Sunny, raised her glass, "To freedom!"

"TO FREEDOM!"

Sooyoung only kind of whispered it whilst Hyoyeon stood up on top of the table and screamed at the top of her lungs like she didn't just have a mini-meltdown after Tiffany told her she forgot to invite Bora to come. Yoona and Tiffany, on the other hand, bumped their glasses together, laughing out loud as Hyoyeon started dancing vulgarly on the table, making Sooyoung red in the face. Tiffany could only imagine the faces Sooyoung's all too proper and conservative parents would be  if they could see what mess Sooyoung and the girls turned their living room into.

Hyoyeon the music, turning the volume to its fullest, making the figures of saints and the cross on the altar of Sooyoung's house to rock with the music. Yoona distributed the confetti, then she, Sunny, Hyoyeon, Tiffany, and definitely horrified Sooyoung pulled the string, making a big loud pop and scattering pieces of multiple colored confetti in the air. 

From the inside, Tiffany could almost feel the curious stares and disapproving shakes of the heads of Sooyoung's neighbors were probably giving them, but she couldn't blame them. It's also the first ever party Tiffany had been to where they had to start partying at 2 pm and go home by 7.

The girls started dancing and Tiffany danced along.

For a moment, she could forget school, Bora, and the empty house she would be going back to. 

--

When the party was settling, they settled on playing Uno, which Sooyoung refused to join in, so she watched on the side, while Sunny beat Hyoyeon and Yoona repeatedly. 

Tiffany was making another mixture of non-alcoholic drinks in the kitchen when she received a message from Taeyeon. Clicking download, she waited for the file and automatically smiled at the picture of Taeyeon trying out a flower dress. That was the fifth dress Taeyeon tried on.

- What do you think?  🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻

- It's not exactly summer right now, Tae. 😅 

- Ok. How about this? Sica said I look dashing. 😎😎😎😎

Taeyeon sent another file where she's sporting a suit. Tiffany felt her cheeks reddened. Jessica had good taste alright. The suit looked perfect on Taeyeon.

But, still.

It didn't quite fit. 

- I don't know, Tae. You're hot. Too hot. I don't want to give Ma a valid reason to steal you away from me. 😤 😤 😤

- Lolololol That would be the last one for today, though. 😊 Jessica has to leave and I don't like shopping alone. If you don't like any of them, then I wouldn't take any. 

- Taeyeon, I told you, it's fine to just dress casually. It's just me and Ma, anyway.  

- I know but this is important to me. 

Sorry.

- Okay. 😘 😘 😘 

--

It's like a tic. 

Tiffany tossed her phone carelessly in the bed, swearing she wouldn't use it in the next 5 hours. Laying out her books and notebooks on her desk, she cracked her fingers and got to work. She could do this. She could definitely focus. She had to lie low on social media. She knew it's the right thing to do. 

An hour later and the words seemed to be flying in front of Tiffany's eyes and she had to take a break. 

She went to the kitchen and prepared some tea. She'd just do this quickly and go back. 

But maybe, she could concentrate better with some music. 

So she turned the radio on, blasting the music high so she could hear the stereo from her bedroom. 

She went back to studying again before deciding she hated enduring a song she didn't like and turned her Laptop on to play her Spotify playlist. She'd just leave it on her bed because the farther the thing was from her the better she could concentrate.

Then she felt like skipping some songs or listening to a particular song at a particular moment, so she had to go back and forth to her bed and her desk every ten minutes. In the end, she gave up and carried her books and notebook to her bed. She'd study in the next 2 and a half hours there instead.

30 minutes in her lecture and she found herself turning to her laptop to search and clarify some information. And since she's already there, why not check her Facebook feed for 5 minutes? It'll save her some time later, because then she wouldn't have to check again. 

Tiffany went back and forth to her notes and to her laptop and started forgetting to take note of how much time she really consumed on both. 

5 hours was up and her alarm went off. She dug her sheets for her phone and then looked at books and notes settled on her pillows. 

Tiffany couldn't remember most of what she had read anymore, only fragments of them.

She thought about getting back to reading but then her Facebook showed her Bora had been invited to Taecyeon's birthday party.

Glancing at her books, she made the conclusion that she probably read enough to get through tomorrow's graded presentation. 

Because Hyoyeon had been asking her about how they could help Yoona get to flirt with Nickhun. Tiffany thought it's the best idea to use Taecyeon as an excuse to come, because contacting Nickhun directly to help her friend out would make their past connection so obvious. There also was a good chance for her to run into Bora there. Maybe that time, Bora would actually listen.

