- proving a thesis -

"That is just bull," Jongdae said and felt the anger boil up inside him like a stew. He didn't want to feel angry. Anger was an emotion he had only picked up recently. As a child he had been 'sweet', as a teenager 'mild-mannered' and as the young employee of a sporting goods store 'likeable'. 'Angry' and 'upset' and 'irritable' and 'troublesome' were words that had only been applied to him in hushed voices after the ghosts had started to follow him. The ghosts talked and screamed and whispered and touched him with cold fingers. And the people around him couldn't understand him because they couldn't see what he saw and couldn't hear what he heard and couldn't feel what he felt. Anger was what stopped him from going crazy.
But in the office he didn't want to be angry because everyone there was supposed to be like him. They all were supposed to understand.
Only then Minseok had suddenly started to read the infamous report by a Japanese summoner who had loved ghosts so much that he had made it mandatory for everyone in his office to be possessed at least once during their training. The report was the stuff of nightmares and although Jongdae was not all that squeamish anymore, he had not been able to read the whole thing. There only were so many detailed accounts on what it felt like to be completely powerless he could stomach.
And then, as they had all noticed Minseok skim through the pages with a troubled expression, Junmyeon had said something stupid: "Maybe we could understand them better if we experienced it." He had not specified whether he meant the people who were possessed or the ghosts, but Jongdae had immediately snapped at him.
And it was odd because in the office Jongdae rarely got angry, so Junmyeon just blinked at him in confusion while he said, "You can't honestly tell me that you'd be all, hey, come on, ghosts, use my body like it's a pair of new shoes. Walk around in it and have fun. I'll just scream at the back of my mind because I can't do and have to wait until you get bored enough to finally discard me like a wet tissue."
Yixing seemed to suppress a laugh as he looked up from his computer and Junmyeon frowned like a disappointed parent. His expression was similiar to the one Jongdae's mother used to have when he told her that he saw his dead brother. Concerned. Scared. Belittling.
"I'm sure you've seen enough people who were possessed to understand them," Jongdae continued before Junmyeon had a chance to say something even more infuriating. He didn't even need to specify it because they all knew what he meant. Sure, some people couldn't remember anything of what had happened to them, but most of them needed psychological help to some extent. Some even permanently lost their minds. And how could they not after their bodies had been stolen? That was the sad truth behind every summoning. In the end only the ghosts got away unscathed and happily ascended to heaven.
No one in the office said a word after that. Junmyeon crossed his arms in front of his chest, Yixing stared at a spot at the wall and Jongdae was about to stand up to get some fresh air.
And then Minseok sighed and put the report down. "It's supposedly different for summoners," he said doubtfully as he looked at the bound pile of papers.
"Different how?" Jongdae asked and shook his head at there mere though. "Slightly less horrible you mean?"
Minseok gave him a thoughtful look before he said, "More enlightening."
Jongdae was about to tell him off the way he had told off Junmyeon, when Minseok quickly added, "Supposedly there's a way to fight it from within."
Jongdae blinked. "Fight it from..." he slowly repeated. "What?"
Minseok shrugged, "I believe that's the point of the report. Figure out how it works. Find a way to fight it. Get rid of the ghost from within. Summoners could be able to do that."
He uttered his words in his usual calm but slightly timid tone, so it took Jongdae a while to process them. To him the report had always been the epitome of sentimental ghost fancying. Allowing a possession to him was a sign of weakness and arrogance. Even if he thought about it, he didn't see the point of trying to see what it was like because they could easily summon ghosts from outside.
But this was Minseok, the one who could hurt ghosts and who kept secrets he didn't share with anyone. Minseok who sometimes was reckless and who dealt with all those situations the others couldn't handle. Him reading the report maybe meant that he was onto something terrifying.
"I don't think that's what the report is about," Junmyeon muttered weakly but Jongdae ignored him.
"Hyung," Jongdae then said and squinted his eyes at Minseok who in return looked at the cover of the report like a mathematician thinking up a proof. "You're not planning to do anything stupid, are you?"

