Somnium

Please Subscribe to read further chapters

Description

What if there was an answer to obtaining your deepest desires? 

Insanity slowly consumes you as your soul is devoured piece by piece into all consuming darkness. But it’s ok, as long as the last thing you see before you succumb is the one thing that you dearly love.

Even if that thing isn’t real.

Foreword

“The nocturne seance is by invite only, and they don’t just let anybody in.” Jinki said. He eyed Kibum up and down, not knowing whether to be pleased by his presence or annoyed in some way.

Kibum held up the neatly sealed off white envelope, silently answering Jinki’s implication that he wouldn’t be able to attend.

”I am aware.”

”Would you like to attend together?” 

Kibum nodded slightly. Jinki opened the passenger side door of his vehicle, gesturing for Kibum to get in.

”Let us go then.”

Back to Top ↑

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
Palasi #1
Chapter 5: What a great setting and story...I'm so looking forward to seeing what happens next...
aniangel07 #2
Chapter 5: oh wow, its been a while. welcome back. :)
and great update. ♥
lassonde #3
Chapter 4: Waiting on moreeee! Love this <3
afton19 #4
Chapter 4: Is there more to come? Or is this all for now? This is really good.♥️
OnceUponAnEXO 18 streak #5
Chapter 3: Oh wow (⊙.⊙) This is really intriguing so far! The storyline is something I haven't come across before which is really refreshing. And I don't really read SHINee fics anymore but you totally made me want to read the rest of it (^.^)b

One thing that did kinda throw me off was the beginning scene in the car. There wasn't much description about it so I assumed Jinki was driving. So then when Kibum placed both his hands on Jinki's shoulders I was shocked and worried he might crash the car (⌒_⌒;) But then later the driver spoke and I was like, "Oh! Ooooh! I get it now." Lol

I know too often we get advice on not filling our stories with needless descriptions (and that's partially true) but there are some things that just have to be told to build the setting and give the reader an idea of what's happening around the characters.

One thing I do to help myself with this is at the beginning of each scene I ask have I set the scene clearly enough for the reader to know where they are and anything important going on around them? Typically, you should try to establish the setting in the first few paragraphs of the scene. (You did this really well when they pulled up to the house and described the sounds of the party floating out the door, as well as when you described the snow hitting the windshield as they drove and the icy road. That not only told the reader the current weather, but also the time of year: winter) Wait any longer than that and the reader will have filled in the blanks on their own and then they might be startled later when you say something is there that contradicts what they've already come up with.

Maybe you could do something like have Jinki talk to Kibum by rolling down his window, then have the driver get out and open the door for him instead of Jinki? That would establish that he's there right away in a natural "show don't tell" manner.

Your descriptions are also great! You described the perfect amounts to spark my imagination and let my mind fill in the blanks. I think my favorite was the ornate wooden door. It not only built a picture of the opulence of the place but also set a tone of foreboding and suspense, making me wonder why Jinki found it ominous (⌒.⌒)b
DingKey #6
Chapter 3: Omg! I'm so curious now~~~~~
This is so good!!!! I loved how you detailed the expressions and all.
Want to read more!
Back to Top ↑