Who cares about getting a little bit higher grades when she could do something more important?

--

The clanking of the plates and sharp clinking of the utensils echoed in the dining room. Tiffany and her mother ate dinner quietly. In the background, an italian song tried to fill the silence, but it was futile.

There was something hanging in the air. Something unsaid. Tiffany could feel it in the unwillingness of her mother to look at her.

"Is everything in your new school alright?"

The question was for formality but it hit a wrong string because this morning Tiffany almost failed her presentation and had to write a special paper for an additional grade just to pass. Tiffany cut a piece of her steak and took her time chewing it before answering. "Yes, ma."

"Hmmm. Have you got new friends? I heard Bora hasn't been visiting us for a while. I made a call to Maris and she told Bora never mentions you anymore. That's weird for her to say that. Weren't you just hanging out with her last week?"  

"That was last last week, ma. And no, we didn't hang out last week. She was busy."

"What happened to inviting her and Taeyeon to come over then?"

"Like I said, Bora was busy, ma. And Taeyeon came over. You know her. She'd never say no to free pizza."

Her mother sent her an inquisitive gaze, not satisfied quite enough on her answer. "I hope you didn't suddenly decide to ditch your old friend just because you're in a new school now, darling. You know how hard it is for Bora to adjust to new places and people. As her friend, it's your duty to-"

That did it for Tiffany. She let go of her knife, making the plate clang. "Ma, really???" 

"I was just trying to make sure you take care of your friends, Fany-ah. Bora is a good kid. A nice influence, in fact. I just thought that with the right influence, you could also-" Her mother straightened up on her seat, surprised when Tiffany stood up. 

"I can't do this. Can you please not nag me about this anymore?! I already answered you. And you don't get to tell me to try harder, ma. I already did! You know what, if you miss Bora so much that you worry more about her more than me, why don't you give her a call instead and invite her over?"

"Sit down, Tiffany. We're still talking."

Irritated, Tiffany couldn't help but retaliate. "No, we're not talking. You're talking. Ma, I'm sorry but if you're trying to play mother, you're doing a bad job at it right now. I'm done eating." She took her plate to put it on the sink and run upstairs, closing the door of her room with a bang.

She hated it whenever her mother came home after a long time away. She always tried to fill the gap but almost always ended up doing so the wrong way. 

Tiffany couldn't wait to be alone again.

--

"Fany-ah," Taeyeon welcomed her with a smile, leaning on the big oak tree in front of the school yard. Jessica sat on a bench under the tree, busying herself with reading a book while Donghae yawned beside her, obviously bored. Jessica always told him that he could just go ahead to class before her but he, unless it's totally inconvenient, always insisted on waiting for the former. 

 Tiffany gave Taeyeon a peck before greeting Jessica and Donghae. 

"You're a bit late today, babe."

"Yeah, my mom decided it's a good time to lecture me early in the morning. I couldn't get out as early as I wanted because she wouldn't give me the keys. I hate it when she does that," she said dismissively before tilting her head to look at the book Jessica was reading.

The Heart's Invisible Furies. 

"Interesting looking book. What's it about?" 

Jessica didn't even bother to look up, "Nothing you would understand." 

Tiffany tilted her head to the other side to read the synopsis on the back of the book but Jessica turned to the side so Tiffany wouldn't be able to see. "You're so mean. I'm just curious, is all!"

"This book was made for better things than just to satisfy your curiosity," She deadpanned, turning the book to the next page. Giving Tiffany a sinister look over her book, Jessica scoffed, "Besides, you don't even read books."

"I do read books!"

"Fifty Shades don't count as books, Tiff."

"They do to me!" Tiffany disagreed indignantly. "They're romantic and very emotional. Thank you very much." She gave Taeyeon a glare when she heard her girlfriend try to stifle a laugh.

"I don't see anything romantic about a guy getting gratification over hitting women."

"But he changed! It's about love changing one for the better. Maybe if you'd only give the series a chance, you'll find that-"

"That a toxic relationship could be seen as romantic and unproblematic as long as everybody else thinks so."

"You're a pain in the , did you know?" 

"You only read books that are popular so someone else could formulate your opinion about the book for you."

"Sica," Taeyeon warned. Scoffing, Jessica casually went back to reading without really paying much attention to Tiffany's butthurt expression. 

