It is easy when you’re alone and in your own world. There’s no one there to judge you or no one to tell you what you did was wrong. It was only you. It helps especially when the whole nation wishes to see you standing there and your country national anthem echoing around the arena. The people’s burden place down on her shoulder. They want to see her win. But to a point that she might lose herself and lost the love.

 

“Tzuyu!”

 

She heard that voice calling her name but submerging will only let her feels the pain once again. Jihyo was right. She’s useless. She can’t leave her dreams for her happiness.

 

“Chou Tzuyu!”

 

A big splash of water echoed as she felt the water list creating subtle waves. Is it hard for everyone to understand what she’s been through. When she was a kid, she swore to herself that one day, she’ll be standing on the podium with a big smile and probably crying when she sing the national anthem. Then there’s Sana, the girl that mysteriously creeping into her heart and stay. She is her first love and she intended for things to stay the way it is. She loves her and that was it. She’ll die without her.

 

“ it Tzuyu!” Tzuyu felt her body being pulled up from under the water; the one place that she felt calm. Tzuyu opening her eyes and saw Naeun worried expression as the girl wrapping her arm around Tzuyu’s neck trying hard to swim back to the pool ledge. Tzuyu let her friend do whatever she wants because at this moment, her body feels numb. The pain is too much. Its eating her inside. It’s tearing her apart. Tzuyu felt as Naeun climb up the ledge and forcefully tugging her up too.

 

“Are you crazy?! You’ve been down there for 5 minutes! You could have died!”

 

Tzuyu lay down on the floor as her eyes lingering towards Naeun.

 

“Then maybe dying is my option.”

 

Naeun eyes widen. What happen to Tzuyu in Paris that she came back and becoming a mess like this?

 

“Don’t say things like that! What happen to you?”

 

Naeun wish she knew what’s going on inside Tzuyu’s head so that she knew what to say or do. It’s hurting to see Tzuyu in this state. She was happy when she boarded that plane to Paris. She becoming this lifeless Tzuyu when she came back into training. It wasn’t easy to stay away for a week watching as Tzuyu did nothing in training and seems distracted. She had enough watching by the side and see Tzuyu turning her life upside down.

 

“You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“Then tell me. Maybe I can help.”

Tzuyu pushing herself up like a lifeless women she is and hugging her knees as she set her chin on top of her knee. She’s looking directly at Naeun as she constructing words in her head.   “Someone in Paris told me that I am useless and Sana made a wrong decision to stay with me. She had a point though. I am useless and I can’t....” She glances towards the pool and sigh.   “...I can’t leave this dream for her while she left her whole life in Seoul for me. I’m a jerk and selfish.”   Naeun noticed the sadness in her friend’s tone. But something else that she also noticed.   “And who is this someone?”   “It’s not important. I can’t get what she said out of my head. It was true. Sana gave up everything for me. I did nothing for her. This marriage is what I wanted because I am insecure of our relationship. She didn’t want this. I’m so stupid Naeun.”   Watching as Tzuyu succumbing in despair and self blaming like this is too much. Maybe now would be the right time to tell Tzuyu what’s going on.   “Tzu. I have something to tell you. But before that, is this someone you’re talking about is Jihyo?”   Naeun knew she’s right by only with Tzuyu’s reaction to her mentioning Jihyo name. So it was true.   “How did you know?” Tzuyu is not going to like this but Naeun can’t keep on lying towards Tzuyu just because she want to protect her. She’s not and evidently Tzuyu is still hurting.   “Here goes nothing. When I was in Paris with you, Jihyo came to me and ask me, well more like wanting me to help her out to get Sana to like her and I can finally have you.”   “She what? You agree to it?” This is the part where Naeun felt like not answering it and just ignore it.   “I did but I can’t push through. I love you Tzuyu. I know you know it. I just...”   Tzuyu hush Naeun by placing her index finger on her lips. The sad smile had vanish replace by an appreciating smile. Tzuyu shaking her head.   “Just knowing that you said no is enough for me Naeun. About Jihyo, I think I can handle her. Thank you for being honest. It helps.”   Naeun meant a lot to Tzuyu. When Sana disappear, the few friends she had were the reason that she keep believing that Sana left for a good reason. But then the friends that she’s been holding on started slipping away after high school ended. Just like her, everyone have their own dream. Mina went to the States just like her parents want her too. Chaeyoung had everything planned out and go with Mina. Jeongyeon decided that France is one of the best European country with a great basketball scholarship. It’s her one way ticket if she ever considering WNBA. Momo left for Japan and play with Japan national team since her mother was born there. Since she’s not playing for South Korea, she’s eligible for Japan team. Tzuyu was left alone in South Korea pursuing her Olympic dreams. She got into the national team. She was new to the team and so was Naeun. They spent time together and share a lot of memories as teammates, swimming partner and then bestfriends. Naeun was there for her when she couldn’t get Sana out of her head.   “Tzu, just this one time.”   Tzuyu wasn’t fast enough to interrupt when she felt Naeun lips on hers. She’s froze as Naeun deepening the kiss. She didn’t want to respond to it but as the kiss deepens, she felt that emotions pouring from Naeun. Is this how she felt towards her? Is this how love would be with Naeun. Tzuyu closed her eyes as Naeun finally pulling away with her palms place just beneath Tzuyu’s neck and forehead glued together. She’s breathless because at one moment, Tzuyu did replied to her kiss. No Chou Tzuyu, this is wrong. You’re leading her. It’s wrong.   “Tzu..” That moment, Tzuyu finally realize the depth of her trouble. She’s dragging Naeun with her.    “Sorry. I...” Tzuyu said as she stood up distancing herself from Naeun. Why did she responded back? Tzuyu mentally blaming herself. Naeun could have scold her or kick her in the for her actions but instead, she stood up and pull Tzuyu into a tight hug. The trembling girl for sure didn’t mean to kiss her. It was just a momentarily act that cause trouble. Luckily no one saw them. If not, they would definitely appear in the gossip column tomorrow morning. Naeun just want to be someone that Tzuyu can depend on and willingly to share her everything with the tan girl.   “I’m so sorry.. I don’t know what I was thinking..” It breaks her heart as Tzuyu sounded as she’s regretting her action although at some point, Naeun felt she had a chance. She finally pulling away and cupping the tan girl face. She forced an okay smile.   “You’re thinking too much Tzu. I just want to taste it one last time. Don’t worry. I do understand. Sana is so lucky to have you. Go home. Talk to her again. It’s been a week since you’ve contacted her right? Don’t let her wait. She loves you just like you love her. Remember that.”   Naeun’s word did wonders to Tzuyu. It help her ease her way through her cloudy mind. The role that was taken a long time ago by Chaeyoung before and it is now held by Naeun. She’s grateful for that.   “But what Jihyo said...”   “She’s angry just like me when you found Sana. But unlike me, Jihyo hasn’t realize how much you meant to Sana. I did and I let you go. She’ll let Sana go too but until then, prove to her that you are worth the fight that Sana put in.”   It never occurs to Tzuyu that what Naeun meant could probably be right. Then it dawn on her that she is also the reason to Naeun’s heartache. How much this friend of hers did suffers just because of the likes of someone like her? Tzuyu felt miserable with the way she handles the situation between her and Naeun.   “Naeun, I’m sorry for not being able to love you the way you did. If only things are different. Then we might...”   “We might be together? One question Tzu. If you haven’t found Sana again, would you have accepting me?”   Pause. Tzuyu didn’t answer her question immediately. Kwanghee is right and it was clear to her now.    “No. Don’t answer that. Go home and go see your girlfriend. You need her and I bet you, she needs