Chapter Thirty-Four
Confronting the Faceless 💀 CompleteMarch 18-25, 1998
"Sometimes you've got to think about more than your own safety"
It's nice, knowing someone who's part of the Underground who he can talk to outside of his night time activities without raising any suspicion.
Lucas thinks Audrey agrees with that sentiment, at least to a degree (she knows two people in the group after all, not that Lucas is supposed to know about Percy), because their occasional lunch meetings have now become bi-weekly dinners at each other's flats, where they can talk freely about the Underground and their fears and frustrations without worry of being overheard (thank you mysterious Badger who'd created the privacy spells they're using).
And Lucas has a lot of stress and frustration these days. With the Safehouse Floo Network now in progress and the Portkey System to get Muggleborns out of the country entirely up and running smoothly Lion has increased the number of Field Agents actively scouring the Forest of Dean and the rest of the English countryside for Fugitives. It's a positive on the one hand, obviously - they're saving almost twice as many people as they were before. However, it's also inevitably resulted in more clashes with the Snatchers, who after a couple months of floundering seem to have gotten their feet under them again and are proving a right nuisance. Lucas barely sleeps these days between his usual shifts at St. Mungo's and his nighttime work with the Underground.
The tiny bright spot is that he actually gets along very well with the other Healer on the team, "Setter." He actually knows her from work - Jemma Tremlett, wife of the famous (and now missing) bassist for the Weird Sisters and an absolutely brilliant trauma specialist. They never really cross paths at Mungo's though, so he can't ever speak with her, or acknowledge that he knows her particularly well, outside of their nights together spent healing rescued Muggleborns and injured Field Agents. He's hoping when all this is over they can maybe start up a proper friendship outside of dimly lit living rooms and furtive, nervous glances at the door.
But he has Audrey, and that's enough for now.
He arrives at her flat at five thirty on a Wednesday in between the end of his Mungo's shift and the start of his Underground one in the Hog's Head. She's got a date with Percy later, and he knows she'll mention him staying to say hello and he'll refuse because he still feels awkward around his old friend. Their fight remains fresh in his mind despite it having been years ago now, replaying over and over when he's trying to get what little sleep he can manage between patients.
"You look like hell, rough day today?" Audrey asks as she lets him into her apartment.
Lucas shrugs - he honestly doesn't think today was any different than normal, and he doens't feel any more exhausted than usual, but Jun had made the same comment this morning so he must look worse than he thinks.
"No different really. Got a few roughed-up Snatchers, and an eight year old ODed on sleeping draught." He sighs at Audrey's vaguely horrified look. "Less uncommon than you'd think, a lot of parents don't realize that kids shouldn't have as high a dose as adults. It's more annoying when they aren't honest about how much the kid ingested. She's fine, by the way."
"Well that's a relief at least." Audrey sighs, hanging up Lucas' cloak for him as he makes his way across the now familiar flat to the kitchen, where Audrey already has the takeout on plates. "Is it ever weird? Seeing normal things like that back-to-back with war?"
A few months ago Lucas would have said yes. A few months ago, when they'd made treating Snatchers and Deatheaters a priority over all other patients, when he'd lost his first patient with the Underground, when he wasn't constantly tired and worn, he absolutely was struck by the dichotomy of his new world. Now though?
"It's just the way things are." He says. "We all get used to things. Is it weird giving Rat the files you've collected for him during the day, after spending that day getting death warrants signed for Umbridge?"
Audrey grimaces. "Touché." She acknowledges. "You're on shift tonight?"
"Setter and I are still the only Healers so yeah. I think Hawk and Kitten are on patrol tonight so there will definitely be things to do." And it will be weird because "Hawk" is Oliver Wood and Lucas and him never did really get along during their school days. It hadn't been outright animosity or anything, heck, Lucas doesn't think Oliver ever thought much about him at all, but Lucas had been pretty jealous of the other boy due to Percy's crush on him.
These days he still finds it a bit uncomfortable to be around Oliver, but that's on him, not the Puddlemere Keeper.
