“Hyunjinnie~”

 

Felix’s voice was bordering on an outright whine, the younger begging for attention from his older best friend. Hyunjin groaned in response, draping an arm over his eyes as he leaned back in the chair. Felix was a bundle of pure energy most days, but on days like this, he was like the literal sun was jam packed in his tiny 5’7 frame. How anyone had this much energy at 9am was beyond any sane mindset.

 

“Hyunjin! Talk to me!”

 

“How can anyone be this hyper at school?!” It wasn’t Hyunjin who responded, but rather Seungmin, who took his seat beside Hyunjin’s crumpled body. “What’s up Jinnie?” He peeked his head down, shoving his face really close to the older. Hyunjin all but squeaked, flailing arms around and almost tipping the chair backwards. The chorus of laughter erupted from the younger duo, loud and obnoxious, earning glares from others in the room who were far too tired to deal with much energy at school.

 

“Shut up Fe! Or I’ll tell-” Hyunjin leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper. “Jisung you harbor a less than ‘just friends’ love for him.” Felix gasped, hand over his heart in hurt.

 

“But Jinnie!! You can’t!” Felix was standing now, on the verge of a tantrum. Hyunjin simply crossed his arms, smirking.

 

“Then leave me alone! The both of you!”

 

The younger duo huffed in response, throwing their bodies down into their chairs, folding limbs and turning so they could still talk to the oldest.

 

“Did you guys do the math homework last night?” Seungmin asked, head leaning on his knee. “Well, I know Felix did it, but did you Jinnie?” His smirk was all teasing, barking out a laugh at Hyunjin’s blush.

 

“I went home and passed out cold.” Hyunjin stated, assuming the excuse was sufficient enough. He shrugged quickly before adding. “I’ll just copy one of you guys’.” He smirked, winking at Seungmin, who blushed and quickly looked away. Hyunjin looked up at movement near the door, eyes widening at the sight of black walking in. He shoved an elbow in Felix’s ribs, making a face at the younger when he whines. “Heads up.” Felix eyed him wearily, confused, before glancing around.

 

Felix quickly spun around, head in his hands to cover his reddening cheeks. “Why is he here? He doesn’t go to this school!” He whispered, leaning really close to Hyunjin, who was rightfully laughing.

 

Seungmin looked between the two, confused, before Hyunjin laid a hand on his shoulder and leaning forward. “That’s Changbin.” Hyunjin jerked his head to the side, Seungmin quickly glancing over and eyes widening. “I wonder why he’s here though. From what I know, he went to the school over the tracks?”

 

Before Seungmin could respond, their homeroom teacher waltzed in, slamming papers down with a thud as he smiled wickedly. “Good morning everyone. I’m sure you all had a wonderfully useless evening last night, huh?” His eyes scanned the crowd, falling on the mass of black that didn’t look familiar. “You! Are you the new student?” The student stood, shrugging, before sitting back down. “Nope. Get up and come introduce yourself. We aren’t in grade school.” The teacher barked back, pointing at the new kid.

 

With a groan, the new student stood, dragging his feet to the front of the class, all eyes staring at him in mixed expressions. When he reached the front, he spun on his heel and shoved his hands in his pocket. “’Sup. I’m Changbin.” With a small peace sign, he shot a glare at the teacher before retreating back to his seat, slumping down easily.

 

The new kid – Changbin – radiated bad boy. Felix watched in awe. His voice was deep. Not as deep as Felix’s was, but Felix felt no one could really compare to that level. But it wasn’t like Felix’s in the sense it was just deep. Changbin’s voice was raspy, like he forever sounded like he’d just woken up. Felix continued to glance at him, eyeing the way Changbin seemed to write stuff in a simple notebook always, never really paying attention to what the teacher was saying – not that Felix was paying much attention either, but that’s not relevant.

 

Felix squeaked at the feeling of Hyunjin’s sharp elbow in his ribs for the second time that morning, shooting a glare at the older over his shoulder. He mouthed a quick ‘what’. Hyunjin tossed a little wad of paper, beaming Felix right between the eyes. A low groan escaped his lips as he unraveled it.

 

‘Isn’t he friends with Jisung?’ - H

 

Felix felt his eyes widen, face instantly heating up. Hyunjin choked on another laugh, coughing when the teacher glared at them.

 

__

 

“I swear! I’m pretty sure he’s friends with Jisung.” Hyunjin states before shoving a spoonful of rice in his mouth. “You should talk to him. Maybe that can be your ticket in!”

 

Felix groaned, face hidden in his arms as he slumped on the table. “Jisung hasn’t talked to me in weeks.”

 

“Maybe cause you stopped going to the skate park that they spent most of their time in?” Seungmin retorts after he swallows the bite of his sandwich he took. “Why did we stop going there? Chan was pretty hot.”

 

“Minnie!”