- penance -

"You're ing stupid if you think that he actually wants to help you," Baekhyun had said in reproach after they had met Kim Minseok for the second time. Unlike the first time, Kim Minseok had actually listened rather than to answer more of the questions Chanyeol had never asked. And somehow, that had been even worse.
"To him you're nothing but cannon fodder for the Office," Baekhyun had continued in a voice like thunder.
Chanyeol had not wanted to hear it, so he had drunk and drunk until Baekhyun's words had become nothing more than the noises of a distant radio station with bad reception.
"They don't give a about you. Even if you say no, they will try to turn you into an exorcist anyway. That's all you're worth to them. So maybe he changed his tactic and tried to be nice this time, do you honestly think he cares about you as a person?"
Chanyeol had tried to ignore him but not even the liquor and the feeling of a warm body pressed against his had made the words go away.
Even afterwards he wasn't sure why he minded them so much.
Of course he didn't think that a guy from some ominous organisation he had never heard about would approach him because he genuinely cared.
But then he found himself flexing his left hand whenever he had a small break in the shop or at home and couldn't shake the feeling that things were different from the way Baekhyun saw them.
"I can't pretend to know what it's like for you. But I've been in a similar situation before," Kim Minseok had said as he had put his hand on Chanyeol's on the grimy table of a restaurant. Chanyeol had tried to pull his away because something about the sudden proximity had scared him. But Kim Minseok had lightly put his fingers around Chanyeol's in a way that had caused Chanyeol's heart to hammer in his chest.
"So I know that..." Kim Minseok had begun and had then furrowed his brows as if unsure how to continue and how much he wanted to say. "I know that the one who struggles isn't the ghost."
Chanyeol didn't meant to trust him. Why trust someone who suddenly appeared out of nowhere?
Chanyeol hadn't meant to trust him.
But then Kim Minseok had tried to show him that there was a different path.
"As Sehun said, this is all your choice," he had hurriedly explained as they had left the restaurant of the grandson of a shaman. "If you want, I can teach you everything I know. And then you're free to do whatever you want with that knowledge."

It was strange to look at Kim Minseok now because after three meetings his presence already filled Chanyeol with conflicting emotions and so many questions that he wasn't even sure were to begin.
"What now?" Kim Minseok's face asked with the voice of a nightmare and Chanyeol snapped out of his trance. What looked like Kim Minseok, sounded like him and Baekhyun and the howling of a storm mixed together to create a mismatching chorus. Chanyeol had got so used to listening to Baekhyun that he had almost forgotten how little human he sometimes sounded. It was strange to now hear his voice coming from a human body.
"Look, man," Baekhyun said in annoyance while he wiped the remnants of the foamy capucchino from his face when Chanyeol just stared at him. "I feel like we haven't really thought this through. We only have nine hours left and so far all we've done is eat."
Chanyeol raised his eyebrow because he was not the one who had forced Baekhyun to spend three hours running into every single restaurant that tickled his fancy. He had in fact not anticipated it so he was slowly running out of money and was thankful that Kim Minseok had been smart enough to not carry anything of worth with him. Baekhyun would have simply robbed him as if it wasn't enough that he had twelve hours to walk around in his body.
"So what do you want to do?" he then asked because he didn't feel like arguing.
Rather than to reply, Baekhyun grimaced as he looked at the brilliant autumn day outside the coffee shop window. Warm morning light fell on his face and as Chanyeol watched him, he felt strangely voyeuristic. He could see Baekhyun as a vague halo but apart from that it didn't look like him. There only were the lines of Kim Minseok's face and the shadows his lashes cast on his cheeks as he blinked.
"Can he hear everything we say?" Chanyeol unwillingly asked and Baekhyun's gaze shifted back to him. At first he didn't seem to understand what he meant but then his expresson immediately darkened.
"Don't know," he said bruskly and wrinkled his nose. "I've never done this before either."
"Right," Chanyeol said and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. He didn't like this. After ten years of being surrounded by ghosts he thought that he was finally getting used to it, but there simply was no end to the things he couldn't comprehend.
"Let's get some fresh air," Baekhyun muttered as he lifted himself up and started to walk towards the door without a look back.