"You should recruit that friend of yours." Audrey says, not for the first time. "He seems like he'd be happy to help out if you asked."
Lucas shakes his head. He's been intentionally keeping Jun out of this whole mess - his family is here on diplomatic immunity only, so even if he technically can't be deported now that he's a permanent English resident, he'd be risking too much. Lucas refuses to ask him to do that, especially since he knows that Audrey is absolutely correct about Jun's willingness. And call him selfish, but he likes that Jun is relatively safe where he is - bringing him into the resistance would only mean another person to worry about, and he worries plenty already about Audrey and Percy and of course his mother. He doesn't need another life on his conscience.
They briefly move away from Underground talk as they start eating - Audrey had gotten Thai and they both went for the spring rolls first which meant a bit of battle - but the topic naturally comes up again quite quickly - it's why they have these dinners, after all.
"How are things with the Floo Network, do you know?" Lucas asks after a few minutes, when the rolls are starting to settle comfortably into his digestive system and he's feeling a little more human than he had when he arrived. "Python mentioned it a grand total of once and I haven't seen her since then."
Audrey shrugs. From what she's told Lucas, Percy is the only other member of the Underground that she's met so far, though he knows she was supposed to have a meeting with Lion this week to expand the number of people she can give her pilfered documents to so he figures Audrey might have gotten some information from her.
"Not my area of interest." She says simply, shaking her head for emphasis. "I just get the information, Rat's the one who uses it, and since Lion took charge of the safehouses he just forwards everything for that to her."
"How'd that meeting go, by the way?" Lucas asks, suppressing his disappointment with her response. He and Setter have been talking during their downtime and they both agree they'd like to select a permanent location where they can heal the Fugitives and Field Agents without having to keep one eye on the door, but they can't choose that spot until the Floo Network is up and running. Plus they need to tell one of the three unofficial leaders of the Underground (Python, Lion, and Rat) but neither of them sees much of anyone other than the Field Agents, who are usually too tired and bloody to be up to listening to the pitch.
Audrey hums. "Well enough." She finally settles on. "I was surprised to see who it was, but then I wasn't surprised when I thought about it. Which is probably good, since I imagine no one woud think to think about it, if that makes sense."
"You know her?" Lucas asked, a bit surprised. Lion is now the only leader who he doesn't know the true identity of and he'd somehow come to the conclusion from there that she must be very secretive. Obviously he was wrong.
"She works in the Ministry, in a Department I saw a lot of back at the beginning, and we'd had a few run ins even before all this." Audrey says simply. "To be fair, with my job I've met a lot of people - I was secretary to the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, remember? Lots of meetings to set up and a lot of files to get signed and what-not."
The whole thing sounds terribly boring, but Lucas supposes a job is a job, and apparently Audrey is very good at this particular one. "Fair enough. The Ministry is so big though, I'm always surprised how many people you seem to know."
Audrey shrugs. "Part of the job is all. I remember names and faces so that my boss can focus on more important matters of legislation and politics." She smiles slightly at his expression. "It's not that difficult, really. You just finished your certification, right? That's way harder than anything I do."
Lucas shrugs. She's right - he'd completed his trauma certification about a week ago and he's already somewhat regretting it, if he's honest with himself.
"It's really just more of the same but... more intense I guess? I'm not sure I'll stay with it when all this is over, there's a lot less one-on-one time with the patients which is my favorite part of this job."
"Maybe you should switch to nursing?" Audrey suggests. "It sounds like something you'd enjoy."
Lucas smiles slightly. "Way worse pay though." He points out, and Audrey laughs.
"Money is money. It's still enough to live on, right?" She waits until he nods. "Well then there you go. Sure we all have to get jobs to keep the roof from leaking and the cabinets stocked, but if there's an opportunity that you'll actually enjoy doing? You should take it, especially if it's still enough to pay rent."
They talk a bit more about Audrey's latest near-miss with Umbridge, whose frustrations are causing her to pop up randomly all over the Ministry on her hunt for some way to seem important (as Audrey puts it) before Lucas has to call it a night and head for the Hog's Head, where he and Setter are treating their patients tonight.