 

Seungmin shrugged at Hyunjin’s shriek, smiling small when he felt a few pieces of rice being thrown at him. “Oh come on! You have to admit it too.” Hyunjin closed his mouth quickly, teeth clicking against each other audibly. Seungmin grinned, taking another bite of his sandwich in victory.

 

“Regardless! I’m pretty sure Jisung doesn’t even remember me.” Felix retorted, groaning as he dug his head further into his arms. “I’m a failure.”

 

“He remembers your name, but I hate to break it to ya.” A new voice breaks their circle, Felix shot up instantly, recognizing the voice easily. “Jisung is with Minho.” Changbin leaned closer, lowering his voice before adding with a smirk. “Minho is a tattoo artist who did our tats.” With that, Changbin stood up straight, grinning at Felix’s reddening face, before retreating out the doors of the cafeteria.

 

__

 

Weeks had passed since Changbin’s simultaneous entry into Felix’s life and since he tore down his growing crush on one, Han Jisung.

 

Since Changbin dropped the ball about Jisung’s relationship status to the trio, he became a constant nuisance to Felix. Always teasing him, always throwing paper at his head during their shared classes. It wasn’t bullying, not really anyway. He always smiled at Felix, always made sure he wasn’t upset with the constant harass, but even if Felix told him to stop, Changbin continued. Hyunjin would join in sometimes, but once Felix would shoot him a saddened look, Hyunjin would simply stop.

 

But that wasn’t the problem.

 

Not the entire problem anyway.

 

No, the problem for Felix wasn’t the teasing or friendly bullying. But his now growing crush on Changbin.

 

And to add to it, Changbin had constantly showed interest in Momo – a senior at their school, captain of the school dance team, and overall amazing at everything. She was beautiful, talented, outgoing, and you know, female.

 

“Dude, imagine how flexible she is in bed.” Changbin asked no one in particular when his eyes landed on Momo entering the cafeteria one day. With a low whistle, Changbin watched her like a hawk until she retreated to her normal table and was lost in the crowd. Turning back to the trio, he grinned. “I really wanna test that out.” Hyunjin smirked, ignoring the saddening expression of Felix across the table.

 

__

 

It was late December now, a soft blanket of snow covering that of their city, masking it in a serene snow globe like feel. It wasn’t that cold, but it definitely wasn’t hoodie season anymore. Felix’s feet made a crunching sound with every step he took, chest heavy and mind hazy. Today was a particularly rough day for his ever growing attraction to their newest member.

 

They were seated in a cafe, chatting and laughing, completely normal. On days like that, even Changbin’s other friends would join in the mix. It hurt at first, having Jisung around gushing about Minho, but the feelings he harbored for Jisung wasn’t as strong as his feelings for Changbin. So Felix, Hyunjin and Seungmin quickly welcomed Jisung, Chan and Jeongin – the literal baby of the group, but has a bigger attitude than Hyunjin.

 

Felix was seated between Hyunjin and Changbin, sipping away at his overly sugary drink and laughing along with the others. His attitude was wavering slightly at the idea of spending Christmas back home. He didn’t really want to leave, not yet anyway. But his parents were making insinuations that they might not want to come back after the holidays. They might send Felix back just to finish the school year, but upon reaching the end of the semester, he’d have to retreat back to Australia. He hadn’t found the time to talk to Hyunjin and Seungmin about it sadly, the two far too caught up in their own new found relationship. They were disgustingly cute, very touchy and openly out for the world to see. The other guys showed no ill will, rather simply congratulating them and cooing the overload of cute and disgusting PDA.

 

And Felix didn’t feel it necessary to mention it to the others, considering he’d only known them for a few simple months.

 

So he kept quiet, often watching the others interact with a solemn expression. No one seemed to notice, or say anything if they did.

 

Except for today.

 

Felix was staring down into his mug, swirling the chocolaty substance around slowly as Jisung told another story, arms flailing animatedly. Mind a mess as he tried to pay attention, he didn’t notice Changbin lean closer to him until his hand on on Felix’s thigh. He stiffened, then internally cringed, hoping Changbin didn’t feel his incredibly tense muscles. Blinking up at Changbin, Felix smiled small, trying to brush his hand off his thigh.

 

Except Changbin wasn’t having it. Leaning his weight over, he laid his head on Felix’s shoulder, smiling. “What’s up Lix? You’ve been really quiet today.” Sparing a glance around, Felix noticed no one was paying them any attention, so he couldn’t use the story as a distraction, since he hadn’t been paying attention.

 

Don’t tell Jisung!

 

Clearing his throat, Felix shook his head, wringing his fingers together in his lap. Changbin watched his hands, reaching over to lay his own over the youngers. Felix felt his chest constrict painfully, breathing becoming harder to do when he had Changbin at such close proximity. “Uh, um. I – I’m fine. Just uh, tired?” Felix internally cringed at the broken sentence, which sounded more like a question than a statement. He wanted to smack himself over the head for stuttering, but figured he would get weird looks from doing so.

 

He felt Changbin nod, his cheekbone scraping against Felix’s shoulder a bit uncomfortably. “Did you want me to walk you home?”

