Jinwoo had expected his life to be normal and calm for at least a month before he would find the courage to ask Mino out again, or even talk to him.

He really wasn’t used to this – not having to chase after someone and them actually paying attention to him and communicating efficiently.

It seemed absolutely unreal and made up.

The message came while he was out with Seungyoon. It was the first time they got to hang out outside of the café, when the younger wasn’t working.

“I’m so sorry,” Jinwoo muttered when his phone kept going off. “This doesn’t usually happen, people don’t really talk to me…” He trailed off as he took out his phone to check who it was that was texting him so persistently.

Seeing that it was Mino, Jinwoo smiled like a schoolgirl in love.

This reaction didn’t go unnoticed. Seungyoon nudged him a little, smiling cheekily. “It’s that person, isn’t it?”

Jinwoo pulled his scarf up over his nose and gave a small nod.

“I knew it! Go ahead, answer them. I know it’s important, I don’t mind,” Seungyoon said softly, hooking his arm to Jinwoo’s to stir him the right way as they walked and he texted.

“Thank you. Really, you’re the best,” Jinwoo praised, giving Seungyoon a grateful smile before he took a look at his phone again.

[realllllmino] hey gorgeous

[realllllmino] some friends and i are going to this party next friday

[realllllmino] if you came along we could go to that diner again after the party ends

[realllllmino] if youre still up for that thing we talked about that is

But of course Jinwoo remembered Mino’s adorable suggestion of visiting the diner at 5 am and taking pictures as if they were in an old musical.

Back then Jinwoo hadn’t taken it seriously. But considering Mino’s behaviour so far, Jinwoo should have seen it coming. Of course Mino would do something like this.

[xxjjjwww] That sounds amazing, except that I’ve never been the type for parties..

[xxjjjwww] I just don’t want to intrude or end up being a buzz kill

[realllllmino] nonsense! you wouldnt be intruding

[realllllmino] but if you really dont want to go well figure something else out

[realllllmino] maybe i can just pick you up after it ends

[xxjjjwww] That could work. I often stay up until sunrise anyway

[realllllmino] its a deal then!

Mino surprised him the next day when he showed up at the cafe. With his signature smile, he crossed the place and went straight to Jinwoo’s table.

Hands in his pockets he somehow managed to pull the chair out with his foot and he sat down, leaning back as if the chair was a throne.

Jinwoo observed the way he held himself; he found everything about Mino fascinating. So much so that he was thinking about using him as a model for a future character.

“I’ve been working across the street for how long? And I still haven’t visited this place. Can you believe that?” Mino said instead of a greeting.

“It’s crazy really,” Jinwoo hummed, pushing his laptop aside and gathering the dictionaries and the manuscript to make room.

Mino grabbed a menu, set it on the table and leaned in close. “Why don’t you tell me what’s there to eat?”

Leaning in as well, Jinwoo tapped his bottom lip in thought. “Sweet or?”

“Sweet,” Mino immediately said.

“Well, I love the pancakes. They’ve got these large portions with ice cream and nutella if you like—but the donuts are also amazing. They’ve got cakes... I liked the cheesecake, but the chocolate one, not the fruit one...” As Jinwoo rambled on and on about this one thing he was passionate about, he soon realized that Mino wasn’t really listening.

He lifted his gaze to try and figure out what got the younger so distracted and he saw that Mino had undoubtedly been looking at Jinwoo’s lips. While he’d been talking, he’d been playing with them without even realizing.

Instantaneously Jinwoo shoved his hands between his thighs and averted his gaze, leaving Mino nothing to look at.

“So... pancakes,” Mino said and it was that pure amusement in his voice that made Jinwoo blush.

“Pancakes,” he muttered.

Now, Jinwoo wasn’t the jealous type, he really wasn’t. He was also not the type to blame everything on technology and he didn’t believe that people don’t know how to communicate anymore.

That being said, Mino was spending a significant amount of time texting while they ate their pancakes, leaving Jinwoo longing for the conversation they’d started before to continue.

Mino finally put his phone down to look at Jinwoo apologetically. “I’m sorry, we’re discussing some details about the party. I’m just—it’s been a while since all of us got together like that..”

Jinwoo could see the glimmer of excitement in Mino’s eyes and how he tried to suppress it. And then Jinwoo felt like an for having sulked. “Oh—no, it’s okay, you should—uh, yeah I hope you have fun.”

“I shouldn’t have left you hanging though,” Mino said, leaving his phone, although it kept lighting up with notifications.

