Dear Diary,

After I talked with my mother, I realised I’ve been acting like the kid among us, I have lost my focus recently since things happened so fast. I forgot that the one in a critical situation right now is Sunggyu and not me!! I rushed into things because I thought I was doing the right thing but I only scared him more instead of making him feel safe, I ran away to a bar getting drunk at our first argument how will he trust me in future!!!!!!! I even yelled at him for sharing his feelings with me!! What kind of person does that to the one they love?!!! Thinking back on my proposal, I now know that it was just to make it easier for me.

I had to wait for two hours before I spotted Mr Kim’s car parking in front of the house, so I waited until they enter the house to make my move. To be honest, jumping from and to the window seemed childish to me especially for someone at my age, but for now it seems the only convincing way to get to my boy, Mr Kim won’t let me meet him if I ask him now knowing the reason his son is down lately is because of me.

Kim’s House

Living room;

Sunggyu and Mr Kim found an irate woman waiting for them, it scares Sunggyu sometimes how his mother turns from the most caring mom to a scary one, but usually, it’s because he made a mistake.

“You guys are late!”

“I’ll go to my room; I have to wake up early tomorrow.”

Sunggyu was about to pass through his mother, but that’s not what happened, “Hold it right there.”

“Honey, let the boy rest.”

“You stay out of this” Mrs Kim stood right in front of her son, who lowered his gaze once she was in front of him, “Stop embarrassing me Sunggyu!!”

“Uma I-”

“Shush!! Zip it; I really don’t want to hear it right now!! I had to lie to your boyfriend about your whereabouts because you decided to run instead of facing your problems.”

“Honey~~~” Mr Kim threw an arm over his wife’s shoulder, “You’re overreacting, Sunggyu son go to sleep, uh.”

“Hmm.”

“I’m not done!”

“Uma, I don’t feel well, please.”

“You chose to be in a relationship with a grown-up, you weren’t careful and got yourself pregnant, you never asked me, you did everything that pleased you”, Mrs Kim poked Sunggyu’s chest to make a point. “It was only you, and since you made all your choices by yourself, then you deal with your problems like a grown-up instead of running away like a kid.”

“Honey!!”

“Why do you hate me so much!!!!!!!”

“I don’t hate you; I’m your mother.”

“YOU HATE ME SO MUCH THA I WISH I WERE THE ORPHAN NOT MYUNGSOO SO THAT YOU’D LOVE ME MORE.”

“KIM SUNGGYU.”

“I WANT TO DIE SO THAT YOU BE HAPPY, JUST LET ME DIE.”

SLAP! Mrs Kim never slapped her son before despite his behaviour but his words hurt her the most, Sunggyu didn’t get to comment on anything because the next thing his mother hugged him tight obviously feeling sorry for raising her hand on her only son.

“How dare you wish that!!”

“U-Uma, I’m- I’m sorry I-”

“Sunggyu, go to your room son, your mother is tired.”

“Good night, Uma.”

Sunggyu wished his mother good night and ran upstairs leaving the elders alone, Mrs Kim was still in shock from what happened, she doesn’t know if she should feel sad because of Sunggyu’s words or the fact she slapped her son for the first time in her life knowing it broke his heart.

“Honey~~, why did you do that? Did you see his face?”

“I didn’t mean it; I don’t know how this happened.”

Mr Kim hugged his wife, “I know you didn’t, but Sunggyu is just emotional recently he didn’t mean anything he said.”

“He just wished to die to make me happy!! Did I make a mistake raising him? Was I too harsh on him!!!!”

“Honey~~.”

“Omg, my son thinks I hate him!! I was too focused to protect him from making a mistake that I forgot to show him how much I love him!”

“Sunggyu isn’t a kid anymore he’ll understand.”

“The thing is he shouldn’t understand my love, he should feel it instead.”

This argument was like a slap for Mrs Kim more than Sunggyu, all those years she worked hard on scolding Sunggyu for his mistakes hoping she’d make a better person from him in future forgetting to show him love or make him feel safe between her arms and home.

The look in Sunggyu’s eyes after she slapped him said it all, the meaning behind the words he said confirmed everything. What if Sunggyu is doing all of this on purpose? Was he trying to get her attention all this time and she misread him? Is that why he covered for Myungsoo all those years! Was it to steal Myungsoo’s attention from his mother even if it meant to be punished for something he didn't do!

