kyungsoo announced that he will be enlisting this July 1st and since he is my bias, I don't really know how to feel about it. I feel happy for him that he decides to enlist soon which means that he'll be done with it quickly but maybe this is too sudden and none of us expects it to happen. So yeah, I cried a lot just now and maybe will continue doing so but anYWAY, THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANY CORRELATION WITH THE STORY.

Enjoy! And feel free to drop comments...!

19.

Darkness eating up the room, especially when the night comes and moonlight barely enters that space through the curtains. The two of us is accompanied by the sound of humidifier and dim light from the side table lamps. Through them, Baekhyun gazes at me quietly, and I see guilt filling his eyes. Honestly, he shouldn’t have to feel that, though.

“I really should be helping you…”

“No, B. I can do this by my own,” I stop him from coming, then continue what I am doing again. “It’s okay, it really is.”

“But this has been the fourth time I vom–”, Baekhyun chokes at that and once again, he covers his mouth while his upper body jerks frontward. Thus, I immediately put away the rags and mop out of my hands to run towards him, helping that man out. Luckily, I managed to grab the small basin with plastic under the bed before putting it in front of Baekhyun and pat his upper back.

The gagging sounds make me feel bad for him, seeing the tears at the corner of his eyes breaks my heart apart.

He really is in pain.

This is one of the side effects; acute nausea and vomiting from chemotherapy, also, yesterday marks that he had done his first cycle after a whole week receiving the treatment – and Baekhyun will have another three cycles of therapy for the next three months – but to see him suffering like this…I am afraid that I could not bear this any longer. However to lose him is unimaginable. And so he says about dying.

We have no choice other than this.

“It hurts…” Baekhyun cries while holding his throat, very softly, almost inaudible to the ears.

“It must be, I’m so sorry.” After giving him a sip of water then wipe his mouth off, I pull Baekhyun into my arms and hug him tight as he sobs quietly. His body has become a bit smaller than before, but the shoulder remains broad as it always is.

“I’m sorry you have to see this, honey. I really am.”

“No, Baek. Please don’t be…” I shush him, also trying hard to hold back the clear liquid in my eyes from falling. “You’re fighting it really well. And I am so proud of you, probably beyond proud.” As I pull away, my pair of orbs look into his and my hands slowly climbs up to cup his face before landing a peck on the tip of his nose. “You must be tired now. Have some rest, sweetheart.”

“T-then, you…?”

“I’ll catch up soon.” Carefully, I help Baekhyun to lie on his bed again but when I shift away to clean up the remaining on the floor, Baekhyun grabs my hand firmly to hold me back. That man wiggle his body to the right, making a space on the bed and pat on it.

“Right here, okay?”

“Sure do, boss.” He smiles as I chuckle, and it did not take long for him to fall asleep.

I want to stay by his side to have a look at that sleeping face, but the work is waiting. And so I continue to do what I am supposed to, cleaning up Baekhyun’s vomit of what he tried to eat earlier this evening. He does not have appetite to eat anything, his throat sores but we could not leave his stomach empty so I bought some fresh fruits and dices them for him. However again, his body decided to throw them out.

A thin smile forms on my lips as I wipe the floor clean and walks to the bathroom to wash them off.

To be true, I don’t know what to feel right at this moment. My heart breaks, literally, when I see him experiencing those painful side effects but at the same time, I feel glad that I am here. At least, there would be a person, who truly loves him, who is willing to do anything for him that stays by his side right now.

I don’t mind for the sleepless nights, the fatigue or whatever any other sacrifices that I had to make to be his caregiver, as long as I am here for this person named Byun Baekhyun.

For the next second, my mind goes to the twins who are waiting at home, and so I grab my smartphone before silently step out from the room. While walking down the hallway to find a place for me to sit, I dial up a number that doesn’t need the second ring for him to pick it up.

“Hey.”

“Hey, dear,” Chanyeol greets in reply. “How’s your man?”

“Like always.” I decide to stay true, since there is nothing to hide from this person. “He threw up for the fourth or fifth time just now…even this is a common thing since his body is reacting to the drugs…” I purse my lips together, holding my shaky breath. “Still, it breaks my heart, Chanyeol.”

“You know, you don’t have to do this all by yourself.”

I stay silent at those words then abruptly ask about the kids which made Chanyeol sighs – since I intentionally change