second thoughts

Monsters Within

- choices -

"Hey, thanks for the pep talk the other day by the way," the ghost called Baekhyun said to Minseok, the summoner, and did not sound thankful in the least. He sounded like the kind of guy who would happily stick a knife into someone else's back if given the chance. It was funny because ghosts rarely were sarcastic or mortally offended. Ghosts normally stopped being human like that.
Meanwhile, Chanyeol, the recruit, noisily slurped down his noodles in deliberate ignorance. Humans like him who were meant to become Office soldiers rarely stayed that calm when a ghost around them got emotional.
"Know what he did right after you left?" Baekhyun asked and nodded at Chanyeol. Minseok did not take the bait and looked generally unimpressed because everyone knew that Minseok hated ghosts. Summoners like him rarely were as obvious in their dislike.
"He got so drunk that he could barely hear me," Baekhyun continued and this time Chanyeol threw him a nasty look between slurps. "And then he ed his ex-girlfriend like a rabbit." He made a very suggestive hand gesture which caused Chanyeol to choke badly. "But you see, rabbits breed as a survival tactic and, while he's arguably as stupid as a rabbit, he probably shouldn't breed like one."
Baekhyun's voice sounded as if it came through gritted teeth which was a strange effect, seeing that he didn't technically have teeth. Chanyeol on the other hand seemed to cough up his complete lung while Minseok pushed a glass with water towards him.
And Sehun just couldn't hold it in any longer. From his seat at the door he burst out laughing and Baekhyun, the ghost, whirled around to him.
"I ing knew the guy could see me," Baekhyun said to Minseok in an accusatory tone when Chanyeol also finally curiously turned around to Sehun as if he genuinely hadn't noticed him before.
"Damn, hyung," Sehun laughed and wiped a tear from his eye when he finally managed to catch his breath. "What are you teaching your recruits anyway? If I'd known, I'd have asked you to train me instead of Mr Ghosts-deserve-my-sympathy-Kim. Probably would've made me stay longer."
Minseok's lips turned into a thin line and to the casual observer it probably wouldn't have looked very threatening but Sehun knew better. But he was not part of the Office any longer and he was not a ghost, so he only laughed even more. The whole situation was just hilariously ridiculous.

Minseok had suddenly turned up at the restaurant shortly before the lunch rush hour had started and had asked to reserve the booth for special occasions around seven in the evening. Sehun, who didn't mind Minseok as a person but sensed that this was an Office related thing, had of course tried to change his mind. They didn't take reservations and it always was very, very loud and crowded in the evening and anyway, didn't the Office people all hate him? Surely there were better places to hang out.
But Minseok would not be deterred.
"There's a potential recruit who isn't sure yet whether he wants our help and I want him to meet you," he had explained and Sehun had actually needed to sit down to swallow the shear ludicrousness of the sentence. He had never expected anyone from the Office to think of him as someone who should be allowed to meet anyone who had not yet made up their mind. Maybe that was simply wishful thinking but he had somehow hoped that they thought of him as the ultimate antithesis to them. Like their personal Antichrist.
"So, like," Sehun had slowly begun and had squinted his eyes at Minseok. He had not been quite sure whether either he had maybe misunderstood something after all or whether Minseok had gone nuts. With people from Office it could have easily been both. "You think that talking to me helps him make up his mind."
Minseok had nodded in a matter-of-factly way that had confused Sehun even more.
"Just to be clear, you know that I probably won't tell him that summoning is great, right?" he had asked and Minseok had given him the kind of blank look that had often irritated him, as if he was too stupid to comprehend something very obvious.
"I'll probably tell him that I hated it and that the payout is and that the office hours are inhumane and that I stayed for exactly a month before I went back to working for my parents because here I at least get free food," he had specified and finally, Minseok had wrinkled his forehead in disapprovement. But he still had not seemed to reconsider his idea.
"Do you even want to train him?" Sehun had then asked in bafflement and Minseok had looked down at his feet as if ashamed. It had made the situation even stranger because Sehun had met Minseok as someone who always knew what he was doing.
"I'm not sure he should be a recruit," Minseok had then admitted with a shrug. "I believe he needs help and I believe that the Office can help certain people." He had given Sehun a knowing look at that and they had probably thought the same thing. The Office could help those people who only saw ghosts because something messed up had happened to them at some point in their life. It was for nutcases who needed the reassurance that ghosts could be fought.
"But he should know that he has options," Minseok had said and Sehun had rubbed his neck in discomfort.
"Yeah, I'm not sure you should bet on me too much though," he had muttered in return. Not wanting to be responsible for what other people did was part of the reason why he had not wanted to be a summoner.
"Just tell him what you want," Minseok had then said as if it really wasn't such a big deal. Just talk to someone who is about to have his whole life changed and to whom every single careless word could make a major difference. Yeah. No pressure at all there.
"I'll figure out the rest," Minseok had then added. "I'll see this through either way."
"Right," Sehun had said doubtfully and part of him had genuinely wondered whether it would have been different if Minseok had trained him instead of Junmyeon. Junmyeon had been crushed when Sehun had quit and as much as he had cared before, once Sehun had said his goodbyes, they had never talked again. Summoners tended to be single-minded like that. That was the impression Sehun had got, so it was strange to see that Minseok, the one who was arguably filled with the most unapologetic hatred, apparently accepted different paths.