“It’s fine,” Jinwoo muttered. He wanted Mino to have fun, he seemed so into the entire thing, but maybe... Maybe Jinwoo was feeling a bit left out. He leaned over, cleared his throat. “Is it... Is it too late to join you guys?”

Mino glanced up and blinked in surprise. “You want to come along?”

Jinwoo nodded hesitantly.

A grin found its way on Mino’s lips and he nodded happily. “Of course! I’m so glad you changed your mind,” he hummed. He scooted closer to Jinwoo to show him the groupchat currently overflowing with messages. “Let me fill you in on the details,” he said and started enthusiastically explaining him when and where the party would take place, how him and his friends planned to get there and get back.

“None of us will be driving because we’ll be drinking,” he explained. “We’ll meet up somewhere – probably our shop, it’s approximately the same distance from everyone – and we might take the subway there, but when it’s over you and I are going to the diner.”

Mino then proceeded to tell him about who would be going and Jinwoo was starting to regret joining in on such an event with a bunch of people he didn’t know – aside from Jiho and Dongwook, whom he’d exchanged about a sentence with, each.

But the Fear of Missing Out prevailed and Jinwoo didn’t bow out again. If anything, at least he got to watch Mino happily explaining everything and talking about how amazing the party would be.

* * *

What did I get myself into?

The moment was approaching and Jinwoo got more anxious by the second. Just an hour ago he loved his outfit, it made him feel confident too, but now he just wanted to bury himself in a hoodie and sweatpants and quite frankly, he also wanted to stay home.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t chicken out now. And for as much as he wanted to avoid the other people and the party, Jinwoo did want to spend time with Mino.

So he fixed his outfit yet again – his glittery black skinny jeans and crop top, with boots and a black choker – and set out. He put on a coat that covered up his entire outfit for comfort reasons, he still wasn’t feeling that great; and because it was cold out.

Mino was waiting for him outside. He smiled when he spotted Jinwoo and immediately approached to hug him.

“Hey babe,” he greeted and Jinwoo nearly melted at the nickname. He tried not to react though, he knew that Mino would be amused and Jinwoo didn’t want to give him that.

“Hi handsome,” he replied instead, exercising confidence.

Mino smiled brightly at this and slipped an arm around Jinwoo’s waist as they walked.

“How are you? You seem tired,” he said and Jinwoo just knew that he was referring to his overall lack of excitement for the whole event.

Jinwoo didn’t want to crush Mino’s giddiness by being down. He gave the best smile he could muster. “Nah, I’m good. A little nervous about meeting your pals, but I’m good,” he promised.

“That’s it?” The younger asked, a tiny bit sceptical and perhaps still worried.

Jinwoo gave a confident little nod and so Mino decided to leave it.

“You don’t have to worry about it. I mean, I get it, new people and stuff, but they’re all chill.”

“I guess... I just haven’t done the socializing thing in a while,” Jinwoo admitted.

Mino stopped at the beginning of the street where they’d be meeting with the others. Gently, he brushed Jinwoo’s fringe to the side, looking over his light make up and laying his gaze on the elder’s lips as he often did those days.

“It’ll be okay. I’ll stay by your side,” he promised, now locking eyes with Jinwoo.

He nodded, letting himself linger in Mino’s proximity before he slowly took Jinwoo’s hand and they made their way over to Mino’s, now closed, tattoo shop.

There were quite a few people there. Jinwoo clung to Mino’s side, hiding behind him.

“Hey everyone!” Mino announced loudly.

In the next second Jinwoo was being torn from Mino and stumbling to the side. He gaped at the scene, at the person tackle-hugging Mino.

Mino was whining exaggeratedly until the person got off of him. Then he gave one last groan before taking the hyper boy by the shoulder and turning him towards Jinwoo.

“Jinwoo, this is my best friend Pyo Jihoon. He is insane.”

Jinwoo gave a small wave to the smiling Pyo, who was not letting go of Mino. And Jinwoo was getting pouty. He wanted his spot back.

He seemed to be lucky. Mino drew him close again, now turning towards everyone else.

“Oof, let’s do this. Everyone, this is Jinwoo. Jinwoo, this is—” He let go of Pyo in order to point out each person as he introduced them, “—Dean, Hyoseob, Seunghyun and you already know Dongwook and Jiho.”

Most waved when they were introduced. He gave a wave of his own, remaining glued to Mino.

Jiho stood up from where he had been sitting on the shop’s entrance step and stretched. “Time to go, losers. We’ve waited enough,” he said and, much to Jinwoo’s shock, slipped his hand into Dongwook’s back pocket. They strolled down the street that way.

