Chapter 18:  He's Not That Kind of Person

 

Moo young's not back yet.

I open the door, and walk out. He's nowhere in sight.

Turning, I catch sight of a plastic bag by the door. I open it. Inside are first-aid packs and creams for burns.

I go in, and dress my burn.

I call him on his phone, but he's not answering.

I text him.

TEXT: WHERE ARE YOU? I'VE BECOME A SPECIALIST AT WAITING. JUST COME BACK.

I'm lying down in bed, half-asleep, when he finally comes back.

"Where have you been?" I ask.

He looks fine.

I sit up in bed.

"Do you have the key to the house?" he asks.

"Did you lose yours?" I ask, and rummage in my handbag for the key. I find it, and pass it to him.

He takes it from me and keeps it in his jeans pocket.

He stares at me.

"We're done," he says. "Finished."

What?

I stare at him in shock.

"You're breaking up with me?" I ask.

He walks to the door, and opens it wide.

"You can leave," he says.

"What's going on?" I cry. "We went to the theme park. We had fun. We ate and slept together. I scalded myself. You went and bought medicine for me. That was barely four hours ago. What happened in those four hours?"

He smirks at me.

"You got dumped, that's what happened," he says.

"Why?" I cry.

"There's no reason," he answers, shrugging, his face bland, unruffled.

"You're hiding something," I say slowly. "I've seen that look on your face before. You're saying something, but your heart's hurting so bad from what you're saying."

I grip his arms.

"What happened?" I say urgently. "Who hurt you this time?"

But he just laughs.

"Wow," he smiles. "Yoo Jin kang, you're really arrogant. You got dumped. Did you think that you were special? Remember Seung ah? You're just like her."

I push him.

"Talk about yourself," I say. "Don't you dare to mention her name."

I take my stuff and storm out.

I'm crying. I dash off my tears angrily. 

I pause, and look back.

The street is silent.

He's not following me.

Not this time.

I reach home and go into my room.

I crawl into bed and lie there.

"We're done. Finished."

That's what he'd said.

Early the next morning, I reach his place.

I sit outside the door and wait.

He comes out. He stops, and then walks past me.

"You're lying," I say. "You said that even if you said that you hate me, I shouldn't believe you, because you'd be lying. You said that even if you said that you hate me, I shouldn't leave, because you'd be lying."

"Go to work," he says, almost kindly. "You wouldn't want to get fired as well, would you?"

He walks off.

"Tell me why," I cry. "If you're truthful, I'd understand."

But he just keeps walking.

It's night.

I've been sitting here all day, waiting for him to come home.

I'm so cold that I can't stop shivering.

I hear his footsteps on the steps.

He walks past me.

I reach out and grab his sleeve.

"Why are you acting like this?" I cry.

"Just tell me why, just once," I whisper. "Think of the time that we spent together, how we met, and fell in love, how much we had to overcome. Think about all of those things, for once."

But he just pulls his arm away, unlocks the door, walks in, and shuts it.

I hear the key turning in the lock, and I start pounding on the door in a frenzy.

"Moo young!" I scream. "Kim Moo young!"

But the door stays shut.

I keep pounding on the door, and rattling the doorknob, but it won't budge.

I keep screaming and screaming his name, until I'm hoarse, but he remains silent behind that locked, still door.

"Please," I mumble, "please open the door. Kim Moo young. Moo young."

But the door remains shut, and the world is dark and silent and icy, but I can't stop calling him, I can't stop pounding on the door with my numb, frozen hands, I can't stop rattling at the doorknob with my stiff, wooden fingers.

Through a haze, I feel someone wrap his arms around me.

I look up and I see Jin kook.

He hugs me to him tightly.

"Jin kang," he says gently, tears in his eyes. "Jin kang, it's going to be okay."

"Oppa," I whisper.

My lips are so dry that it hurts to talk.

I my lips.

"Oppa, Moo young...Moo young's acting so strangely," I try to explain.

My voice comes out like a croak, so I swallow and try again to tell him that something's terribly wrong with Moo young.