Jemma is already there, and she gives him a slightly smile in acknowledgement when he Apparates in. They probably won't have anyone by for the first few hours so Lucas heads straight over to the bed to try and catch a quick nap. Jemma had the early shift so she's been home for most of the day - she'll wake him up when and if someone arrives. They're both used to running on little to no sleep so he doesn't feel that guilty about immediately falling asleep on her. A little bad, yes, but he's frankly too exhausted to let that stop him from dropping out of consciousness like a rock.
He doesn't know what time it is when Jemma wakes him up, but Kitten is in the room with two school-aged boys who look half dead from starvation and Lucas is immediately up.
Jemma takes on patching up Kitten, who's not too badly off and who Lucas has realized Setter knows from school, while Lucas ushers the two kids over to the bed so they can sit down and he can check them over for any non-visible injuries (besides the standard starvation, exhaustion, and, increasingly now that the snow is gone, dehydration) and determine whether they're safe to be moved or if they need to hunker down at one of the country safehouses before taking a Portkey out of the country.
"Hey, you're safe now." He promises, keeping his voice low and even. The two won't trust him, not yet, but he knows Kitten had the harder job getting them to trust her out in the woods. At this point they're committed, so they'll put up less of a fight than they would have initially.
The older of the two boys frowns at him thoughtfully. "Do I know you?" He says suddenly.
Lucas blinks. "I don't think so? I was in Hufflepuff a few years back though, I was a prefect. It's possible you knew me but I didn't know you."
The boy lights up. "You were friends with Ron's big brother!" He says, sounding quite proud of himself, and far more energetic than Lucas had expected. "It's okay Dennis, these really are the good guys." He suddenly pulls out a wand. "I was gonna hex you if you weren't. I turned seventeen last week."
Lucas blinks, and then can't help laughing slightly. "Very smart keeping that from Kitten." He tells them. "I'm Lucas, and I need to do a few diagnostic spells to make sure you're not hurt too badly, is that alright?"
The older boy nods, still grinning. "This is so cool! Are you guys the resistance? Are you fighting You-Know-Who and his followers? Can I help? I'm Colin by the way, Colin Creevey. This is my little brother Dennis. We were both trained by Harry Potter himself so we could be really helpful if you need us!"
Lucas is admittedly a little overwhelmed by the unexpected enthusiasm, but he's glad to see it. This job is draining, so any little bit of joy that arises is cherished. He glances to Jemma and sees that she's smiling as well even as she stays focused on her conversation with Kitten.
"We'll definitely keep that in mind. Right now I just need you both to hold still for a minute." He smiles, and Dennis giggles.
"That might be tough for Colin." He says, and his voice is a lot weaker than his brother's but he's clearly trying hard to be tough. Lucas's heart goes out to him - he can't imagine what the two boys have been through in the past months but they're both obviously scarred from it.
He quickly performs the diagnostics and finds that while Colin is mostly just tired and malnourished, Dennis has a rather nasty infection in a badly healed-over gash on his leg.
"When did this happen?" Lucas asks as he maneuvers the younger boy to lie down on the bed so he can work on the leg without moving it too much. Colin hops down to make room, looking guilty.
"I dunno, a while ago? There was still snow." He says. "I tried to clean it up sir, I really did-"
Lucas quickly cuts him off, seeing that Colin's distress is upsetting Dennis. "I know you did, and it's not nearly as bad as it could have been. We'll be able to clean this up and get that fever down in a week at most, you two will just have to hang out at Rabbit's farm during that time. He'll probably love to have the help as well, it's a very big farm."
Both boys light up at the mention of the farm. Lucas keeps talking about it as he pulls a numbing potion out of his bag and set about draining Dennis's infected leg and magically stitching up the wound. By the time he's done Colin is half-asleep leaning against the side of the bed and Dennis is fully knocked out, the rush of the day obviously finally catching up to him.
"I'm going with Kitten to bring the boys to Bat's place for the night." Jemma tells him, helping Colin stand as Kitten scoops Dennis into a bridal carry.
