Chapter 18:

*.☽.*

“Someone like Byun Baekhyun.”

I froze the moment I heard his name from Eun Chan. Never had I imagined talking to him about Baekhyun, especially not this issue, not now. My hands were still trembling when I finally let go of the photo.

“H-how...” I gulped, trying to come up with the words I wanted to say. “Where did you get this?”

I looked up at him who was already staring at me intently but I couldn’t even read the expression on his face.

“I guess you don’t have any clue what I do for a living, since you never got curious anyway.” He stated, emphasizing his last few words.

I fretted, unable to get the response I wanted.

“I work for a top broadcasting company in Korea. It’s not so hard for me to see leaked celebrity photos like that.”

My eyes grew big as I let his words sink in. He’s working for a broadcasting company. Did it mean they have the unedited copy of the photos?

“But the photos,” I breathed, “they had my face blurred out. How come this one isn’t?” I asked him desperately wanting to cure my confusion.

“The moment I saw the photos, I thought of you.” He let out a soft laugh.

He was laughing? Did he think this was funny?

“At first, I said to myself that there was no way on earth it’d be you but then the more I examined them…the more it made sense. You have the same height, hair, physique…”

My heart continued to race while I listened to him and honestly, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to continue. If I was ready with all the information he’d provided. If I’d be able to process everything correctly.

“I don’t want to go into details Hae Won.” His eyes were piercing through mine. “To make the long story short, I got the original copy of the photos. I had to go through what I went through to make sure that they couldn’t harm you anymore.”

I swallowed as I momentarily looked outside the café.
What was he talking about? He had the photos? The original copy? Why?

I turned to him and met his eyes once more. How could all of these be real? Why were all of these happening right now? Things were getting way more complicated every day and I just couldn’t seem to handle it anymore. Tears started to pool in my eyes and I knew that they were starting to roll down my cheeks any moment from now.

“Hae Won…” He muttered as he placed his hand over mine.  “The photos would be the least of your problem now.”

I heard what he just said clearly but I couldn’t help but concentrate more on the fact that he was holding my hand right now. It felt nostalgic. It felt familiar yet strange at the same time. This was the man I’d always adored. The man who had owned a permanent space in my thoughts for the past years. But then, he was also the same man I had learned to let go of.

Yet, he’s here now telling me that I shouldn’t worry about the pictures anymore. I knew I was supposed to be grateful because he’d somehow give me peace of mind but why have I grown more confused instead?

Why is it him of all people? Why is he coming back now? Why is he even holding my hand right now?

Amidst my confusion, there was one thing I was certain about.

Baekhyun.
He and everything I felt for him.

“Why are you doing this Eun Chan?” I asked when I was finally able to find my voice as I moved my hand away from his.

He looked hurt, his attention followed my hand. He tilted his head down, his hand went back to hold his mug once more. He lifted his drink to his mouth and drank, only to take a deep breath after. Then he gazed at me once again. He looked at me silently for a brief second before smirking.

“A simple thank you would be enough.” He sounded smug.

I was being ungrateful, I knew that part too well so I couldn’t blame him for acting smug.  

“But you seem to be doubting my intention to help you.”

Doubting? I guess my expressions gave me away again.

“I’m sorry but it just doesn’t make sense, why would you do that? Why did you go through all the trouble? Did you pay them?” I asked him consecutively that I couldn’t even breathe properly.

“You knew exactly why I did it Hae Won.” He answered gently this time, his eyes never leaving mine.

“No, I don’t know.” My firm response was quick.

I saw him swallow as he looked uncomfortable for a moment.

“I think, I still have feelings for you.” He confessed in a controlled voice. “In fact, I might have loved you all these years.”

I bit my lip as my heartbeat went wild. My face started to heat up and my hands formed into fists. I was angry. I was so angry about how it was so easy for him to tell me that “he might have loved me all these years” now when I had spent the past few years thinking why didn’t he like me back.

Then, without giving it much thought, I stood and left him.

“Hae Won!” I heard him call right before I got out of the café.

I walked straight and never looked back at him but the next thing I knew, he was already tailing me.

