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Dead Leaves
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Seohee was standing right beside the door, waiting patiently for the dishes to be empty and ready to be brought in the kitchen. She had been standing there for a while now, but the men were talking about their respective business and the next trades their common association was planning on doing on the near future instead of eating, so she had nothing else to do but wait. Albeit her feet hurt from standing still for too long, she knew better than to show it in front of everyone. She’d learnt it the hard way when she was younger. Maids were paid to keep company, clean and serve, not to complain about their job.

 

Actually, the family Seohee served was very kind with her and they never punished her harshly, the way it happened to other girls she knew, but they really cared about keeping their appearance in front of these specific people. Moreover, they were giving her a full week of leave as a present for her marriage, so she felt like she owed them at least to make good service during this lunch. For the first time in years she was going to skip a full week of work, thus Seohee really didn't think she had the right to complain at the moment.

 

The chatters were happy, and every now and then a bright laugh echoed in the room.

 

Seohee couldn’t keep her eyes from focusing on Junmyeon again and again.

 

What if she had been the one to marry him? Would she feel comfortable sitting with those rich women and chattering away about the most recent and hottest gossip in town? What kind of dressed would she have worn for this kind of occasion? Would Junmyeon have showed her off in front of everyone's eyes?

 

He was wearing the white silk shirt that always made his skin look nicer, and the burgundy suit he was wearing looked perfect on him, as it emphasised the muscles on his arms and thighs. He looked so handsome, Seohee could feel shamefully drying at sight. Unfortunately, as Seohee was staring at him, she caught the sweet smile his wife sent to him and the way he smiled back at her. The pang in her heart she felt at the sight brought back to reality: he was above her and married. She was about to get married in a couple of day, too, so there was no reason for her to pine for him anymore. No reason for her to be jealous. She had always known Junmyeon was going to marry some important girl, daughter of some rich man friend of his father. She really always kept that in mind, but keeping her mind from fantasising about the “what ifs” was hard nonetheless.

 

If Junmyeon had married her instead, would she have gotten pregnant as fast as his wife had? Would she have looked as pretty? Because his wife was surely glowing right now. It could’ve also been her usual self, but Seohee couldn’t free herself from the poisonous idea that it was due to her pregnancy and happiness. Who wouldn’t be happy if they were to be in her shoes? She had married a very rich man less than a year ago, a handsome one at that, who was also very nice and put her first without being afraid of showing it, she was rich and even pregnant. Junmyeon had always had this sort of prince-like aura around him, and a gentleness that made spending time with him a real pleasure.

 

Seohee was brought back from her reverie when the other maid, her friend Aerin, nudged her in the ribs with her elbow.

 

“Are you deaf? I’ve been asking you to take away this plate away for the last five minutes!”, a woman shrieked from the other side of the room, pointing angrily at the plate full of untouched food. Seohee wanted to scoff, for she knew perfectly well that the banshee probably had only asked twice, but since she needed her job and yelling at maids was perfectly normal for these people, she bowed her heard as an apology and hastily walked in her direction. She grabbed the plate she had to bring back to the kitchen and made her way to the door. On the way there Seohee caught Junmyeon’s pitiful gaze and suddenly all she wanted to do was grab the dish and smash it in front of that old woman for embarrassing her in front of him. She wanted to disappear from the room and never come back. It was already hard enough to know there was a great difference between their social statuses and that he was married to another woman, but it was ever harder when things like this happened and Junmyeon was there to see them.

 

She loved Junmyeon too much, and it had been that way for a very long time. Seohee had always known there would be no space for her in Junmyeon’s life, especially after his marriage, thus she’d eventually given in to meet ad marry the man who worked at the local library with her father. Her father had spent quite a while insisting Seohee should give him a chance before rejecting him, but she had never agreed, until one day he snapped and told her she either did it on her own or he'd have to take the situation in his hands. That was quite a depressive moment in Seohee’s life, but after a long cry she’d found it in her to ask her father to give her just a little time before marrying Sehun. In spite of his sour mood, Seohee’s father had agreed and apologized to her daughter about the previous night, but still he had held his position: he wanted her to stop pining after someone she could never have and finally see her married to a good man. Sehun was by all means a good man: he was nice, he cared about expanding his knowledge, he loved his job, he was respectful of Seohee’s father, he respected her and never forced her to follow his lead, he was sincere and many other things that in Seohee's mind defined him as a good man. That was one of the many reasons why Seohee couldn’t hate Sehun even though she was about to be forced to marry him. Actually, in the last six months, Seohee had grown to be quite fond of the latter, and it didn't feel like she was being completely forced anymore. Sure, she didn’t love him, but she cared dearly about him, because he always kept her and her opinion in consideration, which wasn’t something many women could expect from their husbands. He was more like a friend or a brother to Seohee, but she had eventually accepted her father’s will, recognizing there would be no future for someone like her if not with him.

