it hurts sometimes. or most of the time. it hurts having to live with him and listen to his drunken spiels about all the famous ex-girlfriends he’s dated before and the celebrities that have taken a liking to him.

it hurts going on tv shows with him and laughing off comments about them seeming like a couple because it would only make him uncomfortable.

it hurts being wrapped in his embrace like this, surrounded by the scent that belongs to only him, to be wetting his hoodie with tears and filling his ears with quiet sobs. it hurts to feel his hand trace along the curve of the spine comfortingly, silent but warm. “why are you crying?” he whispers.

it hurts when he doesn’t know that he’s the reason why. that years and years of enduring a love-caused pain have built up to this. it hurts when the realisation strikes that he’s the only one who can mend the pain he’s unknowingly caused.

“don’t cry,” he utters again, gently, patiently, never moving away. “who made you cry?”

you, it hurts to think. it’s painful, the pitiful contractions of a heart as he continued to murmur quiet words of comfort. “let’s talk this out,” he probes, pulling away from the embrace to let his dark eyes rake over the man in front of him who had more or less been reduced to a broken mess.

it hurts to feel his fingers caress the tears away from cold cheeks and wipe off the salt lingering on trembling lips. it hurts to feel his familiar touch, over and over again.

“just tell me,” he urges softly, “i promise i won’t think any differently of you no matter what.”

“i’m in love with you,” jaeduck says, the words falling out as if he were discussing the recent weather patterns.

the world stills around them.

it hurts, this cold silence.

and now it’s as if jaeduck had been discussing a brewing storm that decided to unleash itself upon them. that’s what it feels like, at least, the younger of the two decides - a torrential downpour would be one way describe the agony tearing through his heart.

he laughs.

it hurts. 

the laugh rings across the living room air, hanging thinly but all too loudly. the slightly upward crease of his lips is gone after seeing jaeduck’s expression.

everything hurts.

“hey,” he murmurs, loud enough for jaeduck to hear, “don’t frown like that. and don’t cry again, okay? when i laughed, i wasn’t laughing at you. that’s not why i laughed.”

jaeduck blinks back lingering tears and tries to force his expression into a neutral one. it doesn’t work, though, since he wouldn’t consider himself an actor and everything hurts like hell.

“then why?”

as the words slip from jaeduck’s mouth, he finds himself wrapped in an embrace again, two familiar arms encircling his frame. he wonders whether he should pull away, but his body acts regardless of his thoughts and leans into the embrace anyway.

“because,” seungho’s breath is warm against his cheek, his voice filled with sentimentality and joy and everything in between, “i’m in love with you too, jaeduck.”

his words hang there, and jaeduck doesn’t know how long they stay in that position - leaning into the comfort of one another - but it’s long enough for his mind to fully process every syllable that seungho has uttered.

“don’t cry,” seungho continues, “i love you.”

those three words are sweeter than any chocolates he’s ever eaten with his exes, and those three words make a rare warmth explode through his veins like fireworks lighting up a starless night sky.

jaeduck’s laughing now, his chin resting on seungho’s shoulder comfortably, his eyes alight with the shine of a million flames. “thank you,” he utters, his voice a little choked, and holds seungho closer to him, “i love you.”

saying those three words to an seungho and receiving the exact same phrase as a response, kim jaeduck decides, is the best thing he’s ever known.

it doesn’t hurt anymore.