“Hae Won!” He called once more, this time grabbing my wrist. “I know I was a coward for not making a move back then but I was just scared. We were good friends and I didn’t want to ruin what we have.” He started explaining when he stood in front of me.

“Liar.” I accused as I freed myself from him. “How dare you. How dare you say you love me now, huh?” I knew I sounded so bitter. “You can’t just show up in my life again and tell me how you feel. That’s just unfair Eun Chan. I waited for you, even when I was already in Australia. I distanced myself from other guys thinking you would make a move but you didn’t. You didn’t, you even stopped communicating with me. And when I was finally in a relationship, I still couldn’t stop thinking about you, so we eventually broke up.” I was catching my breath. “I was that in love with you Eun Chan.”

He looked afflicted shaking his head sideways.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized as he made an attempt to hold my face but I stepped back.

It’s not right for him to hold me now.

“It’s too late for us now Eun Chan. It’s too late for what might have been between us.” I told him meaning every word that came out of my mouth.

He looked hurt for a split second but the expression on his face went smug again

“Do you think this thing you have with Byun Baekhyun will work?” He said and I couldn’t overlook the sarcasm in his tone.

How dare he.

“You know for a fact that it won’t work Hae Won. He is living in a different world from yours…from ours. A world you’re not used to. He’s surrounded by prying eyes and you being with him like this will only put you in a situation where people can easily criticize you.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

I felt my jaw clenching as I continued to stare and listen to him.

“Will you be able to put up with all of that?” He asked. “And what about your parents? Alice? Do they know about this?”

“Don’t you ever say a word to them-” I tried to warn him but ended up being cut.

“So they don’t.” He muttered with a nod. “Now I get it, this thing between you and Baekhyun is a secret, right?”

I knew there was something else in his voice. He wasn’t merely asking because he already knew the answer to his question. For some reason, he sounded threatening to me. I didn’t want to entertain this thought but he’s working for a broadcasting company.

I felt my fingers slightly shaking with the thought of Eun Chan doing something that would hurt Baekhyun and his reputation. He wasn’t that bad, was he?

“You’re not going to do it, right?” I asked wanting to hear his answer. “You’re not going to do something to Baekhyun or his career.”

He smirked. “Is that how you think of me now?”

I didn’t reply. I just gazed at him while I silently hoped that he wouldn’t have the heart to do it.

“I’m not here to ask you to do anything against your will Hae Won. You don’t do that to the person you love, right?” He paused to shove his hands inside his pockets.

“If you do something to Baekhyun, I swear I won’t forgive you-”

“I won’t.” He said firmly. “I hope you realize that I am not the bad guy here. It’s him. He’s the one dragging you into this whole controversy. He’s the one who’s going to destroy you if you don’t wake up.” He added as he moved closer to me. “I am not going to force you to leave him and like me instead because…I know that you’ll get tired eventually… of all the drama, of all the things people have to say about you, the stress, the consequences of your actions.” He paused to take a deep breath. “And when that happens, I’ll make sure I’ll be the one by your side.”

I was listening to his every word not paying much attention to his gesture that the next thing I knew, he was already so close to me. His face was inches away from mine and I felt suffocated with the minimal distance between us. He held my shoulders with his hands and my body twitched at the contact. I jumped off my feet, pushing him away from me.

He looked surprised when I pushed him but he recovered right away.

“You know I’m right Hae Won.” He told me. “And it’ll only be a matter of time before you realize that.”

I couldn’t look at him anymore. I was too upset to even pay him a glance. I couldn’t believe how complicated things have turned out between us. And I knew exactly what he was trying to do here. He was being subtle about it but I was certain he was not going to just sit and watch everything. I could only pray that he’d prove me wrong and be the good person that he had always been to me.

“Just leave Eun Chan,” I said my voice above a whisper.

He didn’t move.

I didn’t wait for him to respond anymore. I turned around and walked away as I finally gave in to the heavy weight of my tears. The suffocating feeling resurfaced so I moved my legs faster.