 

“Oh, uh, sure.” Felix winced at the crack in his voice, quickly clearing his throat again and looking away, feeling his cheeks heat up. He really hoped Changbin didn’t notice that. Or his blush.

 

He was never that lucky though.

 

He felt Changbin lean even closer to his body, mouth inches from his ear as he whispered, “Your blush is cute.”

 

Felix’s eyes widened, while he physically had to restrain from squeaking out a response, choosing rather to grip his chair with white knuckles and bite the inside cheek of his mouth. Changbin chuckled, motioning to stand up.

 

“Alright guys, I’m off.” Changbin quickly waved at the group, a collective ‘see ya later!’ or ‘already?’ chorusing through the 4 others. Changbin shot out a grin, reaching over to Felix’s elbow and pulling him to stand up. “I’m gonna walk him home, see you at home later Chan?” At his name, Chan looked up, mouth full of muffin as he smirked and nodded, throwing a thumbs up for good measure. “Then we’re off, bye guys.” Changbin called out, dragging Felix behind him.

 

Felix shot a quick panicked glance over his shoulder at Hyunjin – who, big surprise, was barking out a laugh and leaning onto Seungmin’s chest. Hyunjin just waved, winking at Felix who huffed at his so called best friend.

 

As the pair fell into step beside one another during their walk, Felix felt his hand gently brush against Changbin’s. A blush crept up on his cheeks, heating up his features with a tint of pink. (Though if anyone asked, it was strictly because of the cold, alright?) Grasping his hand to his chest, Felix put a tad bit more space between them, eyes never fully looking at Changbin.

 

“So you gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

 

Changbin’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, eyes quickly darting to the older as he stared, dumbfound. Wait, . You weren’t supposed to look at him ya fool! Felix imagined his inner self smacking him over the head so hard at failing his simple task. Shaking off the thought – and the growing blush – Felix glanced away swiftly, mouth set in a small line.

 

“I’m just tired, I told you already.”

 

Felix felt Changbin’s hand on his arm before he felt himself being stopped, then turned to face the older. Changbin quirked a brow, hands reaching up to rest on Felix’s heated cheeks. “I will let it go now, but if you ever, and I mean ever, need someone to talk to. Just come find me, ok?” Felix’s heart was pounding painfully in his chest, hitting his ribs in rapid succession. He hoped Changbin couldn’t feel his pulse from where his hands were, or couldn’t hear his heart beating super fast. Not trusting his voice, Felix simply nodded, eyes downcast. “Vocal confirmation Felix, or I your face.”

 

Felix’s eyes shot up to stare at Changbin, wide with terror and amusement, as he tried to shake his head free from the olders hands. Changbin laughed, moving his face even closer.

 

“Ok! OK! Please don’t me its cold!” Felix whimpered, closing his eyes in fear of the impending assault.

 

“Too late!” Changbin retorted, voice inches from Felix’s face.

 

But all Felix felt was the soft brush of lips against his cheek.

 

__

 

2 weeks had past since Changbin kissed Felix’s cheek.

 

And Felix was still a mess.

 

He – rightfully – told Hyunjin, who in turn told Seungmin, who mentioned to the others and now everyone in their small (7 teenage boys in a group is a small group, ok?) knew about it. So now he couldn’t go a day without reliving the memory, not that it wasn’t branded into his brain like a poison.

 

It wasn’t a bad kind of poison though.

 

No.

 

It was the kind of poison that makes you feel good, the kind that makes death and the end seem like a happy place.

 

And it wasn’t long after the incident – the kiss – that Felix realized just how deep his feelings ran for the older.

 

When Changbin pulled away after he placed the simple, quick peck on Felix’s cheek, he smiled at the blush on his cheeks, poked fun at him and swiftly started walking towards Felix’s house. Leaving a very stunned Felix in his wake. But Felix quickly recovered, summing up the kiss as that of a purely friendly gesture.

 

And it’s not like he had any time to talk to Changbin alone before he left.

 

But now he was on the plane back to were his friends resided, a happy hum in his chest as his parents had agreed to him staying the remainder of the year. (To finish school they said, but it was clear his friends were a big part of the reason too.) So Felix was happy, to come back.

 

Even if his time wasn’t infinite.

 

As he rode in the taxi to his house, now empty of warmth and love, he quickly unpacked and threw his lithe frame on the bed and scrolling through his phone. A message from Hyunjin pulled him out of his social media haze, garnering his attention to his best friend. When should he tell him and Seungmin about his leave?

 

Shaking his head, Felix simply replied to the text, prancing around to get ready for them to come over and hang out. He would tell them today, Hyunjin and Seungmin deserved to know.

 

“Hooooooney~ I’m home! With my boyfriend!” Hyunjin called out as he stormed into the living room, jacket thrown somewhere on the couch and shoes haphazardly taken off by the door. Once Felix was spotted in the kitchen making hot cocoa, Hyunjin all but threw his long limbs onto the shorter, mumbling a fake cry about missing him so much.

