JIYONG FLASHBACK

I started to love Seungri for quite sometimes already. He is my husband and I know he loves me but yet I have no courage to confess my love to him.

Initially I thought, that was because of my ego. But I realised that I shy and I feel embarrassed to confess to him because I told him all nasty things to him. I know I am 30 years old successful business man but yet I still don’t know how confess to him. I feel like I am teenager again when come to love.

Seungri is charming person. No one can refuse him but I did. I am very foolish person as I believed everything happened to me was because of Seungri.

After so many days thinking, I decided to bring him for romantic dinner and confess my love

I love to look at him when he eats, drinking, eating desserts and when put his hand on the table. His hands and his fingers are very cute. Short and chubby although his body shows otherwise.

I was looking at him all the time without his knowledge. . I prepared everything to talk to him. I memorised everything but still I messed up. Without thinking I was holding his hand. He didn’t say anything and let me hold it.

Because I need to drive I let his hand go. I really love to hold his hand. Once reached home, when he about leave I hold his hand again, when he looked at me, without thinking I confessed my love to him.

When he looked at me, I felt nervous and calmly waiting for his reply. When he asked me whether I said sincerely, I felt worried and immediately said that I was joking although that day was not 1st April to begin with.

I know I hurt Seungri.

After that, Seungri and I went our room. I unable to sleep as ruined the best confession I could. I really don’t know why I did that. I slapped myself several time because of my stupidity.

ENF OF FLASHBACK OF JIYONG.

PRESENT DAY

I know what Seungri is thinking. He may remember that day when I confessed to him and immediately taken back.

“I know you won’t believe me. But I am telling you the truth.” I told him.

“Why now?” Seungri asked.

“Not now but for quite some time ago I already fallen for you. But I was stupid not to confess to you. I am really sorry for that day. Even you remember the day went you back from your home town? That day I prepared dinner for us to confess my love to you. But again I chickened out. And you accidentally saw the lawyer letter and after that so many things happened.

I am sorry for everything. I would like to start over again. I am no more with Ryan. Actually I am no more ‘with’ him after I fallen in love with you. I was so stupid to not fall for you sooner. I know I hurt you before, but I am really sorry for everything I did to you. I am here as new Jiyong who only loves you. I suffered a lot when you not with me, when you left me, when you decided nothing between us. I want to come to you sooner but my brain didn’t function. I like a teenage boy who broke up with his boyfriend. Literally my situation was like that. I take time to not ruin any moment with you like last time.

I love you Seungri, I love you so much. I want you to be mine and I am be yours. Forever” At last Jiyong confessed.

Seungri was silent.

Seungri doesn’t know how take this anymore. He doesn’t want to feel anything anymore as he tired being the person who always disappoint the other who he loved so much.

Seungri’s POV

1st I disappointed Jiyong without realising when I told uncle about his bad behaviour and friends

2nd my mother, when I came out as gay. Actually I didn’t came out to her but somehow she found out. When confronted by her, I have no choice but coming out to her. She was not happy with me. She never talked to me for few months. She was my best friend. But no more now. We still talks but the relationship not same as before. 7 years already. She was slowly accepting me I guess after I got married to Jiyong. But the marriage also never last long. That’s why I didn’t tell them my situation yet.

3rd my father. If you ask me who I love more, I would say my father. I always choose my father. He loved me also. Who said parents have no love partiality to their kids. That’s all lie. Also there is normal ‘say’ that father loves daughter more than son and mother loves son more than daughter. But in my family this was totally vice versa. My father also loved me so much until my mom told him when I was forced to confess to my father when I am not ready yet. Everything changed since then. My father beaten me until I lost conscious. When I opened my eyes, my mother was applying ointment to my bruises. When I cried and hugged my mother, she didn’t say anything but slowly move my hands from the hug. Then I realised I have no one anymore. I am not a week person but this is 1st time my father lay his hands on me. I am merely shocked than scared as all the while I thought my father loves me but looks like I was wrong.

My sister also wa