Chapter Fourty-Three
Confronting the Faceless 💀 CompleteMay 2, 1998
"We're all human, aren't we?"
Ava doesn't know what to expect when Professor Slughorn's voice wakes everyone up in what feels like it must be the middle of the night.
"All students to the Common Room now." Is all he says, though the message repeats several times, presumably to make sure anyone just waking up gets the memo.
Ava yawns and stretches, rolling over to grab her wand from the nightstand and waving it to turn the lights on.
"Agh noooo." Anwen whines. "Too much bright."
Ava gives her roommate an irritated look, that goes unnoticed, but obligingly dims the lights slightly. She's too tired to be rightfully annoyed at Anwen at this moment.
"What's going on? It's past curfew." Astoria mumbles. "Even prefects don't patrol after curfew anymore, why are we getting up?" Despite her questions she's the most alert of the three of them, already pushing back her sheets.
Ava follows suit, and Anwen relents as well, though she snuggles into her covers for a moment longer, pouting misterably.
The three girls are some of the first in the corridor leading back to the common room, though a few younger girls are darting down the hallway as well, giggling to each other excitedly.
As she slowly wakes up Ava finds herself rather anticipatory as well. The only reason Slughorn would call the entire House is if something big was happening.
This may finally be Ava's moment to prove that she isn't like the rest of Slytherin - she's a good person.
Her and Astoria, of course. She looks over at her friend who looks nervous, obviously having picked up the same implications that Ava had. Anwen still looks half asleep.
There are already several boys in the common room, as well as Professor Slughorn, who looks stressed.
"Ah, Astoria, excellent, come here a moment please?" He asks immediately when he spots the three girls emerging from the hallway.
Astoria goes over immediately, leaving Ava hovering near one of the windows with Anwen, who's rubbing at her eyes in a clear attempt to wake up further.
"What do you think's going on?" She asks, and Ava rolls her eyes. Of course Anwen hadn't realized.
"Obviously something big. We're probably going to have to fight to protect Hogwarts from the evil Deatheaters."
Anwen blinks heavily and then gives Ava a half-glare. "My brother's one of those evil Deatheaters you know." She says sourly. "And he's not evil so."
"He's fighting for an evil dictator, that makes him evil." Ava snaps back. Anwen just sighs and leans against the window.
"Right, self-preservation is evil now. That's why you haven't done a thing to fight back all year, because you're so good." She gripes, and Ava just stares in shock for a moment, unable to think up a response right away.
Astoria comes back before she can, snapping the tension with the serious look on her face. "We're meeting in the Great Hall with the other students. I'm in charge of taking everyone who's here already, and the Professor and other prefects will bring the rest."
"What's going on?" Anwen asks again, but Astoria shakes her head.
"He didn't say. We'll learn more once we get to the Great Hall. Help me round everyone up?" She requests, and Ava nods at the same time as Anwen.
It's not difficult to get the guys in line - they're all mostly still tired and disoriented - and then Astoria leads everyone up to the Great Hall, where several other students are already gathered, whispering nervously to one another (and many eyeing the entering Slytherins with suspicion, which makes Ava sigh. How is she supposed to help when she's still being lumped in with this stupid House? Ever think of that Anwen?).
They sit at the Slytherin table and wait as the rest of the students and teachers eventually file into the room, along with several other adults who Ava doesn't recognize.
"Order members." Anwen says softly, her breath catching. "That's Kingsley Shaklebolt, and Hestia Jones, and is that Laurel Hobbes?" She squints at the line of unfamiliar faces, but Ava has stopped listening in favor of getting excited. The Order of the Phoenix is here? Then her theories are right - they're going to be fighting. Finally.
McGonagall is standing at the Headmaster's podium, and she raises her wand to silence the Hall and draw attention to herself.
