I am beautiful too Characters : Jin Jin ( Park Jinwoo ), Rocky ( Park Minhyuk ),
Cha Eunwoo (Lee Dongmin), Moon Bin, MJ ( Kim Myungjun ) & Yoon Sanha

 

 

 

Another day of work was done. I was so tired, but I was happy. Happy because we were doing what we wanted. Astro had debut, we had fans, and we were recording a TV show earlier today.

We had to go back to our dorm. I followed Eunwoo and Rocky while looking away. Moonbin, Sanha and MJ were behind me. We all followed our manager, walking quite slowly.

Is it me or there is a lot of people where we are going?
The more I looked, the worse it seems to be. In front of us a lot of girls were screaming and pushing each other.

I sighed.
I loved our fans. Really. But sometimes, I just wanted to go home and sleep. Today was that kind of day.
Rocky took my hand, I took Moonbin's behind me, and we walked closer. Making sure nobody would be stuck in that crowd. Our staff surrounded us, but it was still frightful.

People shouted in front of me. I looked down. I heard my manager shouting, telling people to move away. Rocky squeezed my hand. He knew I felt claustrophobic from times to times.
Our car was near. As Eunwoo was at the front of our line, he was the first to get inside.
When he did, people started to dispersed, letting us breathing more normally.
I looked around, astonished. There was only few people left, and they were looking at the car.
They were looking at Eunwoo.
I let go of Moonbin's hand. I tried to do the same with Rocky, but he kept the grip.

"Thank you for coming for all of Astro." I sighed.
"They are so rude." I also mumbled.

Rocky jumped in the car and I followed.
We all knew Eunwoo was really popular right now. He's an actor, he's everywhere. We are proud of him, he's our brother after all.
But it kinda hurt. I worked as much as him. Why can't I be as popular?
Why does people act like we aren't here when Eunwoo's in the same room?

I can't help it. I am jealous.
I sat at my place and grunt. I was in a bad mood. I didn't want to show it, but I am not a good actor. Rocky next to me noticed it right away. He smiled at me sadly.

"We'll get there at some point too."

I looked away. I was so mad, but I couldn't say all I was thinking. After all, it was part of the game.
Being an Idol was having talent, knowing people, being gorgeous and lucky. I was lacking in the last two point. It was difficult to stay positive.
Eunwoo wasn't the one with the most talent, but he had the three others points. The TV loved him.

"Hyung?"

Rocky's voice was soft. I turned to him while frowning. He tried to smile at me.

"I know what's in your head. Don't over think this."

I closed my eyes. I felt furious.

"How can you know how I feel? I'm so ing tired."
"I feel the same."

I chuckled.

"You shouldn't. You did a TV show by yourself recently. People know you. I am the leader, yet I can ride the subway freely. Nobody noticed me. NOBODY."

My voice was louder than I wanted. Moonbin looked at me, frowning.

"Sorry." I finally said while looking away.

We went home and I went directly in my bed. I share my bedroom with Rocky. He was on the top bunk, and I was on the bottom. I put the blanket over my head, still angry at everything.
When my friend came to sleep, I was almost sleeping.

"Are you okay now?" He asked me while getting in his bed.
"I guess."
"You should talk with Eunwoo hyung. I think he felt bad because of what happened today."

I hide my face, suddenly ashamed.

"I was mean, was I?"
"A little."

I liked Rocky. He was honest. He didn't turn around the subject.

"It doesn't affect you?" I asked while closing my eyes.
"What?"

I sighed. I felt my eyes burning. I frowned. I wouldn't let me be teary about this.

"That only Eunwoo has fans. They don't see us anymore."

He stayed silent a second, then spoke softly.

"No. They were not fans. They were disturbing people. They acted like monkey and crazy people. Plus, I don't care about fans. I only care about one opinion."

I smiled. He had such a nice mindset.
That opinion he cared about was obviously his own. I wished I was strong like him. He was younger than me, yet he showed me a lot.

"Good night Rocky."
"'Night hyung."

Next day, we had a photo shoot for a magazine. We were all waiting for get make up and hair done. I sat on a chair and waited while the professional came to me.
I saw her doing her job on Eunwoo just before me. He looked gorgeous now and he was smiling all along. It reassured me.
I smiled as she finally applied make up on me.

"Please stay neutral, it's easier to work for me."

I blinked, surprised.

"Eunwoo was smiling while you were working just seconds ago."
"Yeah, but he has a perfect face. Now please look straight and stay neutral."

That comment hurt me more than I would like to admit.
I lost my smile and closed my eyes. Nice way to destroy my happiness today.