They walked around town, tried on overly expensive sneakers and then quickly escaped when Baekhyun accidentally insulted a huge woman with a buzz cut because he had not anticipated her to hear him. After years of talking with only Chanyeol as a listener, he had completely lost his filter. So they ran and ran until they forgot why and until their lungs hurt so much that they had to stop in a back alley between cables and trash bags.
"Oh , she looked mad," Baekhyun gasped between choked laughs while Chanyeol held his aching sides.
"Well, you called her a dyke," Chanyeol noted and took a deep breath.
"Like that's an insult," Baekhyun said in mock indignation. "I meant it as a compliment. I know enough dudes who would love to be build like her."
Chanyeol snorted and shook his head with a grin as he looked around himself to figure out where they were. "You're a ing idiot," he said.
"Uh-huh," Baekhyun said with a silly expression. "So what do you call the person who hangs out with an idiot?" He playfully boxed Chanyeol's arm and answered his own question with, "A moron."
Chanyeol laughed but instinctivey flinched away at the sudden pain. Over the years, Baekhyun had made it a habit to slap him and box him to get his attention, but it never physically hurt because Baekhyun didn't have a physical body. If anything, it felt like like leaning into a block of ice.
The situation immediately became awkward when he rubbed his arm, so Baekhyun put on a forced smile and asked, "So how much time do we have left?"
Chanyeol pulled up his sleeve to look at his watch. "A little less than eight hours."
When he threw Baekhyun a questioning glance, he noticed him staring at his wrist for a second too long, so he quickly tucked the sleeve back until it covered half his hand. Baekhyun blinked and their eyes met. It felt off.
"Are you hungry?" Baekhyun asked with a half-hearted grin and vaguely pointed behind him to where the main road was.
"Is eating all you have planned for today?" Chanyeol asked and could tell that he probably sounded like a parent who meant well but involuntarily spoiled his child's fun. Baekhyun, who had seemed happy enough a few minutes ago, immediately pulled a face.
"Yeah, well," he began meekly and let his hand drop to his side. "I like to eat."
"He's probably going to spend all night throwing up because of you," Chanyeol said and meant it to sound like a joke, but he was genuinely worried. Baekhyun maybe didn't notice anything strange because he wasn't used to having a body but once his twelve hours were up, Kim Minseok would probably regret it. He wouldn't even get anything himself out of the deal. Baekhyun got time, Chanyeol would get fixed hours during which Baekhyun was supposed to leave him alone so that Kim Minseok could teach him, and Kim Minseok got an upset stomach.
"Not my problem," Baekhyun said and marched off. "He knew that I haven't eaten in ten years when he made his offer."
Chanyeol sighed. And then followed behind because that was what he had agreed to do.

As the bright morning turned into midday and then into a gloomy afternoon, the whole situation didn't really improve because Baekhyun didn't seem to have any plans. They aimlessley walked into stores and restaurants and along crowded street. Baekhyun freaked out when he needed to take a piss but didn't understand the feeling, and then ate even more, and petted dogs, and walked into a store to touch a coat made of fake fur. He talked about people who were in earshot and only realized that everyone could hear him whenever Chanyeol loudly cleared his throat. After drinking a bottle of chocolate milk he threw up into a river while leaning over the edge of a bridge. When he seemed about to fall, Chanyeol quickly grabbed the back of his coat and then almost stumbled on the busy street behind him. When they then walked into a folk art museum because the entry was free, they were chased out when Baekhyun ignored all the warnings and sat down on an old European chair.
It was ridiculous and the more absurd Baekhyun became in his complete inability to understand what it meant to be a living, breathing human being, the worse Chanyeol felt for Kim Minseok. He could only pray that he wouldn't actually see and hear what Baekhyun did.

