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Nightmares
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Nightmares

Lee Dongmin (Cha Eunwoo) & Moon Bin

 

 

It was night. Probably around 2AM.
I wasn't able to sleep and kept turning around in my bed. I shared a bedroom with my best friend, Dongmin.
He's really busy those days. He's filming one drama after the other, and he has to take care of his Astro's activities too.
My mind was full of thoughts. I was trying to fall sleep since forever. I'm jealous of people who can fall asleep easily.

"Bin..."

I frowned. Did I hear something? I stopped moving a moment. As there was no noise, I closed my eyes again. It was probably in my head.

"I... I can't."

I opened my eyes. I'm sure I heard something. Someone. It has to be Dongmin. There is no chance I'm hearing someone else in another room.

"Dongmin?" 

My voice was soft. I didn't want to make too much noise and wake up the others.
There was a movement over me. I stayed silent, waiting for him to speak.

"Please... Make it stop."

I sighed. I knew this was bound to happen again. He's working too much. We don't have enough sleep. A body and a mind have a limit.

"Minnie, wake up." I mumbled.

I heard him whimper silently and move more in his bed.
I stood up, getting out of my bed. I looked at my friend from the floor. His eyes were shut but he was frowning. He has closed fists and seemed anguished. I looked at him for few seconds, then walked to the stairs at the end of our bunkbed.

Dongmin had nightmares when he has trouble sleeping. It happened before. He doesn't know why. I think it's because he's suppressing his emotions. Because he doesn't always say what he feels and what he thinks.
Anyhow - I joined him on his bed. I laid down next to him. When he noticed I was there, he opened his eyes. We looked at each other a moment, I smiled at him. He hugged me strongly, hiding his eyes on my shoulder.

"Is it better?" I said softly after a moment.
"I... I don't know Binnie." He answered me.
"Just come in my bed if it happens again. Don't stay alone."

He looked at me a moment.

"Isn't it too much? I don't want to bother you and wake you up."

I smiled sadly at him.

"It's fine. It won't change much."

The truth was I also had trouble sleeping. Dongmin had trouble because of his lifestyle, and me... because of him.
I bite my lips.

I worried about him. He's working so much. I'm happy for him, of course. But somehow I wished it was a little less.
I mostly wished he stayed with me more. We rarely see each other. I missed him. A lot.

I put an arm under his head. He looked at me without an emotion. He was always like that. It makes me crazy. I can't read him.

"Just sleep. I'm here if there is anything."

I smiled at him. He closed his eyes slowly. I sighed.

He makes me crazy. He's too close to my heart. Sometimes, it scares me. We have a special connection, him and I. We share almost everything. He knows about me. The real, me. He never judged me. He never said anything when I told him I liked guy. Or when I told him about my troubles. He's nice.
The thing is... We grew closer over time. At first, he was a coworker, then a friend, then best friend. Now I am not even sure there is a word for what we are. It feels like we are family.
Dongmin moved a little next to me. I looked at him. He was frowning. I felt bad. Poor guy.
I caressed his head slowly. He stopped frowning after a moment. A light smile appeared in his face. My heart melted.
I closed my eyes, trying to stop myself.

Dongmin was close to me, but he's not interested in me. He likes girls. He had girlfriends in the past. I must be careful with that. We had that discussion few years ago. He told me he was curious, but not really attracted to guys. I can't fall in love with him. I'll hurt myself for nothing.

He put a hand on my chest. I quickly looked at him, silently. He was still sleeping. He probably hasn't notice he did that. Or else he would be shy and ashamed. I smiled while looking at him for a moment.

I am such a lost cause.

.
I already felt for him, didn't I?

The sun slowly got up. Our bedroom was silent. I woke up first (that was a miracle with Dongmin).
I slowly got off his bed and went on mine. I thought it would be too awkward for him, if he noticed I was in his bed all night. He stayed still, eyes closed.
I tried to sleep in my bed. I succeed after a while as I was tired as hell.
 


"Such a nice night of sleep..."