But then Minseok appeared with the potential recruit while Sehun was in the kitchen, so Minseok didn't get to introduce him right away. Instead they were led to the booth by his mother and when he eventually slowly shuffled there, he immediately saw why Minseok would be so unsure about the situation. The recruit and the ghost had their backs turned to Sehun but he could still tell how close they were. In fact, he had to look twice to make sure that the back in the blue school blazer really was translucent. The way he leaned over and pointed at the menu and made suggestions as to what the recruit should order, they almost looked like an older and a younger brother casually hanging out.
At first, Sehun pretended not to see the ghost and not to know Minseok to get a better feeling for the situation. He took their orders, accidentally met the eye of the ghost but quickly looked away and then listened from the door.
The recruit was called Chanyeol, the ghost was called Baekhyun and by the comfortable way they spoke to each other, Sehun figured that they probably were the same age. Or rather, had been the same age at some point. Chanyeol tried to talk to Minseok but Baekhyun constantly interferred which led to bickering and a long awkward pause when Sehun brought them their food and then, eventually to the rabbit comparison.

"This is Oh Sehun," Minseok explained while Sehun sat down next to him after checking that his mother was not in sight. He had told her that a friend had made a reservation but she still would have told him off for having fun during his shift. Although the situation wasn't technically fun. Because Minseok wasn't technically a friend. Instead, Sehun felt as if he was at the other end of a job interview as one of those executive douchebags who came in late and then demanded to have the applicant introduce himself once more. The way Chanyeol and Baekhyun looked at him from the other side of the table certainly was uncomfortable.
"Sehun is-," Minseok began and was immediately interrupted by Baekhyun.
"Not an exorcist," he noted and then scanned Sehun up and down. As if to make sure that he really could be seen, he moved a little to the right and then to the left so that he accidentally leaned right into Chanyeol's shoulder. Most ghosts tried tactics like that so that wasn't new. What instead bothered Sehun a little was how Chanyeol seemed completely unfazed by the fact that a ghost moved through part of his body. Sehun doubted that he couldn't feel it because there just was no way. Nothing was as unpleasant or invasive as having a ghost cross right through one's own body. But rather than to act disturbed by the ghost's presence, Chanyeol nervously looked from Minseok to Sehun as though they were the scariest part of the evening.
"But I can see you all right," Sehun said when Baekhyun seemed about to phrase it in an even less diplomatic way. "Which tells you that your friend doesn't have to become an exorcist himself and that Minseok-hyung has probably been bullting you all this time."
Baekhyun eyed him in a way that made it clear that he believed this to be a trap but didnt reply. It was a little scary how sharp he seemed. Sehun could almost see the gears turning in his brain and the mere thought was ridiculous. Ghosts weren't people any longer. But Baekhyun was as close to a living person as a ghost could get.
Chanyeol meanwhile looked at Minseok in confusion and with what appeared to be dull hurt.
And Sehun understood. Up until that point he had genuinely considered to just complain about the Office and to tell Chanyeol how he thought that everyone who worked there was stupid. Chanyeol did after all seem happy enough with his ghost friend.
But in that single moment it already became blatantly obvious. Chanyeol already put faith in Minseok. Not because he was brainwashed or because he was being lied to but because he honestly wanted help.