 

In fact, Seohee had never been a normal maid, for she knew how to write and read, which was uncommon, especially for a woman. Her father had taught how to do it ever since she was just a child, hence she would’ve never been comfortable with a common man who had no knowledge whatsoever, but at the same time she would’ve never been enough for a noble man because of her humble origins. At that point, Sehun could as well be the only chance for her to live a normal and satisfying life. Perhaps Seohee won’t ever love him nor would she find someone to love for the rest of her life, but at least she could have someone she appreciated and cared about next to her, instead of some ignorant and rude man or being alone for the rest of her life, waiting for something that wasn't going to ever happen. Her father had told her many times that Sehun was deeply interested in her, yet Seohee always pretended not to notice the man’s attentions, presents and the way he stared at her when he thought she wasn't watching. Back in the days, Junmyeon had even been annoyed by him and it had made Seohee feel so special, but then he followed his father’s orders and married someone else, leaving Seohee with no valid excuse to keep herself from accepting Sehun’s attentions.

 

In the kitchen, the old Mejin was giving the last touches to the desert. She didn’t even look at Seohee as she pointed at the pile of dirty dishes and next to the one of clean dishes. Mejin was known to be a lovely old lady who acted like a second mother to all of them, but she could be quite venomous if someone bothered her while she was focusing on a dish. Probably the pressure of impressing the guests had gotten to her too, because the cake she was decorating was amazing. Aerin came in soon after, bring and enormous pile of dirty plates and huffing at the effort it took to hold them.

 

“Ya! You could have taken more plates with you! Do you think my arms are made of steel?”, the other maid whined. Seohee was so used to her friends behaviour that she paid her no attention, grabbing the silver tray next to the baking pan filled with warm meat. It smelled amazing, but unfortunately she was going to eat none of it. Seohee and Aerin worked together to be faster: one filled the clean dishes using a wooden ladle, and the other settle them securely on the tray. When the first tray of meat was ready, they filled the second one, and then left the kitchen right away, to bring the meat to the dining room while it was still nice and warm.

 

Seohee made sure to avoid Junmyeon's eyes as she served the guests, leaving his side of the table to Aerin, then she went back to the kitchen again with the empty tray and the a flagon of wine that needed to be filled. Unfortunately for her, it was a quick job, and in spite of having walked as slow as she could, Seohee was back into that hell of a room in less than five minutes.

 

The lunch proceeded slowly. It seemed like they had a lot of time to waste, as they were talking and laughing way more than they were eating. Once the food got cold, they had to throw it away and bring a warm one from the kitchen. It eventually got even worse as the time passed extremely slowly and she had to look at Junmyeon being happy with his bright and pregnant wife. From time to time his eyes settled on Seohee's figure and he looked at her with eyes full of sorrow, which made staying impassible in front the scene even harder. It made her feel like it was right for her to upset, although Seohee knew perfectly well that it was not right at all. He hadn't betrayed her. He'd just done what he was born to do.

 

Listening to these rich people was so boring Seohee couldn't keep herself from spacing out. Her mind went back to 12 years ago, when she'd just started working for the Kim household. Junmyeon was a shy kid, barely older than her, who always tried to be mature in spite of his young age. Junmyeon's little sisters were quite active, so Junmyeon often helped the maids to keep an eye on them whenever he wasn't busy. Unfortunately for him, he seldom had any free time to spare for them as he grew older and busier with learning how to manage an enterprise, while also helping his father with expanding he family business. Junmyeon was very talented in this sector, and he brought a great help to his father. His intelligence helped him with understanding the flow of money around his city very easily, and his humble and gentle personality allowed him to make friends wherever he went, and every new friend was a new possible partner in their business.

 

At first, Junmyeon was quite cold towards Seohee, but it didn't come as a surprise for her: he was rich and she was just a servant of his household, and a very inexperienced and replaceable one at that. He'd be polite but no more than that. However, everything changed the afternoon she found him crying in the storage room. His grandfather had died only a couple of hours earlier and Junmyeon had been really strong in front of his parents. He had wanted to be his father's rock on a day like that, showing him that he could always count on his son, but he also loved his grandfather dearly, and his sudden death had shaken him up.

 

Seohee hadn't said a single word when he raised his teary eyes at her. It was such an unusual sight she was at a loss of words, not to mention that they weren't close enough for her to give him an encouraging speech or a tight hug to comfort him. The young boy himself looked completely frozen after having been found in such a vulnerable situation. In the end, Seohee decided to take the matter in her hands, and patted him once on the arm, scared she might regret having ignored the difference between their social statuses and even having reached the point of touching him in such a friendly way, before she left the room, closing lightly the door behind her back. For the rest of the afternoon she told anyone who asked, that she hadn't seen Junmyeon at all.

