September 23rd

Kibum was in a deep sleep but was slowly being brought back to the real world as he  heard his alarm went off. 10:00 am it read.

Today was his fifth-tenth birthday.

Most would be happy on their birthday but Kibum sighed. 

He knew this whole Saturday would be spent in church. He felt bad for not wanting to go sometimes, but after years of being obligated to go...it wained on him. He wanted to hang out with his friends but his parents made it clear church would be the only thing he would do today.

It was bright and early and he knew he should head down stairs, because his parents made him a birthday breakfast every year.

He got up to use the bathroom and get dressed. He took a look himself in the mirror. 

Too much was going through his head for him to be excited.

He had finally gotten to see Jonghyun last week. His boyfriend had so much to tell him since they hadn’t seen each other in a while. 

But he hadn’t seen him again since then either. He knows it hurts him and hates seeing his sad face at school when they have to depart for class and know thats it’s the only time of the day they’ll see each other. His parents are strict about letting him go out, but he’d would be lying if he said there weren’t times were he lied and was avoiding Jonghyun. For a reason he wasn’t ready to explain yet. He had something to tell him, but he wasn’t sure how.

Speaking of said boy he left the bathroom and went back to his bed to see if his phone had a message from him and along with others.

He was wishing him a happy birthday of course. He was the first one to say it at 12 am on the dot. 

He read his sweet message along with his circle of friends and others from a school, some promising to give him his gifts later. 

He stopped upon reading Taemin’s message. He stopped and to think about how it’s been forever since he had seen him. Taemin always made up excuses not to come out anymore.

He sent him a message.

Taemin-ah? Come to church with me today? I miss you! 

He hadn’t seen him in a while and he missed him. He figured he would come out for him since it was his birthday. But he didn’t answer back.

He sighed.

He continue his morning ruetine.

During his ruetine he couldn’t help but catch glances of himself in the mirror.

Whenever he did this he took a chance  to judge himself, that’s why he made sure not to spend so much time looking in the mirror if possible.

His lips turned up as he couldn’t help but look at himself as fixed the collar on his shirt.

He knew he was only fifth-teen so he still had time to grow and mature. But he couldn’t help but judge his own young and feminine like features. 

He wanted to look more like a man. He had gotten picked on for resembling a girl and for being ‘pretty’. 

That’s what he admired about his boyfriend’s face so much. Jonghyun was handsome. Not pretty, but handsome. He had a strong jawline and nose. His eyes were big and round but still asserted dominance when he looked at him. Even though Jonghyun didn’t play sports often, he was athletic and had a nice build for someone his age. Whereas Kibum was uncoordinated when it came to sports and was really skinny and lanky.

Kibum sometimes wonder if he liked Jonghyun so much because he had what he lacked.

Or maybe that’s why he was attracted to men?

Did that make any sense? 

He wonder if maybe he didn’t look so feminine would he still be gay?

These childish thoughts ran through his mind often. He knew he was being overly paranoid. But at the same time he knew what he is was wrong.

His parents and others sorts of people wouldn’t let him forget why what he is and what he did was wrong-

Kibum shook his head and splashed his face with ice cold water to disrupt his thoughts. He hated when he did this to himself.

The faint calling of his name really brought him out of his dazed state.

“Coming mom!”

He said quickly trying to dry his face. He ran swiftly down the steps.

He wore simple pair of jeans and a baby blue shirt with a collar. Just something for a simple day he thought. 

“Kibum-ah? It’s your birthday and we’ll be in church today. Don’t you think you should dress up more?” His mother said debunking his last thoughts.

“Ohh...” Kibum said looking down at his outfit instinctively.

“Of course, I’ll change after breakfast.” He said nodding his head and giving his parents a small fake smile.

They nodded in approval.

His father was already seated at the head of the table as usual as his mother started putting out the food and getting the dishes and utensils ready. 

His family was also the type to believe in the stereotypical family where the father was the man of the house and his mother stayed home and cooked and clean. He wanted to help his mother set the table but he knew he get the same phrase his father always said: “That’s a woman’s job.” 

So instead he sat in the chair next to his father.

“Happy Birthday sweetheart. God has given us such a sweet and well behaved son. I couldn’t ask for anything more.” His mother said while setting his breakfast in front of him and giving him a kiss to his temple.

“Thank you, mom.” He said slightly blushing.

“Happy Birthday son. How does it feel? You’re almost a man!” His dad said chuckling.

“I don’t feel much different yet.” He said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

His father just gave another laugh and patted his back.

Kibum couldn’t help but feel a little nervous around his father. He always badgered him with questions and concerns. They’re family didn’t get together much like this unless it was special occasion or church. They always ate dinner together but it was usually silent with small chit-chat here and there. He felt like he didn’t really know his parents at all.