Tiffany opened to reiterate but ended up only hanging open without thinking of a real counter-argument. She could feel her cheeks starting to warm. Even more when she saw Donghae looking at her curiously. It's obvious he wasn't paying attention but it's still embarrassing. 

Both Jessica and Donghae stood up to go as soon as the bell rang. Taeyeon gave Tiffany a gentle kiss, as if saying sorry for Jessica's place, and before bidding her goodbye. 

--

"Fany? Fany! Helloooo? Earth to Tiffany????"

Tiffany turned her attention back to Hyoyeon, the latter's voice pulling her out of her reverie. "Sorry, what were you talking about?"

"Taecyeon's party? You told me you can get us in, remember? I hope you didn't change your mind about it because I already told Yoona. She was so ecstatic about it, she wanted to go shopping for a new party dress later!" 

Something in Tiffany's stomach turned. "Of course, I haven't changed my mind just... Hyoyeon, are you sure Yoona really wants this? I mean, about the Nickhun thing."

Nickhun was nothing everybody imagined him to be. He might have looked like a dashing prince, sporting a shiny BMW, but there's really nothing inside there more than a basic teenager, always ready for an easy . Tiffany regretted having ever slept with him. She should have known better then. 

"Are you crazy? Yoona had been crushing on him even when he was still in the annex school. You know we used to come to a café near there just so we could get a glimpse of him. The café is so overrated though, but Nickhun and Bora used to come there when they were still dating so we got to see him quite a lot. It's too expensive for a student. I'm glad Yoona always paid for our drinks."

Fear. It hit Tiffany again. It's never going to leave her alone, is it?

"Oh... I didn't know you used to come near our school. You're probably updated about Nickhun's dating life then." Tiffany tried to sound casual but the worry in her voice was palpable. She fiddled with her fingers, watching Hyoyeon as the girl obviously scrolled through Instagram. Obviously, Hyoyeon didn't catch her. Hyoyeon loved talking and using social networks at the same time. She's probably only half-listening to all conversations she's ever had.

"Yeah, a bit. That's why we also feel bad for Bora. Did you know Nickhun cheated on her with her friend?" 

"H- He did?"

"I know right. Such an awful thing to do. Can't believe Bora's friend, though. How could you do that, especially to your own friend? I mean, Yoona and I fancy stalking boys from afar but we know our limits."

Tiffany laughed nervously, even when there's no reason to laugh at all. "I know, right?"

"Yeah... but wait. Back to the topic. So you'll get us in, right? Cause I already posted a story on Instagram about shopping for a new dress for the party." 

"Y-You did? So fast...."

"Yes. I thought you were sure. Fany, you did ask Taecyeon already, right?"

No, Tiffany hadn't told him yet. They're not exactly friends and she only knew him through Nickhun. She couldn't even remember why she thought using Taecyeon to help her friends out was a good idea-  

"Fany???"

"Yeah, of course. Of course, I did. Don't worry about it." 

"Kyahh!" Hyoyeon suddenly jumped to her for a hug. "You're really the best, Tiff! What will we do without you?"

Tiffany could only return the hug half-heartedly. 

"Hyo?" A timid voice made Hoyeon pull away and they both looked at Sooyoung, from below the stairs.

"Hi, Soo. Do you need something? Can you come up here so we could talk without screaming?"

"Oh, okay." She hurried up the stairs, bowing to Tiffany when she realized she was also there. "Hi, Fany."  

"What is it, Soo?" 

"Just want to ask if you can come to me at the library later. I have to borrow some books but," her cheeks reddened, "I'm a bit scared to go there alone."

"Oh no, sorry Soo. I have something to do this afternoon. But maybe Tiffany, can come with you instead." Hyo turned to her expectantly, "What do you think, Fany? Do you mind." 

Actually, Tiffany had a deal with Taeyeon that they're going to go out for a meal after school. She stared at Sooyoung's lost look. It's funny how someone so tall could be so timid and shy, that she could almost pass as a puppy for Tiffany's eyes. "No, I don't. I can come with you, Soo," The girl flinched when Tiffany decided to touch her on the arm and glanced at Tiffany as if she felt embarrassed at her own reaction. "Besides, I'm sure it wouldn't take that long." 

--

- Fany, I've been waiting here for almost an hour now. Where are you? - Taeyeon

Tiffany looked up from the phone to check on Sooyoung. The girl was still skimming through the aisle, giving Tiffany an apologizing look from time to time. She turned to the 4 books already on their table, which Sooyoung asked her to log out for her since Tiffany never borrows a book from the library anyway, and a student could only borrow 4 books at a time but Sooyoung needed at least eight as book reference for whatever paper she was writing about.

