I’m not going to protect you by being your shield or armour, but I’ll be the dagger hidden below your pillow. – Shuu Tsukiyama

♡ Chapter 6 ♡

Pain is so beautiful – we depend on it with our life.

If it weren’t for the pain, we would never learn from our own mistakes. If it weren’t for pain, we wouldn’t hesitate. If it weren’t for pain, we wouldn’t be happy. I don’t mean to speak in a masochistic manner, so let me rephrase how I mean to compliment pain.

How would we live if we had nothing to fear?

We wouldn’t. Pain is such a raw feeling, an emotion too. It lingers on your skin and tempts you to make a move. But people know it in ways nobody would want to, or think of.

People feel pain when losing a loved one, an act of betrayal – something you had so much hope or passion towards but watch it break apart. It could happen over time, or in the blink of an eye. It can be an agonising set of years, whether you realise or not. Or it could be a sharp, intense moment that sends you crashing down a dark abyss you lose yourself to.

People can feel pain physically, though what differs is whether it’s voluntary or not. A bullet wound, a knife stab, a smash of a heel on your hip, we feel it course through the fine fibres of our muscles to the very nerves in our head. It tells us, ‘stop the pain, it’s bad for you’, over and over again. That’s why we don’t leave our hand on a frying pan after touching it – your brain knows the burning pain is bad for you.

For those who hurt themselves, we see them as piteous humans who won’t go far in life. We believe they’re in pain, discomfort, are attention seeking, or just plain crazy. Perhaps it’s all four, but we wouldn’t know that. You can’t say if you don’t know – society just creates stereotypes that motivate judgement. Society calls it ‘human nature’, but there’s nothing humane about that pain.

Most people are their own pain but don’t realise, they suffer while others smile their brightest. Because they know the feeling of worthlessness, they just don’t want others to. So we might not know whether we hurt ourselves or someone else, or if others are to you, but remember – pain comes in all shapes and sizes.

So know your pain, embrace it, and learn from it.
Just don’t let it crush you.

♡ no pov ♡

The Queen left the hospital, leaving Jennie and y/n as she pondered on how they’d suit as soulmates. As expected, it grew ugly by the second. Jennie was an aggressive lady but y/n was steady and placid. She had hope that they would be Yin (Jennie) and Yang (y/n), but could it be possible?

Her wild thoughts continued as she strolled down the woods in her red dress of royal silk. Her nimble fingers were again covered in golden rings, neck bearing a gold necklace encrusted with shimmering rubies. She donned a black stole along with a cape, the hood lined with black fur atop.

She looked like a qween, ready to it up.

She had the right idea when she bit herself with her past mate at the age of 35 – so beautifully young yet impressively mature.

The rocky pathway served no hardship as continued, waiting for her comrade to appear. In her hand was a small purple flower, but it held great power. Humans would call it aconite, a flower filled with chemicals that could poison herbs. To a mythic, it was harmless lest you were a werewolf.

Wolf’s Bane.

It was delicate death threat, grown bountiful in her plentiful luscious garden. It blocked werewolves of the rebellion clan an entrance – or exit.

The moonlight enticed her pale skin – embracing the celestial aura she felt whenever she prowled in the night. It gave her the sense of raw power, the darkness surrounding the Moon almost engulfing it so. She remembered the way men feared her when they took a glimpse of her smile. Though she was dead, she felt more alive than ever.

The sound of twigs snapping caused the beloved Queen to pause, eyes briefly flashing before she scanned around. Her fangs beared as her hand squeezed the flowers.

“Who goes there? Show yourself.”

A scruffy man steps in the Queens’ sight, but she lets out a loose sigh. The man soon came forward till he stood metres away, bowing slightly in respect of the royal blood.

“You are tense, Alpha… Why?” The werewolf looks up, slightly confused. He and the Queen were casual, having known each other for centuries – but he believed this meeting was on bad terms.

“Ms Kim… I thought you were upset. The y/n girl is nothing but-”

“But a young girl who my daughter seems to have an interest in. And I choose to try and understand why it is so. I asked you to bring the contract, or are you going to question that as well?” She quirks a brow, daring the Alpha to question her actions – she didn’t expect an answer back.

The Alpha hesitantly smiles before he speaks. “I apologise, but I must ask that as well. I don’t questions your actions, just a sort of… understanding as to what is happening in my pack. The submissive is one of us, a part of the large family we have here. I can’t hand these papers over before I know.”