 

After that day Junmyeon got more open with her, whether it'd be for a little chat, or even just wishing her a nice day, it still felt nice to know Junmyeon cared about her more than he did previously. Thinking about it now, Seohee recognized that was when she first started falling for him. She wouldn't ever have been able to resist his charm, even though Junmyeon wasn't even trying to charm her.

 

As time passed by though, Junmyeon started trusting her more and made her his personal maid. Seohee was overjoyed at the news! Finally she thought she had the chance to get closer to him, to make him notice her. Unfortunately, a young girl's dream can easily be destroyed. A thirteen years-old Seohee soon discovered Junmyeon still little time to spare her, and little time to chat. It took her a couple of months to realize Junmyeon had given her that role only because he trusted her, and not because he had any interest in her or because he wanted her to be around him more. She had been quite hurt by her discovery, but she'd reasoned it was fine even like that. The role gave her a couple of free hours more, the chance to meet Junmyeon often and alone, as well as it made her earn more money, which meant more time to spend with her mother and money to buy her medicines. In the end, she might not have caught his attention yet, but she was still in a better position than she was before. At least she knew he trusted her.

 

Just about that time, a rumour spread along the servitude: Junmyeon was seeing a girl, the daughter of a rich man, a friend of Mr. Kim. The news had broken Seohee's heart. That was the very first time she really realized there was a big difference between Junmyeon and her. After having heard the news, she spent quite some time crying on her own, thinking about the unfairness of life, before getting back on her feet and picking up her chores from where she'd left them. Unfortunately she had no choice but to go back to work since her family really needed money, but she trying to save at least a little of her dignity by giving him less attention. Seohee would never forget the concerned glance Junmyeon gave her when she entered in his room and greeted him in a formal way, without adding anything else. He beat around the bush for a while before he finally asked her what was wrong. Seohee had been completely unprepared for that kind of situation, having assumed she'd hidden her swollen eyes well, let alone the fact that Junmyeon was never in his room lately, thus she had been pretty sure they wouldn't have met that day. When he insisted and asked her if it was because she was worried for her mother, Seohee took her chance and told him she was just a little tired because she hadn't slept well since she was taking care of her mother in the night. Junmyeon gave her reassuring words and also the told her to go home and rest in the afternoon. Albeit not really convinced, Seohee accepted and left, somehow feeling a little better because that small gesture made it seem like he really cared about her.

 

That afternoon Seohee cried her eyes out silently to keep her mother from worrying, and the next day she was ready to go back to work. It didn't matter that her eyes were swollen and red, she had to get out of that house and away from the sound of her mother's loud coughing. It didn't took long for the other maid to start joking about her having a crush on the master's son, but Seohee tried not to take it personal, since she knew they probably were also jealous of her position, but also because they were right: she was just a little girl dreaming for someone way out of her league. Girls around her age were looking for an husband, and in a matter of a year or two they'd be married of and having children too, while Seohee was just there, pining after someone she could never have.

 

It took Seohee a couple of weeks to get her emotions under control again, and during that time she kept her distance from Junmyeon, willing herself not to miss him and forget about her feelings. The already scarce number of times they met was reduced from two or three times a day to once or twice a week, as Seohee always made sure to enter his room only after he'd left and leave before he got home. She caught Junmyeon sending her worried looks a couple of times while she was serving him his lunch, but she always pretended she hadn't noticed, and he didn't dare to bring up such a matter in front of his family. Albeit Seohee knew perfectly well she had no reason be angry at Junmyeon, she couldn't bring herself to act normally around him. Mostly it was because she was disappointed because she had seem all her fantasies shattered in a moment, yet she couldn't deny it was also because of her jealousy. She'd been infatuated with him for a while now, working for him and seeing him almost everyday for years, and the maximum recognition she'd obtained from him was that she'd become him personal maid. That rich girl had come out of nowhere and she had already captured his attention. Sometimes Junmyeon even received letters from her, and he sent her small gifts, like jewellery, books and at times even rich fabrics so that she could have her clothes tailor with them. The sight of those gorgeous presents helped Seohee to realize there would never be a chance for her to capture his heart, and as much as she pined after him, it was better if she kept her feelings for herself. Sure, Junmyeon was really nice and it often seemed like he cared about her, but he was in a completely different league from hers, and albeit she could've sent him letters like that rich girl did, she would never be on the receiving end of those gifts. What could she even have do with those silk fabrics?What about the jewels? What would people have to say about her if she were the one receiving those presents?

 

As much as she didn't like the truth, it was there right in front of her eyes, and it was no use denying it. A little girl can dream, but at some point she has to wake up and realize that her dreams were just that: dreams. At that better be before it's too late.