Hypocritical of someone who was clinging to another dude, but Jinwoo simply wasn’t used to that kind of bluntness. What was more, Hyoseob, Dean and Seunghyun all walked hand in hand and Jinwoo was having a hard time understanding what the heck was going on.

“So what do you do for a living?” Pyo asked, leaning over from Mino’s other side.

“I’m a writer and translator,” Jinwoo said his well rehearsed answer to the cliché question.

“Oh, cool! Finally we’ve got an intellectual in this god forsaken group.”

Jinwoo smiled faintly, raising his eyebrows. “Intellectual?”

“Most of us majored in art,” Pyo explained. “The two of us,” he nudged Mino, “graduated from the same school and look at us now – one’s a struggling artist and the other’s a struggling photographer.”

Mino wiggled away a bit and poked Pyo’s side. “Speak for yourself, you ! I love my job!”

“Doesn’t mean you’re not struggling! And definitely doesn’t make you an intellectual!” Pyo replied and this earned him a smack to the shoulder. He returned the smack and the two started a back and forth, with Jinwoo often ducking out of the way.

Giggling at their silliness, Jinwoo heard Seunghyun’s sigh and they locked eyes.

“They’re always like that,” Seunghyun confirmed.

Mino did his best to escape Pyo in order to wrap both arms around Jinwoo. “Nooo! Don’t make me look bad in front of Jinwoo!”

“What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t?” Hyoseob called over.

Jinwoo was at that point giggling. “Ah, don’t worry, Mino-yah. Let’s let them think they have the power to change my mind about you.”

This drew a series of “ooooh”s from everyone.

Mino was taken aback by such an earnest response. He smiled while the others lost their minds.

After a while it was apparent that Jinwoo had worried too much about whether he’d be able to socialize with Mino’s friends or not. True, he was sort of an outsider in a group of friends who all knew each other, but they were also in a club with loud music that didn’t allow any quality socializing.

There was a lot of dancing and drinking though. Jinwoo wasn’t used to the buzz, it had been just as long since he’d gone to a party as it had been since he’d been on a date, maybe longer.

And maybe he’d forgotten how easy it was for him to get tipsy. Nothing too extreme, he just got... a bit too bold.

Seeing as Mino was the person Jinwoo had been clinging to the entire night, he was the target of Jinwoo’s dancing.

Dancing that was in no way bad, no. It was just not something one would expect from the sweet linguistics major everyone had seen Jinwoo as.

It was, to say the least, shocking.

To Mino first, and then everyone else.

Through the half darkness, under the flickering, multicoloured lights, he saw Jinwoo's hazy movements, the slow curling of his body.

Mino stopped and stared. Soon enough all eyes were on Jinwoo and Mino couldn’t help the selfish urge to tell them all to look away, to shield Jinwoo from their prying eyes.

He didn’t do any of that though. He just watched.

“I thought you said he was the most precious person you’ve ever met?” Dean yelled over the music, not taking his eyes off of Jinwoo.

Mino his lips as he watched Jinwoo messing with his hair and slowly dragging his hands down his chest and stomach, then hooking his thumbs to his pockets.

“I was wrong,” he said.

It was when their eyes met that Jinwoo thought to take the one step that separated the two of them. The next second Jinwoo had his arms around Mino’s neck and was doing his same slow dance, only now his hips were brushing Mino’s with every move he made.

Oh well. At least that way Mino was less jealous.

It was Dean and Hyoseob who first made their leave to the corner of the club where they would make out. It was easier that way than in the crowd – where they were now, Dean could nicely press Hyoseob up against the wall and kiss him as intensely – or gently – as he pleased.

Jinwoo hadn’t drunk any more. For as long as they’d stayed at the party, by the time Mino suggested leaving Jinwoo had sobered up from his brief tipsy episode.

And he’d stopped grinding on Mino.

And he was embarrassed.

Hyoseob and Dean had returned from their make-out session, hair tousled and lips swollen; but skilfully acting as if nothing had happened.

When they returned Seunghyun ruffled Hyoseob’s hair and leaned on him completely.

Dongwook and Jiho hadn’t excused themselves the way Hyoseob and Dean had. Jinwoo thought that they were just polite and restrained, but later he would learn that they’d already had a plan to go back to Jiho’s place and frick later.