"I want to get drunk," Baekhyun announced when Chanyeol noted that he had a little over two hours left. "I never got drunk before," he added when Chanyeol threw him an exasperated look. "And this is the only chance I get to talk to you while you're drunk."
Chanyeol bit his lips and looked up to the darkening sky. He couldn't argue. To do whatever Baekhyun wanted was his part of the deal.
So they went to a barbecue restaurant and ate cheap meat and drank cheap soju and pretended to be regular guys having a regular conversation about food and sports and people they had seen that day. And Chanyeol hated the thought of it but the more intoxicated he got, the less wrong it all felt. The sounds of Baekhyun and the storm were drowned out. What remained was Kim Minseok's clear voice saying things that were somewhat out of character.
"I mean, in all honesty, if you dress weird, you shouldn't be suprised when people call you out on it," Baekhyun said and seemed to lose balance for a second. Kim Minseok's body swayed a little while Baekhyun's shape seemed still. He hiccuped, held onto the table and then was back in focus. "The guy was asking for it."
Chanyeol nodded in apprehension as he chewed on a piece of kimchi and noticed that the motion already made him dizzy. When he tried to grab his glass, he misjudged the distance and nearly knocked it over. "Ah, ," he muttered and pinched the bridge of his nose as if the problem lay with his eyes and not the amount of liquor he had consumed.
"This is weird," Kim Minseok's voice said in a strange tone and when Chanyeol looked at him, he was met with a frown. "Getting drunk is weird. It's like being disabled but not because you were in an accidentor anything but because you want to be that way." Kim Minsek's eyes were cloudy when he rested his face in his hand.
"It is weird to see you drunk," Chanyeol said and accidentally addressed him formally. He didn't even realize that what he did was wrong at first. Kim Minseok's expression turned foul and it genuinely puzzled him.
"I'm not him," Kim Minseok said quietly but Chanyeol still didn't get it. 'Not who?' he was about to ask when it hit him.
"Yeah, obviously," he then said informally and pretended to be joking. He playfully straightened his back and then continued formally, "I'm just saying that I never had the chance to see you drunk, sir." He laughed and Baekyhun smiled weakly. They both knew that Chanyeol had actually addressed Kim Minseok, the one whose face he saw and whose voice he heard. He had never seen Baekhyun drunk and he never would.
For a moment they were both quiet. Chanyeol stared at his hand shuffling his glass because it grew him weary to look at the figure opposite him. Baekhyun meanwhile continued to eat. He stuffed rice and meat and kimchi and spinach in his mouth and then choked and spat some of it on the table. This in return startled Chanyeol so much that he almost fell backwards off his chair when some of the mush hit him.
"," Chanyeol yelped. "Gross."
"Damn it," Baekhyun muttered when he gulped down half a glass of water while wiping the table and then his face with the same paper napkin.
Their eyes met for a second until Baekhyun looked down as if ashamed. "Sorry," he said.
Again, they were quiet after that but this time it was even more awkward.
"You're not actually enjoying this, are you?" Baekhyun then asked in a barely audible voice and seemed to fiddle with his hands under the table. It was odd. Baekhyun never was timid. He constantly voiced his every thought and opinion and never shut up, especially not when asked to. It unwillingly made Chanyeol wonder how much of an influence a possessed person had on the ghost possessing them. Maybe it wasn't only Kim Minseok's face. Maybe the person in front of him was a strange hybrid in general.
"I don't know," he then said and badly wanted to joke away the strangeness of it all. This whole thing was a bad charade and they both knew it. But he had no idea what it was like for Baekhyun. So rather than to be stupid about it, he admitted, "I mean, it is a little weird."
Baekhyun furrowed Kim Minseok's brows.
"This isn't really you," Chanyeol added helplessly. "I mean, you're not..." He didn't finish the sentence but Baekhyun clearly understood.
"Alive?" Baekhyun asked coolly and Chanyeol sighed.
"You're not like this," he said and vaguely gestured at the table and the restaurant and the empty bottles of soju and Kim Minseok's body, and wasn't sure what he himself tried to get at.
"Not like what? Not an adult you mean?" Baekhyun then asked with a humorless grin and let out a strange noise before he angrily looked to the side. Chanyeol wasn't sure what to reply so he stared at his hands instead. The ground seemed to shake and he noted that the coldness was creeping back. That was what made Baekhyun different. Even if he hid in a warm body, he  still was cold. But Chanyeol didn't know how to explain it without making things even worse.
"I'm not an adult," Kim Minseok's voice hissed. "Because I died when I was sixteen."
Chanyeol shifted uncomfortably and avoided to look at him. He knew that he didn't just imagine the accusatory tone.