We took group pictures, I tried to smile for the camera and act y.
After a while, they asked for personal shot. They started with MJ, then Rocky and then it was my turn.
I watched Rocky taking his pictures. He looked gorgeous, which made me proud of him. At some point he noticed I was looking at him, and he flashed a big smile. I did the same without noticing.
Our session were short, 5 minutes each maximum. We could take around 25 shots if we worked quickly. As I wasn't the fastest at anything, it worried me a little. They told us if we were late, we will have less time. So we had to go fast.
As I switched place with Rocky, he did a Hi-five to me.

"Show the world how beautiful you are." He said to me while looking into my eyes.

I chuckled shyly as I went at my spot. I felt my cheeks burning, but I wasn't sure why. I guess I just missed compliments.
I was able to take 10 different poses during my time. I let Sanha go after me.
I sighed as I walked to Rocky, who was waiting for me.

"They asked me to work too fast. I work better when there is no rush."

My friend put his arm around me while smiling.

"You don't need to take 50 pictures. Quality over quantity."

I chuckled again.

"Thanks."

Sanha was a pro, he worked hard with a lot of different expression. I was astonished by his work today. I might even have clapped at the end.
Moonbin went after and Eunwoo walked next to me. I looked at him, he was flawless. I took his hand and bring him with me few feet away.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have acted that way." I said, sincerely.

I shouldn't make him feel bad because of my insecurities.

"It's fine."

He smiled at me, but looked somehow sad.

"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."

He looked away.

"I'm sorry too. I wish I wasn't a nuisance like that."

I felt bad. I knew he was feeling this way. I knew he disliked when people acted like the fan did.

"Don't. If anything, Astro is more popular because of you."
"Still. I feel bad every time stuff like that happens."

Moonbin ran to us and pushed Eunwoo.

"Hyung, go! It's your turn."

We both turned and looked at him, surprised.

"Already?"
"Stop talking and go. You don't want to be late."

He ran to the photo shoot. Moonbin stayed with me while we looked at our friend working.

"Be careful with your words, hyung."

I closed my eyes and smiled. Of course Moonbin would say something. After all, Eunwoo and him were a couple.

"I apologized to him. I just did."
"Great. Because you know he has a lot of pressure. I don't want him to be affected by that too."
"I'll be careful."
"Thanks."

Moonbin walked away, leaving me alone. I watched Eunwoo working for a while, lost in my thoughts. I didn't notice someone was next to me.

"They are cute, aren't they?"

I jumped, somehow surprised by Rocky. I looked at him, puzzled.

"What? Who?"

He smiled at me then pointed Eunwoo and Moonbin. They were playing around, holding hands and chuckling. I realized I was looking at them for at least 2 minutes and felt ashamed.

"Err... I... I don't know."

The truth was - as much as I was jealous of Eunwoo's popularity, as much as I was jealous of his couple.
I was alone. For a while now. Too many years. I didn't have any confession for as far as I can remember. And I am either too shy or to slow to do it myself.
I looked at Rocky who was frowning while looking at the couple.

"You think they are cute?" I asked, unsure.

Rocky was my best friend since years. We did everything together.
But he never talked about his love life. I am not even sure he had someone before.
I wonder why, he's gorgeous, strong and nice. Maybe he need to be less... Emotionless. But other than that, I am sure he can find someone easily.
Rocky looked at the floor, then smiled at me.

"Yes."

I put an arm around his shoulder, smiling.

"So you can have feelings? I thought it wasn't possible with you."

He chuckled.

"I just said they were acting cute."
"Words can implied other words, you should know that. If you think a couple is cute, it's often because you would like to be in the same situation."

He looked at the floor and smiled shyly.

"Whatever."

Our manager shouted at us because it was time to leave.

"I'm not sure you can be cute like them in a relationship." I said while laughing.

He looked at me, frowning.

"Why?"
"Because you are too manly. Cute concept make you cringe."

He stayed emotionless while we walked to our car.
I sat next to him. He stayed awfully silent while we ride home. I felt bad again. Me and my big mouth.
Before we got off the car, I spoke softly.

"I am sorry. You can be cute too. I shouldn't have say that earlier."
"No, you are right. I... I hate acting cute. I just thought that it would be different with someone I like. I guess I am a lost cause. I will never be like hyungs."

I took his hand, feeling bad.

"We are all different. You don't need to be like them. I am not like them myself."
"H-how are you when you are in love?"

He looked at me with his piercing eyes. I felt awkward - even more before we were still holding hands. I chuckled while feeling my ears turning red.

"I... I am worse than them."
"What do you mean?"
"Please don't ask. I'm too ashamed."