"I'll go back tomorrow after work to bring them out to Rabbit's place assuming they're safe to move that far." Kitten adds, shifting Dennis so she can grab her wand. "Ready Setter?"
The two women Apparate away, and Lucas knows it'll be a few minutes before Jemma gets back. She'll want to do a final check before returning for the rest of their shift. Lucas sets about cleaning the bed for the next patient to keep himself busy. If he doesn't he'll inevitably start thinking about what could have given Dennis that sort of injury and then he'll start feeling sick and then he'll begin questioning this entire endeavor and he doesn't have the mental energy to fall down that spiral just now.
He doesn't regret taking Python's offer, he'll never regret that since it means his mother is safe, but sometimes the mental and emotional pressure the job brings becomes a bit overwhelming. He hasn't told anyone that, of course - what could he say? That he feels too tired to take care of people, when that's literally his job? How selfish is that? But knowing it's a terrible thing to feel doesn't stop him from falling down that hole far more often than he cares to admit.
Jemma returns to find him making the bed, and she raises an eyebrow.
"You fuss when you're stressed." She says after a moment of simply watching him. "What's going on?"
Lucas just shakes his head. Jemma is well known for being one of the most giving and selfless members of the trauma team, often taking double and triple shifts to make sure her patients are safe and on the way to recovery. He has no interest in telling her how he's feeling. Less than, if possible.
She sighs. "Dennis and Colin will be fine, they're young and resilient." And of course she assumes it's about the boys. Because it should be, shouldn't it? Not about him and his own terrible thoughts of wishing he was at home with no idea the Underground even existed, so he couldn't feel guilty about not helping. "But that's not what's bothering you, is it?" She adds after a moment, and Lucas flinches slightly. Is he so easy to read?
"You're tired - you're naturally you're giving more away because of that." Jemma says, finally walking over and sitting next to him on the bed. "It's okay, by the way. Whatever you're feeling is perfectly normal - everyone deals with these things in their own ways."
He just shakes his head slightly. "I'm fine, just tired like you said. You think Kitten or Hawk will find anyone else tonight?"
Jemma eyes him carefully, then apparently decides to let it go. "Based on the past few weeks it's unlikely. Kitten said it's pretty quiet out there these days - people are either already rescued or already dead for the most part."
Lucas is genuinely stunned by the blunt analysis, and it must show on his face because Jemma laughs ruefully.
"We're at war Lucas, those are the facts. They don't have to be pretty to be true. The first rule of trauma care is that you can't get emotional about death - you know that."
He shrugs awkwardly. "I know. Just... didn't expect to hear that from you is all." He admits, exhaustion and a genuine comfort with his fellow Healer loosening his tongue more than he'd intended.
Jemma's laugh is a bit edged, which isn't surprising considering she's probably had about as much sleep as he has. "War is like that. You adapt or die clinging to your idealism." She says after a moment. "My best friend died in my arms you know. Order mission gone wrong. I was the closest Healer and I still wasn't fast enough." She lapses into silence again, and Lucas has no idea why she suddenly felt the need to share all this, but he doesn't feel comfortable enough to question it. "Sometimes I wonder if any of this is worth it. For every life we save how many more die unnoticed? If they shoot first are we justified in shooting to kill?" She shakes her head. "I saw a woman sobbing over her comatose Deatheater husband while their two children sat in the waiting room clinging to each other, waiting for any news at all. We're Healers. We're supposed to help everyone. But in this we're supposed to dehumanize the so-called other and not care at all." She buries her face in her hands and gives another hollow laugh. "You ever wish you didn't know about any of this, so you didn't have to think about it?"
And there it is. It's still a massive, unexpected tangent that seems to have come out of nowhere, but Jemma has perfectly put into focus what Lucas has been feeling guilty about for months now.
He reaches out a hand tentatively and finds that her shoulder is shaking. "Yeah." He says softly. "I think we'd have lost our humanity if we didn't."
They sit there in silence, her crying and him fighting not to as the night fades into dawn and the sun stretches into the sky. They wrap up and head out around eight so they can eat before their shifts at St. Mungo's.
