They said to love was “Pray without ceasing.”

--

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances.

Impossible, right?

I prayed, I prayed to ask for help, to ask for the answer, was it worth to keep this broken relationship? Was it worth to always tricked me that everything gonna be ok? Was it worth if I am the only one who seems to want to continue it?

And I came to a conclusion, even, even if Jaebeom hyung want to break it off with me, I will let him go. Even if Jaebeom hyung decided that it was the end of our relationship, I will walk out from his life, but I will try my best until the end. Even it hurts.

It was not because I was blinded by love, no, it was just because being deeply loved by him, gives me strength, he knows all my flaws and blemish, but still choose to love me. He knows all my bad habits, my fears, my insecurities, but still choose to stay by my side when he had every right to leave me. He taught me how to love, he taught me what is life.

I want to believe that I can save our relationship. Even if at the end he wants to end this relationship, all I know at the end that I’ve tried my best.

Even maybe you might think that I was crazy to hold on on this broken relationship, but isn’t it love make you do something you yourself never thought that you able to survive despite what had happened to you?

I guess it was because I favor him too much, more than I valued myself.

--

It was one of the Friday night, Jaebeom hyung came home looked exhausted, so I walked to him and took his bag from his shoulder, he looked at me, “what are you doing?”

“Am I not allowed to welcome my fiance?” I looked at him.

“Don’t do something strange.” he said.

He looked at me confused, “I cooked hyung, go have a shower, I will heat it up,” I said as I pushed him towards our room. He won’t move, I looked at him, “Let’s don’t fight today hyung.” I patted his cheek, “even just for today.” I smiled bitterly. His shocked face was so obvious, so I pushed him again towards our room.

He walked several steps and turn around to look at me. “Why?” I chuckled. He slid his hand to the back of my neck and wrap his other hand on my waist and pulled me towards him, kiss me on the lips lightly. I smiled, I pulled away, “go have a shower, you stink.” I said walked past him.

After a while I heard our room door open, he walked out with a towel on his head.

“Why didn’t blow dry your hair hyung? You will get sick.” I said after I looked at him briefly. Suddenly warmed hand encircle around me. I looked behind me, “hyung, what are you doing?” I said as I tried to turn my body.

“Stay still. I am tired.” he rested his head on my shoulder. I felt the hand around me tighten. I smiled.

“Let me finished it really quick and you can go have some rest.” I patted his hand on my stomach.  

“No, I am fine like this,” he kissed the side of my neck, “why you are home early? Isn’t it you texted me said you will get home late?” he continued to kiss the side of my neck. “I thought that I will order food after I am home for you to have for dinner.”

“Hyung.. stop, I am cooking,” I said trying to turn to face him but he still won’t let me and still keep kissing my neck, even it lightly, “Jaebeom, hyung ..,” if he continued like this I believe that the dishes will be burnt. I patted his head, he stopped, “let me finish this first hyung,” he nodded, I smiled, “I get home early because it was slow and there enough staffs there, so some staffs were allowed to leave early.” I said patted his hand on my stomach again while my other hand stirring the kimchi stew.

“It smells so nice, I am hungry.” he said while playing with my ring but suddenly he starts and kissing my neck again.

I laughed loudly until Coco ran to the kitchen, “but I am not food hyung,” I said pouting, I sighed as I realized that it will hard for me to cover the hickeys later. “I am finished, let us eat!” I said patting his head lightly, he let the hold around me go. We ate and watched a movie after that.

Maybe our relationship was not broken, maybe our relationship bent. That maybe, maybe we can learn to love again. That maybe, sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our way to love? That maybe, sometimes two people have to fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together?

They said that, “A successful relationship requires falling in love multiple times, but always with the same person.”