"Oppa," I whisper. "Something's wrong, something's wrong - "

"It's okay," he says gently. "It's okay. Let's go home."

He helps me to my feet, but I'm shaking so hard that I can't stand.

He takes off his jacket and drapes it over me. He bends down, and hoists me on his back.

I lay my face against his back, and close my eyes.

I drift in and out of sleep. Each time I wake, I realize that I'm back in my room.

I open my eyes, and it's morning.

Jin kook's standing by my bedside, looking at me anxiously.

He reaches out a hand, and lays it against my forehead.

"The fever's gone," he says with relief. "I'll make some porridge for you. You'll feel much better after taking it."

I drift off to sleep again.

I'm so tired.

Jin kook's dropping me off at work.

It's been a week since I collapsed.

In the car, he turns to me.

"Colds always go away," he says gently. "No matter how bad it is, no matter how you're suffering now, it always goes away eventually."

He smiles at me, and his warmth, his love, penetrates the coldness in my heart, and I can feel the stirrings of life, of strength again, fumbling with uncertain, unsteady steps toward the light.

"What would you like to eat for dinner?" Min kook asks.

"Fish soup," I smile.

His face lights up.

"Okay," he smiles. "Fish soup it is. I'll go shop for the ingredients."

Ms. Hwang and So yeon look happy to see me.

"Are you feeling better?" So yeon asks with concern. "Sorry to swamp you with so much work."

"It's okay," I smile.

"Kim Moo young ended up taking the job. He's the manager of Angel's Tear now," So yeon says. "But he didn't hire us. Ms. Hwang is upset."

"Oh," I say.

"We can't do anything about it now," So yeon shrugs. "It's settled."

I walk out to take a breather.

I sit on the steps outside the building.

I close my eyes.

The air is cold and crisp.

Sitting here, with my eyes closed, I could almost imagine that none of it had ever happened, that I'd never met a man who'd loved me, and broken my heart, who'd healed me, and ripped me apart.

Sitting here, I could almost imagine that I could return to my old world, that safe and predictable life, the life that I'd led, once upon a time, a long, long time ago, before he came into my life, and turned it irrevocably, joyously, blissfully upside down.

I hear footsteps and it's Ms. Hwang and So yeon.

"What would you like to eat?" Ms. Hwang says. "I hate you so, so much, but I'm giving you a break because you've been sick."

Ms. Hwang and So yeon link their arms through mine.

We walk away, laughing.

That night, I'm walking back home when I spot him coming out of the convenience store.

Our eyes meet.

He unlocks the door of the sleek white car parked beside the shop.

"Do you want a ride?" he asks, opening the door wide.

I don't say anything.

I walk past him.

I'm at Dr. Yang's clinic.

"Some days, I want to believe that everything's over, that he's been like that all the time, that I was mistaken about him, and imagined that he was the man that I thought he was," I say. "I'd try to imagine the worst of him, that he's the worst guy in the world."

I draw a deep breath.

"But I always fail in the end," I whisper. "Because there are two different faces in front of me. And I don't know which one is the real him."

I look at him.

"I'm so sorry to show up like this," I say haltingly.

"It's okay," Dr. Yang smiles gently. "I was happy to receive your call, and I'm glad that you came."

"What kind of person is Kim Moo young?" I ask.

"I don't really know," he answers slowly. "But one thing's for sure: when he was a child, he looked at the world differently. People like Moo young are smart and sensitive, and they look at the world through different lenses."

"One day, I was fishing. I turned around, and that's when I saw him. The boy. Moo young."

"He asked me why I had let the fish go. I replied that I wanted to let them go so that they could go home and have dinner. I offered him some of my food, but he refused. The days passed, and I continued to fish, and he continued to watch me, standing behind me, and watching me. I always greeted him with 'hi', and said 'bye'to him at the end of each day, and that I'd see him the next day. But then, one day, he didn't turn up. I thought that he wasn't coming, but at the end of the day, he appeared. He was cradling a fish in his arms, and he passed it to me silently. The fish was dead, and he didn't say anything, but he looked at me, and I knew that he was condemning me for the falsity of my fine words. I looked like a good person. I released all of the fish, but because of me, all of the fish died. I thought that I was releasing them to give them freedom, but, in actual fact, I was killing them."