"I apologize for pulling you all from your beds at such a late hour, but I'm afraid it was necessary." She says grimly. "Hogwarts castle is about to come under attack by Lord Voldemort, and so we are organizing an evacuation of all students from the premises. We ask that you remain calm and orderly in order that the process be efficient. You will be exiting through a secret passage out to the Hog's Head which your Head of House will direct you to, so that you may remain safe in Hogsmeade, or, if you so choose, you may Apparate to whatever location you deem safe. The evacuation will be overseen by Mr. Filch and Madame Pomfrey. Prefects, when I give the word, you will organize your house and take your charges, in and orderly fashion, to the evacuation point."
At this point several students are looking utterly terrified, though Ava is proud (if unsurprised) to note that Astoria looks more determined than anything else.
One boy at the Hufflepuff table stands up. "And what if we want to stay and fight?"
Several students applaud the question, and Ava tries to join but Astoria keeps a grip on her wrist and nods to McGonagall. Ava hums in understanding. Best to make sure this speech goes quickly - they need to start evacuating the smaller students as soon as possible after all.
McGonagall tilts her head to the boy. "If you are of age, you may stay." She confirms.
Ava immediately starts pouting. How is that fair? She's just as good a fighter as any seventeen year old would be! She frowns angrily. She'll just have to sneak back in then.
"What about our things?" A Ravenclaw girl pipes up. "Our trunks, our owls?"
McGonagall looks less impressed by this question. "We have no time to collect possessions, the important thing is to get you out of here safely."
Astoria snorts. Really, Ravenclaws think they're so smart, but that was a pretty stupid question.
Then Anwen pipes up next to her, and she wants to sink down just to avoid being seen next to the idiotic girl. "Where's Professor Snape?"
McGonagall actually smirks at that. "He has, to use the common phrase, done a bunk." She says briskly, and most of the Hall cheers loudly at the revelation.
Ava is beaming too - that what he gets for being such a slimeball!
McGonagall quickly regains the students' attention. "We have already placed protection around the castle, but it is unlikely to hold for very long unless we reinforce it. I must ask you, therefore, to move quickly and calmly, and do as your prefects-"
However, no one hears her final words, as another voice suddenly begins to echo through the hall, high and cold and impossible to pinpoint the origin of. She wouldn't admit it, but Ava shivers.
"I know that you are preparing to fight." Several students scream. Ava pretends she doesn't understand the urge. "Your efforts are futile. You cannot fight me. I do not want to kill you." Yeah right, monster. "I have a great respect for the teachers of Hogwarts. I do not want to spill magical blood."
And now Ava feels sick. She glares over at Anwen, only to find the girl ghost-white and looking about two seconds from throwing up, rather than smug as Ava had expected.
The Hall has gone dead silent, everyone waiting to hear Voldemort's - for clearly that's who this is - ultimatum.
"Give me Harry Potter, and none shall be harmed. Give me Harry Potter and I shall leave the school untouched. Give me Harry Potter and you will be rewarded. You have until midnight."
It feels like the air in the room leaves along with the voice, and no one moves for a long moment.
Then, of course, an idiot Slytherin has to go on ruining Ava's chances. "But he's there! Potter's there! Someone grab him!"
Pansy Parkinson sounds panicky and desperate as she flings a shaking hand at the Gryffindor table, and Ava starts when she realizes that the Head Girl is right - Harry Potter is indeed there. How had she missed that?
However, she only got a moment's glance at the famous face since almost as soon as Pansy stops speaking the Gryffindor table rises up, glaring at her, closely followed by the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws, every one of them turned again Slytherin with their wands raised.
Goddamnit.
"Thank you, Miss Parkinson." McGonagall says, voice clipped and dismissive. "You will leave the Hall first with Mr. Filch. If the rest of your House could follow."
Ava feels numb as around her her Housemates begin standing up to follow after Pansy and Filch. Astoria gently grabs her arm and Ava stumbles along behind her, barely registering McGonagall telling the Ravenclaw to follow next.
This can't be it. She can't have her chance cruelly yanked away by her terrible Housemates again. Surely they can see that not every Slytherin is on Team ? Ava has spent all year trying to show the DA she's one of the good guys! How can they be so blind?