-I'm sorry, Taetae, I'm stuck in the library with a friend. She needed me to borrow books for her. Can you wait a bit more?

Unconsciously, Tiffany started tapping her foot on the floor and realized she's doing it only when the librarian gave her a disapproving look. Sooyoung approached her then, only to lay down two more books on their pile. 

"Do you have everything you need now?"

Sooyoung only smiled at her sheepishly, "No, I'm sorry but I need two more books but I cannot find the last two. I checked the library system and it says they're supposed to be here and nobody checked them out. Somebody might have taken them out of the respective shelf and put them somewhere else."

"Don't mind me asking but when will you use all these books, Soo?"

"Oh, tonight." Tiffany considered the kinds of book, Sooyoung had been taking, for the first time. "I'm going to write an essay about love," Sooyoung looked down at her fiddling hands, shy as if the topic was too embarrassing to talk about.

"Do you need to read all of these? "

"Oh no, no. I'm not reading them all, only the parts of them I need."  

"Can't you just read some articles on the internet? It's easier that way. I always do that. Actually, we all do that."

"B-But, I don't know. Just-" She gave Tiffany a pensive look before looking away. "When I observe all of you, you guys seem to be more... mature.. and know much more than I do, so I feel like I cannot see things, in the way you all seemed to do, even when we're practically reading the same thing. It happened a lot in class, so I feel like the odd one out. Even when I read articles from the internet, my head," Her hands found her forehead, eyes not really seeing anything other than ideas that are in her mind. "My head contradicts some of the points of the articles I am reading, so I felt like there's a barrier stopping me from totally understanding, you know?" No, Tiffany didn't know. She didn't have an idea what Sooyoung was trying to say, exactly. "So, I decided I'm going to find the root of the ideas from the articles I read first, and see what really fits my own. There's no better way to do that than read the books of the author themselves, right?"

"Right.... Okay." Sooyoung looked well meaning so Tiffany's couldn't exactly show her impatience. "Can you try to hurry up, though?"  

"I'll try. And sorry again, Fany. If - If you really need to, you can leave without me."

Tiffany tried to read the girl's expression. Sooyoung suddenly looked more anxious, and the girl almost always looked as such. She reminded Tiffany of Bora, back when they were a bit younger. 

Letting out a long sigh, Tiffany mustered a reassuring smile, "You know what, just take your time. I can manage." 

"You didn't have to. Are you sure?" 

Tiffany looked down on her phone when I vibrated. 

-  I waited enough. I'm going back to the club now. - Taeyeon

"Yeah," She sighed, "I'm sure now."

--

"Taetae!" Tiffany hurriedly ran to her. From afar Tiffany could see the cold expression on Taeyeon's face melting. She hooked her arms on Taeyeon´s as soon as she got to her, flashing an apologetic smile. "I'm really sorry, Tae. My friend is new to this school and she's a bit sheltered. I couldn't leave her alone." Glancing at her girlfriend's face, Tiffany tried to read Taeyeon's expression. "Tae? You're not angry at me, are you?"

"Your mother texted me." 

"She did what?!"

"She's asking how you're doing in school and if something happened with you and Bora." 

Irrational irritation crept on Tiffany fast.

Always. Her mother would always stick her nose in Tiffany's business at the worst possible moments. Moments when Tiffany needed least to be spied upon.When the last thing she needed was another set of eyes judging her. And never.... never when Tiffany really needed her.

"She's your mother, Fany. She's just worried. It's only natural for a mother to be worried about her own child."

"Well, her worry is getting to the point where I had enough of it! I wished she'd just let me have my own place so I don't have to report to her every little thing! She's never home anyway so it's almost the same," Tiffany huffed under her breath. 

Taeyeon could only shake her head in disapproval, which Tiffany ignored. Taeyeon tried again, "She got every right to be worried. Give her some credit, Tiff. She couldn't be with you most of the time. She probably just wanted to be more involved when she actually can."

Tiffany's jaw tightened. She thought about all the times she wanted her mother to console her and be there for her but she was scared to be an inconvenience and her mother was always too busy to stop and actually pay more attention.

"She worries about Bora more than me, you know? She asked more questions about her more than about me. And I'm her damn daughter!"

Tiffany noticed then how Taeyeon stiffened.

"What is it, Tae?"

"I told her you're not friends with Bora anymore." 

