The View from the Backstage 

*.☽.*




 

Two days before Christmas, D-day Fan Meeting.

Even if Baekhyun didn’t talk about it or even deny it…I just knew that he was tense. We were in his dressing room. He was on the chair in front of the mirror and I was on the couch behind him. It was just the two of us and he hadn’t gotten ready yet since the event was still a couple of hours later.

I had been observing him through the mirror and I saw how he fidgeted on the ring on his finger, swallowed a few times, and tilt his head down from time to time.

He was nervous and I guess I was just as worried as he was. Standing on my feet, I walked towards him and stopped next to his chair. I caught his attention right away, his facial expression shifting all of a sudden from staring blankly in the mirror to looking at me affectionately. He smiled at me but I only stared at him until the upward curve on his lips disappeared.

I knew he was trying to conceal his true feelings right now, probably so I won’t be worried.

He sighed as he pulled me in a gentle hug.

“If no one shows up tonight…” His voice revealed how bothered he was by the thought. “I’ll be done for sure.”

There was a pang in my heart hearing this from him. For the last few days, he never talked about his meeting with the higher-ups of his company and I was too scared to ask him about it as well. He, opening about this, hours before his fan meeting, was somehow making me feel uneasy.

“They said the moment the public makes it obvious that they have lost interest in me, they’re going to terminate my contract.”

Afflicted, I closed my eyes, thankful that he couldn’t see my face right now.

If that was what the company told him, then why did he push with this fan meeting? Why didn’t he just settle with an interview or a press conference? I wanted to ask him these questions but I knew full well that it would only make him feel uncomfortable. So, I ended up rubbing his back with my hands gently.

“Sometimes…” He trailed off as he let go of me then stared blankly in the mirror. “I ask myself, do I have loyal fans who’ll stay with me, or have they come to hate me to the point of leaving me…” Pausing, he looked up to meet my eyes. “I wanna know the answer to this…so bad.” I saw how he gulped, momentarily closing his eyes as he looked away again. “I don’t wanna continue agonizing myself longer…I need to know how many will choose to be by my side.”

Aww, my heart was melting and I wanted to cry so badly but I just knew that it wouldn’t help, so instead of entertaining my tears, I smiled at him as I brushed my fingers through his beautiful, black hair.

“Believe me, you’re so easy to love Baek…but so so soooo hard to let go,” I told him, my hand shifting to his to hold his face. “You know how much I tried but I’m still here…” I bit my lip as I saw the soft expression on his face. “I guess what I’m trying to say is…those who truly love and support you will choose to be with you no matter what.”

There it goes, his lips formed into a beautiful smile. A genuine one.  

“The way I’d be a total mess without you Babymommy.” He said as he held my hand and brought it to his mouth for a kiss. “So, don’t you ever move an inch away from me...” Halting his speech, he took my hand and made me stand between his legs before pulling me closer for another hug. “Do you understand?” He added.

Though a bit shocked by the way he pulled me closer to him though we were in his dressing room, I couldn’t help but smile at him and nod at how he’s being this affectionate right now.

“Okay...” I replied right away, unable to hide the smile in my tone.

“Okay, what?” He asked, leaning away a bit so we could face each other.

Pursing my lips, I wanted to give him the idea that I didn’t wanna say it because we weren’t in his house or somewhere private.

“Okay, what?” He repeated, an eyebrow raised this time.

“OKAY BABYLOVE,” I answered firmly by emphasizing every word and it sent him laughing, adjusting his hands around me as he hugged me even tighter this time.

“Ahhh… my girlfriend’s such a flirt.” He stated, nuzzling his nose on my neck. “I love it.”

Hearing his remarks, I instantly leaned away to hit him on the chest.

“Hey, that’s not fair Baek!” I whined but instantly got distracted when…

Knock knock…

Suddenly feeling flustered by the thought of us being caught in such a position, I pulled away from him immediately and fixed my blouse. When I looked at him again, there was an amused look on his face. He didn’t seem alarmed or something so I shot him with a ‘seriously’ look.

“Come in.” He said right before the door swung open.

I just had to swallow when I saw four, all-women staff get in the room. They were all wearing their company IDs, with bags and make-up boxes on their hands. I was so sure that it wasn’t Baekhyun who caught their attention inside the room. Their eyes were all on me, leaving me extremely conscious of my entire appearance. My eyes immediately darted on the two women on the right who whispered something to each other. To think that they were talking about me, made me feel so uncomfortable.