So Sehun sighed and shook his head as he said, "Look, man, let's face it, Minseok-hyung is really terrible at this, so normally, they don't let him recruit anyone. I suppose no recruit would last longer than a week if he did this more often."
Next to him he could feel Minseok tense up and Baekhyun scoffed while crossing his arms in front of his chest. But this wasn't aimed at them. The point was that Chanyeol repeatedly blinked in dumbfoundedness and obviously loosened up a little.
"Let's be honest here," Sehun said and lazily scratched at a stain on the table. "When they send someone from the Office it's always someone who can and will help you. They know what they're doing but normally they don't tell you that there are alternatives. Join their club or suffer alone. That's what it's usually about."
Minseok sighed but didn't interrupt him, so he continued, "But Minseok-hyung here doesn't seem to care about his new membership quota. So like an idiot he tries to give you the choice."
At that Minseok threw him a quick side glance and Chanyeol seemed unsure whether this information helped him in any way. Of course it probably was good to hear that someone they wanted to trust tried to do what was best. But sometimes it just didn't help to have too many options. How to choose without an idea how?
Sehun honestly hated this more and more. This was going to be the last time he allowed himself to be baited by Office people into doing something he didn't want to do.
"Okay, so let's get down with the facts," he said and rested his elbows on the table so that he leaned forward. He was so close to Baekhyun that the cold presence made shivers run down his spine but he wanted to make sure that no one could overhear them now. This was the moment when it got personal.
"I don't know what happened to you or to what extent you feel bothered by your ghost friend," he quietly said to Chanyeol while Baekhyun let out an offended noise. Before anyone had a chance to interrupt him, he quickly continued, "But here's the thing. My grandmother was a shaman. She died when I was six and she was the first ghost I saw. She taught me how to deal with it and disappeared when she decided that I didn't need her anymore. This sometimes happens in my family, so it's no big deal to me. No trauma, no sleepless nights, no need for any of the stuff the Office teaches people. In fact, they only approached me a little while ago because I wasn't even on their radar."
"Yeah, how is that connected to-," Baekhyun began but Sehun needed to get this off his chest so that he could get back to work.
"The point is," he said urgently and shifted a little so that he directly faced Chanyeol who chewed on the inside of his cheek. "This all depends on what you need. If you're cool with spending the rest of you life around you friend, that's your choice. If all you need are a few talismans to ward of more annoying ghosts, I can point you in the direction of shamans who actually know what they're doing. Just tell him that and hyung will leave you alone."
Chanyeol quickly looked at Minseok who slightly nodded.
"But if you actually need help and if you want my honest opinion," Sehun said emphatically. "He's probably your best bet."
It wasn't even a lie, not really.
The Office could help certain people, people who secretly wanted to go back to being normal. It helped those who wanted to control ghosts because to them it was the only way to cope. It gave them a safe haven in which their abilities were not more than a tool they needed for their job, a job that allowed them to do good. That was what the Office stood for and Chanyeol maybe wouldn't be able to fit into that scheme.
But while Sehun wasn't sure whether the Office as an institution could help him, he had a feeling that Minseok as a person maybe could. After all, he had said that he would see it through either way.