Lucas keeps thinking about what Jemma had said, and his own response to it. It had been an impulsive comment, one he didn't think through at all before saying it, but it feels right. They are Healers, and their job first and foremost is to the health and wellbeing of their patients above all political alignments or personal moral opinions. And wanting to avoid the emotional damage caused by the messiness of real-world grey morality isn't selfish - it's normal.
He can't say he feels good about himself now, necessarily, but he does think he feels a little better.
He apparently still looks like a nightmare though, as Jun is quick to tell him with a disapproving frown as soon as Lucas clocks in for his shift.
"You need to relax. Tomorrow night: you, me, and a pint at the Leaky, no arguments." He says firmly as they pull on their medical robes (trauma residents have to wear special uniforms) and head out of the locker rooms and towards the lifts.
Lucas already knows he's going to have to back out of this - he'll be at Bat's place with Jemma waiting to see if Horned Owl (and goodness he dislikes that code - why not just owl?) or Panther come in with any Fugitives or injuries - but this will be the sixth time blowing off Jun and he really doesn't want to do it again.
"Maybe Saturday? I'm off duty then." He offers.
Jun frowns. "I'm not, I have Wednesdays, remember? Why not tomorrow, it'll be a good time! Come on Lucas, you look dead on your feet, you need a little living. And I'm starting to think you don't want to see me outside of work." He adds, and Lucas knows Jun angled for his guilt complex on purpose but it still works.
"I can't Jun, really. You're right, I'm exhausted and I kind of plan to sleep from the moment I get off shift until when I have to go back on." He says apologetically. It's not even a lie - he does intend to sleep all day on Saturday. He's just misleading Jun a bit on when exactly his shifts are.
Jun frowns, but Lucas can tell he's going to give in. "Alright, fair enough. But we're going out before the end of the month, okay? I miss you dude."
Lucas goes for casual, rolling his eyes and elbowing Jun lightly. "What, several hours together on shift isn't enough for you?"
Jun laughs and things relax from there, but Lucas still feels guilty about it - after all, Jun probably isn't getting that night out this month, or ever so long as this war keeps going on. Lucas is going to run out of excuses eventually, and he's scared he'll lose another friend once he does.
The rest of the week plays out normally - Jemma and Kitten get into an argument on Sunday evening about something that had happened during their school days but it's a result of increased stress and lack of sleep for everyone involved and it deescalates as quickly as it built. Otherwise the next several days are pretty typical.
Then Tuesday night, while Lucas is at dinner with Audrey, a messenger arrives from Lion.
"We've been compromised, stand down until further notice." is all the silvery lion says before vanishing.
Audrey and Lucas share a look, and he sees the same fear he feels reflected in her eyes multiplied.
"It might not be Percy." He says quietly, though he honestly can't think of what else it could be that's so extreme as to shut down all activities indefinitely.
She tilts her head in acknowledgement. "You should probably go home." She says after a moment. "If it's bad enough-"
She doesn't need to finish. If it's bad enough, everything the Underground has been hiding could come to light - including him and his mother. He needs to get home and explain the situation to her, something he knows he should have done earlier but he'd kept putting it off, thinking he could protect her from all this. The first war had taken so much from her - it's not fair for the second to do that all over again.
But life, he knows, isn't fair. He bids Audrey goodbye, feeling a bit bad about leaving her when she's obviously distressed by the news as well, and Apparates from her front porch directly into his room at home.
His mother appears in the door moments later, frowning. "I thought I heard you come in. Is everything alright? I thought you had another late shift." She says. She's dressed for bed - Lucas obviously caught her just before falling asleep.
The words catch in his throat as he stares at his mother. She's showing signs of age but nothing that's worn her down. His entire life she's protected him and taught him, and now he has to tell her he might have failed to return that favor. Where to even start?
She's looking worried now, and takes several steps into the room as Lucas continues to struggle to find his words. "Lucas? Darling?" She prompts, and finally Lucas manages to shake off his stupor.