I frowned. A voice woke me up. I opened my eyes, looking around. I was in my bed. My body was aching everywhere because I slept in a strange position.
I heard a sound over me. It was Dongmin, of course.
I sat on my bed. My hairs were everywhere. I scratched my neck, trying to make sense of life.

"Hm?" I mumbled.

Dongmin moved, and I noticed his head looking at me from the top bunk. He smiled and laughed. My heart raced a little. No. No. No. Not when I wake up.

"You should look at yourself Binnie."

I scratched my neck again.

"Uh?" I mumbled again.

He chuckled.

"It's been a while since I slept this good. I feel like I could... I don't know, do everything."

I smiled slowly.

"Good. I am happy for you."

He left not so long after for his acting activities. He was filming from earlier to really late almost every night.


 

He came back late at night, I was already in my bed. I wasn't sleeping — I was reading something online. Keeping myself busy because it's difficult to sleep. Because my mind keep thinking about him.

He took off his socks off and went in his bunk without saying a word, still dressed up. I looked at him silently. He seemed so tired. That poor man. When he stopped moving and I felt like he was about to fall asleep, I spoke.

"Good night Minnie."

I heard him sighed. I felt bad for him. If I could take some of his work just to make it easier for him, I would do it.

"Sorry Bin. I'm just so tired. Sorry I can't hang out tonight."

I smiled sadly. Of course, I knew that. I was surprised he even thought about it.

"It's fine. Just sleep if you are tired."
"Still. We haven't done anything together for weeks now. I feel bad."

I stayed silent. I felt weird. I missed him. I guess he missed me too. I don't know if I should stop the growing feelings again. I should. It doesn't mean anything other than a friend missing a friend.

"Good night too." He finally said.

Strangely, I felt asleep quickly that night. I don't know how or why. But I could and it felt nice.

At some point, when it was black outside and as dark in our room, a noise woke me up.
I sat up in my bed, trying to understand where the sound was from.
A new sound came from the top bed. Dongmin. I stood up, worrying about my friend, as usual. My heart squeezed as I saw his expression. Fear. It was fear.
Few seconds later, I went into his bed, laying down next to him. He opened his eyes. He looked lost, but had no other expression.

"Hey." My voice was soft. I didn't know what to say. Yesterday he seemed to like my presence. Is it okay... To be here?

I didn't have the time to think because few seconds later, he was hugging me strongly. A moment later, he stepped back. His face was neutral. Again, I wasn't sure of his emotions.

So I did like the day before, I put my arm under his head and closed my eyes. I let him sleep on it. When he frowned or when he made noises, I caressed his hair. Some moment later, I saw him smile again.

Oh, my heart.

When I opened my eyes, it was almost time to wake up. Dongmin's eyes were still closed. I got out the bed and went directly into the shower to start my day.

I did the same things for a week. Every morning, I went back to my bed, making sure Dongmin wasn't awake. I was used to our routine. Somehow, it helped me sleep too. Knowing he was feeling good. Seeing him smile.

He seemed less tired after few days. When he came back at night, we spoke a little before he felt asleep.
It wasn't really like before — but it was something. Something valuable for me.

Dongmin never spoke about our nights. He never said thanks. Never said a word about me and him, sharing a bed.
I get it. It's weird. He's not into me. I might be. But it was fine. He didn't need to thanks me. If I can help him, why not.

And... for the last two nights, when I go in his bed, he hug me. Like... All night long. Not just when I arrive.
I feel so nice.
On the other hand, my heart is seriously at his mercy.

Saturday night, I was in the living room with the others, watching a movie. Dongmin went to sleep early because of his schedule. I came in my room around 2AM, a lot later than usual. After the movie and after we goofed around a little.

I walked silently to my bed, trying to not wake him up. I closed my eyes, trying my best to fall asleep. Almost at the same time, I heard him. Dongmin, whimpering. My heart stopped. I stood up as usual. I looked at him from the floor. His eyes were shut, he was frowning and his fists were closed. The only difference was the tears.

He was crying of fear.