- dates -

"Don't tell me you were on a date," Yura gasped and flopped down on the couch next to her brother with a can of beer and a bag of dried squid. They had both only come home and their parents were still out on a class reunion. Had she come back a few minutes later than him, Yura probably wouldn't even have noticed that Chanyeol had come come later than usual. She was nosey but rarely all that attentive.
"It wasn't a date," Baekhyun said on the other side of the couch and figured that Chanyeol would repeat his words.
"Why, because I'm a little late?" Chanyeol asked instead and continued to stare at the TV showing a quiz show while he fumbled for the squid.
"Because you're a little late today," she nodded as she handed him a tiny piece of squid and then leaned back so that the bag was out of his reach. "And because you were a little late the other day. Or should I say early? I mean, I think it was around seven in the morning that you came home." To make a point, she teasingly kicked his leg with her unsocked foot and then put both her feet on his lap. In response Chanyeol only wrinkled his nose and scratched his head.
"See, I told you they noticed something. You can't just spend the night ing around and not expect anyone to notice it," Baekhyun said and lightly touched the sole of her foot. She immediately flinched away because of the sudden coldness but rather than to put her feet away, she now put them under Chanyeol's thighs.
"I'm old enough," Chanyeol said and Baekhyun wasn't sure whether her talked to him or her. He spared neither of them a glance.
Yura meanwhile, oblivious to the fact that was someone else in the room, put her hands up and chirped, "You definitely are. And I mean, if you're dating, that's great. I wouldn't dare stand in your way."
"Those weren't dates though," Baekhyun noted.
"So, you know, no pressure," Yura shrugged and made chewing noises that very much bothered Baekhyun. He could literally hear how what had been a squid at some point in its life was turned into mush mixed with spit.
"Just so you know, they weren't dates," Chanyeol finally said after a long pause filled with the sounds of the TV and the gurgling of the house and the gulps of beer running down Yura's throat.
"Exactly," Baekhyun nodded but then he noticed that the phrasing sounded odd. Yura, despite not always being attentive, picked up on it, too.
"But you met someone?" she asked and looked at him curiously. Yura had always been obsessed with stories like that. Back in school Baekhyun had seen her grill Chanyeol over and over again about his relationship with Saebyul. It was as if she had nothing else to do.
"She's totally misunderstanding you," Baekhyun pointed out.
"Yeah, I met someone," Chanyeol said and Baekhyun slapped through his arm in the spur of the moment. He knew Chanyeol could feel it but instead he only stubbornly continued to stare at the TV.
"I'm telling you, she will only misunderstand you," Baekhyun repeated.
Yura frowned at her brother as though she tried to dermine whether he lied or not. "Someone nice?" she asked and he shrugged.
"I guess," he replied which caused her to break out into a wide grin and Baekhyun to touch his head in annoyance. This was just slowly getting worse. He knew exactly what Yura was thinking and he couldn't blame her. She only heard what she wanted to hear. What Chanyeol wanted her to hear.
"I don't know what you're thinking, man," Baekhyun muttered when Yura leaned forward and happily put her arm around Chanyeol's neck.
"We're going on a date on Sunday," Chanyeol continued in a distant tone and Yura immediately asked questions. Where to, what was she like, how did they meet, what did they have planned, how long had they known each other.
But Baekhyun had become unable to listen.
A date?
A chance, yes.
A risk, yes.
A potential trap, yes, set up by Kim Minseok as part of a stupid deal without a clear motive. The prospect of Sunday worried Baekhyun and it made him feel the kind of excitement he hadn't felt in years.
But it wasn't a date.

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yeou_bi
Not helpful when, rather than to continue writing an actual chapter, I think of a random spin-off with other characters. orz

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Jkloey
#1
Chapter 18: This was crazy and the story development and the flashbacks every chapter made me at the edge this was amazing
VelvetKaisoo
#2
Chapter 18: This is crazy good (thank you to Sugar for rec-ing ❤) like, I'm coming out of this absolutely speechless. If I sat and wrote out all the good aspects of this Id be here forever. Everything was so perfectly balanced, and for a story based in a fictional world (depending on one's beliefs) where ghosts exist its suprising realistic. Not just the explanations of how it works or the rise of an institution that deals with it but I mean all the emotions and little interations within the universe. Its so raw. The absolute confusion that lurks in everyone's perpective like this story's own ghost is so justified for the narrative, as well as wielded so gracefully by you. The use of small scenes and interactions that mean so much more are just exquisite and the pov swaps are godlike (Yuras was especially unexpected and incredibly needed, but ive got to say the smooth introduction of Jongin was just... I can't even explain how masterful).
I once heard that the difference between mere stories and actual literature is whether or not you took something away from it. Whether you learnt something from it or not. And by god let me tell you ill be carrying my learnings from this around with me like it's name was Baekhyun.
I know it's always polite to tell an author thank you after you read their work, and I always mean it when I say it, but I'm honestly so so so grateful that you wrote and shared this. To the nth degree. This piece of literacture is great for so many reasons and I'm glad it will live on in public display for a long time to come ?
Sugar-and-Salt
#3
Chapter 18: Aaaaand it's over!
Reaching the end of this made me feel like finishing a good book - all content and suddenly somewhat empty *haha*
(though I used the feeling to annoy all my friends about this *lol*)