“Would you like to bless the food Kibum?” His mother said as she sat across from him.

He nodded trying to look eager.

He did as he was told and they ate in their usual silence. Most people would think it was awkward but he was used to it.

He ate his traditional Korean breakfast, it was delicious of course. His mom was a great cook. But sometimes he wished his parents would surprise him with a nice birthday cake. They hadn’t done that since he turned twelve. His parents said he was getting to old for things like that.

He took a moment to glance down at his phone when his parents started chatting about something. 

He saw a message from Taemin.

Favorite Dongsaeng: I guess, since it’s your birthday. When should I get ready?

He gave his first genuine smile of the day. He hadn’t seen Taemin in forever! 

He was eagerly typing his message back when he was interrupted.

“Now Kibum. You know the rule.” His father spoke up.

Kibum stiffen and looked up slowly.

“No phones at the table.” He said irritated.

“S-sorry, it’s just-I invited Taemin to come to church with me today. Is that okay?” He stammered.

Usually his parents didn’t like when Kibum did things last minute or without their permission first. 

But their faces soften at the mention of Taemin, and they gave each other a look.”

“That’s fine, Kibum. Just ask before hand next time.” His father said.

“Thank you.” He said relived.

“How is he? We haven’t seen him since the funeral.” His mother asked.

All of them showed up with their parents to Taemin’s mothers funeral. In fact Kibum’s mother and Taemin’s mother had got along quit well the few years they’ve known each other.

“He’s...okay I think. We haven’t seen him outside of school much.” He said shrugging.

“We’ll pray for him.”

-

As was suggested he changed before they left. He wore simple black slacks and white button up shirt, not to dressy but better than what he had on before according to his mother. 

Taemin’s said his father would drop him off at his church. So when they arrived his parents went inside and he excitedly waited for Taemin outside the church doors and greeted his elders or anyone else that came through.

When he saw the familiar blue car pull up he immediately greeted Taemin’s father accordingly and made small talk with him.

When he pulled off he engulfed Taemin into a big hug.

“Taemin! I’ve missed you so much. Your hairs longer? And why do you seem so much taller than the last time I saw you? Could you be going through a growth spurt?” He joked.

Taemin smiled.

“Very funny, Hyung. Happy Birthday.” He said suddenly throwing a card in Kibum’s face, he didn’t even notice he had it.

“Thanks Taem. You really do care about your me.” Kibum fake pouted.

“But seriously Taem. Thanks for coming.”

“It’s your birthday so duh. I couldn’t say no, that would be cruel. And it’s been a while since I’ve been to church anyway.”

Kibum didn’t thank him for just coming out for his birthday, he knew Taemin had been avoiding them for a while and been tucked up in his room. 

He really was thanking him for showing him that he was okay.

They were beginning to make their way inside when Kibum saw Taemin looking around curiously.

“What are you looking for?”

“I’m just surprised Jonghyun isn’t here.” He said like it was obvious.

“Oh...yea. Your the only one I invited.” Kibum said visibly tensing up. He didn’t like talking about anything that had to do with his relationship on church grounds.

“Why?” Taemin said knowing this but letting his curiosity get the best of him.

“I-we-I just wanted to be with just you. Is that a problem?” He joked at the end trying to get ride of his discomfort.

Taemin hadn’t been around in a while, but he wasn’t dumb. The two were tied to the hip whenever possible, and knew Jonghyun would often accompany him to church. He didn’t understand why he wasn’t with him on his birthday now.

“Do you...wonna talk about something Kibum?” Taemin urged.

“I rather not throw my sins in his face here.” Kibum said pointing towards the sky and the church. He walked towards the entrance waiting for his younger friend to catch up.

Kibum knew if he asked, Jonghyun would have canceled any plans he had to come. He asked to see him on his birthday but he told him he would be in church most of the day and that his parents wanted to be with just him.

He felt bad lying to him but he just...

He missed being with him but had been having this strange feeling of uncertainty. He knew why but he kept trying to deny it.

He didn’t like being around Jonghyun when he was like this. Plus the longer he was away from him the more affection and touchy he wanted to be with him, but he knew he couldn’t on a day like this. 

He rather not torture himself.

-

11:36 pm.

That’s what his clock read. 

Kibum couldn’t sleep. 

They were let out of church around 7 that evening. 

Taemin stayed over for dinner and then they took him home afterwards. 

Kibum got ready for bed and laid down around 9 and had been awake ever since. 

He hated night time.

Night time is when he felt the most vulnerable. He was alone and had time to think about everything wrong with me. His mind was plagued with nothing but negative thoughts.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to cry himself to sleep.