I felt bad. Since when is he like that? Was he like that when I watched the movie? I should have been here. I should have help him.
I quickly went into his bed, he stayed closed to me a moment. I caressed his head, trying to sooth him. He did, but it took a while. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me. Tears were still falling from his eyes. I felt so bad.

"Why were you gone?" His voice was hoarse.

I blinked, unsure what he meant.

"What?"

He sighed, then hugged me tightly.

"I.. I know I'm dreaming. Don't leave me Binnie. Why can't I control this part of the dream? I... I don't get it."

I stayed silent. He thought he was sleeping?

"That's my favorite part of my dreams. When you are here. It feels so real."

He hugged me even more, hiding his eyes his my shoulder.
My heart started to race a lot. I felt hot. What am I doing here? He doesn't know I am really here. He thinks he is dreaming.

"Don't leave me."

I caressed his hair, unsure how I could talk. My heart was becoming crazy and my mind... oh that was even worse.

"I won't."
"But you weren't here when I needed you earlier."
"I know. I am sorry Minnie."
"I need you. You are the only reason I can sleep those days. Even if you are not here for real."

He sounded almost asleep again. I gently his head and closed my eyes. If at least he could fall sleep, he would feel better after.

"Why do you think I am not real?" I asked, almost silent. I bite my lips, unsure I wanted to hear the answer.
"B-Because you can't. Don't be silly. You know it. I don't need to tell you." I heard him chuckled lightly.

I sighed. That made no sense whatsoever.

"Tell me. I don't remember."
"Because I am not sure."
"Of what?"

He chuckled again, pushing me lightly.

"Stop playing around. You know it. You are my mind. You know I don't want to admit it just yet."

I looked at him. Our eyes met. He lightly blushed and closed his eyes.

"Fine. I am not sure if..."

My heart started to run again. He chuckled even more.

"I can't say it. See. It's too troublesome for me. I can't decide if those are real feelings or if I am just confuse."

Those feelings?

I decided I will stop those questions, for now. My heart can't keep with this situation right now. I closed my eyes. Dongmin sighed.

"Can you put your arm like the other night? It's reassuring."

I did. He placed his head on my upper arm and hugged me tightly.

"Stay with me, okay? I know I am not sure of a lot of things. But I know I feel better like this."
"O-Okay."

We felt asleep not so long after.

Next morning, I woke up first. I thought about going in my bed like usual, but Dongmin was still hugging me so much it would be difficult to go away without waking him up. Plus, he told me to stay with him, right? So I.... can stay here.

I did.

I looked at the roof, waiting for Dongmin to wake up. My heart was racing every time I look in his direction. What did he mean yesterday when he talked about those feelings? Is it what I think? No. It can't be. He told me he wasn't interested years ago. My mind must stop tricking me. It's the stupidest thing ever - falling in love with your best friend. Everything leads to being hurt.

Dongmin started to move next to me. I looked at him silently. He sat on his bed. Our legs were still touching. After he rubbed his eyes, he looked around and noticed me. His eyes became bigger and his cheeks became red.

"Wh-What are you doing in my bed."

I stayed still for a moment. When I noticed how awkward my friend was, I quickly went down on the ladder. I took a some clothes and went to take a shower without saying a word.

When I closed the washroom's door. I sat on the floor.

. I left so quickly. I didn't say anything. He will think I am a weirdo. But... He was okay with me being in his bed yesterday... right? I wasn't dreaming... right? He thought he was dreaming. He told me to stay. Maybe... Maybe he regreted it?

I took a shower and went back into our room. I felt like , but I cannot ignore him. We need to talk.

I opened the door and my heart hurt right away. He was gone. I walked to the living room — nobody. I sighed. Of course, his schedule.

I went to sleep early that night. As I trained all day to forget about Dongmin, my body was tired. My mind was even worse.
Around 8PM, my eyes were closed and I slept all night. I wasn't awaken by my friend at all that night.