She glares at the Slytherins around her, knowing exactly what the answer to her own questions are. Them. Close-minded bigots, the lot of them, and the stupid Hat lumped her in with them. But this isn't over. Ava refuses to let this be over.
She glances over at Astoria, who's giving her a look that seems apologetic - she must be disappointed as well. But no, they'll get to fight. Between the two of them they can surely sneak back through the secret passage Filch is leading them to and rejoin the fighting and show that they're heros just as much as the other Houses. They aren't like the other Slytherins.
Filch takes them to the statue of the hunchback witch and then waves impatiently at Draco Malfoy, who scowls but walks over.
"Dissendium." He says sharply, and hump on the witch's back cracks open to reveal a passage.
"In ya get then." Filch says gruffly. "I'll be escortin' you all to Hogsmeade, you can stay in Honeydukes until it's all over. I'll be resealing this passage once yer all through so don't bother trying to turn around."
"Well, there are worse places." Anwen says quietly. Ava rolls her eyes.
Obviously they'll need to sneak away from the group and break the seal as quickly as possible - Hogsmeade isn't exactly close so the trip over will probably take a while. Ava doesn't say anything to Astoria yet though - Filch is still watching them and she doesn't want him to overhear her plans.
However, those plans fly out the window when, after she's the last person to slide down into the passage, Filch comes down after her, followed closely by Mrs. Norris.
"You prefects go on and lead, it's straight from here." He says gruffly. "Mrs. Norris will accompany you."
Ava grimaces and goes to locate Astoria, who had been one of the first to descend as the fifth year female prefect. She and her friend need to be on the same page if they're going to succeed in sneaking back to the fight without any of the other Slytherins trying to stop them, or worse, convince them that they shouldn't for whatever stupid reasons they have.
Finding her friend isn't easy, Astoria isn't tall and her black hair blends in, but Ava eventually manages to locate her standing next to - ugh - Venus Burke about halfway up the group. Everyone is moving slowly but steadily down the tunnel, and Ava is itching to make their escape now to stop any more distance from coming between her and the battle.
"Astoria." She hisses, and tries to wave her friend over when Astoria turns to look at her. However, her friend shakes her head and waves back. You come here.
Ava frowns, eyeing Venus, but does walk over after a moment. "We need to get away from these guys and get back." She says as quietly as she can.
Astoria stares at her for a long moment, brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, what?" She asks after a minute. "Get away? Ava I'm a prefect, I'm in charge of making sure everyone gets to Honeydukes safely."
Ava blinks. "But... Astoria we're going to fight." She reminds her friend. "There are five other prefects, but we're going to show everyone that not all Slytherins are horrible."
Her voice definitely gets louder at the end of that, and she gets quite a few glares in response, but she could care less. They can comfort themselves with whatever lies they like, it doesn't change the truth.
However, her certainty falters slightly when she sees the look on Astoria's face. She isn't smiling or agreeing - she looks hurt. And a bit angry. Which... what?
However, it isn't Astoria that responds, but rather Venus Burke, who really ought to mind her own business in Ava's book but when has Venus ever done what Ava wants?
"You know Ava, maybe if you'd actually tune into reality once in a while you'd realize exactly how much of a hypocrite you're being." The blonde says disparagingly, and Ava bristles.
"I am not! I'm stating a fact!" She snaps.
"Well if it's a fact then I guess you're a lot more Slytherin than you'd care to admit." Venus shoots back. "Astoria is doing her job and we're retreating from a war right now. We all have better things to do then listen to you acting like an entitled idiot."
Ava bristles. "I am not! Astoria come on the other prefects can do this! We need to help!"
"No." Astoria finally speaks, and it's like a knife to the gut. "Ava, look. I get where you're coming from, alright? And I know you're a good person, it's why we're friends. But being a good person isn't the same thing as throwing your life away in a pointless act of defiance. I'm not going to die fighting someone else's war. We're fifteen, we have a lot more life to live you know."