Whatever the case, it was difficult parting with Pyo when Mino announced that the two would be leaving to grab a snack. At first Pyo kept hugging Mino and refusing to let go. Then the teasing began and in the end Jiho tugged him back to allow Mino and Jinwoo to step out.

“Have fun you two!” were Pyo’s final words before the pair started pushing their way through the crowd.

They took a taxi.

Mino had noticed Jinwoo’s change in demeanour after the effects of alcohol wore off and he let the elder sit as far away from him as he wished. Which didn’t end up being much. Jinwoo sat close enough for Mino to take his hand if he just so wished. And perhaps Jinwoo let him.

“I’m sorry about—”

“Don’t,” Mino immediately interrupted him. “Nothing to be sorry about.”

Jinwoo didn’t make another attempt to apologize.

It had been four am when they’d left the party.

It was five am when they walked into the diner.

The employees were behind the counter because there were no other customers.

Mino took Jinwoo to the farthest booth by the window. They sat opposite of each other, both leaning in to pick something to eat. They ended up ordering waffles, and after the tired waiter left, they were left alone.

They didn’t talk. The illuminated space was filled with distant music coming from the speakers all around.

Mino slowly reached over across the table until his hand met Jinwoo’s. Jinwoo didn’t wince away. He let Mino gently open his hands and trace his palms. He wasn’t looking up at Jinwoo, immersed in his current action.

“Was tonight okay?” Mino broke the silence. His tone melted together with their silent surroundings, soft shapes and white lights.

Jinwoo nodded. “Didn’t mean to get drunk,” he said, because he still felt the need to apologize. “But it was fine. I like your friends.” He paused. “They confuse me, but I like them.”

Mino tilted his head, looking up. “Confuse? How so?”

Jinwoo shifted, pressing his lips together. “I’m not... Entirely sure who’s in a relationship and who’s just... friends.”

“Oh,” Mino said, sitting up with a small smile on his face. “Well, Dongwook and Jiho are together, so are Hyoseob and Dean. Hyoseob and Seunghyun are qpps.”

Jinwoo blinked in confusion. “They’re what.”

“Queer platonic partners,” Mino explained.

This helped some, but Jinwoo still felt like he’d have to look it up later. His gaze dropped and he pursed his lips. “Is that what Pyo is to you?”

Mino nodded, though he squeezed Jinwoo’s hand ever so slightly.

He shuffled further forward, trying to catch Jinwoo’s gaze. “I mean—Listen, he’s my best friend since childhood. I love him. But there are different kinds of love in the world, you know.” He sounded confident enough in his words, but his voice was shaking with the slight fear that Jinwoo wouldn’t understand.

And he may not have understood fully, but he didn’t mind.

In all honesty, Jinwoo was used to being the second choice. Or third. Or fourth. He was used to being the person someone is with only because it’s so easy and secure. Because they know he won’t leave, because he has no one else. He’s the one who puts effort into relationships, never getting much in return, but it’s alright because he doesn’t ask for anything.

So, he doesn’t mind.

He expects nothing.

Out of everyone he’d been with, at least Mino was upfront about having other people in his life.

And, well, the two of them weren’t together. Why would Jinwoo expect Mino to choose him, who he’d known for months, over someone he’d known nearly his entire life?

The waffles arrived. Jinwoo’s first instinct when the waiter approached was to pull back, but his left hand got caught in Mino’s grip. Jinwoo’s heart was racing, he was burning with embarrassment, expecting to be scoffed at. In contrast, Mino smiled at the waiter and gave a small “thank you”.

Jinwoo kept his gaze down and just admired how open Mino was. Thinking back to the party, to his friends, Jinwoo admired them all for being so honest and not ashamed. He wished he could be more like them, but the fear of disapproval was so rooted into him that it was paralyzing at times like these. At times when he was caught holding hands with a boy.

Yet nothing happened. The waiter went away without a single word or a glance.

Perhaps it was too early in the morning for homophobia.

Whatever the case, the next thing he knew a fork was in Mino’s hand, and a piece of nutella-covered waffle was on it. Being offered to Jinwoo.

It kind of hit him head on that Mino was offering to feed him that bite. Jinwoo took it and as he chewed on the sweet fluff, all the stupid romantic teen flicks flashed through his head and he couldn’t believe that someone like this existed.

Someone who takes you on motorcycle rides and parties, someone who does your first tattoo and slow dances with you in the aisles of a diner.

Someone like Mino.

Jinwoo looked at him, at his silly concentration as he tried to cut out the perfect square from the waffle in front of him, his tongue sticking out a little and the goofy grin that adorned his lips when he succeeded. Jinwoo looked at Mino and imagined him breaking his heart.