 

“Jinne, get off. Or I’ll tell Seungmin about that one time in secon-” Felix was cut off by Hyunjin slapping a hand over his mouth, retreating his body a safe distance from the blonde. When Felix shoved his hand away, Hyunjin eyed Seungmin wearily, shaking his head at the questioning look.

 

“It’s nothing! Just ignore him.” Seungmin shrugged, taking a seat at the island gently. Felix handed him a cup of hot cocoa, a hefty amount of marshmallows within. With a small thanks, Seungmin took a tentative sip, cooing at how delicious it tasted. He motioned for Hyunjin to try some, but regret it as soon as the dark glint showed in the olders eyes.

 

Hyunjin quickly leaned down, planted a simple kiss on Seungmin’s lips, tongue his bottom lip slowly.

 

“Ok! Ew! I didn’t come back here for your gross PDA.” Felix shoots out, pushing Hyunjin’s mug of hot cocoa to where he stood. “Drink out of your own damn cup dude.” Hyunjin shrugged, taking a sip and smirking.

 

“Seungmin’s lips tasted better.”

 

“Oh my god Jinnie!”

 

After a bit of teasing, talking about what they did over their two week break from one another, Felix began to nibble at his lip, unsure how to broach the subject of his finite stay.

 

“What’s wrong Fe?” It was Seungmin who asked, eyes watching the blond closely.

 

“Yeah, you’re not normally this quiet. Whats up?” Hyunjin plopped down on the couch, patting beside him for Felix to sit. So Felix let out a breath, and sat. Playing with his fingers gently, he glanced at the pair sideways, then back down.

 

“I’m leaving.” He blurted out. Face downcast as he chewed his lip raw, tasting blood.

 

“Oh? To the store? Can we come? I really need to get some-” Hyunjin was cut off by Seungmin, a sharp shake of head as he watched Felix shrink into himself more. “What?”

 

“Explain more? Felix?” Seungmin’s voice was soft, hand reaching out to lay on his thigh, squeezing gently.

 

With a labored breath, Felix looked up again, catching Hyunjin’s dark eyes in his own. “I’m not staying here, for very long.” His voice felt foreign, like sandpaper scraping against his throat.

 

“I’m sorry what?” Hyunjin replied, eyeing Felix wearily. “Where are you going? For how long are you staying? Are you coming back here?” He was firing off questions, clearly upset. Seungmin linked their hands together, squeezing tight. The gesture seemed to calm Hyunjin down slightly, but he still stared at Felix, waiting.

 

“Uh, I’m allowed to stay until the school year ends? So June?” Felix heard the gasp from Seungmin, but didn’t dare break eye contact with Hyunjin. “I’m moving back to Australia with my family.”

 

Felix expected anger, he expected sorrow, or regret, or even loathing. What he didn’t expect though, was for Hyunjin to throw his arms over his shoulders and pull him into such a tight, close hug, that it physically hurt Felix’s heart when he let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

“Why though.” It wasn’t a question, and Hyunjin’s voice sounded wrecked, but Felix shrugged, knowing the other could feel it. “You can’t leave.” Felix felt his heart break in two, a stray tear escaping his eye as he squeezed harder against his best friend.

 

“I don’t want to. But it’s not my choice.” Felix replied, voice croaking out from the emotion. “They let me stay for the year, or else I wouldn’t have come back from my trip.” Felix felt Hyunjin squeeze him even harder, pulling him closer than possible. “Lets just enjoy our time, ok?” He felt Hyunjin nod, and he saw Seungmin swiftly wipe tears away before nodding too. “I love you both, ok?” They both nodded again, before Felix reached over and pulled Seungmin into the hug too. “Don’t tell Changbin please.”

 

They both nodded, gripping Felix even tighter.

 

__

 

Felix didn’t get to see Changbin, Chan, Jisung or Jeongin until the week after. Something about ‘too busy making music’ or whatever. So Felix shrugged it off and hung out with Hyunjin and Seungmin, both slightly too clingy since the reveal of his impending departure.

 

As he waltzed into the school the Monday after winter break, Felix felt refreshed, lively and overall, happy. He’d gotten to spend Saturday with the others, laughing, telling stories of their respective holidays, and mostly just enjoying the company of them. So now he felt better, most of them still unknowing of his short stay, but regardless. He would enjoy his time with them.

 

Some more than others though, obviously.

 

Changbin had been so excited to see Felix again, he practically threw his slightly shorter frame onto Felix’s, laughing and joking around with ease. Felix felt his heart break at the idea of getting closer to him, but he figured if they kept it platonic, then all would end well.

 

That plan failed as soon as Changbin planted another kiss on his cheek at the cafe.

 

In front of the others.

 

The others had joked around, talking about how cute they were and that they would make beautiful babies with really deeps voices. Though Felix laughed, the pang in his chest was heavy as he glanced over at Hyunjin and Seungmin, faces low as they chuckled slightly. They both caught Felix’s eyes, both filled with sadness at the uncertain future. But Felix just shrugged, playing along.