"What!?" If looks could kill, Taeyeon would have dropped dead right away from the way Tiffany was glaring at her. "Why would you tell her that?!"

"Well, she was asking me, and she seemed very worried about you."

"How would you even know she's worried about me? She's not your mother. She's mine!"

"More reasons why I should tell. You said it yourself; she's your mother, Fany. I think it's time you talk to her."

"It's my life, Tae. She got no business in my life. And since when do you get to decide about me and my issues?" 

"Since you started letting your life get controlled by the guilt of what happened with Bora. You don't think you can bury this and treat this as a taboo forever, do you, babe? It's not good for you... and it's not good for us." 

"Oh, now you're talking about what's good for us? Since when did you care more about us than your stupid newspaper club, Tae? We'd been dating for months and this is the first time, the first time ever I did a no-show. Meanwhile, you did it whenever you felt like it and expected me to understand!"  

"Please, Fany, not this topic again. We fought about this a million times and we talked about this already! I promised it wouldn't happen again and I will hold on to that promise. Fany, you can't just keep pulling this topic from your pocket whenever you need a bullet to support your argument. And I'm just trying to help, okay?" 

"I don't understand why you think this would help... but since we're here now... Okay, then. What else did you tell her? Did you tell her how I stole my best friend's boyfriend? Did you tell her that she had met the guy before, because I introduced him to her as my boyfriend, like the shameless that I am?"

"Don't call yourself a . And no, I didn't tell her any of that."

Tiffany didn't stop nor care to listen. "Did you include that part that all my friends deserted me after that? And how about the part that I stole my best friend's other best friend, too?" She muttered the next word under her breath, "As if taking one important person from her life wasn't enough."

"You didn't steal me from anybody, Fany. I made a conscious decision and I don't regret it."

"Oh, I did. I did, Tae. I stole you. And I still feel like because of it."

Silence.

"You always make it sound like I'm your big mistake." The hurt was evident in Taeyeon's voice when she said it. The mood shifted. Tiffany could almost palpate it in the air. She suddenly couldn't read Taeyeon's expression. She replayed the things she had said and wondered which one was the last thread. 

"And maybe I am. Maybe that's why you never had the guts to talk to her about us." 

Realization set in and Tiffany had to look away from the accusation in Taeyeon's gaze. "It's not that easy, Tae."

"It's been nearly 4- no, 5 months now, Tiff. Until when do you plan to wait this out? Or better, are you even going to tell her?" 

Silence. 

Tiffany could only repeat the pathetic line because she really had no better excuse to tell. "It's really not that easy, Tae."

She could almost hear the knots inside Taeyeon's head turning. "When you told me we'll set the date for the dinner once your mother came back, did you even mean that you'll introduce me as your girlfriend or I have to be just Bora's other best friend again?" 

Tiffany let out an exasperated sigh. "It's not like that. I'm still planning how to tell her."

"Planning? What am I, a project? Fany, I understand if it's hard to break the news to her about Bora, but it's so easy to say you're dating me now. You just go on and tell her and it's done. We've been friends for a long time. I don't see why you had to make this so complicated."

Tiffany scoffed, "You made it sound so easy but in reality, it's not. What do you think she would think of me and you once I told her about what I did to Bora? You'd think she'd wish ús a happy ever after. My father left us for another woman, Tae. Do you really think my mom would take my side?"

"You don't have to tell her about, Bora. You don't have to explain anything to anyone about Bora," Taeyeon reasoned. "It's not about them. It's not their freakin' business! This is about us! US, Tiffany-" 

Tiffany acted like she didn't hear her Taeyeon and rambled on, "The answer is never, Tae. I know my mother. I know how much she resented my father and that woman. If I told her, she would resent me, too. For being like them. "

Taeyeon sighed, "She's your mother. She's not going to do that."

"Oh, she will, okay?! Stop talking about things you don't have any idea of, will you?"

"So, that's it... You're never going to let her know."

"Why is that even so important for you? You're dating me, Taetae. Not my mother."

Taeyeon just shook her head. "Okay. Alright. You know what? Maybe, you don't need to tell her at all."

"What do you mean by that, Tae?"

"I don't know... I don't- I don't know about this anymore, Fany."

Coldness crept in Tiffany's spine from how cold Taeyeon's voice was and it dawned on her then.  Panic turned in when Taeyeom turned her back on her and started to leave.

"Tae!? Tae?  Where are you going?"

"Away... I need space. Please, don't contact me."

And that was when Tiffany knew, she's about to lose her.