I cried on my way home and I was thankful enough that there weren’t a lot of people on the streets. I felt bad and hopeless for a second. I thought about how I went back to Korea to stay away from the chaos of reality but somehow I ended up facing bigger and way more complex things here.

Is this the price I had to pay for being Byun Baekhyun’s girlfriend?


*.☽.*

It was a good thing that the house was empty when I got back because I didn’t know how to explain why my nose was red from crying. I was lying on my bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling for a few minutes. I kept replaying Eun Chan’s words in my head.

“Do you think this thing you have with Byun Baekhyun will work?”

“You know for a fact that it won’t work Hae Won. He is living in a different world from yours…from ours. A world you’re not used to. He’s surrounded by prying eyes and you being with him like this will only put you in a situation where people can easily criticize you.”

“You’ll get tired eventually…of all the drama, of all the things people have to say about you, the stress, the consequences of your actions. And when that happens, I’ll make sure I’ll be the one by your side.”

I knew for a fact that being in a relationship with Baekhyun would be a tough ride. I had seen this coming right? I even thought that I had already prepared myself for this but no, I learned that no matter how much you thought I’ve conditioned myself, I’d end up feeling defenseless. I guess, I just have to trust Baekhyun. I had to keep the hope that we would be all right, that we would survive this together.
 

*.☽.*

Ji Hye went home before dinnertime and she almost jumped at me showing the controversial Baekhyun-with-an-unknown-girl photos. And since I tended to be so obvious, I lost count of how many times I swallowed and bit my lips to keep my cool. I did my best to act nonchalantly as I listened to her rants. However, surprisingly, she wasn’t really against the possible relationship between Baekhyun and the girl he was with. She was more worried about Baekhyun and what people might say about the issue. I had to even blink a few times to make sure that I was indeed hearing those sensible words from my teenage cousin.

I also felt sad that I wasn’t able to get her the Baekhyun album she asked me to buy for her. So, I promised that I would ask a friend in Seoul to get it and have it delivered to us in a few days. Thankfully, she seemed to be okay with the idea.


*.☽.*

8:30 PM

When I got back to my room after dinner, I immediately went to my dresser where my phone was. I had been wanting to text Baekhyun but my hesitation to initiate conversation when we’re not together keeps getting in the way. I knew I should have gotten rid of this a long time ago but I guess it’s not that easy.

I should tell him about Eun Chan knowing all about us and that he’s also working for a broadcasting company. But where do I start? He already had a lot on his plate now. This information would just be too stressful for him. However, I knew for a fact that I shouldn’t keep this from him too.

Maybe I could tell him about this some other time. Maybe tomorrow. Or maybe the day after.


*.☽.*

2:08 AM

I woke up to my phone ringing on the bedside table. And just like what I usually do, I stretched an arm to grab it without lifting my head from the pillow. I sleepily brought the phone to my ear, totally forgetting to answer the call first. So, I jerked when the ringtone almost left me deaf. Having no choice, I struggled to open my eyes to look at the screen of my phone.

BYUN

I checked the time in the upper right-hand corner and my eyes grew big when I realized the time. Why was he calling me this early? Did something happen?

“Baekhyun,” I muttered when I finally answered his call.

“Hey, Baby.” His voice sounded so tired and sleepy.

“Are you okay?” I asked directly, unable to hide how worried I was at the moment.

“Yeah.” He answered as he let out a soft laugh.

I was relieved when I heard his laugh. I moved to sit and rest my body against the headboard of my bed. I waited for him to say something but the line was silent for a few seconds.

“Why are you up at this time? Do you have a schedule?” I asked him breaking the silence.

“No, I don’t.” He answered softly. “I just…” There was a pause. “I know it’s selfish to call you and disturb your sleep but I just wanted to hear your voice.”

I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip upon hearing his words. His sweet remarks never failed to give me butterflies. Oh, this man. He even knew what to say at two o’clock in the morning.

“Are you trying to make me miss you even more?” I asked him trying my best not to giggle.

“Why? Is it working?”

“Totally,” I uttered, unable to let out a gloomy sigh. 

Silence took over once more as we both refused to talk for a few seconds. I could slowly feel