Chapter 1: I shove my minor punctuation nitpicks aside for a moment to look at the picture being painted before my eyes, a story as tender as my own heart. It doesn’t have a twist ending or a dramatic section but rather a genuine and tender story being told about two people falling for one another. The very adorable dance of cat and mouse, the tantalizing sensation of meeting and falling for someone the first time and admiring their humane beauty, despite it looking ethereal. The very human flaw of staring and not approaching, the very sweet nervousness… Ahh, feels just like home. The way falling for someone feels, the way one craves someone so sweetly. Very nice, very nice.
I congratulate you for a simple story, painted with a simple prose that drive up to the point. Some people may like some more meat in their stories but some others are fine with an easy story to pick up and to read over. You don’t need to be too fancy to paint such a good picture, you just need to know what you’re talking about. Sometimes a very simple and powerful sentence can be just as good as a fistful of beautifully written prose. The difference lies in those who write it and how they do it. I do encourage you to try something more descriptive to see if it suits. You have an advantage and a tendency to make things short and simple, so with a little more description you will be hitting the tender spot of many people! Writing is a learning process and sometimes playing around with things can help you improve or find a new kind of flavor to your style. I think this is a solid start!
You mentioned to me that you thought your formatting was iffy and that your vocabulary was not up to part with writing. I can see where you’re coming from! However this does not mean that you are inept or a bad writer--it just means you have some room for improvement. Again, it’s all about stylistic choices and decisions!
Formatting is something tricky, because everyone is different. I would recommend you play with things and experiment. I will say though, rather than moving on from past and present so abruptly with only an indicator (In this time indicated as [PRESENT]), I would suggest that you make a smooth transition from one point to the other, it helps the flow so much more and if you like it you’ll be inspired to keep it on further!
As for vocabulary? You do not need a big vocabulary or fancy words to make your story great. Sure, it helps, it produces a nice eye candy, it’s a soft dessert for the brain, but sometimes it can be unnecessary and unnatural. If you wanna build your vocabulary, then read plenty and investigate every new word you can! Use TheSaurus and Dictionary dot com to research your words, and you can even practice by trying to incorporate them into a sentence smoothly. I believe that with these pointers you will not only improve but feel passionate about writing.
It’s all about exploring, my friend. When you explore the vast world of writing and find your rock, everything becomes limitless.
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