Baekhyun cleared his throat and stood right next to me.

“Well…” He paused only to hold my hand, intertwining his fingers against mine. “Since there’s no way I could hide her now…” He looked at me and I could sense that he was trying to break the ice. “I’d like you all to meet my girlfriend.”

I heard a few gasps in the room.

“Oh, Daebak!” The girl on the left exclaimed, catching everyone’s attention. “You’re so pretty in person!” She added, looking genuinely mesmerized as she stared at me. “I mean, when I first saw your photos on the internet I immediately thought you’re pretty but wow…”

What she said instantly made my cheeks hot, I had to look down.

“Now that you’re both standing there, I can’t help but think how cute you two look together.” The one next to her noted, her hands meeting in front of her chest.

Baekhyun chuckled.

“Do we?” He asked.

Surprisingly, all of them nodded. They were all even smiling genuinely at us right now, looking happy.

“What’s her name?” The girl on the right with curly blonde hair asked. “I mean, so we’d know how to call her…”

“Well…” Baekhyun trailed off to look at me for a second before facing them once more. “Baby…” He had to pause speaking when the girls giggled loudly while I shot him an are you crazy stare.

“But she’s mine and I’m the only one allowed to call her that…” His additional remarks earned a pinch from me.

“Ow!” He groaned.

I swear this man exaggerates a lot.  

The girls laughed while I was certain that the pink tinge on my cheeks had made an appearance once more.

“Baekhyun,” I said, my eyes widened as I silently scolded him.

Baekhyun chuckled, obviously amused by my reaction.

“I want to freely call you baby even if they’re around so I’m being straightforward for them not to be surprised when they hear it.” He reasoned out, his eyes turning into crescents.

Oh my god, this man just won’t stop embarrassing me around people. He’s so cute but I kinda wanna punch him right now.

“I’m Haewon, nice to meet you all.”  I greeted the girls, ignoring Baekhyun and the handsome cocky smile he had on his face.

“Oh, nice to meet you Miss Haewon.” They all said almost at the same time.

“Ugh, even your name is pretty!” One of them said making me confused as to how I’d take her compliment.


*.☽.*

About a few minutes after, they began helping Baekhyun out with his look to today’s fan meeting. I went back to sit on the couch behind them and was busy watching them when one of them approached me. She was the one who seemed the happiest since she saw us. She sat next to me and shyly introduced herself.

“My name is Eun Ha.” She said. “I’m sorry but I have to tell you this.” She added in a quiet voice sounding a bit hesitant.

“What is it?” I asked, slightly nervous about the conversation.

“I saw…I saw the video...when you were at the rooftop.”

Oh. I suddenly felt uneasy hearing this from her. I glanced at Baekhyun and the others who didn’t seem to pay attention to us as they were busy.

“Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or something.” She said in a slightly panicked voice, she must have read my expression. “The truth is I cried so hard right after watching it. I have been a fan of Baekhyun for a long time and when I saw your video, I was really happy to know someone loves him like the way you do. He’s a good person, he deserves to be happy.”

I had to blink my eyes a couple of times, not knowing how to respond.

“Thank you for sticking by his side. I hope you two can be happy for a very long time.”

My heart suddenly felt like melting. Hearing this from someone I just met, who also happened to have been working with Baekhyun, hits differently. I wanted to hug her but I was scared it’d catch everyone’s attention, so I put a hand over her own and smiled at her instead.

“Thank you.” I mouthed silently.

She smiled at me and I could feel how sincere she was.

When she left my side, I checked my phone and found a message from Manager Kang. Tapping on it, I read his message.

Manager Kang:
Haewon. Meet me in the parking lot. This is urgent. Don’t tell Baekhyun. Mr. Yoo knows though. Please. I’ll wait.
3:26 PM

Confused and curious at the same time, my heartbeat kinda raced. What could Manager Kang want from me? Did something happen? Or will something bad happen tonight? Can this be about the number of fans coming tonight?

Aware that I was overthinking already, I shook my head to dismiss these immediate thoughts. Wanting to know the answer to my questions, I told Baekhyun I needed to go get my purse in his car since I left it there earlier. His forehead creased, he seemed to have second thoughts to allow me. When he spoke once more, he told me that he’d accompany me to the parking lot which I refused right away, telling him he had to stay and prepare. So, as Manager Kang expected, he called Mr. Yoo to accompany him instead.