 

Felix was pulled out of thoughts when a mass of black covered limbs was draping over his shoulders. Felix chuckled, ruffling Changbin’s hair slightly and sighing. It was lunch time, but instead of going to cafeteria like the others, Felix resided in going to a stray classroom, room 4419, and finishing the work he definitely didn’t do over his break.

 

“What’s up Binnie?”

 

Changbin looked up at the nickname, cheeks flushed red as he snuggled his face deeper into Felix’s neck. “I’m bored and you weren’t with Hyunjin and Seungmin in the caf.” His raspy deep voice was muffled by Felix’s shirt, but Felix heard him anyway. Laughing, Felix shrugged.

 

“I needed to finish my work. Sorry Binnie.”

 

Changbin just groaned, sitting down on the table in front of Felix, looking down at him pointedly. “Lee Felix! How come you didn’t do your work like a normal student?” Felix grinned, fluttering his lashes up at Changbin.

 

“I was busy being a rebellious teenager Seo Chang Bin!”

 

At the sound of his full name, Changbin frowned, before a spark of something crossed his features. Before Felix could ask what he was thinking, Changbin leaned down, face inches from Felix’s as he reached out, hand landing on his jaw. Felix gulped, breathing becoming sporadic as he stared into the black pools that were Changbin’s eyes.

 

“I can give you a few pointers on being rebellious, Lix.” Changbin whispered, inching closer.

 

Their breathing was mingling in the small space between them, Felix’s mind going haywire as his emotions short circuited. Being in such close quarters with Changbin was clearly not ideal for ones health – or maybe just Felix’s health. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Felix didn’t trust his voice, rather just nodding. But the movement of his head up and down made the space between them reach even thinner dimensions, Changbin’s lips that much closer to his own. Felix held his breath as he felt Changbin lean closer again, lips less than an inch away from-

 

“FELIX~ We got bored and – oh. OH. Are we interrupting?” Hyunjin’s voice called out in the empty room, echoing off the educational poster clad walls and startling the two in the far corner.

 

Felix was the first to react, jumping away and hiding his face in his hands. “What do you want Hyunjin?” He called out, not looking up from his feet. Felix swore he heard a low growl from Changbin, but couldn’t be sure with the blood rushing to his ears.

 

“Minnie and I got bored, and came looking for you. Though if I knew Changbin and you were erm, busy, I wouldn’t have come.” Hyunjin’s voice was sheepish, toeing the ground idly as he watched.

 

“Well, you found me.” Felix needed to get out. He needed to back pedal what was going on and change lanes with Changbin. This was too much, far too much for him to handle. They were to stay platonic, nothing more. For Changbin’s happiness.. They needed to be just friends. The panic was rising quickly in his chest as he caught Changbin staring at him, eyes glazed over and lips upheld in a playful smirk. With a deep breath, Felix felt his chest tighten painfully. Clenching his fists till his knuckles went white, Felix didn’t dare look back at Changbin as he fumbled around for something to calm him down.

 

“Lix? You ok?” Changbin’s voice broke through the water in Felix’s ears as his eyes scanned every surface, every corner, trying to find something. Then Felix felt a hand on his elbow. He hissed at the contact, ripping his heated skin away from the perpetrator. “Felix, hey. What’s wrong?” Changbin’s voice was dripping with worry, but Felix couldn’t comprehend why.

 

He just needed out.

 

So he ran.

 

__

 

Felix went 3 weeks without going to school. Huddled in bed, mind too jumbled and emotions too high strung to even consider stepping outside. He’d shut his phone off after the second day, too many messages and calls from the others, mostly from Hyunjin and Changbin though. It hurt his heart every time he saw Changbin’s name light up his screen, asking if he was ok, what was wrong, or why he didn’t come to school.

 

His parents had called, asking why he wasn’t attending school. He gave them the excuse he was really sick, far too exhausted to go out and infect his friends. They shrugged it off, wishing him quick recovery and good health.

 

Hyunjin had come over, trying to get Felix out of bed at least once. But with no prevail. He refused to see anyone else, anxiety running high as he thought about how stupid he must look.

 

“What happened Fe?” Hyunjin had asked one day, pulling the school work out of his bag and handing it to the younger.

 

Felix shrugged, throwing the papers on the table beside him.

 

“Felix.” Hyunjin said roughly, grabbing his hand in his own. “Please.”

 

Felix felt a tear begin to fall as he opened his mouth, choking down a sob. “I think I’m in love with him Jinnie.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Changbin.”

 

Hyunjin had reached his arms around and hugged Felix tight, ignoring the wetness on his shoulder as Felix cried. “Is that a bad thing Fe?” Hyunjin had asked while rubbing circles on Felix’s back.

 

“I don’t want to hurt him Jinnie. I don’t want to have to leave him like I have to leave you guys..” Felix whimpered as another sob escaped, gripping Hyunjin’s back firm. “I don’t want to hurt anyone..”

