I wanted to see Jin but I was afraid what he would think of me with these bruises on my face and body.  How could I let someone hurt me like that?  Will he think I'm weak and pathetic?  I don't want him to like me because he feels he has to take care of me or because he feels sorry for me. I don't want his pity.  I want him to love the real me.  No fake love for me.  I want to feel real love.  That's what I thought I had with Jimin but it was obsessive and manipulative.   We hadn't been happy for a long time.

I needed to give myself time to mourn my lost love.  I know I am vulnerable now and if Jimin comes back with the pretense that he forgot something, I'm going to want him back.  I will forgive him anything just to feel loved by him again.  I can't do that to myself so I need to leave here.  Maybe a vacation by myself.  Just me and my camera enjoying my own company.  I need to love myself again before I can love Jin thoroughly.  It wouldn't be fair to him to use him to forget Jimin.  He deserves to be loved for himself.  So before I leave I will send him this message and hope that he'll wait for me.

I laid on the seashore

soft waves lulling me to sleep

till I woke with a soft pressure on my lips

In my dream it's you I kiss

and I know it's you I miss

                                                      Sugasluv