I was hurt. Endings has always been hard but an ending without a start makes your heart confused. I knew from the start that everything was only in my head but what’s only in my head doesn’t make it any less real. I knew I was sailing on cheap wood and soon the burden would be too heavy but still my heart knew no stop, no letting goes.
She was like a vivid daydream. I was caught in between her mysteries. Her eyes landing me in an endless dream. I wanted to love her but I didn’t know how. Therefore, I was walking on thorns and sleeping on needle-like thoughts. Because I was incompetent that I couldn’t be honest. Therefore, the truth of my heart haunted me to no end.
Until when would I live like an incompetent fool? I had no idea where to start to even change. I looked at her like a light in my dark tunnel but I was afraid to cross to the other side. I wanted to feel the highs without the lows. In other words, I wanted to be selfish.
Years went by but my heart never stopped growing. Alongside those torturous feelings were my greed. It grew to no end till one day even breathing felt hard and heavy. Fear started creeping into me when I finally noticed how much a person can ruin my life. The bigger the fear grew, the more I wanted to run. If running was not an option then maybe I should burry myself in a hole 10 meters down. A place where I can finally be at peace.
I wanted to write a beautiful love story but my ink ran out before I even started. Therefore, the love of my life left untold and unwritten. In the end, there were nothing but an empty page waiting to be inked out. I guess that’s my fate, to constantly be in pain.
This story will mainly be about Moonbyul and her process on understanding love.
Hope you enjoy.