*.☽.*

5:52 PM

Baekhyun was about to go on stage and he seemed tenser now. He was on the couch next to me and had been silent for a whole minute now. I stared at him admiring how gorgeous he looked with his simple styling. His beautiful black hair was down almost covering his brows but revealing a bit of his forehead. He was dressed in an off-white turtle neck, accented with a rusted button-down top tucked inside his black slacks paired with formal black shoes. His beige overcoat was on the table in front of us.

“Baek…” I muttered wanting to catch his attention.

“Hmm?” He replied quickly.

Without inching closer and not touching him, I met his eyes.

“Even if you’re not the Baekhyun this whole country came to love and adore. I…” I paused when I saw how confused my words had made him right away. “I honestly love you. I’ll stay by your side no matter what happens.” I added as tears bested up in my eyes.

Blinking his eyes in confusion, he shifted his position so he could face me entirely and before he could even start talking, tears rolled down my cheeks.

Being next to him at such a time as this was making me emotional. This was a huge turning point in his life.

“I know Baby but why are you crying?” He sounded skeptical as he wiped my tears with his thumb. “What’s the matter? Is this about the fan meet? Is the venue empty?”

Baekhyun didn’t have any idea about what was happening outside since Manager Kang never mentioned anything to him and I wasn’t sure if it was their agreement not to talk about it or what.

“No one came?” He asked once more, his eyes seemed to read my expression.

Though Manager Kang had informed me of the situation outside, I couldn’t tell him, it didn’t seem right. So, instead of answering his question, I tilted my head down to avoid him for a moment.

“Baby-” I was pretty sure he was about to say something else but his speech was cut by Manager Kang who knocked and joined us in the room.

“Baek, it’s time.” He said as he momentarily met my eyes.

Sighing, Baekhyun turned to me once more with an unsure look on his face. Not sure of what to say, I stood and attempted to walk away but his hand was fast to grab mine.

“Can you walk me backstage?” I heard him ask, almost pleading.

Turning to face him again, I held his gaze before nodding.

Oh my heart, Baekhyun.


*.☽.*

I gave his hand one final squeeze before I let him go. With tears pooling in my eyes once more, I smiled at him as I send him off. I muttered a quiet “go” urging him to go on stage. He gave me a worried look but nodded before planting a kiss on my forehead. I heard him take a deep breath before letting me go. I watched him turn around and took his way to the stage.

One second, it was just a matter of a second when my tears unstoppably rolled down my cheeks as I heard the screams of his fans present inside the venue. My heart wells up with happiness knowing that they had sold out the venue. Manager Kang informed me about the overflowing support of his fans earlier and I had been wanting to tell him. Manager Kang told me that through one of his biggest fan bases, they wanted to surprise him. Everyone who was in the fan meet knew how this will be all kept a secret from Baekhyun and they were more than willing to cooperate.

Moving to a space where I could see him on stage, I had to cover my mouth with my hands to stop crying harder as I saw his reaction. He was at the center, his head tilted down with his hands on his waist. By the looks of it, he was both surprised and emotional.

I knew he was so worried no one would come, he expected the worst, and even though everyone would abandon him seeing the venue filled the way it was right now was probably overwhelming him. Taking a deep breath, he turned away from them so he could look up and wipe his tears with his hands.

Oh, Baekhyun. Oh, my heart. Everyone made him cry for a good reason.

He paid me a glance and our eyes met for a brief moment. Speechless, I just smiled at him while tears continued to roll down my cheeks. I was so happy for him right now, my heart just overflows with love and pride for him. And I didn’t want anything else to do but run to him and hug him if only I could. If only the stadium wasn’t full of his fans.

He was already trying to compose himself when the white screen was all of a sudden and the hall was filled will the screams of the fans who were outside the theatre. They had a banner saying ‘WITH BAEKHYUN, NO MATTER WHAT’. I gasped when the camera zoomed out and revealed how big the crowd outside was.

Oh my god, a lot of fans came and since they couldn’t get inside the venue anymore, they all stayed outside where a large Led Monitor was set up.

My tears continued to stream down my cheeks. I could just imagine how he felt right now. I wanted to break down, this was tugging at my heartstrings. Baekhyun is so loved. And just when I was about to lose it, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see who it was and found Kyungsoo. He was standing right behind me with Soo Ah next to him. Mr. Yoo was also there and seeing all of them here with Manager Kang and me, Oh my god.

