It was his damn bladder. It woke him up in the middle of the night despite just getting into bed a couple of hours ago. He lifts his sheets and makes his way across the apartment and into the bathroom, half-asleep. The sound of fluid hitting the ceramic bowl echoes around him and wakes him up little by little. The events earlier in the night were still fresh in his mind as he washes his hands and wipes them on a hanging towel, almost not able to believe his incredible luck.

He walks back to his bedroom and looks at the bag of cash by his bedside table, a huge smile forming on his face. He couldn't wait til Kibum took a look inside. He could already imagine the screams of delight and the tight hugs. If he was being honest with himself, it would be ridiculous to think that the young man would so easily forgive him for wads of cash, but this was the only way he knew how to make it up to him. Jinki had to try.  

"Kibum?" he says from his bedroom, his booming voice cracking through the silence. 

Jinki didn't think much of the younger man not answering back. He must still be sound asleep on the couch. He decides to sit up in bed to gloat to himself about his good fortune.

Hornet seemed pleased that he had gotten on Heechul's good side, even giving him a little more money for the job than they had originally talked about. He was finally welcomed as part of the Nest and was even given his own space in the apartment now, just like the other members. He was free to come and go as he pleased, and was given the exclusive task of dealing with Heechul.

Despite everything that had just opened up for him, Jinki couldn't take his mind off the offer. To be the right-hand man of one of the cities most prolific syndicates was tempting to say the least. He knew the power that Heechul held in his own little world--he had experienced it first hand. It allured him, the way that the older man could command what he wanted and snuff out a life if he wanted to. The part of him that wanted revenge seemed to give way to greed. A life that he had never even dared to dream of was within his reach. All he had to do was to be brave enough to take it.

He rubs his eyes again, trying to get himself to think about it rationally. Kibum wouldn't go for it; that much he knew. He decides to clear his head by waking up the younger man to apologize and maybe seek some help about what to do. 

Jinki gets up out of bed, slings the bag of cash over his shoulder and drags his feet towards the living room. 

"Kibum?" he says, as he makes his way towards the couch.

All that could be heard was the slamming of the bag falling to the floor when he realizes that Kibum wasn't where he expected him to be. 

Jinki starts to run around the apartment, checking in the bathroom, the kitchen, back to the bedroom, wherever he could look for his long-time friend. He just now noticed Kibum 's keys and cellphone on the kitchen counter and his heart starts to race at the realization of what was really going on. 

"No, no... Kibum?" he says, as he frantically makes his way back into their bedroom. He opens the closet and finds that everything that Kibum owned had been cleared out... Not a trace of him to be found anywhere. 

"," Jinki says as he backs away from the closet and into the wall behind him, slamming his head against the cold concrete. His wound throbs in pain as the cold truth settles in: Kibum left. 

For the first time in years... He was alone.

Jinki buries his head in his hands and falls to the floor, succumbing to the pain his legs from all the walking he did the night before.

"," he mutters to himself, utterly defeated by his own foolishness. 

The memory of the hurt in Kibum's eyes kept flashing in his mind and haunted him. He could no longer trick himself into thinking that he was innocent in all of this. He knew how Kibum loved him. And instead of being honest, he did what was convenient. He let someone love him without ever giving himself the responsibility of loving him back. The reality of what he really was stared him down. He was a cold, heartless user. He had used the only person to ever love him in his miserable life. 

A sudden surge of desperation coursed through his veins. He had no idea how, but he wanted to find his friend. He knew that it would be an exercise in futility. After all these years, and after everything that the had made the younger man go through, any apology would fall short. Kibum would never forgive him, and things could never go back to the way that they were. But all he wanted was to see him one last time... Tell him that he was sorry... Make sure that he was going to be okay. He owed him at least that much. 

Jinki makes his way out the door in a huff, each step taken with more conviction than before. The city was big and full of strangers. He had no idea where to head to, or who to turn to. He easily gets lost in the streets and the crowds. Each unrecognizable face that he passes makes him lose hope of ever seeing Kibum again. He wanted to find him, sure, but even if he did... What would he tell him? It was clear that they were at the end of their rope. As the hours flew by, giving up didn't sound like such a bad idea.

The older man disappears into a dark alley and takes a seat on the dingy floor, taking out his flimsy pack of cigarettes. The sound of the lighter flicking open echoes through the deserted space, and the familiar singe of the cigarette finally bringing him comfort in this dreary night.

It's been a while since he sat in a dark alley doing nothing. The last time he could remember doing this was when he was a young teenager... With the person he was trying so desperately to find.  

"Hey... Why are you dressed up? Are you going somewhere?" Kibum asks, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. The younger man sat up in his bed and rubbed his eyes, staring at his friend who was crouched by the window.

"Go back to sleep, Kibum," he says, shooing his friend away. It was early morning in the orphanage and Jinki had made a habit of skipping out in the middle of the night. 

"Are you running away? You're not going to leave me here, Lee Jinki..." Kibum says more forcefully, starting to raise his voice.

"SHHH, you'll wake the others. I'll be back in the morning okay? Just go back to sleep," he says, preparing to jump out of their first story bedroom.

"If you don't tell me exactly what you're doing and where you're going to go, I'm telling," the younger man says, with a smirk on his face. 

The two had grown up together and he was quite familiar with each mannerism of the young man. He knew that the arched eyebrow that he was being given right now meant that he wasn't going to get let off that easily. He takes a deep breath as he decides to go against his gut. 

"Fine... You can come but be quiet okay," he says, jumping casually out the window. 

Jinki falls with a slight thud and waits for Kibum to follow him. The younger man comes stumbling out, wearing his best track suit. Jinki looks at him skeptically and gives him side eye. 