What shall he plague his mind with tonight? Α whirl wind of questions went though his head.

Would he ever tell his parents he was gay?

Would they really disown him?

Was he a bad boyfriend?

Why did Jonghyun do so much for him when he did so little?

Was Jonghyun lonely?

Why was he gay?

Was it to late to repent for his sins?

Why didn’t he like girls?

Should he tell him about the rumor that’s been going around?

Why did-

*TAP TAP*

What was that noise?

Kibum sat up and looked around his dark room squinting to see if anything fell off his desk.

*TAP TAP* 

The noise again.

This time Kibum got up and turned the lights on in his room to look around when suddenly his phone buzzed.

A message.

Jonghyunni <3: Look outside 

His eyes widened.

He made it to his window in two steps across the room.

There he was. 

His loved struck boyfriend standing outside his window with what looked like rocks in his hands.

Kibum immediately dialed his number.

“Bum-“ 

“Are you stupid?! If you crack my window with your stupid rocks my mother will kill me!” Kibum whisper yelled. His parents were asleep but he didn’t want to chance anything.

All he got in response was his soft laugh. A laugh that still makes butterflies flutter in his stomach.

“Come here.” Jonghyun said smiling.

His smiled automatically made him smile, he tried to hide the blush that came across his cheeks. Kibum missed this feeling.

“Jjong it’s late. You know I can’t go out.”

“I’m not going to kidnap you, just come here.”

Kibum rolled his eyes but his smile didn’t disappear.

He felt like he was in some cheesy teenage romance novel. He cringed a little at the thought.

He knew he could effectively sneak down stairs without getting caught just as long as he was quiet. He has snuck out many times before. His parents were deep sleepers and he knew by now they were deep in their dreams. 

“Hold on.” He said while holding up one finger to him simultaneously. He could practically see Jonghyun’s ears perk up and his tail wag.

He hung up and went pass his parents room to make sure they were asleep. Once he heard about five repetitive snores, he was sure they were asleep and went downstairs. He was in his pajamas pants and a random t-shirt with bed head. He looked a mess but Jonghyun never ceased to tell him the opposite.

As soon as he open the door and shut it gently he was yanked to the side and rushed off to the side of his house.

“Jjong-“ He was ready to angrily tell him off for scaring him like that when he was ambushed with a kiss instead.

It was a long and desperate kiss. He had trouble breaking away from how tenderly Jonghyun was holding him when thoughts of how his parents possibly seeing caused him to push him off.

He was flustered and his face and the tips of his ears were red. Jonghyun looked pleased.

“Are you dumb?! You know we can’t do that here! And throwing rocks at my window Jonghyun? Really? You could have just-“

“Peebles.” Jonghyun interrupted.

“W-What?” Kibum said confused.

“They’re peebles, not rocks.” Jonghyun finished.

Kibum just looked at him in disbelief at how he interrupted his rant to tell him the specific name of the object that nearly cracked his window. He didn’t whether know whether he should laugh or quietly yell at him some more.

“Happy Birthday.” Jonghyun said bringing a bag from behind his back into his face.

“Jjong...y-you didn’t have too.” He wanted to stay upset but the endearing look in Jonghyun’s eyes was slowly washing away the irritation he had with him.

“I didn’t get to see you or do anything for you all day. I had to do something. Open it.” He leaned forward to leave a kiss on his forehead. Kibum forgetting about how dangerous of an act that a small kiss could be in favor of opening his presents.

Inside the glittery pink bag (which was Kibum’s favorite color) he pulled out a small cupcake in a plastic container with a bow in top. 

“I know you probably wanted cake, but I couldn’t find one small enough to lag over here.” He said while tenderly moving strands of hair from Kibum’s face. 

“Keep looking.” He said before Kibum could get out his thank you.

He pulled out a small green box.

He looked at the older questionably before  opening it. 

He gaped.

It was a silver ring.

“A promise ring.” Jonghyun whispered.

“This looks expensive...”

“Baby~don’t worry about that.” He always melted whenever he called him that.

He gave him a kiss as he wrapped his arm around his neck to pull him closer.

Everything seem to make sense when he was with his boyfriend, just the two of them. All the worries and negative thoughts he had before thrown out the window. 

Why had he been avoiding him again?

“Thank you Jjong, this is a perfect way to end my Birthday.” 

“Made it here just before midnight too.” The older laughed. He was right, it was 11:56 pm. His birthday was ending soon.

“You know I’d do anything for you Bum.” He said while they shared one more tender hug. 

Kibum slept well that night, better than he had in weeks. The only thought on his mind being how did he end up with someone as loving as Kim Jonghyun?

Do you guys actually like this story? Comments or feedback would be nice.