Chapter 1

…It’s still her…

Lisa Manoban, who don’t know her? The former member of famous k-pop group. It’s been 2 years Blackpink disbanded, and 2 years Lisa being a rapper and dancer… 2 years since she knows the happiness, youngsters. Her smile never reached her hearth, just a mere smile, no meaning. She never expected that losing the other members will be this hard. She never realised especially losing her…

Jennie

After their group disbanded, Jennie Kim has been known as a famous singer in new era, and designer. Her good sense in fashion draw people to purchase her designs. She is more successful now as a solo, more fans, more income. Jennie… the favourite person in Lisa life. 

Did they still in contact? They still, but Lisa is selfish, she wants more than only hear her voice, she wants to meet up face-to-face, hand-to-hand, never ask what the latter want. It’s not Lisa fault, she just wants to feel again, is that wrong? It’s hard to handle it, how to expect it if you’re hopeless craving for other care, she knows if she’s under Jennie’s touch she will feel it again, complete. Yes… she fall hard to Jennie.

“Hello”

“Hello” Lisa smiles hearing the other’s voice. Holding her i-phone 8 dearly to her ear. 

“Where are you now?” 

“Home. Why?” Home. Lisa knows where is the place that the latter called so home. No, Jennie never called her family house as a home. There just a place… 

Lisa fidgeting her fingers, as she holds her breath to ask the next question. Clatching the phone, braving herself to say next words

“Can I meet you?” 

Silence. The most thing that Lisa despise of as in it make her stomach twitching, push insiders upside to throw it up. But she never realised that it will be this uptight hate. Like she will never hate something more than this.

“Lisa…”

“Please.” Lisa cuts her off. It’s always like this. Jennie always declined her. Lisa hears the other let out a sigh, like she lose to it. Lisa grins, smile widely, don’t care if she forced Jennie if it only way to meet the person.

“I’ll go right now. See u!”

Now, her smile is meaningful filled with happiness.

Two women hugging each other like no tomorrow. Even though it’s look like only the tall one holding tightly to the shorter one, but Jennie reciprocated the gesture with holding Lisa’s waist softly. Lisa sequels with tears, as she can’t hold it anymore. The feeling is deep, she really loves Jennie, really happy to hold Jennie again. She holds Jennie tightly,… afraid the latter will leave.

Jennie hears the sobbing coming from the person, she admits that she loves met Lisa. The feel to being in Lisa embrace is out of words. It was impossible, yes was. Jennie never imagined that they will hugging each other at their dorm, was. The place, it was their dorm, their home as a Blackpink that now Jennie bought.

“I miss you” Jennie smiles sadly, hearing the words coming from her ex bandmate made her feel sick. Because she knows, the meaning of the words is far from “I miss you friend”.

Jennie knows Lisa’s feeling towards her. Lisa loves. Not as a friend but as a woman. As a person that Lisa looking forward to be together forever. That’s why she always declined her offer to meet up. It makes her feel sick, guilty as she can’t… she can’t give the feeling back to Lisa, she can’t love Lisa more than friend.

“I know” Jennie taps Lisa back, like a sister comforts her little sister to feel more better. ‘It’s going to be fine’… A tear rolling on Jennie’s cheeks, cry. Jennie hates herself…because she knows it will never be fine. Unrequited love is hurt.
I miss you. Why she can’t say it back? Why she can’t love Lisa? Why instead she hopes the words coming from HER?

They looking at each other, one with love, one with guilt. Lisa said it, confessed to Jennie her feeling. 
“I love you unnie, as a person.” If someone watch the scene now, they will mistook the shorter one who confessed unrequited love. Jennie cried… hard, while Lisa holds her dearly to her chest, caress Jennie’s hair. Jennie is her favourite person, she can’t be mad at her for not reciprocate her feeling. She can’t… Jennie faced worse… 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry… sorry Lisa. Sorry.” Jennie cried. Guilty filling her, she feels sick, mumbling ‘sorry’ many times to ease her heart and mind beating as this is her fault. Lisa not deserve this. Lisa closes her eyes, let out her tears that she was holding until now. She shakes her head to Jennie.

“Don’t beating yourself unnie. It’s not your fault. It’s no one fault. You don’t love me, and it just it. We can’t force our feeling. If there are anyone to blame, it’s me. I’m sorry for loving you.”