Upstairs;

“Hyung” Myungsoo hugged Sunggyu right away feeling bad for his Hyung, he knows how much his mother loves him, yet he always wondered why doesn’t she show it to her son, “Are you okay?”

“…” Sobs

“Mom loves you; she just doesn’t show it not to hurt my feelings.”

“…” more sobs

“It’s my fault; I’m sorry Hyung.”

“Ani” Sunggyu wiped his tears and forced a weak smile, “I’m sorry Myungsoo, I didn’t mean what I said I was just mad that’s all, you’re my younger brother you know that, right?”

“I do, I feel the same way- well just the other way around- like you’re my Hyung and not a younger brother, though you sometimes act like my younger brother.”

Sunggyu chuckled at the way Myungsoo stumbled, the younger was trying to make him smile, and it worked, it did the trick, “Thank you, I feel much better.”

“No problem, I’ve got you Hyung.”

“You’re only saying this because you’re stuck at home and can’t meet your boyfriend.”

Myungsoo pouted cutely, “It hasn’t been a day but I know I’ll miss him tomorrow.”

Sunggyu smiled as he ruffled Myungsoo’s hair, “Aish~~, kids!!!!”

Sunggyu’s room;

The first thing Sunggyu did when he entered his room is locked his room the door and open the window for Woohyun, he knows him too well now, and since he refused to meet him, the elder would probably come through the window, and he was right.

“What do you want?”

“I want to talk, please?”

My heartache to see my boy sits difficultly on the bed and groans silently, I suddenly felt stupid and childish not only he was tired and probably unable to go out, but I was the reason he left the house though he wasn’t feeling well. I don’t know the progress of his pregnancy since I wasn’t there for most of his appointments and because of recent events I haven’t had the chance actually to ask him anything about it, all we do is argue recently and fight.

“I understand, Ajusshi.”

“What do you understand, babe?” the way my boy dropped his head over my shoulder when I joined him on the bed made me realise what a jerk I’ve been, Sunggyu is just a kid who needs attention and love, “Are you okay?”

“Hmm.”

“What happened to your cheek?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Were you crying?”

“Hmm, hormones.”

“Put your feet up; I’ll give you a massage.”

“It’s fine; I’m okay” Well, Woohyun wasn’t taking no for an answer, he did the work himself lifting the younger’s feet and massaging them, though Sunggyu said he was fine and okay he actually leant on his arms enjoying the special foot massage.

“Your foot is stiffened.”

“I’m fine it’s just standing for too long makes me tired that’s all.”

“I’m sorry, I haven’t been there recently, but I promise you, this will change.”

“Ajusshi, I love you, you know that, right?”

“Yeah” Woohyun stopped massaging only to pull the younger closer to kiss his lips, “And I love you even more.”

“I know you have dreams and I promise to help you make them come true, I just need a little time to adapt to all of this. Usually, I adapt fast don’t worry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me these days.”

“Babe~~, there is nothing wrong with you,” Woohyun felt like crying hearing Sunggyu’s comforting words, that boy is looking after him, shouldn’t this be the other way around, “I made up my mind, babe.”

Sunggyu looked up to meet Woohyun’s caring eyes, these eyes he missed “Okay, I’m listening.”

“We will do it your way.”

“A-Ajusshi!”

“What do you want babe? Just tell me, and I’ll do it.”

“I- I don’t know what I want” Sunggyu lowered his head, “What about what you want? Won’t it be easy to do it your way? At least you know what you want.”

“We will figure it out together, step by step” Woohyun placed his hand on Sunggyu’s tummy, “Let’s make sure our baby comes healthy, and you graduate.”

“What about your dreams?”

“Pabo” Woohyun cupped Sunggyu’s cheeks caressing the reddish skin from his mother’s slap, “You are my dream, silly! My dreams already came true the minute you accepted me in your life.”

“A-Ajusshi” Sunggyu lowered his eyes shyly and to hide his tears, “Eww, that’s so cheesy!!”

Woohyun chuckled hugging Sunggyu, “Aigo~~, you’re so cute.”

“Y-Yah!!! Who are you calling cute?????”

“You, my cutie pie.”

“AJUSSHI.”

“Let’s not fight again, uh?”

“Hmm.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, Ajusshi.”