 

“Listen Felix.” Hyunjin said, pulling back to look at the younger. “You aren’t going to hurt him.” Felix opened his mouth to retort before Hyunjin shook his head. “If he wants to be with you. You should enjoy the time you guys have together. We are all going to be sad when you have to go, alright? So you should just enjoy what time you have left.” Felix cried harder, clutching onto Hyunjin so tight, he probably left bruises. But Hyunjin stayed, until Felix fell asleep, and he kept coming back, until Felix felt strong enough to brave the truth.

 

__

 

It was Wednesday when Felix walked into the school, head hanging low as his feet scraped the linoleum flooring. It’s been a week since he talked to Hyunjin about embracing his time left, instead of dreading the future. He needed a few extra days to hype himself up enough to even put proper clothing on, before finally being able to head back to school.

 

As he wandered the halls, too anxious to go back to class, Felix decided he needed to talk to Changbin before things got worse. So he quickly made it to Changbin’s class, eyes peeking in the window on the door, scanning the crowd and half asleep students before his eyes landed on Changbin’s dark ones, which were staring right back at his own. An expression of shock was evident even from this distance as Changbin’s hand shot up, probably asking the teacher if he could be excused. Feeling accomplished, and overly nervous, Felix took off down the hall before Changbin erupted from his classroom. He heard the footsteps before he felt Changbin’s entire body weight being thrown onto his back, arms clad in black coming to rest around his waist.

 

“Where’ve you been Lix?” Changbin asked, voice muffled from where his face was buried in Felix’s hoodie.

 

Not trusting his voice, Felix shook his head, detaching Changbin’s limbs from his own before lightly grabbing Changbin’s hand, leading him down the hallway. They head to the library, hands still linked together as they walked silently. Felix’s nerves were on fire, but there was a constant calming effect Changbin’s hand had on his own, fueling his love. When they arrived at the library, Felix led them to the far back corner, the entire area completely vacant of others, but Felix felt as much privacy was better than nothing.

 

Felix motioned for Changbin to sit, but the older refused, rather just watching Felix fidget around before him. With a sigh, Felix chewed on his lower lip, not looking at the older.

 

“Lix?” Changbin called out, hand reaching out to rest on his shoulder.

 

Steeling his nerves and biting down his anxiety, Felix his heel and grabbed Changbin’s hand in his.

 

“Teach me to be a rebellious teenager?” Felix fumbled and blushed, the statement coming out as more of a question than anything. Eyes wide as he looked away, ready to pull his hand from Changbin’s in an attempt to run.

 

But Changbin had others ideas apparently.

 

Because he yanked Felix back by his hand, before reaching his other hand out to place it on the side of Felix’s face.

 

Felix opened his eyes and was about to retort when he felt something soft touch his lips, eyes widening at the sight of Changbin’s face against his, nose brushing against his cheek, and his lips moving against his own…

 

Holy crap

 

Changbin was kissing him.

 

With his heart hammering against his chest, Felix felt the air getting out of his lungs as the seconds passed by. He was still in shock, still processing what was going on when Changbin pulled away, blushing bright red as he swept his eyes to something to the right.

 

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that! I just – I figured because of the question – but I’m stupid and shouldn’t have just assumed. I just though-”

 

Felix cut Changbin off with his own lips, crashing their mouths together. Changbin squeaked at the contact, but quickly reciprocated the kiss, hands resting on Felix’s shoulder and hip respectively. They kissed for what felt like forever. It was stronger than the first time, more controlled and primal over delicate and unsure. Felix tilted his head slightly to the side to better slot his mouth against Changbin’s as he let out a puff of hot air between them, giggling into Changbin’s lips as he felt the other smile.

 

__

 

It was mid April now, and spring was in full bloom. Flowers littered the streets, the sun staying high in the sky for longer. Felix wandered the path they were on, eyes staring at the flower covered trees in awe. He was skipping, bag on his back from the school day, hand tangled with Changbin’s as the older watched Felix. Felix caught his eyes and blushed, smiling down at his feet.

 

They’d been dating for two months now, and it was still all very new, very soft and lots of mishaps. Most encounters led to one – if not both – being incredibly flustered and blushing like a tomato. So they kept their kisses to the softest of touches, holding hands comfortably now. They were always already naturally together, but now with the added romance, them sitting closer – if not on top – the other wasn’t weird.

 

“You’re cute.” Changbin stated, eyes bright as he stared at Felix’s blushing face.

 

“Shut up.” Felix mumbled back, looking away.

 

“Hey.” Changbin turned him, stray hand resting on his shoulder. “Do you want to come with me to Busan this summer?”

 

Felix’s smile faltered, eyes widening in shock before stifling it all down quickly. “Uh, why?” He finally asked, looking away.

 

“My family moved down there a few years back. It’s why I’ve been living with Chan this entire time. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with..?” Changbin trailed off, eyeing Felix’s closed off look wearily. “Do you not want to?”