Ava gapes at her friend, her brain unable to comprehend what Astoria had just said. It keeps stuttering and stopping, then backing up and trying again, hoping to hear different words. Her friend... doesn't want to help? Doesn't see this as her fight? But Astoria is one of the good guys. Right? She has to be, she's Ava's friend and Ava wouldn't be friends with a blood purist, she wouldn't-
Venus speaks up again, her voice cutting through the spiraling mess of Ava's mind. "That's that then. You can go get yourself killed for a cause that looks at the color of your tie and decides you're not worth the air you breath, or you can shut up and keep walking and live another day."
It's that comment, flippant, bored, dismissive, that prompts Ava to start talking again. But she has no control over her words - everything she's felt this past year explodes outwards at Venus, and Astoria, and every Slytherin still lingering in their vicinity.
"You do realize why they look at my tie and assume the worst right? It's self-important, holier-than-thou arseholes like you who cause it! This entire House is a nightmare full of self-righteous hypocrites who only look out for their best interest, even if it means throwing everyone else to the wolves! It's no wonder no one trusts Slytherins when you're all self-serving and underhanded!
"It doesn't matter that a few of us aren't horrible selfish bastards because we're overwhelmed by the rest of you! One idiot Slytherin shouts about turning the savior of the wizarding world and the assumption is immediately that we all agree with her! Because most of you bloody do!" She continues, vision tunneling in her anger, barely aware of the other students around her and the increased crowd she's drawing. "You all care more about maintaining your biases up in your Ivory Towers than recognizing all the suffering that your bull is causing. You at best intentionally turn a blind eye the the horrors you allow to happen, and at worst you agree with it!
"You stand there acting like your lives are worth more than anyone else's when in reality you're just a bunch of cowards! Cowards and bigots who will happily consider other people less than human if it means you get to pretend you're the best without actually putting in any effort at all!"
"And you're so different?"
The interruption is quiet but harsh, and Ava falters because it's not Venus who says it. It isn't even Astoria, who's looking at her with wide, hurt eyes and has gone rather pale.
No, the person staring her down with a tear-stained face and a glare that could melt steel is Anwen Rowle.
Ava can feel herself sneer, but it's disconnected from her conscious decision-making, the way the entire rant had been - honest, but unintentional.
"No really, tell me." Anwen continues, her voice still soft, shaky, like she's questioning every word as it escapes . Maybe she's as out of control as Ava feels. "How is it that you're any different from us? Based on what you just said, I mean."
Ava glares at her, but isn't sure how to respond. Isn't sure she'd be able to control her words even if she did. So she stays silent.
"You just said you think we're all the same. Just like how the rest of the school sees us. You get angry about not being given a chance because of the Slytherin reputation, but you act on those exact same biases and assumptions without bothering to actually talk to us. I noticed it - I've tried talking to you for five years now but the moment you disagree with something you turn up your nose and start ignoring me."
Ava opens to protest - Anwen isn't being fair after all, Ava lives with the Slytherins so she knows that she's right about them - but no sound comes out.
Anwen keeps going, either oblivious to or uninterested in Ava's attempt to speak. "You say we pretend to be better than others by judging them instead of actually doing anything to prove ourselves, well, I didn't exactly see you do anything this year. Skip homework? Please, we've all done that before. And you could get away with it far easier than anyone else - you're a pureblood, same as us, and you used the safety net that gave you with the Carrows even if you didn't realize it. You made yourself feel superior by telling yourself you were better than us without actually doing anything. So again, how are you so different than us?"
Ava just glares at her silently, suddenly very aware of the angry Slytherins surrounding their little group and how utterly isolated she suddenly feels. She again looks over at Astoria, hoping for some support, but her friend (are they friends? were they ever friends?) is staring resolutely at her feet. Beside her Venus is looking rather bored.
"Alright then, if that's done?" The older girl asks after a long minute of silence has thoroughly smothered the passageway. "Then I believe we still have a ways to go to get to Honeydukes, so let's get a move on. Astoria you're the only prefect here, so go ahead and take the lead."
Astoria blinks, looks up at her cousin, then nods and begin ushering the other students out of their loosely-formed circle and down the hallway, Anwen assisting after a gentle prompting from Astoria. Ava remains rooted in place, and to her displeasure Venus stays back as well.