I noticed his smile grew bigger.

"You need to tell me now."

I grunted as got off the black sedan. Rocky behind me, waiting patiently.
I waited that all the other went inside and walked slowly with Rocky.

"I fall in love too easily. But I am so slow, I realize how I feel when it's too late."
"Okay. But it wasn't my question."

I looked at him, chuckling.

"You can't let me off with this, right?"

He smiled.

"I have a double personality. I become jealous quickly and then I start acting like a kid. Not literally but... I'm so used to be the hyung... I like being taken care of. So I act cute and smile around a lot. I like getting compliments. Soooo much! "
"Do you?"
"It's childish right?"

I scratched my neck, ashamed.

"It's kinda cute."
"Don't lie. People find it strange. It's probably why I am alone."
"It is not."  He said nonchalantly.

I looked at him, surprised.

"What? Why am I alone then?"
"Because I scare them off."

His face was so neutral, I laughed loudly.

"Yah, stop joking around."

He raised and eyebrow then chuckled too.

It was Friday night, we were all at home. Eunwoo and Moonbin were cuddling in the living room while watching a movie. MJ and Sanha were cooking and Rocky was on cellphone.

I was bored. I wanted to go out and do something. Dance, drink, have fun.
I looked at my phone, looking for someone who would like to go clubbing with me. I looked at names and scrolled down quickly.
I send a message to two or three people. They all answered they were busy. I grunted. What's the used to know people when you are left alone.

"What's up hyung?" Asked Rocky without moving, his eyes glued on his phone.
"I want to go out but everybody is busy."
"I am not."

He looked at me seriously. I smiled, knowing he wouldn't be interested already. He like to dance, he like to drink. But being in a crowd is not what he like the most. We are kinda alike.

"You want to go clubbing with me?"

Before he could answer, MJ shouted next to me.

"Yah! Why didn't you tell me you were clubbing? I wanna come too."

Moonbin also moved and looked at us.

"Can I join?"

I kept my eyes on Rocky, even with the disturbance. After all, he was my best friend. His presence was the most important.

"I want to."

I smiled at my friends.

"Nice! You can all come with me. How about we go in an hour? Does it give you enough time to finish your movie Bin?"
"Yeah."
"Can I come too?" Asked Sanha.
"You aren't old enough. Next year you can come with us."

I heard Bin and Eunwoo talking softly. I think Bin tried to convince him of going too.
I was just happy I could go with my friends.

An hour and a half later, we were at the club. The music was loud enough for my brain to stop thinking.
We grabbed a beer at the counter and choose a boot. After few sips, I stood up and walked to the dance floor.
I wanted to dance. Forget about my problems and maybe... Just maybe... Look at attractive people from closer.

I am a man, after all. I have needs. I want to be love and cherish. But I also just want to bang someone.
Woman, man, I don't care anymore. I just want attention.

I walked around, dancing with strangers. I found an attractive girl who smiled at me. My smile became bigger.
We dance for few minutes. then I went closer to her. I put a hand on his hips and we danced more sensually. I felt hot.
Someone touched my shoulder. I turned around and noticed it was Rocky. He looked uncomfortable.

"I'm in the middle of something Rocky. Can it wait?"

I looked back at the girl, but she was gone. I sighed.

"Yah..."
"Sorry." He seemed weird enough.
"What's up?"
"The hyungs left me alone and I... I didn't know what to do."

I blinked. He seemed drunk.

"Are you serious? Just dance. Dance around with people."
"With who?"
"Anybody? Come on, it's not your first time in a club Rocky. Don't be so dense."

I looked around and pointed Eunwoo and Moonbin who were dancing together, and MJ who was dancing with a cute girl.

"Just do the same. Let's go!"

I turned around and dance again. I looked around and my eyes met another cute girl who smiled at me. I slowly walked in her direction.
I tried to look cool and y, her smile became wider. It felt good for my ego. I somehow found the courage to put my hand on her hips right away. She put her arms around my neck. It suddenly felt hot. Oh my, so hot.
She came closer to me, talking in my ear.

"Hey there, gorgeous."

I tried to look at her eyes and face, but her cleavage was damn attractive. She noticed I was looking a little bit too much down here and smiled.

"You like what you see uh?"

I felt my body burning even more. Oh my god. She's so suggestive, it makes me crazy.
We danced for a while, she humped on me few times. I was really excited and wanted to go somewhere more private with her soon.

"Hey gorgeous, I'll go take my stuff, and we could go somewhere quiet after, what do you think?"
" yeah."

She smiled at me and walked away from me. I tried to hide my excita