 

“No no! Uh, I mean. I do!” Felix panicked, blurting out anything on his mind to fix the frown on Changbin’s face. “I always go back to Australia during the summer.. So yeah?” Felix bit his lip, avoiding Changbin’s gaze.

 

“Hyunjin said you spent last summer hold up in his room playing video games?” Changbin reasoned.

 

Felix sighed, inwardly cursing his best friend. “What’s wrong Lix?” Changbin pressed, hand squeezing his own as they kept walking.

 

“I am actually going to Australia this summer.” Felix finally responded, head hanging low.

 

Changbin bumped his shoulder, smiling. “That’s great though! That’s a lot better than Busan in my opinion.” Felix relaxed slightly, reveling in the smile on Changbin’s face for the time being.

 

“Yeah. You’re right.”

 

__

 

“Please mom! I want to stay!” Felix shouted into the screen, tears falling as he asked for the hundredth time, pleading with his parents to allow him to stay.

 

“No Felix. We already agreed. You’ll be coming back to Sydney in July, right after school lets out. Got it?” His mothers voice was stern, though a bit scratchy from the connection.

 

“But I need to stay! My friends need me.” Felix retorted, sobbing loudly.

 

“You have friends here Felix. It’s no different no matter where you go. Now I have to go. Get some rest.”

 

As the line clicked to end, Felix whipped the tears from face, whispering into the deadline tone. “I want to stay with Changbin.”

 

__

 

“Lixie!”

 

Felix cringed at the nickname Jeongin had given him, at first begging for a new one, but never actually receiving on. So now it was just an uncomfortably awkward name only their baby would call him.

 

“Yes Innie?” (Equally cringey name, but this one is specifically for the cringe master Jeongin.)

 

They were all seated in the cafe, cold drinks adorning the table now instead of hot ones because of the late May heat. Felix was currently leaning on Changbin’s shoulder, huddled close even with the heat lingering around them.

 

“Are you going to come camping with us in July?” Jeongin asked, smiling wide with his mouth full of braces.

 

Felix stiffened, Hyunjin choked on his drink and Seungmin eyed a very particular piece of the décor on the table. Changbin chuckled before shifting to sit straighter, letting Felix lean against the chair backing instead of his arm.

 

“He can’t Innie. He’s going back to Australia.” Changbin stated, sipping his overly sweet drink – a common trait between the boyfriends. “But I’m sure Hyunjin and Seungmin can come, right?”

 

Hyunjin eyed Felix wearily, trying to have a silent conversation between the two but Felix wasn’t looking at him at all. So Hyunjin cleared his throat, and shrugged. “Yeah, we can come.”

 

“Wait!” Jisung added, leaning against the table to get closer. “You’re going back to Australia? For how long? Do you miss it? Didn’t you go back during winter break? Why are you going again?” Jisung fired off questions, ignoring the startled looks from Hyunjin and Seungmin to Felix.

 

Felix felt panic rising in his chest, face heating up at the idea of spilling the secret.

 

Changbin spoke up first. “I don’t know how long he’ll be gone either.” He turned to Felix. “Not long, right?” Felix held his eyes, breathing labored and uneven. His chest clenched hard against his heart, causing his vision to dance with spots of black and white.

 

Before he could open his mouth to respond, Felix felt Hyunjin’s hand on his arm, yanking him up quickly. “Me and Felix have homework we need to get done. We should get going.” Without waiting, Hyunjin made their way to the door before Felix halted in his steps. Hyunjin looked back, eyes wide and full of concern. He leaned down, mouth against Felix’s ear as he whispered. “You don’t have to do this Fe. You don’t have to tell them if you’re not ready.” But Felix shook his head, and pulled his arm out of Hyunjin’s grasp.

 

Turning, he meandered back to the table, eyes watching him with confusion.

 

Changbin was the first to speak up. “What’s wrong Lix?”

 

“Yeah! You can tell us anything man.” Jisung added, smiling wide.

 

“To uh, to answer Jisungie’s questions.. Uh.” Felix looked down, wringing his fingers together. “Yes, I’m going back. To Australia.” He took a deep breath, eyes locking with Changbin’s as he recited the last part in almost a whisper. “I’m not coming back.”

 

The table erupted in a frenzy, hands flying up, voices raising higher, everyone seemed equally pissed or upset at the news.

 

Everyone except Changbin.

 

__

 

Exams were over, the school year reaching its end as Felix felt trapped in water, unable to move, breath or swim. Hyunjin was beside him, arm over his shoulders as they sat in their now old classroom, making jokes and trying to lighten the mood. But even with small reprieve, there was always a looming darkness over the trio.

 

Felix was leaving for good in just over a week.

 

They had planned out a week full of adventures, from skateboarding to jumping in a river nearby, to burning all their school stuff from the year and having a cookout. But with all these plans, the stinging idea of it only being for 6 boys and not 7 meant heavy hearts of those affected.