Once the group of Slytherins is no longer in sight the older blonde girl turns to Ava. "So, do you still consider Astoria a friend? Or are you writing her off as evil now too?"
Ava just stares down the hallway, finding that she doesn't really have an answer to that.
Venus sighs. "She considers you a friend. Always has. I never understood it but she always said that you're just very passionate and had a different upbringing than we did. I think I get that now." She shakes her head. "I've made some discoveries recently. Voldemort rules through fear, as you know. And you need to realize that most of the students in this House right now? They were directly affected by it. Their parents, siblings, family members, they were scarred by the war. They lost people, to death and to Azkaban, and they were as impacted, maybe more impacted, by Voldemort's fear tactics than the Order was. They were directly in the line of fire, after all."
Ava finally looks over at Venus, unsure where exactly the other girl is going with this. The people who worked for Voldemort weren't "in the line of fire" they were the fire. Right?
"Anwen's brother was tortured nearly to insanity for failing to do something the Dark Lord himself failed to accomplish. Her entire family was under tight scrutiny this entire year. Pressure like that steals a lot of things - hope being one of them." Venus holds Ava's gaze steadily. "I've been studying the effects of hope in the past week. You actually inspired that, you know. You have good ideas sometimes, much as I hate to say it.
"You saw yourself the energy of the castle was down - spells were harder, moods were dropping, all because of a lack of hope. The DA themselves haven't done anything in over a week and they were the source of that hope. So Ava, imagine if you spent your whole live with people who operated through fear, not hope. How would that impact your outlook on life? How would it change your priorities and focuses?
"You had a great childhood, Astoria has told me about it. You had something most of us didn't - you had love instead of fear. So maybe, instead of using that to look down on us, you should be trying to share it, so we have a chance to understand." She shrugs. "But what do I know, I'm just an evil Slytherin. I'm going to Honeydukes - we're about thirty minutes out from the castle but you might catch the end of the massacre if you head back now." And with that she turns on her heel and heads down the passageway, leaving Ava conflicted and deflated behind her.
Ava just stares for a long moment, rage and hurt and something else at war in and her guts before she spins on her heel, turning her back to Honeydukes and the Slytherins (and safety a small part of her mind whispers). They'll see, she'll prove Slytherin can produce some good witches and wizards.
The sentiment doesn't comfort her the way it used to, haunted by memories of Anwen's tear-streaked face and Venus talking about hope, but Ava clings to it anyway. If she focuses on that she doesn't need to think about all the ugly, uncomfortable things that are trying to wriggle into her mind and make a home there. Doesn't have to think about Astoria looking away, looking hurt, doesn't have to think about how she apparently was best friends with a bigot for years-
"She considers you a friend. Always has."
"Shut up Venus, you're just a self-involved turd who lets people get hurt in the name of learning stuff, you can't judge me." She growls aloud, as if talking to herself will somehow fix everything. She does feel a little bit better, and she finally manages unstick her feet from the ground where they seem to have rooted themselves to actually start walking back towards the castle.
She can hear her footsteps echoing through the corridor, though they're muffled slightly by whatever dust or mold is coating the walls of the passage. She's still fuming, her mind echoing wtih insults, and she can feel her fingernails digging gouges into her palms from how tightly her fists are clenched at her sides.
How dare Venus imply she's selfish? All she wants to do is help! It's the other Slytherins who have stood by and done nothing, the others who have actively tortured other students! Venus used the Cruciatus cruse on Friday evenings, Ava knows she did. Venus is the selfish one, pursuing knowledge for the sake of being able to act like she's better than everyone else. She just wants her stupid job and doesn't care who gets hurt in the process of pursuing it. Typical Slytherin.
And Anwen, don't even get her started on Anwen. The girl tried to play the guilt card when her family is actively supporting the Dark Lord! Ava has spent five years rooming with Anwen, and so she knows full wall what the other girl is like. She's flighty and stupid and bigoted - she was always rude to their Muggleborn roommate Matangi, if that isn't proof that she's not a good person then what is?