Kyungsoo rubbed my back gently, catching my attention. When I looked at him, his eyes were glistening. He must be so happy too. I knew Kyungsoo had been with Baekhyun all through this too. I recalled how Baekhyun visited him in the middle of the night one time.

“Baekhyun’s not alone in this fight anymore.” He said, his deep voice sounding so comforting but also urged my tears to overflow.

Oh god, Kyungsoo.

“Awwww…” I heard Soo Ah, who I must note, was also crying already. “I’m so happy for you both. Thank God.” She added as she moved closer to hug me.

Kyungsoo then came to join us, wrapping his arms around us. Facing the other side, I saw Mr. Yoo and Manager Kang standing next to each other now who were looking at us.

These two men, Oh my god, what have we become without them?

“Thank you.” I mouthed when they both met my eyes.

I got their warmest smiles in response.

When I had the chance to look at Baekhyun once more, he was staring at us. Happiness is evident on his face. I gave him one reassuring smile before he turned to the audience. Lifting the mic to his mouth, attempting to talk but failed. He still looked emotional as he looked up, probably stopping his tears from falling.

He looked so vulnerable. So real.

The hall was filled with a uniformed Awwww, giving my heart a slight sinking feeling. Everyone in the room must have felt the same way I did. It’s rare to see Baekhyun this way due to his bright personality on stage.
 

“You guys should ask me if I’m okay…” He finally said, his eyes forming into beautiful crescents as he finally smiled.

I heard the audience laugh because of his silly remark and when I tried to peek, I saw some of them wiping their tears while laughing at the same time.

“I’m not joking, you guys should be worried by now.” He added, wearing the same tone.

“ARE YOU OKAY?” Everyone chorused.

Baekhyun chuckled, apparently amused.

“Yes. I’m okay.” He answered before the smile on his face disappeared and took a deep breath. “Now that you’re all here…I am okay. REALLY.” He added.

There was silence right after he spoke, so he was left staring at his fans. His eyes roamed around the hall as if making sure he met everyone’s gazes.

“Guys, stop crying now or else your tears will flood the venue and wash everything away…if you go, I’ll really…” He trailed off as if he was pondering. “Miss you.”

What he said only made his fans cry even more and I couldn’t blame them. Baekhyun knew the exact words that would make your heart flutter. Tested and Proven.


*.☽.*

He was sitting on the barstool chair in the middle of the stage. He was still gazing at the audience as if trying to memorize each face present in the venue.

“Can I be very honest to you guys?” He asked and it earned a quick yes from his fans.

The way they altogether sounded obedient made him let out of a small laugh. And I can’t help but be amazed at how comfortable he seemed to be talking like this with them.

“When I woke up today, I couldn’t help but be nervous. No matter what I did, I kept thinking…kept picturing this venue empty.” Trailing off, he listened to the audience as they express their sympathy by asking an unclear why.

For some reason, they sounded guilty and hurt at the same time.

“I know, I know.” He added trying to calm them down. “I mean, some of you seemed mad at me because of the news.” He took a deep breath. “So, for one moment I thought no one would show up today.”

I heard a faint “Baekhyunaaaaah…” from the audience.

I watched Baekhyun as he silently observed them. And there was something so heart-warming with the way he did it.

“Seeing all of you here and those who are outside, there is nothing I want to do now other than look at all of you, I wanna remember this moment forever.” He said sounding so sincere as he paused to look at those who were seated on the second floor. “Thank you for choosing to stay with me, thank you for accepting me the way I am. Thank you for respecting me as a person and my decisions. I feel so blessed to have people like you… some of you have been with me since the beginning. You guys outweigh all the bad stuff.”

Some had started to cry in the audience once more. I can’t blame them though, listening to Baekhyun like this touched my heart in a very special way too.

“I promise to continue working hard and be the person you have all come to love.” He added as he brought his right hand to his chest before doing the very thing that made everyone in the hall lose it.

He bent his upper body forward, doing a 180 bow. His hands were on his sides and after a few seconds, he brought the mic to his mouth.

“Thank you.”

I was starting to get emotional again when I heard Manager Kang, who was now standing next to us.

“It still amazes me how someone like him remained this humble.”

We all tore our attention from Baekhyun to him. He took a deep breath as he shoved his hands inside his pockets.

“He’s one of a kind.” He stated as he stared at me. “You’re in good hands Haewon.” He added, with a reassuring smile on his face.

Oh, Manager Kang.
Why was everyone making me cry