"Um, Ma, I uh, I need to tell you something. A few things, actually. Sit?" He asks, already slumping onto his bed. Amelia Elstewart joins him moments later, expression somehow both open and wary.
Lucas tells her everything, from the moment he noticed Python watching him during his shift all the way back in December right up to Lion's messenger interrupting his dinner with Audrey just minutes before he arrived home. His mother, to her credit, stays quiet and attentive the entire way through, despite the fact it takes nearly an hour due to Lucas going into detail about his work with Jemma and the Field Agents and each injury he'd handled.
When he finally finishes, she stays quiet for a moment, and then gives a small, tired laugh. "Well that explains why you always look so exhausted - you need to take care of yourself too Lucas."
He blinks at her. "Ma that- did you hear what I just said? We might be compromised, we might-"
"And that isn't your fault dear. We'll wait for the follow up before we assume the worst, hmm? And you're going to get some sleep, you look ready to keel over from exhaustion and I refuse to lose any more family to the Wizarding World's idiocy." She says briskly.
He can't really argue - has never been able to argue with his mother, really, she doesn't take crap from anyone. Plus the last time he'd argued with family hadn't turned out so well.
So he takes a shower, gets into comfortable clothes, and goes to sleep. When he wakes again he's feeling a bit more human than he has recently, and the room doesn't spin the way it usually does whenever he stands up these days. He quickly gets dressed and grabs both his wands, knowing he needs to keep his Underground wand close to get any further messengers updating him about the status of the group. He could honestly go for another full night's sleep.
"Be safe today, and come straight home if something seems off." His mother says firmly, and he gives her a quick kiss on the cheek, gives Holly a few scratches under her chin to stop the cat from whining at him mournfully, and then heads to work.
It's strange on Wednesdays, since Jun isn't on shift. And with Isabella gone now Lucas feels extra isolated in the middle of the week. Still, he goes through the usual routine to avoid any suspicion, smiling at coworkers and responding to questions quickly and professionally.
Just before lunch he's approached by none other than Audrey Caldwell, who instructs him to follow her. He glances nervously at his fellow Healers, but they don't seem particularly suspicious - it's not unheard of for the potioneering branch to personally summon Healers if they've requested particular potions.
Python talks briskly about some potion he'd never asked for as she leads him up to the Golpallot Ward and to a private brewing room in the back.
"You're back on tonight. New location. Meet in the usual place and Lion will take you." She says briskly.
Lucas knows he should leave it at that, but he can't help asking, "What happened yesterday? Is everyone alright?"
Python glances past him to the door, and then sighs. "Yes, everyone is fine. Gryphon reported that one of the safehouse locations was compromised by one of the Ministry Deatheaters. We got it evacuated before they arrived, but Bat's home is no longer safe and she's gone to ground since she's now very much under suspicion. So you see why we had to call things off."
Lucas nods mutely. They were supposed to work out of Bat's home yesterday. He's worried about the bubbly girl, he's always quite liked her even back when they were yearmates in Hogwarts, but he's also relieved that nothing seems to have been irreparably damaged.
"I told you, you and your mother will remain safe regardless of if the Underground is discovered." Python reminds him, a bit of an edge in her voice. "So don't fret so much."
"Yes, but how many people won't ever get home if we fall?" He says, and like the night before it comes out unbidden and unfiltered, but as he thinks on it it's true. Maybe this job is wearing him down physically and emotionally, but if he doesn't do it then who will?
Python raises an eyebrow. "Good to hear. I'll see you later."
Lucas nods and heads back down to take his lunch, a new fire under his feet. Maybe he'll waver from time to time, but his patients need him, and that's always going to be the most important thing.
Author's Note: Lucas, your resolve is admirable but please listen to your mom about not overworking yourself OTL Anyway, yup, Yurina got some answers and Adeline is now in hiding :( Is the Underground really okay, or is this just the beginning of the end for them?
Next Time: The worst news always comes just when things are looking up
So I'm thinking I might do a final 'afterwords' chapter to share my thoughts and feelings on writing this story, if that's something people would be interested in? I'm also open to answering any lingering questions people might have there as well!
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