The vampires’ jaw clenched, pressed by the defiance of her old friend. She understood his reasoning, but she was one to get what she wanted – Jennie got her stubbornness from someone. The Alpha of all people knew that, hence the nervous smile.

“I want her to stay with us… by her own accord, of course. She fascinates me, but more Jennie, and I wish to know why. Perhaps she’ll become a well influence on dear Jennie – what a dream that would be. I don’t want trouble, Park, just the contract and the girl.”

“Why do you care for her then? She’s a submissive – you know what her kind has done.”

The Queen shook her head, the Alpha grimacing as he realises he made her more upset.

“It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. We were only kids then, but smart enough to know what really happened. You act as if you don’t know the real truth.” The Alpha looked away, ashamed of the truth.  

He knew the reality, but he continued to listen to a truth he was told.

“There’s nothing we can do of it now though. The damage has been done, and we can only let it unfold from there.” He spoke as though he did nothing wrong, but the Queen had other idea.

“You pejorative, ignorant… daft old werewolf – letting her suffer in the knowledge of a pathetic fallacy one werewolf made simply for the misconception of her mate. Do you recall what of his mate after? Because I clearly do!” He winced, remembering what happened to the poor boy.

“He was… I still can’t say it till this day. May his soul rest in peace after the horror and suffering he’d gone through. I still blame myself. I could’ve stopped him earlier but I didn’t, afraid of what others would say.”

“He could’ve just said no and-”

“You know well he couldn’t say no. Don’t make excuses for your ignorance. Now give me the contract, I wish to only care and observe her.”

The Alpha simply sighed, gave a small nod and handed the Queen the contract. He knew he was partly responsible for what happened to the boy, everybody of that time was.

“Her father needs to sign and you’ll become a guardian for the girl. With that, she can stay for however long she wishes at your house and you can watch over her. Valenteux doesn’t bother with legalities unless it’s a human – they tend to fuss over things like this too much. The contract is for keepsakes, proof that she isn’t being held against her will. When both y/n and her father sign the contract, sign it yourself and send it over so that I can file it.”

The Queen finally smiled, glad her old friend was now being smart and reasonable.

They shook hands, and in the blink of an eye the Queen sped off with a dust cloud trailing behind. The Alpha was on his knees instead, bones snapping and reforming to the dark brown wolf many feared.

♡ y/n pov ♡

I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life – and that’s saying something.

The way she looked at me, staring me down with judgemental eyes. I didn’t exactly see, but I could sense she was. Her stare was burning the side of my body, hands growing clammy while I bit my bottom lip. I remained watching the scenic route of a lush forest that grew far from town.

I was holding a paper, one that would change my life. It was a contract that would let me live with Queen Kim, but I don’t get why she would want me to. All she said was to get it signed, and I was more than happy to let it happen – until I remembered.

Jennie wanted me to ‘stay the hell away from her’, and this is the exact opposite of that. It seemed wrong, to go against Jennie. I’d rather go against the Queen than Jennie –I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of I know how Jennie really is – with me at least. The Queen was gentle with me, it juxtaposed how I’ve been treated my whole life. Jennie was extremely bothered by my presence – the glares were getting stronger each second.

Maybe I’m wrong though.

She looks over, but I can hear her fingers tap on the door nervously. Her knee bounces on the same spot, tense yet fidgety. Did this have to do with me staying over? Probably not… but I do know what anxiety looks like, not a pretty sight.

“Miss? We’ve arrived to your home.” The driver says as I look outside properly.

I didn’t notice I was home, too focused on Jennie at the time.

I moved silently, leaving Jennie who kept staring. I stood in front of my house door, and as peaceful it may seem, the place was creepily quiet. Dads’ footsteps were nowhere to be heard – which made no sense considering he stays home in the day of weekends.

Is he home…? There’s no way – that would be too good to be true. He’s probably watching and getting ready to grab me inside.

I shivered, turning the door knob I knew would be unlocked. The front door closed behind me with a small thud as I looked around. There was a broken beer bottle on the floor, shards splayed everywhere. I walked past the mess and kept my head forward, scared of what’s to come.  I could hear small bickering coming from what I knew was the TV and faint scuffling from something else.

As I walked towards the noise, I saw something I never thought I would see.

My own dad was cornered, lying frail and weak on the cold floor. His eyes were blood shot red as his hands were pulling on the ends of his scraggly hair, wearing the same clothes I’d last seen him in. Considering I’d been gone for quite a while as well, he looked like he hadn’t slept a wink.  

There was many ways I could react to this, instead I had nothing.

Was this a dream? Had I just walked in on my dad like this?