You and Astoria weren't nice to Matangi either. A traitorous part of her mind whispers. But that's different, because Matangi was never very nice and always avoided their House so even if - no, when - Ava tried to make friends the other girls wasn't interested. It's entire different from Anwen disliking her because she's Muggleborn.
Only, that reasoning suddenly doesn't feel very stable, and something in Ava's gut twists uncomfortably. She shoves it down and keeps walking when she realizes that at some point in her musings her momentum had dropped down to nothing. She can't do that, if she doesn't keep moving she'll miss her chance to fight and show everyone how great she is despite her House.
She still feels ill though, and her mind keeps flicking back to Anwen's tears, Venus's steady gaze, Astoria's averted one. Maybe Astoria really did judge Matangi because of her blood status? Maybe that revelation is why things feel so sideways and unsteady now. Ava had made a mistake, she should have realized-
Realized what, exactly? That my best friend didn't agree with me on some stuff? Stuff I talked about constantly so she had plenty of chances to tell me her thoughts? It isn't my fault she never spoke up, it-
Venus's comments on love and childhoods filled with fear pops to the forefront of her mental ranting, and the thought is like a physical wall that the rest of her musings slam into, mind momentarily coming to a full stop (as do her feet. Why can't she keep walking?). Venus said that Astoria had talked about Ava's childhood. Ava knows she's mentioned her parents plenty during their conversations - she loves them, and they love her, and she can't imagine a family being any other way.
But Astoria never talked about her parents, did she? Heck, Ava hadn't even known about her sister until their third year, and Daphne Greengrass is in the same House as them. "You had love instead of fear." Astoria... probably learned not to share her thoughts if they didn't line up with what the person speaking believed. She feared the consequences of disagreement, had been taught to her entire life.
Slytherins do as their told because no one ever taught them to question anything. Because their House encourages not asking questions, just following what they want.
"How are you any different?" Anwen demands again in her mind, and Ava flinches. How indeed? She... she's right, of course, Ava is right in her beliefs, but she hadn't ever questioned them either, or thought about why other people wouldn't have them. And maybe that isn't such a good thing? The world tilts again and she shakes her head firmly.
She needs to keep moving. she needs to get to the fight, join them, show them-
Show them what, exactly? That she isn't like other Slytherins? She... isn't, she isn't but... isn't she?
Her brain shouts to keep walking. Her legs sit down instead.
Why does she want to fight? Does she want to fight? Or does she just want glory, to be seen as better after years of being treated as less because of her House?
It's something she's never really thought about before, never thought she needed to but... why does she want to fight? And... much as she hates thinking Venus or Anwen could have a point, if she wanted to so badly why did she keep waiting for the DA to come to her, instead of going to them? It's not like she didn't know exactly which fifth years were members of the group. Or why didn't she just helping out regardless of what they thought of the color of her tie?
I didn't do the assignments. She reminds herself. I didn't curse anyone or volunteer in class.
But she hadn't ever been called out on it, by the Carrows or anyone else. She'd told Astoria, acted like it made her better than Anwen and Venus (and it does. Doesn't it?) but what had it actually accomplished?
Half the DA had to go into hiding out of genuine fear for their lives. Ava... Ava is a pureblood and a Slytherin. Ava never had to be scared because she fits the mold of who's the right sort of person according to the Deatheaters, and without active and loud resistance no one was going to notice her at all.
Ava sits in the hallway, mind flying, head hurting, and heart cracking under the weight of her own desperation to put things back where they were before.
She never does make it back to the hump-back witch, too lost wondering what she's fighting for in the first place.
Author's Note: And thus we enter the final run of this story. The scene with Ava vs Slytherin is one I've had in mind pretty much since November 2018 when Ava was submitted as a character for this story, and hopefully it came out well ^^''
Next Time: The war ends at Hogwarts - but it wasn't fought there
So I'm thinking I might do a final 'afterwords' chapter to share my thoughts and feelings on writing this story, if that's something people would be interested in? I'm also open to answering any lingering questions people might have there as well!
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