He stood, hands balled into fists. “Excuse me,” he muttered, wriggled out of the booth and stormed towards the bathroom, leaving Mino alone with the perfect waffle square that he’d cut out for Jinwoo.

He locked himself up in the same stall where Mino had shown him his tattoos those weeks ago. He stood leaning against the wall, hoping for the tiles to help him cool down.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

It would have been so much easier if Mino wasn’t so kind. If he didn’t lull Jinwoo into safety, if he didn’t provide comfort. It would have been so much easier if Mino would just play his role properly, be emotionally distant and not invested, if he would just treat Jinwoo the way everyone else had.

This way, it would be all the more wrecking when Mino finally broke his heart.

And it would happen, Jinwoo was sure of it.

Because he was always the throwaway piece in someone else’s love story.

It might not be Pyo – because Jinwoo did believe in different kinds of love – but it would be someone else. Someone better.

Trying not to get attached was in vain, since Jinwoo had loved guys much worse than Mino.

This, this was a death trap.

He was worried when Jinwoo returned. Mino’s waffle was gone from the plate. It seemed that while Jinwoo had been gone, other than the eating, Mino had kept himself occupied with making all kinds of origami from the napkins, which mostly failed as the paper was highly inadequate.

Mino dropped it all when he just so much as heard the door of the far off bathroom opening. He got out of the booth and met Jinwoo halfway to their table. Jinwoo, who just let himself fall forward, right into Mino’s arms.

“Everything okay?” Mino whispered.

No.

Jinwoo nodded.

Clinging to him like that, shielded by the column from the employees who probably weren’t looking anyway, hiding his face in the crook of Mino’s neck, Jinwoo let the thought sink into his mind,

I’ll let you hurt me, Song Minho.

Perhaps saying it like that would make it easier later when it happens.

Mino’s arms around his waist, holding him gently, made it all the more devastating.

“Maybe waffles will help?” Mino suggested, hoping to lighten the mood.

Jinwoo nodded, even smiled faintly. “Yeah, waffles.”

This time they sat on the same side of the table. Jinwoo was leaning against Mino as if he were a large pillow. And yes, he was still embarrassed about it, but he let Mino feed him one perfectly cut square of waffle covered in nutella after another.

And soon the waffle was done and Jinwoo was left comfortably resting against Mino, his eyes closed.

While he was dozing off, something crossed his mind and he stirred, looking up at Mino with sleepily

“You wanted to take a picture?”

Mino’s lips stretched into a happy little smile and he nodded.

They ended up taking selfies rather than having a “photoshoot” as they’d planned, simply because they both agreed the employees at the diner had been putting up with them enough already and it would have been too much to ask for pictures to be taken as well.

The selfies were cute nevertheless, but it all went down when Mino decided to peck Jinwoo’s cheek for one of the pictures.

He nearly dropped his phone. His heart sped up, his hands started to tremble—he knew it wasn’t a big deal but it still shook him up.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Mino was saying, stepping away and in front of Jinwoo. “I should have asked... I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Trying to get his act together, Jinwoo straightened up. He smiled, trying to make it a reassuring rather than a flustered one. “It’s okay! It was just unexpected is all,” Jinwoo trailed off, slipping his phone back into his pocket and clearing his throat.

Shoulders tense, Mino looked to the side, then back at Jinwoo. There it was again, his gaze dropping to Jinwoo’s lips for a split second.

Jinwoo’s breath hitched, his heart sped up. He clenched his fists behind his back, he didn’t have the guts to meet Mino’s gaze.

“Well... Can I kiss you?” The younger asked timidly.

Jinwoo was paralyzed. But he’d already admitted to himself that he would let Mino hurt him. What was a kiss compared to that?

He nodded.

There was a small huff of relief from Mino, and immediately he stepped forward; lingered a second before taking Jinwoo by the hips and pressed him against the wall, so gently it was as if being moved by a breeze.

It was so much slower than what Jinwoo was used to. Much more tender and sweeter. Warmth spread through him from where their lips were connected and he was no longer paralyzed. It was as if breathing in for the first time after spending years under the ice; he gasped, thereby cutting the kiss short. No longer guarding himself, Jinwoo let his arms unfold and wrap around Mino.

“Are you oka—”

Jinwoo didn’t want to answer that question, he wouldn’t know what to say either way. So he climbed on his tiptoes and once again connected their lips, hoping to resume what Jinwoo’s little gasp had stopped.