"From that day on, I stopped fishing."

He looks at me.

"I heard that you went to the orphanage in Haesang from the nun," he says. "She asked Moo young who you were. He said that you were someone that he wanted to look good for. Even if Moo young doesn't feel any attachment to the world, if he's learnt to love the world just a little bit, it's all because of you. The nun and I feel that it's all because he met you."

I walk all the way thinking of the doctor's words.

I walk to Moo young's new brewery.

Jang Se ran walks out at that instant and sees me.

"Yoo Jin kang?" You're here to see Moo young, right?" she says. "Let's go."

She leads me to a sitting area. We sit at a table.

"You're having a hard time," she says, her eyes full of curiosity and interest. "Whoever gets dumped has the hardest time. If you have questions, ask me. I know a lot of things about you two, more than you think."

She leans forward.

"If you hear it from me, you'll give up more quickly," she smiles. "You might want to ask your brother about what happened between him and Kim Moo young twenty-five years ago, since it has something to do with you."

Moo young looms over us.

He sits down beside her.

"I want to speak to you," I say.

Se Ran stands up.

"Stay," he says.

He looks at me.

"You can say whatever you want to say in front of her," he says.

I stand up.

"You're such an idiot," I say angrily.

I walk off.

I call So jung.

We're at a cafe.

"What happened twenty-five years ago, eunnie?" I ask. "Something happened twenty-five years ago between my brother and Kim Moo young. What was it?"

She stares at me.

"I'm not a child anymore, eunnie," I say. "I should know."

She doesn't say anything.

"I know that I'm not oppa's real sister," I say.

"Since when have you known that?" So jung asks in shock.

"I found out about it in high school," I say. "But right now, I've to know what happened to Oppa and Moo young. He hates Moo young, and it's connected to something that happened twenty-five years ago."

"He doesn't hate Kim Moo young," So jung says slowly.

 "He feels apologetic to him. He feels fear, and guilt. But not hate. It's never been hate. I'll tell you everything," she says, reaching out across the table to hand my hands. "I don't know what you've heard, but, Jin kang, what happened between them has nothing to do with you."

"Kim Moo young's father was a criminal," she says slowly.

"I know," I say.

"You know," she echoes, stunned for an instant. 

She takes a deep breath.

"The first person to reach the site was your brother," she says, her hands gripping mine tightly, "The whole world thinks that Moo young's father killed three people and then committed suicide. But the truth is that your brother killed him."

"My brother?" I ask numbly.

"Yes, your brother shot him," So jung says. "But it was self-defence. The other person had a weapon and he was going to attack Jin kook first, and that's why he shot him."

I can't believe it.

I go home.

At night, So yeon calls me.

"There's shocking news on TV," she says.

I switch on the TV.

It's breaking news.

Jang Se ran has been murdered in her own home, shot to death by her business partner.

"The murder was by gun, which is a very rare occurrence in South Korea," the newscaster announces.

They switch to the cctv footage.

A man is walking across the car park with a gun in his hand.

It's Moo young.

The room springs dizzily around me as I fight for breath.

It's not true.

This can't be real.

I've to go to Moo young's place, find out what's going on.

I pull myself together and grab my coat.

I'm almost at the door when Jin kook bursts in.

He grabs me.

"No, don't go," he says.

"Moo young wouldn't do that," I cry. "He doesn't kill people. He's not that kind of person. He wouldn't do that. I've to go to him. Please let me go to him."

"Hush," Jin kook says, hugging me. "It's all right."

He gets a call from So jung and leaves.

I run to Moo young's place.

It's swarmed with police.

They're removing boxes and boxes of stuff from his house.

There's a box, open, with all my stuff.

Right on top is a frame.

The empty frame stares blankly at me, but the pic of me and Moo young at Namsan Tower is missing.

I grab the frame.