“So, what do you want to do?”

“Stay with me tonight, don’t leave me.”

“Sure, I’ll sleepover.”

“I mean- Ajusshi, move in here, please?”

“Babe, you want me to stay here every night?”

“Hmm.”

“Alright, I’ll just ask permission from your parents.”

Sunggyu laid down his head on Woohyun’s chest and closed his eyes, “Thank you.”

Next morning

I opened my eyes to the sound of Sunggyu throwing up, thankfully he had the door open, so I was able to peek in and see if I can help him with anything. To tell the truth, I never saw him throw up like that well maybe just heard he threw up and that’s it, it breaks my heart to see him on his knees emptying his stomach.

“Babe, can I come in?”

Sunggyu took few breaths before he answered Woohyun, “Hmm.”

Woohyun didn’t like how cold the floor Sunggyu was sitting on so he made sure he sits on his lap close to his chest, “Are you okay?”

“It’s normal, don’t freak out.”

“I thought vomiting phase is over.”

“Everyone is different, and I happened to have bad luck.”

“Are you done? Do you want to wash your mouth?”

“Just give me a second” Sunggyu knew he wasn’t done yet, “You can go if you want it will take a minute.”

“Can I stay? If it’s okay with you.”

My boy didn’t get to answer me but the squeeze on my hand, while he was throwing up kind of, gave me an answer. When he was done, I took him back to the bed after making sure the bad taste is gone and how I know you ask! It’s because I kissed him and he tasted like strawberry (the toothpaste flavour- duh). Sunggyu fell back asleep fast since it was too early for college, but I stayed awake playing with his hair and watch him breathe, and yeah, I pecked his lips now and then but it didn’t wake him up, don’t worry my boy is a heavy sleeper.

Woollim High

Class;

“Woohyun Seonsaeng-nim gave you a ride?????? OMG, that’s so cool.”

“It’s not a big deal; he practically lives with us.”

“Sunggyu Hyung and Seonsaeng-nim got married?????” Sungjong pouted, “Why didn’t you invite me!”

“No, sheesh who said anything about marriage.”

“Well, if he is spending time in your house it’s either they’re married, or Sunggyu Hyung is pregnant.”

“W-What!”

Sungjong said it as a joke but the way Myungsoo’s mouth gapped from shocked at how accurate his friend assumptions were, and it only confirmed one thing.

“Omg!! If they’re not married then Sunggyu Hyung is pregnant, right?” Myungsoo nodded, “Omg, I knew it.”

“Please don’t tell anyone, Hyung still didn’t tell anyone from outside the family frame expect of Jackson Hyung his friend.”

“I won’t say a word” Sungjong zipped his mouth, “So, is it a boy or a girl?”

“Too early to know.”

“Does he have a baby bump?”

“Not yet.”

“How far?”

“Mm, 12 weeks probably.”

“What’s that?”

“I mean about three months.”

Sungjong frowned, “Are you sure he is pregnant?”

“Why?”

“Usually a pregnant person will get a round belly.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“What proof do you have that he is pregnant?”

“Um- I don’t know a pregnancy test? He also throws up every day.”

“Hmm, he got the symptoms, but it’s not confirmed.”

“Sungjong, he has doctor appointments every week; he is pregnant.”

“If you say so~~~.”

Woohyun walked into the classroom interrupting Myungsoo and Sungjong’s intense conversation. The class went by like usual where some boys sleeping at the back and other girls putting on lipsticks and there are the nerds who were paying attention not to fail their next exam.

“Alright everyone, I’ll see you after recess.”

Sungjong approached the teacher with Myungsoo after everyone left, “Seonsaeng-nim.”

“Yes, Sungjong.”

“I’m happy for you Seonsaeng-nim.”

Though it came out strange, but it was nice, “Well, that’s so kind of you Sungjong, thank you.”

Seeing how his friend is this close telling Woohyun that he knows about Sunggyu’s pregnancy, Myungsoo quickly bowed and took his friend’s hand leaving the class as fast as they could, Sungjong would make things awkward for sure.

Teachers’ lounge;

“Woohyun” Key waved for his colleague once he spotted him walking into the lounge, “Over here.”

“Hey, what’s up?”

“How are things going?”

“All good” Woohyun sighed rubbing his eyes tiredly, “I’m t