When I woke up, I understood why. He didn't come in his bed. I bite my lips. Is it too awkward for him? I shouldn't have stayed in his bed yesterday. I feel stupid.
I walked to the kitchen, to grab something to eat. I saw him. My heart hurt. He slept on the couch. He disliked finding me in his bed so much, that he prefered sleeping in the living room.
His eyes were shut, but he didn't look like comfortable. He looked hurt, afraid. I walked to him, then stopped myself. I can't do anything. I will make it worse.

"Bin..."

I frowned. He's doing it again. Talking while sleeping.
I looked away, unsure I should stay or not. After a moment, I just turned around. I heard him talking softly while I was walking away.

"I'm sorry. Stay with me. Don't leave me."

I stopped walking and looked at the floor. I sighed. He was sleeping. He wasn't talking to me for real. I must stay neutral. The last time I slept with him was a mistake. I went back into my room and closed the door.
My heart was hurting.
It was such a bad idea to fall in love with my best friend.

We stayed distant a little for few days. Dongmin spoke to me at minimum. I kept quiet in general.
The others worried about us. I said there was nothing.
It was true. There was nothing. No feeling. Even if I wished there was. I grunted, angry at myself. How could I let myself feel this way? I was so stupid.

I woke up to Dongmin whimpering. He's sleeping in his bed again. I don't know what to do. I stood up, slowly. I looked at my friend. He seemed worse than usual. I guess he had a lot of troubles those days.

I touched his hair, patting it.

"Dongmin. Wake up."

He frowned even more.

"Wake up, it's a dream. It's not real."

His eyes opened quickly, afraid. He looked at me silently, without moving. I stayed there, biting my lips.

"Are you okay now?"
"N-no." He said, silently.

I looked at the floor, unsure what to do.

"Just sleep. It will be better."
"But it never gets better, Binnie."

His voice was strange. A mix of fear and something else. Pain?

"It will. Don't worry."

He closed his eyes. I was about to go back in my bed when he talked.

"The only way it gets better, is when I am with you."

His eyes were looking at his mattress, looking far away from where I was. I stayed still.

"What do you want me to do?"

My head was hurting. I felt stuck. I wanted to be near of him. But it was really dangerous.
He closed his eyes.
For a moment, I thought he felt asleep again. So I went back to my bed and sighed.
He finally spoke with a light voice.

"I am sorry."

I bite my lips. Poor Dongmin. He shouldn't be sorry. I was the one in his bed. He thought he was dreaming. I was about to speak when he talked again.

"I am sorry I made it awkward that morning. I am sorry I stayed away from you the last days."

I closed my eyes. Why was he so nice. It's only making me fall even more for him.

"It's okay." I finally said.

We stayed silent for few minutes, then he broke the silence.

"Binnie... C-can you come here?"

I opened my eyes, looking at his bed. My heart was racing again.
As I wasn't answering, he spoke again. This time, he sounded shy.

"Bin? Please. I need to sleep. I never have nightmares when you are with me."

I sighed.
Of course. He didn't like me. He just forgot about the nightmares. I felt like any joy in me went away from my body.
But of course, I couldn't say no to him.

I stood up, went up the ladder and lay down next to my friend. He looked at me without any emotions. His cheeks were a light pink. I decided I would ignore that. He is just shy. Nothing else. I would be ashamed too if I needed to ask someone to sleep with me.

"Is it okay now?"

I sounded angry or disappointed. I hide my eyes with my hand a second.
I looked at him, about to excuse myself, when I noticed he was looking at me strangely. Really intensively.

"No. No it's not okay."

I stayed still.

"Isn't it what you wanted?" I asked, unsure if I should leave him or not.
"Y-yes. It's what I asked for."
"Then what else do you need to get better?"

His eyes were glued at the bottom of my face. My lips. I looked away, thinking I was dreaming.
I should stop myself from those kinds of thoughts. I'm just hurting myself, really.

"Nothing. I... Let's just sleep. I am so tired."

As I closed my eyes, he spoke softly again.

"Your arm...?"
"Right..."

I put it under his head, he came closer to me. This time, he hugged me, but really lightly. Almost as he was afraid. As if he wasn't supposed to. As if he wasn't sure he wanted too. I stayed silent, letting him adjust.

