it always ends the same.

he wakes up every morning to a cold empty bed, a space that was once warm with another body next to his. he doesn't remember when he starts losing time for breakfast; he just doesn't sit at the table and have his cereal or the plate of toast sehun used to make him eat anymore. he hated bread but he loved the peanut butter toast sehun never failed to prepare for him because he tends to forget about eating and sehun made sure he doesn't go anywhere or do anything on an empty stomach. 

the last time sehun left didn't hurt as much, even though he'd thought the hundredth time would numb the pain away. if anything, this time hurt more than before. 

baekhyun is exhausted but he isn't ready to let go. at night when he stares up at the ceiling in the silence of his room, he waits for the time he would go back. it is an endless cycle but every time he goes back, he gets to see him again; tall and handsome, glowing with his smile and eyes crinkling at the corners when he laughs and it's what gets baekhyun going, keeps him coming back. he promised he would never give up on sehun and he is going to keep that promise. 

seeing sehun was never what tires baekhyun; seeing him is a miracle, a blessing, like coming home after a long and tiring day. it was his attempts to break the cycle that is exhausting. he had tried everything in his power to keep sehun here with him but nothing had worked. sehun always leaves and baekhyun would have to go back. over and over and over again.

the first time sehun left, baekhyun was cuddled up within his strong arms. they had kissed and whispered i love you's against each other's skin and in the morning, sehun hadn't woken first. sehun hadn't woken up at all. he remembers the pain of that first time, crying and begging for sehun to come back, holding him for a moment before he had called a friend. the pain had wrecked him and he was confused, hurt, alone. 

at sehun’s funeral the second time he left, baekhyun didn't understand it. but by the fourth, he noticed the pattern. elated, excited, he'd looked forward to the exact day he would go back, hopeful that there would be something he could do to keep sehun with him. he failed again the sixth time, the seventh, the tenth and every time sehun goes, it hurt more than the last. 

now as he grabs his bag to head out for his class, baekhyun's gaze flickered to the calendar. it's october 31st and in a couple of hours, it would be time. he always finds it odd that halloween would be the time he would have to go back and sometimes he wonders if he should just stay in the present time, go out for that party he gets invited to and forget sehun. but forgetting sehun is something he would never be able to do and he could never give up. sehun had never given up on him when he had been difficult, when he had given all the reasons for sehun to walk away. he would never give up on sehun and perhaps one day sehun would stay. 

his friends at campus are hyped up over the halloween party and every time it goes the same way. chanyeol would greet him in the morning by scaring him with a clown mask on, he would pretend to get scared if he has the mood to. classes would go quickly because their lecturer gets showered in slime on his way out. kyungsoo breaks up with jongin at exactly two in the afternoon while jongdae pissed his pants when chanyeol jumpscared him. everyone laughs, so did jongdae. junmyeon leaves early with the same excuse using exactly the same words, “i have to accompany my kid sister trick or treating” and minseok and yixing would . 

they ask him if he would make it to the party and he always says yes. one day he would be there and sehun would be with him. he would miss them even though he knows when he goes to sleep tonight he would wake up to another day of a different time and he would see them again. 

he's smiling when he gets home and he doesn't bother changing his clothes as he goes under the blankets with sehun's ring hidden within his palm. he would wake up and see sehun again. he did contemplate for many nights if he would just sleep without holding onto the ring when the day comes but thinking those seemed ridiculous now that he is so close to seeing sehun again. it's only 7pm but baekhyun has his eyes closed, willing for slumber to take him.

baekhyun wakes up stretching his arms above his head with a yawn. the space next to him is empty and the time on his phone reads 6pm. he takes a moment drinking in his surrounding, blinking up at the familiar curtains, the ceiling, the wall of pictures of him and sehun. when it all returns to him in a wave of memories, baekhyun shoots up and panics. 

it had never been like this before. every time he goes back he would wake up to a new day with sehun next to him. it would be a saturday and it would the 30th of december and he would have three months to spend with the love of his life. when he checks the date on his phone, it's the middle of january, wednesday, and sehun is nowhere to be seen. 

struggling to get out of the tangled mess of sheets around him, he finally manages to roll out of bed and hurry out the door. the tv is turned off, the cats are asleep on the couch, lights out. the sky is starting to darken as dusk approaches and baekhyun fears the worst. could something have gone wrong? has sehun left and he's too late? what if it was an entirely different reality? perhaps if it is, he could start anew. hope soars within him as he tries to calm down. if sehun is out for work, he would be home in a couple of minutes. baekhyun prays. 

when the clock strikes half past six, the door opens and he whips his head around so fast his vision spins. there he is, stepping into the house dressed so casually even though he has a desk job, so comfortable in his hoodie and ripped jeans as he closes the door behind him. baekhyun hasn't seen him in months and he's trying so hard not to burst into tears. when sehun looks up, his eyes light up and a smile stretches at his lips. 

baekhyun grins, his heart is warm and happy and for a moment, he forgets that sehun will leave again. spreading his arms wide open, he waits for sehun to join him on the couch. the taller boy groans after kicking off his shoes and drops onto the couch, laying his head onto baekhyun's lap and burying his face into the older's clothed belly. baekhyun basks in this moment, leaning down just enough to press a kiss into sehun's hair. 

“work today,” sehun mumbles, voice muffled against baekhyun's shirt. “everyone just pisses me off, hyung. i hate it.”

“poor baby,” baekhyun pouts, toying with sehun's hair as the boy looks up at him. “that's okay. you'll get a new job and things will be okay.”

sehun won't get the chance to get that new job he was so desperately searching for, baekhyun knows. he's been here before, in this exact situation. as sehun hums and starts talking about what he had for lunch and what he's planning to cook for them tonight, baekhyun tries to forget all that will come unto them later. it's highly possible that there is no saving sehun; if he changes the course of this history even for the slightest bit, sehun leaves in a different way. a car crash, work accident, a robbery. it gets too much that baekhyun couldnt bear the thought of sehun in pain so he stops changing the course and lets sehun go in his sleep. sehun always leaves and baekhyun has to watch him go over and over again. 

maybe it's different this time; baekhyun always goes to sleep clutching the ring on halloween nights with a hope this time things would change. perhaps the time is here, seeing as he'd woken up in a different setting. maybe sehun stays this time. maybe sehun stays forever.

he can always hope.