A single glimpse of you was all I need back then - not a single eye contact nor a conversation, but just a glimpse that can turn the whole day of a mess into something better than ever.

 

We went from nothing to everything. We did a lot together. Even the dumbest ones turned out to be greatest, with you. You were worth every second and every breath. And honestly, you still are. 

 

But I don't know what happened - are we going back into being nothing? Does the everything that means so much to me only mean nothing to you?

 

Or, did we have nothing, in the first place?

 

"Nana!"

 

I turned around, and saw you. You had your usual eye smile, and you looked dumb as you ran all the way through the distance between us. You really do light up the world with your presence, don't you?

 

"Hey, Jen." I greeted you, with a smile that was either genuine or not - I just don't really know anymore.

 

"Do you want to hang out this weekend?"

 

Maybe my heart did a thing when you asked me that. It has been a long while ever since the two of u--

 

"I'll introduce someone to you."

 

Oh.

 

Yeah. Haha. What was I even thinking of? I forgot the reason why we grew apart, for a moment. I forgot that you were busy chasing someone that you forgot that someone you need not to chase was just here.

 

"Introduce who?" I asked, and I saw the glimmer in your eyes. Were you thinking about that person? Have your eyes ever glimmered because of me, too?

 

I already know, Jen. I know who you'll introduce to me, and I sure don't want to hang out this weekend.

 

"Don't ask anything. Just come, will you? I need help, too. You see..."

 

And you proceeded to tell me things that couldn't go through my ears. I can only manage to hear a few words, and from those few words, it didn't seem like I would really want to listen to it. It has always been about them, anyway.

 

I wanted to walk away, from everything, from the pain, from you. But why is it that my foot steps even match yours as we stride through this hallway that is too empty for my liking?

 

I wonder if you ever felt anything for me, Jen. I wonder if I stood a chance, at all. I wonder what could've happened if it was me, instead. I wonder how we would be if it was you and me, instead of you and them.

 

But, I know, Jeno. I know that it'll never be me. It won't ever be. That "us" won't ever be.

 

I know I need to move forward to a path without your hand to hold but why can I still not turn my back on you, and go?

 

"Sure, Jen. I'll be there." I told you, even though it tore me inside. Why am I doing this to myself? I must be out of my mind.

 

Perhaps, I just didn't want to accept the reason why looking at you now has become a source of pain to me.

 

And that, I didn't want to accept that you no longer need me by your side, Lee Jeno.