"What?" Kibum asks, brushing off the blades of grass that got stuck on his knees.

"You're really wearing that?" Jinki asks back.

"Just because we're sneaking off in the middle of the night doesn't mean I should look like I fell out of bed," he says, looking at Jinki from head to toe. "Come on... Where are we going anyway?"

The older man smiles and shakes his head fondly, knowing that he shouldn't have expected anything less from Kim Kibum. No matter what he did, he always managed to inject a bit of flair into it. Tonight was no exception.

Jinki starts walking towards the nearest convenience store with a bewildered Kibum following closely behind.

"Wait... Wait! Why are you going there? Do you have money? Oh my God, Jinki, why didn't you tell me you had money? Where did you get it?" Kibum asked, stumbling over himself just to keep up. 

They stop a few feet away from the store and stare at the bright neon lights together. "So what do you want?" Jinki asks.

"Do you really have money?" Kibum asks, looking at him quizically. "Well... I wouldn't mind an ice cream cone right now..." 

Jinki smirks and walks off into the convenience store leaving a confused Kibum waiting in the middle of the street. The familiar ding of the store's door doesn't faze either him or the uninterested clerk waiting behind the cashier. His heart is beating, not with nervousness at what he was about to do, but with anticipation of showing his friend his newly learned skill. He walks nonchalantly towards the wall of freezers and looks at the ice cream cones that he knows Kibum likes. He checks one more time if the clerk is paying attention and coughs loudly as he slides the freezer door open. Jinki expertly takes out the treats without a sound and puts them in his jacket pocket, closing the freezer door.

He walks out without a hitch and smiles at Kibum who is waiting for him. He motions for the younger man to follow him into a dark alley, and they sit down side by side as Jinki hands Kibum the treats that he wanted. 

"You think you're so slick, don't you? You almost got caught, you know..." Kibum says, opening the wrapper and taking a huge bite from the ice cream. "The clerk looked up when you coughed. You need a lookout..."

Jinki looks over at his friend, realizing what he was trying to say. They look at each other with a smile, and shake their hands in agreement. They sit together in silence, finishing the treats. 

"Thanks..." Kibum says, smiling. For the first time, he thinks that he could possibly feel something more than friendship forJinki. He stares at the older man, his heart falling immediately in despair. There's no way that Jinki would ever feel the same. The young man clears his throat and pushes the thought out of his head. " So... There's another convenience store a couple of blocks away. This ice cream is making me want something to drink. Wanna go test the lookout theory?" Kibum asks. 

Jinki was up even before the younger man could finish his sentence. 

He rests his head against the wall and closes his eyes. He doesn't even know how to express how much he regrets introducing Kibum to this kind of life. Who knows what Kibum could be right now if he didn't get in the way. He ruined him. A rush of self-hatred washes over him. That's the cold, hard truth... He should never let himself draw near to anyone. He ruins people. 

Jinki bangs the back of his head into the cold, concrete wall. Another deep breath calms him down as he closes his eyes for the second time. The first thing that pops into his mind was Taemin... Good, pure, delicate Taemin. He was the one Jinki wanted. But how could he have him, when his own life was such a mess. He couldn't do to Taemin what he's done to Kibum. There was no way that he could ruin the beautiful and peaceful life that Taemin had built for himself. But now that he had experienced what it felt to have Taemin in his arms, there was nothing else that he could think about... There was nothing else that he wanted more. 

He had never felt more out of control... He needed to see Taemin, even if it was just one brief moment. 

*****

"Wait!" Minho shouts, as he stumbles to answer his door. Each knock was like a punch to the side of his head, still nursing the world's worst hangover. "Wait a minute, damn it!"

He finally gets to the door and swings it open to find a familiar face on the other side.

"Kibum? What are you doing here?" 

"I need a place to stay," Kibum says.

Minho stands there in silence, utterly confused by what the hell was going on.

"Are you gonna let me in or not?" Kibum says, with an impatient look on his face. This was certainly the last place that he wanted to be. He didn't want to start a broken hearts club with Minho, but he was truly the only person he could turn to--the only good guy, that is.

The younger man stands to the side and lets his guest through. Kibum confidently walked in, with his bags in tow, immediately assessing the apartment. His eyes are drawn to the plaques and certificates on the wall. "Wow... You did good for yourself, Choi," he says, wheeling his luggage into the living room and sitting promptly on the couch. 

"I try..." Minho closes the door and scratches his head, staring at Kibum, who was already unpacking and making himself at home. "Why am I scared to ask how you know where I live?"

Kibum halts to turn and look at him. "I'm a professional criminal; it's not that hard to find you." 

"Oh, I'm not doubting you one bit. I meant, I was scared to ask why you're here," Minho says, leaning against the wall.

"Look, I know how big of an inconvenience this is. I would go elsewhere if I could... But there aren't many options right now. I don't have much... I don't anything at all, except for these fabulous clothes..." Kibum's voice trails off and he stops himself from breaking into tears. He couldn't believe that he was in the position where he had to beg a virtual stranger for some help, but he doesn't have much of a choice. "Minho... All I need is a bit of time. I'll get a job--a real one. I'll do housework... I'll keep out of your hair.... You won't even know I'm here," he pleads. 

Minho takes a deep breath. It seems cruel to turn him away now. He looks at Kibum once over and notices his eyes, red and b with tears. In an instant, he knew how much pain the older man was in. His heart softens and is relieved that there's someone he can talk to who understands the pain that he's going through. "Can you cook?"

Kibum smiles widely for the first time in forever. "Like hell I can..."