Jennie let out her guilty feeling on Lisa chest. Crying hard, as she can’t hold it anymore. If guilty can kill, Jennie will be dead now. The guilt to not love a person like Lisa. Lisa was a nice person, still is nice person. 

“You’re kind Lisa”

But it’s HER. It was always HER. Until now it is HER that Jennie want. It’s still her.

“Lisa! Saranghaeyo!”
“Unnie! You’re pretty!” Crowds shouting Lisa name, again and again. They never get tired don’t they. Lisa put her best smile on her face, waving at her only source and reason for Lisa to stay in this industry. Fans. 

“I’ve become your first fan”

Lisa stretch her legs on the only coffee table in her apartment. Her apartment is quite nice, not so rich but warm. Lisa likes warm, it’s the feeling when the first time she met Jennie. 

“I’ve become your first fan”

The words have haunted her. Jennie said to her when the first time she watched Lisa dance. Smile curved on Lisa face, refresh the memory. As another memory replaced, the smile faded, replace with a frown. After the confession Lisa stay overnight at Jennie’s. She can’t forget how Jennie’s whimpering in her sleep, as she had a nightmare. 

Don’t… please… l-leave. 

The whimpers, what happened Jennie? What happened with you? That night she promised herself to help Jennie, to put back Jennie’s gummy smile on her face.
The bell ringing, 
She didn’t expect anyone to visit her at this time.

Roseanne Park

Lisa shocked at the person that standing in front her. Her former bandmate, long blonde hair, sharp eyes brown iris, sharp nose and the captivating one, her plump lips. The blond smile,

“Hey bestie”
Yes, the one and only who will call her ‘bestie’ ,

Roseanne Park.

There is no response to Rose’s greet as Lisa still in taking up that Rose is in front of her. Can’t blame her as the last one who Lisa didn’t expect to meet again out of her former bandmates is Roseanne (Rose). Rose disappeared for good after their disbanded, she flied back at her hometown, Australia. No calls, no messages, no last words.

Lisa tried to contact her but doesn’t vail as it was like finding a mist dust on a carpet. Lisa is out of words… mix emotion, anger, happy, sad, Lisa doesn’t know. Lisa fidgets her fingers, thinking of words. 
Looking at Lisa fighting to uttering a word, Rose reaches for her hand, caress her fingers softly. The gesture did waken up Lisa to say,

“Why are you here?” It is sharp than Lisa intend to say, but she doesn’t care.

Lisa wants to know the blonde reason to left and come back now. Rose squeezes Lisa hand before pull off the hold. They staring at each other, as they share their mind over than words. Lisa sees the softness in Rose eyes but there is something that Lisa can’t put out. It’s blank like hollow, is it now or Rose’s eyes is always like that? Lisa hates to put this, it is loneliness.

Lisa never saw the kind of emotion from someone’s eyes, the loneliness is hardly to be shown in our eyes unless your life always filled with lonely. How miserable it is Rose life? Lisa hates to see Rose’s eyes more than she hates to see Jennie’s guilty eyes. Lost in Rose’s eyes… until Rose blinked her eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m fine, I just taking a break at my hometown. It’s been a long time I back at Australia”

Lisa let her mind slip as why Rose never mention about to meet her family. “So, can’t at least give a message?”

“I was figuring myself, I want to be alone”
Lisa doesn’t ask more, no response to it also, they settle down at that, Lisa is Lisa, always forgiving but at the first place there is nothing to blame Rose. Rose never causes a problem in her life.

Lisa asked Jennie to let her sleep again at her home. Giving the cliché reason as it is, “I miss our home” Lisa has to be with Jennie, that is the first step to help Jennie. No matter what happened, Lisa wants to help Jennie. 

“I’ve promised”

But never she thought that helping Jennie is breaking her inside. At first time Lisa reached Jennie’s home, the door is unlocked. It was quiet, calling Jennie’s name but no answers. 

‘maybe she has sleep’

Open Jennie’s room, yes, Lisa thought is right but not that right, there it is, Jennie laying on her queen silver bed but not alone… with a woman...

Clothes scattered on the floor,… everyone can figure out that they had intimate moment. Lisa froze, her heart break… more breaking as she realised who’s beside Jennie… blonde hair, plump lips

Roseanne Park