First of all - I know you think you're always being soft on your characters, but while reading this fic, I was aaaalways half-expecting it to end terribly. That Minseok would reverse into his own bubble or do 'what needs to be done', or that Chanyeol messes up for good, or that Baekhyun gets himself killed simply because he's annoying (okay no, the last one was a joke. too soon, right? Sorry, Baek)
So this unexpectedly wholesome ending was an absolute treat ♥

Alright, I know I already mentioned the houses but yeah, part of me was definitely offended when he was like, looking down on lower class AND even nice apartment building folks. I was like "You snooty brat, you're lucky Minseok is so into you" *lol*
I'm not exactly mad though, cause well, he's trying. Somewhat. He'll have to get used to it *shrug*

I don't think I mentioned that but I felt for Jongdae and Junmyeon. I was in a similar situation at work before, when basically all the supporting pillars quit at once. I still have hopes for Jongdae though. He seems like he's not too deep into all of this yet and still has potential to get out of this entire... job. I mean. It IS just a job.... that doesn't make a secret of ruining your life sooner or later. Possibly sooner.

I think this ending also kinda highlighted Minseok's role in this story, which sounds weird, probably. He was simply such a dulled down, broken character who was secretly terrified of anyone invading his space - but looking back now, he /was/ the one who set everything in motion, and who took small steps, sometimes backwards, but mostly forwards. Even if a probably large part of him screamed to just stay away, stay home and just quietly die alone *lol*
He was actually the active part of the two most of the time, even if it totally didn't look like it, so seeing their relationship actually go somewhere feels super rewarding for both of them.

The fork scene made me laugh and go "Noooo, don't say thaaaat" at my screen *haha*
Baek is absolutely ruthless! But also his and Minseok's chemistry is terribly fun and interesting for a myriad of reasons.
(also my sister once stabbed a fork into my brother's back as well. She called it education and brought him a band aid afterwards. Luckily, there was hardly any blood and definitely no scar)

I'll stop rambling now. I'm surprised you're not sick of me yet, but I'll say it again: Thanks for sharing this story! Reading it had me on my toes and had me fall in love with Minseok (who has been starring in all my longfics ever since). I am in love with your writing style and no matter who stars in your next stories, I wish you the absolute best of luck! ♡♡♡
Sugar-and-Salt
#4
Chapter 17: Luhannn.... is a sweetie. Like, he never appeared much and the disconnect between them is palpable but at the same time, he feels like an actual friend. Like somehow, there is something left for them to restore and build upon again if they both put in the work - but also like they could stay like this, in this loose and kinda comfortable, half-involved friendship *lol*
(am I even making sense)

Either way, I was with Minseok the entire time - the fact that they had the audacity to ask for the reports the way they did... byeeee. Just bye *lol*
I feel like them asking for a report by Chanyeol in particular gave Minseok a bitter taste about how miserable his future would turn out, too.
Oh, I also love the fact that Minseok is severely under-educated. It seems obvious but I feel not many authors would have bothered with this (especially considering that real life Minseok seems to be on top of things)
(like, if it was Kyungsoo... I'm joking. I love you, Soo.)
Either way, Minseok is THE quiet force. He could claw himself into just about any job if he wanted to. I have zero doubts *haha*

On a side note, I wonder what Baek whispered to him. Must have been something annoying.
I still wanna believe that Minseok knew what he was doing and wasn't ACTUALLY killing him... probably. Still. Minseok! *gasp*
You don't threaten people with the existential horror of the void because they once overate in your body and made you puke! Social etiquette 101, man.
Jokes aside, who would have thought that it's the ghost pretty much saving BOTH of them. Baekhyun will be the next one receiving recruitment letters from the office.