 

It went on like that for a while: Junmyeon received letters from her, and he sent gifts back. It was getting easier for Seohee to handle the situation since she'd gotten used to it in the emd. Unfortunately, one day Junmyeon corned her, as he wanted to know what was going on and why she was avoiding him. Seohee tried to keep her explanation vague, but Junmyeon kept insisting. When he told her he was starting to feel offended by the way she was acting with him, as if he'd disrespected in some way, Seohee spit out a half truth: she was avoiding him to stop the rumours about her. Thinking about it now, Seohee could almost hear his surprised voice and see his dismayed face, no matter how many years had passed. With her eyes glued on his face as he chuckled lightly at something his father's friend had said, Seohee heard what he had told her that day in her head:

 

“So you have been avoiding me just for that? You are not mad at me?”, he looked hopeful in Seohee's mind, however she couldn't recall if it was the way his face really looked, or just something she'd modified in her mind to pleasure her ego.

 

“No, why would I be?”, she faked a chuckle, “I just don't want people to have the wrong impression about me. You're a man, so they wouldn't be that mean, but with me it's a completely different story, and I don't want it to be spread in the village too”.

 

“Oh...I guess I don't have to be worried, then. I don't think you should worry either, Seohee. Rumours come and go, one day it's about you, the next is about someone else. Don't feel too bothered by them!”. His smile was so sweet, Seohee's hear seemed to swell inside her chest. “If you're not upset with me, then, can I ask you which one of these do you think it's better?”. Seohee could still remember how speechless she felt at the moment. She barely had the mind to point at one necklace before making a pathetic excuse to leave the room.

 

Somehow, Junmyeon had really believed her, and he'd asked all the maids to stop with the jokes about the two of you. It made it easier for you in many way, but it left Seohee between a rock and a hard place, for now she had no real reasons to avoid him and some of the old maids were irked by the fact that she had complained with the master about them, making them look bad. From time to time he would ask her opinion about the presents he wanted to send, and slowly Seohee had resigned herself to her destiny. She hadn't lost her feelings for him, but she also knew that, that was how things were going to be. There was no chance for her.

 

It was almost her sixteenth birthday, and Seohee was growing more and more worried her mother wouldn't have made it until then. Her already frail lungs seemed to be getting weaker and weaker as the days passed and whatever movement made her cough loudly. Going to work was starting to weight her down for the fear of not being there to assist her mother in last moments of her life. No matter how much money she and her father brought home to buy her medicines, it never seemed to be enough to buy her the medicine she needed to heal, and no matter how many medicines they tried, nothing was working anymore. Even sleeping was getting hard, for the fear of her mother dying while she was asleep.

 

Seohee was doing her best, still she couldn't help being tired and feeling irritable. Anything could make her snap. Everything was too much for her tired body. Everyone in the villa had started wondering why she was that tired, but since Seohee didn't want to be pitied by anyone, she just told everyone that she was having troubles with sleeping. A little insomnia could justify her behaviour, right? All Seohee really wanted was for everyone to leave her alone. Some days were even worse than others, her mood was foul and nothing seemed to amuse her.

 

That became her usual mood after her mother started coughing blood, and not even the expensive cures prescribed from the best doctor they could effort seemed to be the solution to her problem. It was all so unfair in Seohee's opinion. There were people like Junmyeon, his parents, his sisters and the girl he liked, that could get everything they wanted without having to sacrifice anything as their life was easy, and then there were the people of her kin, to whom nothing seemed to be ever going their way. It's true, even Junmyeon and his father had to work, but it was a way easier job than many others and they also gained way more than she did working twice the time. She wanted to slap all these rich people who kept complaining about how tired they felt and difficult their lives were, when they had never really experienced a hard day or real tiredness. When the hardest decision they had to take was chosing which kind of fabric they wanted their new cloak to be. No party would've lifted the weigh on their shoulders if they really felt as tired as felt. No present would have lifted their mood if they felt as anxious as she felt. How sweet must it be to find it hard and tiring to chose between a silk scarf and a woollen one. How painful must it be to have to pick only one pair of golden earrings to wear for the ball. How tiring must have been for them to chose with friend to meet for lunch for everyday of their lives.

 

Ah, they sure lived a hard life.

 

Seohee had really taken in consideration the idea of giving up on her job and finding something closer to her home, with shorter working hours to help her mother more now that she really needed her daughter, however no one else was willing to pay as much as the Kim family, and Seohee really needed that money, thus she kept working for them.

 

Somehow avoiding people was working for Seohee. For two or three weeks nobody found it too weird or felt the need the ask her anything about her behaviour,

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Bint_yahya
#1
Chapter 2: Interesting :o will there be a new chapter?
Bint_yahya
#2
Chapter 2: Interesting :o will there be a new chapter?
Bint_yahya
#3
Chapter 2: Interesting :o will there be a new chapter?