"Good night Binnie."
"Good night Dongmin."
 

I woke up next morning with Dongmin's hugs. I decided it would be better to move and go in my bed as last time was awkward as hell. I moved slowly, putting his arm away from me. I was almost free, when I noticed he was looking at me.

I smiled awkwardly as he stayed neutral.

"Where are you going?" He asked with a hoarse voice.
"My bed."
"Can't you stay with me?"

I looked away.

"I would prefer not. I don't want another situation like the other day."

Dongmin closed his eyes and hide his face.

"I'm sorry, okay? I... I didn't know how to react. It thought it was a dream. I am stupid."

I was about to go down the ladder when he touched my arm.

"Please stay."

My heart started to race. Stupid mind. I shouldn't be excited by what he tells me right now. He is my friend. He is straight.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea"

He grabbed my arm, I looked at him. He was blushing a little, looking straight into my eyes.

"Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Stay with me. I need it. I want it."

We look at each other a moment.

"What?'
"You heard me."

I frowned.

"I don't understand what you are trying to say."

He looked away and took off his hand of me. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look happy neither.

"Just go." He mumbled.

Why do I feel like my heart was hurting? Why am I feeling bad? I did nothing wrong. I bite my lips. I felt frustrated. Why can't he be more clear? I don't understand him, I can't read him. I have no clue what he is thinking about right now.

"Why can't you tell me? I don't get it. You tell me you want me to stay, then you tell me to go away. It doesn't make sense."

He sighed. He looked at me. I noticed his expression changed. He seemed .... Afraid?

"Because I don't get it myself. Things happened and now my brain isn't sure of anything. Please don't make me explain this. I... I can't put words on it. It just..."

He winced.

"It just feels right when you are with me."

I blinked. It took a while for my own brain to understand what my friend just said. My heart started to race again. I asked a question, feeling more stressed than ever.

"Are you still talking about your nightmares?"

He looked away and answered almost with no sound.

"No."

I was still in the ladder. His answer made me lose my balance and I almost felt on the floor. I chuckled awkwardly. I felt my cheeks burning.

"What?"

He smiled at me, he looked shy.

"Well yes. It's mostly because of the nightmare. But... It's not only that. Just come back to sleep with me for now. We can talk about it another time."

My brain wasn't working anymore. My body moved by itself, I lay down next to my friend. He hugged me back after I put my arm under his head. I looked at him, he was still smiling. I closed my eyes as I felt my heart racing more than ever.

. What am I doing here. I must be imagining things. It can't happen.

He told me.
He specifically told me.
He wasn't gay.
He didn't like me.
I never told him I liked him. He doesn't know.

I must be dreaming. There is no other options.
Of course, I wasn't able to sleep. But he did. I think he did at least. I looked at him from time to time. Every time, my heart skipped a beat.
What did he mean earlier? I am not even sure. I guess I'll know one day. In the mean time I can sleep in the same bed as him. I guess it's not a bad thing.
But my heart is not okay with that. He knew it will be hurt. He knew I will suffer.

He finally woke up when it was sunny outside. He opened his eyes slowly. He smiled at me shyly, then sit on his bed. Even if we spoke this morning, I was afraid he would do the same as the other day. After all, he can still think he was dreaming.

"Hey." He mumbled while scratching his eyes.
"Hey." I answered.

I wanted to ask him right away. But maybe it wasn't a good idea. I should wait. I will ask him later. What he meant yesterday.
He looked around, lost. I realized I was in the way. I quickly went to the ladder to go down. He did the same, few seconds later.
As I was wide awake, as well get dress and go for a run, I thought. I took my clothes, put it on our dresser and took off my p

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Astroha3 #1
Chapter 1: Thank you! This is so cute and adorable! My Binwoo!
FT123456 #2
Chapter 1: This is nice to read.. calming and soothing.. Love it
Spiritwarrior27 #3
Chapter 1: This was cute and nice, my binwoo feels has sailed through the roof.
-Shynime- #4
Chapter 1: This was so cute ! There are not a lot of binwoo fanfics. Thank you for writting this !