A small part of me felt joyous, seeing him the way he probably would see me at night. He’d broken parts of me – my trust for anything was gone and the word family meant nothing to me except for something inevitable. It seemed better to just leave the town, but how long would I really last? For now… Watching him suffer…

 It was like a dream come true.

The last time I’d seen my dad for this long, I was being beaten black and blue as I should’ve looked down in ‘respect’. But there was nothing of him to respect, he was a man who contributed to my existence – nothing else. But now… he was afraid. I could see it in his eyes, the small life they held before was now nothing but a blurred façade.

It was like he’d seen or felt the worst thing possible from the deep roots of Hell over and over and over and over… Like me.

It shows how pathetic I must look after each night.

He was curled against the kitchen counter, tensing every step I took towards him, and I noticed the way his body trembled each time. It was an enigma what made him like this, but I wonder if anybody deserved anything like this – no matter how ty they are.

Dreams have a meaning behind them…

“D-Dad?” I asked, unsure if I should go closer. I was crouching in front of him, hands reaching out at a snail’s pace while I gathered lucid thoughts. He kept shaking, breathy whimpers leaving his lips till he saw my hand.

Then it happened, and I felt nothing.

A searing pain crossed my stomach as I doubled over to a wall. I could barely breathe as panic rose in my head, clutching my stomach as my hands overflowed with blood only to make a mess on the floor. The pain was nothing to how I felt about my sanity. My vision blurred as my head hit the floor, shock leaving me paralysed on the floor.

It wasn’t a dream anymore, this was now a nightmare.

I heard the front door open before someone started shouted, blood lost as I did myself. How did I let this happen? Why was I so weak that a single touch would break me? My own dad abused me for something I had no power over, and he knows, even in his weakest state he knows to hurt me. Was I truly that worthless? 

In my weak delirium, I wondered what my mum would’ve done if she saw me like this. Would she hit me too? Or would she save me from the nightmare? For her to be alive – that would be a dream come true. But I also remembered…

Dreams are nightmares too.

♡ no pov ♡

Jennie was annoyed by her driver, unaware of the situation inside.

She’d asked to turn the air-conditioning on, but was given a rejection that angered the vampire. She knew she would fire the man once they returned home, though was sure that would talk longer than expected considering how long y/n has been inside for – the length of time gave her an uneasy edge.

“At least roll the windows down.” Jennie muttered, answered by the sound of windows rolling down. She glared towards the driver who stared back through the rear-view mirror, mouthing the words ‘wit’ before she turned away. She wasn’t in the mood.

A deep breath in and Jennies’ lungs were filled with the fresh air a gust of wind accommodated her. Her nose grew cold before it was warm again from the hot sun, but a scent lingered in the air – one she wanted more of.

It smelt of blood, Jennie knew for sure, but it was too familiar – almost recognisable. She let her nose take in the heavenly smell before she thought of it.

It was of someone she knew, and judging from how strong it was, they were bleeding a lot – near-death worthy. She shook the idea away, trying to crack down on whose blood she started to crave after the lack of appetite she’s had for a while.

Her nose twitched, beckoning her to follow the smell.

And she did, leaving the car as she heard her driver protest. “Miss, I really don’t think you should-” But a small wave of the hand shut him up instantly. Instead moved closer to the cottage-like home, eyebrows furrowed as she stood at the front door.

The scent was very strong, practically overbearing. It was enough to make her knees weak – and she thought back to the one person who could make drool like so.

y/n? She thought briefly, growing hysterical as the scent continued to drug her mind.

She had no patience, kicking the door once as it swung open. She’d been allowed in the house before, remembering the way y/ns’ father let her in and didn’t say ‘once’. That meant at any time, which she grinned inwardly to.

A step inside and Jennie was losing her mind.

Whether it was of rage or aberration – nobody knew.

She saw the way he held y/ns’ collar, the mess of blood on the tiled floor and the way he snarled as his hands were smeared in blood. She needed no mind to figure what had happened, cracking her knuckles before rushing in to grab the werewolf by the neck.

The submissive fell limp on the floor, the blood flowing from her stomach slowing down as her healing started to take place. Jennie anticipated this, walking away as the man tried to claw her hand away. She simply squeezed tighter as his lungs burned while he wheezed for air. She had no mercy for the man now, speaking her thought while her nails dug till he bled.

“You’re gonna regret touching her,” Jennie spoke, recalling the contract he had to sign for y/n.

“And I’ll make sure you don’t come anywhere near her again.”

no soft jennie... nup. she gonna be a bad like her mama.... ;)