It was the first time they would meet in three years. Ilhoon and Sungjae had not seen each other since the day Ilhoon started his military service. Not even when the members could visit him, or when he got discharged and could go visit Sungjae on the army. They decided that it would help them fully move on from each other. 

They were so wrong. 

After that last night on Sungjae’s house neither of them talked about the past again, trying each to move on in their own way. Ilhoon had a few affairs, Sungjae got more and more work. They were still bandmates, though, and it was so hard to forget someone you saw every day. 

So now, years later, Ilhoon decided to give it one last shot. They were not teenagers anymore, nor super busy young idols. No, they both were grown up men who knew what they wanted and how they wanted. And even if Sungjae did not share the same desires, he knew he should at least try. No more what ifs. 

When the day came and all six went to Sungjae's discharge, Ilhoon felt like his heart could break his ribcage anytime. Hyunsik was there beside him, calming him down and reminding him that everything would be okay.  

Seconds turned into minutes that turned into hours and Ilhoon’s heartbeat only increased. It got to a point where Eunkwang had come to him to ask if everything was okay. He nodded, not trusting his voice.  

Then there he was. Triumphant, absolutely stunning, walking down the venue like it was his own catwalk. Ilhoon’s heart skipped a beat and before he noticed he was going to the other’s encounter, his arms already open, waiting for the hug he needed the most. 

Sungjae opened his arms too, the biggest smile showing up on his face. When they finally embraced both felt at home. Ilhoon put his face on Sungjae’s neck, murmuring a sequence of “I miss you” and “I’m so sorry” while the other only rubbed comforting circles on his back. They allowed themselves to forget the world around them for a few moments and focus only on each other. 

But then the others came, hugging both and laughing loudly, reminding them that they were not alone. Not yet. As Ilhoon looked up to Sungjae he saw in the other’s eyes the same feeling he had. Later. Later they would be alone and able to sort everything out. For now, they would enjoy the time with their friends. 

It turns out that later took a long time to come. The first weeks of having Sungjae back being a complete chaos. First, he had to deal with his family. Then they were already getting ready for their comeback as seven. And even if both were seeing each other daily, it felt like they were still so distant, that hug shared in front of dozens feeling like a distant dream. 

Because of it Ilhoon decided to do something. Since the last time they talked about them it was Sungjae who started, the producer took responsibility and took the next step.  

And that was how they ended up on Ilhoon’s house on a saturday afternoon, watching movies and eating snacks like they did back then. Yes, he wanted to make something fancy, he even thought about taking Sungjae on a date at a french restaurant, but he also wanted the man to feel at home, and nothing was more ‘home’ to them than that. 

The thing was: Ilhoon was too nervous to talk about what he wanted. He did not know if he was afraid of rejection or what, but they only talked sweet nothings, never the thing he wanted to talk about the most. Sungjae, sensing the other’s nervousness, decided not to force the conversation, leaving it to another time. 

After their marathon ended Ilhoon decided it was enough. He asked Sungae out, telling he wanted to go to a new restaurant close to his house. The other agreed, a soft look in his eyes, so different from the ones of that night. Ilhoon’s heart felt warm. 

After that night a new routine was created. When they had free time, they would always find a way to go out together, was it to spend the day laying down on a couch like teenagers or eating the best food Seoul had to offer. It went like that for weeks, as their comeback came and the free time was the rarest thing ever. 

When promotions ended and they could finally rest, Ilhoon did it. He asked Sungjae to have dinner with him on his house and the other agreed happily. 

He prepared everything – he bought good food, a fancy wine and even asked his sister advice on how to make the right move. When Sungjae got there it was all settled, his house as clean as ever. He noticed the other’s curious look around while he walked to sit on one of the chairs on the kitchen. 

When Sungjae noticed the wine, he smiled softly, gabbing the bottle while saying “That’s fancy. What’s the occasion? First dinner, now an expensive wine”. Ilhoon laughed a little, remembering that night. Everything felt so right now. No pain, no sadness, no regrets. He knew things would end different this time. 

They ate in a comfortable silence, only commenting on how good the food was and chatting about simple things. When they finished, both moved to sit in the living room, the atmosphere light. Ilhoon was content, and that made him feel brave. 

“Sungjae” he started. The other man only hummed, signaling him to continue. “I know I said a lot of last time we were like this. Can you... forget that?” 

“Forget what, exactly?” Sungjae answered, a playful smile on his lips. Ilhoon rolled his eyes but continued anyways.  

“Forget all the I said, your ” the smaller man said, smiling softly at the other. “Forget that I said we could not try to be happy because of who we are and what we do. And forget the part we pretended. I don’t wanna pretend, Sungjae-ya" his smile was now gone, his voice assuming a serious tone as his eyes showed Sungjae everything he still could not verbalize “I wanna try for real, if you want that too”. 

Sungjae had the fondest look on his face as he came closer and closer, until he was centimeters away only, and said “Why wouldn’t I want that?” before leaning in to kiss the other fully on the lips. 

It was a kiss so different from all the other kisses they shared. It was so right and so good, so chaste yet so passionate. Ilhoon pulled back, leaning his forehead against the other’s, and smiled, content. 

“You don’t know how much I wanted this and how long I've waited for it” he murmured, his voice soft and low. “I’m so sorry for making us suffer. I'm sorry for making you suffer. And I’m so happy to have you now”. 

He kissed the other again, pulling him closer and closer, until their position became uncomfortable enough that Sungjae pulled him into his lap, with Ilhoon hugging his shoulders. They stayed like that for a long time, savoring each other, enjoying all the kisses and touches they missed, feeling everything they could now, after neglecting themselves that happiness for so long. 

Later, when both ran out of air, Sungjae said “No more sorrys, Iroonie. It's all on the past now, the only thing that matter is that we’re back.” 

That night, when they made love for the first time after so long, they remembered everything they felt, was it physical or not. They remembered hot touches and heartbeats; sloppy kisses and warm happiness taking over them; desperate hands and eyes full of love. They remembered it all. 

And on the next morning, when both woke up tangled on a mess of limbs, the two smiled contently, side by side, knowing that their happiness was not temporary, not anymore. They had each other, and it would stay like that for as long as they lived.