P.S.:
"Minseok probably never carried enough things to beat risk of leaving something behind"
-don't think you can sneak something this great past me! ;;
I'm being dramatic but jokes aside, that little detail really stood out to me and I loved it ♥
Sugar-and-Salt
#5
Chapter 16: Iiii vanished off the face of the earth, but I'm back!
I know I'm like... MONTHS late, but my life got really, really hectic, and I just cherished this fic too much to read it on, say, a bus. So I saved it and then time passed and work and writing and mostly work absolutely wore me down... Buuut Im back!

And because this story is THAT exciting, I wasn't able to put it down, read it all, and now I need to take a deep breath and remember my thoughts on this chapter. Gotta hold back.

This chapter was really, really well-placed, I think. I wanna say 'needed', but it wasn't needed at all. Like, you could have focused on xiuyeol and brush Baek aside, make people root for the ship and call it a day - but this feels much better and more befitting, cause Baekhyun IS super important in this story, and we didn't get many insights on him.
And man, this chapter definitely made him super likeable in my eyes. I never /disliked/ him, but there was just not much to think about him cause Chanyeol didn't think much about him either, so I ended up being somewhat indifferent. But this chapter was really satisfying ;;
It really drove home how sad Baekhyun's existence is, and how he's somewhat aware of that - especially the fact that he "stopped living" and developing and that there IS a divide between him and Chanyeol now. That his jokes are insensitive and out of place, and that /he/ feels out of place, but like he can't leave either.
Though honestly, personally I think he's thought himself into a hole, and that he's pretty close to what he would be like if he was still alive. There's missing something, sure, but overall... he's done amazingly.
I hope one of the two ever tells him that *lol*

Favourite line of this chapter is easily "Cause , I don't like him, but he's pathetic. His whole life is pathetic."

I loved this so much.
♡♡♡
MissMinew
#6
Chapter 18: This story is brilliant. The universe you've created and the Office and everything is so creative and engaging, I really loved it! Baekhyun's story with his suicide is sad, but it felt very realistic. The way Chanyeol deals with it - uf, so good! And I really really /really/ loved Yura's perspective because it was so removed from the whole ghost-business and portrayed the outside worry of a sister, whose brother once attempted suicide and now is withdrawing again. That was such a wonderful touch to an otherwise story balancing on fantasy territory.
Luhan's story was also well-portrayed, the worry and the knowledge he had of Minseok. Combine that with the story-line of Yixing who doesn't want to be average.

Ugh, everything about this whole story is just so amazingly good! I love you for writing it, it's creative, well-written, perfectly balanced and the story told is just perfect. Thank you! <3
NoorKyra
#7
Chapter 18: Baekhyun is not going anywhere....?? And he's still with Chanyeol .....

Hmmmmmm....



It's finish already...??

Because I want more.....

Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu......!!!!!



But I'm glad Minseok and Chanyeol is not avoiding each others....and did Minseok know all the dirty little secrets of Chanyeol's when Baekhyun possessed him ..???


Whoa...!
NoorKyra
#8
Chapter 17: Is Minseok have no will to live and decided to go back to his 'old house' to end is life...




And Chanyeol....even though Baekhyun is a bit annoying but I'm so thankful that he's successfully convince Chanyeol to find Minseok ..



*sigh*


Most stories about ghost.... who's still on Earth because they're have unfinished business or grounded to something or a place.... That's the basic about why ghost still appears on Earth... Evil ghost who possessed mostly because they're don't want to die and probably death taking them abruptly...and they're not want to leave Earth like. .forever... ... That's what I know...

Man.... This is far too elaborate and complicated to digest....but I'm trying to understand....


I feel bad for Minseok...his past is really heartbreaking. .. and I hope he will not continue his mission to go...

(╥﹏╥)
NoorKyra
#9
Chapter 13: What.....?? They're already watched over Chanyeol for a decade....????



As a test subject not as the summoner ...??



Why ..??? Is Chanyeol's case is so different than the other case...?
NoorKyra
#10
Chapter 11: Who's the trainee....?? Jongin an exorcist...??


Umm.....

He can see ghost too....???


⊙.☉