They only had fifteen more minutes when they slowly returned to the street corner where they had met the real Kim Minseok earlier that day. Almost twelve hours had passed and Chanyeol felt as drained as if he had climbed a mountain covered in snow.
"Yeol-ah," Baekhyun said and it was only then that Chanyeol noticed that he wasn't next to him any longer. He turned around in confusion and saw Baekhyun stand a few paces behind him.
"What?" he asked when Baekhyun simply frowned at him with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his coat. His lower face was buried in his scarf which made Kim Minseok look even younger.
When Baekhyun still didn't reply, Chanyeol slowly became more and more uneasy. "Seriously, if you have anything to say," he began with a half-hearted grin when Baekhyun interrupted him.
"Look, I remember what happened," Baekhyun said urgently and Chanyeol blinked.
"Remember what happened when?" he asked and furrowed his brows but there was a dark suspicion budding in the back of his mind. What could Baekhyun possibly remember? What was worth being mentioned? What had remained a secret they hadn't addressed in years?
Chanyeol quickly looked at his watch to check how much time there was left. Once Baekhyun's time ran out, he would probably be too drunk to hear what he had to say. But then, as he pulled back his sleeve with too much force, he also shifted the band of his watch enough to catch a glimpse of the thin scar beneath and froze.
The scar and Baekhyun and all the memories were there every single day. But most of the time he managed to ignore them enough to feel nothing but numbness.
"I remember everything that happened ten years ago," Baekhyun repeated and took a step forward. Chanyeol immediately flinched away and protectively put his hand around his wrist, as if the scar could rip open if he was too careless. He didn't know why it scared him so much. Of course Baekhyun would remember. Of course he wouldn't forget what had killed him.
"I wanted to talk about it for a while but I didn't know how," Baekhyun said and put up his hands like someone approaching a wild animal. Chanyeol tried to steady his breath, tried to keep calm, tried to not act like a crazy person, but when Baekhyun slowly came closer, he felt trapped.
"I know that I've been unfair lately and that the thing with that mother really bugged you. If you think that learning all this stuff about exorcising will make it easier for you, I won't stop you. I mean, it's obviously your decision," Baekhyun continued with an unreadable expression and forced a crooked smile on Kim Minseok's face.
"And I know that today was weird and that..." Baekhyun looked down at himself, at the nice coat and the clean shoes and the back of Kim Minseok's open hands. "I know that this is weird. I'm not used to this but I really just wanted to..."
He was only a step away now.
"What?" Chanyeol asked and it came out as a croak.
Baekhyun frowned. "I just..." He bit his lips and looked down as he let his hands drop to his sides. "I just wanted to..." He blinked and then sighed and hesitantly took hold of Chanyeol's left hand.
And Chanyeol didn't mean to, he really didn't mean to but he gasped at the sensation because it was all wrong. It felt all wrong. There was the tingling coldness he felt every single day but there also was the warmth that had stirred something in him before.
Baehyun meanwhile misunderstood his reaction because he pulled him closer and leaned in so that his lips grazed Chanyeol's cheek. But it wasn't Baekhyun. It wasn't the friend whose voice had always filled every room he was in and whose smell Chanyeol had long forgotten. It also wasn't simply the ghost whose presence was like an open window on a cold winter day. That was what made it so wrong. The body was all wrong. It was Kim Minseok's body who pressed against his, Kim Minseok's smell who filled the space between them, Kim Minseok's hand clasping his back. It was wrong and Chanyeol felt betrayed by the sound of his beating heart.
"Baekhyun," he managed to choke out to remind himself of what this situation really was. He tried to wriggle himself free but Baekhyun put his hands at the sides of his face to make him look down at him.
"You know why I'm here, right?" Baekhyun asked and Chanyeol winced as he tried to look away.
Of course he knew.
It was his punishment.
It was his chance to do penance for his sins.
It was to remind him of what he had done.
But he couldn't say those words, so Baekhyun replied to his own question. "You're not alone. I will-."
It was then that he suddenly pushed him away so that Chanyeol stumbled backwards. He nearly fell into a bush next to the pavement and wildly looked behind him to where Baekhyun was on all fours while a faint voice whispered in the wind.
It took him a second too long to understand that their time had passed. Baekhyun hovered next to him but even when Chanyeol squinted his eyes and concentrated, he couldn't fully make him out.
And Kim Minseok held both his hands in front of his face as he was on his knees and breathed heavily.
"," Chanyeol muttered but wasn't sure whether he should come closer. "Minseok-sshi, are you okay?"
Kim Minseok looked up to him with wide eyes and a heaving chest and nervously his lips. He seemed about to say something when a jolt went through him and he threw up on the pavement in front of him.

- the forbidden secret -

Sometimes the greatest wonders only happened because of a series of more or less lucky coincidences.

Normally, Yixing didn't stay in the office after eleven at night. Normally he made sure to be home by midnight even though he knew witching hour to be nothing but a superstition. Ghost were around at all times.
Normally, he also never learned about any of Minseok's secrets. Of course he wondered about them at times but he knew not to pry. The less he knew, the more amazed he felt at all the things Minseok could do, like a child watching a magic show.

But luck wanted it that he had forgotten his phone on his desk in that night when Minseok was so vulnerable to spill his latest trick.

"Hyung, what happened to you?" he asked as he steadied Minseok who had fainted in front of his desk. Two Nameless Ones floated beside them and tilted their heads curiously.
"Possessed," Minseok muttered and tried to push Yixing away. Yixing, who had spent enough time with his stubborn grandparents, managed to hold on and lift him back on his chair. In the sterile office light Minseok almost looked as ghostly as the Nameless Ones.
"It's terrible," Minseok said as he turned his chair and held onto his keyboard as if he urgently needed to type something out.
And then Yixing remembered the conversation he and the others had had two days earlier.
"Hyung, don't tell me," he began and stared at Minseok's hunched back.
"He was right," Minseok quickly said as if he needed to sort out his thoughts. "You learn so much. You learn to see them from within. You see what they're made of."
Yixing held his breath. He could tell that he was about to witness another wonder.
"It's easier," Minseok said as his head drooped. "It's easier to destroy them that way."
Next to them the Nameless Ones let out sounds like explosions underwater.