 

Felix hasn’t seen or spoken to Changbin since the day in the cafe.

 

That was over a month ago.

 

He skipped the last month of school, only showing for the exams and then leaving right after. The teachers showed no care, clearly stressed from the year as well. So Felix was at a crossroads.

 

He still didn’t want to leave.

 

But what’s the point of staying if he doesn’t have Changbin anymore?

 

“Hey.” Hyunjin’s voice brought him back to earth, the gentle touch on his elbow doing nothing to garner his attention. “We’re going for ice cream, did you want to join?” Hyunjin hooked his thumb over his shoulder, signaling to the trio that stood near the front gate of the school. Felix sighed, because no matter how many times he scanned that small crowd, the familiar eyes and dark clothes wouldn’t be within it.

 

So Felix shook his head.

 

“I have to go finish packing Jinnie. I’ll skip this time.”

 

Hyunjin opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by Seungmin’s hand on his shoulder, tugging him away. With a dejected sigh, Hyunjin nodded. “I’ll come by later, ok?” Felix nodded at that, before waving at the trio near the fence, then heading in the opposite direction.

 

__

 

“Are you calling to beg to stay again?” It was his fathers voice this time, deep and ruling, like any businessman’s voice should be.

 

Felix sighed, heading flopping on the pillow of his bed. “What good would it do? I have nothing here anymore.”

 

“I don’t know about that Felix.”

 

Felix perked up, eyes widening. “What do you mean?”

 

He heard his father chuckle, before he simply stated. “One of your friends called us. Said they were really sad to see you leave and all but begged us for you to stay.” Felix felt his heart clench, clearly picturing Hyunjin on the phone with his parents, sweet talking them like the rascal he is.

 

“Hyunjin means no harm father. But my friends are sad I’m leaving. I’m sad I’m leaving.” Felix admits, feet kicking the air around him.

 

“Who’s Hyunjin?” His father asked.

 

“He’s the one who called you, right? Hyunjin is sweet -”

 

“No son. That wasn’t the name of the boy who called.” Felix’s eyes widened, mouth dropping open.

 

“Then who did?”

 

“A boy named Changbin?”

 

Realization hit Felix like a tonne of bricks. Heart hammering against his chest, Felix abruptly stood, glancing around for anything to wear. “I have to go dad.”

 

“Felix wait.” His father’s voice pulled his attention back, Felix sitting as he waited. “The boy – Changbin – said something else as well.” Felix’s already uneven heartbeat began to quicken, knuckles turning white as he gripped the phone. “He said he was your boyfriend and that he was in love with you. And that he would be so torn if we made you leave him. Is this true son? Do you have a boyfriend and you didn’t tell us?”

 

“Dad. Dad I’ve had boyfriends back in Sydney. I told you and mom I was gay when I turned 14. It’s not that surprising.” Felix felt frustration kick in, mind a mess and body buzzing with energy. “I have to go though dad.”

 

Felix was cut off again by his father. “Felix, I knew about you being gay. But what I didn’t know about was you being in love. That’s a big step my boy.” Felix felt tears welling up behind his eyes, the burning coming quickly. With a little wobble, he his lower lip, nodding. “Your mother and I decided you can stay. At least for the next year of school. Wherever you decide to go for college is up to you, but for now, just stay with who makes you happy, ok?”

 

Felix felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on his head. Everything went numb. Everything was at a distance, Felix was seeing it, but not believing it.

 

He was allowed to stay.

 

Changbin loved him.

 

Changbin!

 

“Dad! I have to go. I messed up real bad and I have to fix it, Ok? I love you and mom so much! Thank you so much. Really!” Felix fired off his reply, waiting till his dad stopped laughing and responded with a simple ‘we love you too son, now go get him.’

 

__

 

With a quick call to Hyunjin, then another to Chan, Felix found out where Changbin was hiding out today, all but sprinting to the house Chan owned. Rapping his knuckles painfully against the door, Felix heaved out a jagged breath, every ounce of air reaching his lungs felt like little knives poking his insides. Resting his hands on his knees, he waited and breathed in and out quickly.

 

With all the blood in his ears from the adrenaline, Felix didn’t hear the door open until he noticed a pair of feet covered in black socks in his vision. Felix shot up straight, chest still rising and falling quickly as panic now surfaced.

 

Changbin eyed him wearily, his shirtless chest out in the open as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweats.

 

Shirtless.

 

Holy Changbin is shirtless! Felix flushed instantly, eyes unable to look away from the toned muscles of Changbin’s torso.

 

“Uh? Felix?” Clearing his throat and shaking his head to rid of the thoughts, Felix dragged his eyes from his chest, smiling small.

 

“Sorry.” Felix replied, a giggle escaping his mouth before he could help it. Realizing it, Felix flushed brighter, hiding his face in his hands.

 

Changbin’s laughter filled the space between them, the sound velvet and smooth and calming for Felix. As he peeked behind his hands, he watched Changbin smile genuinely at him, shifting from foot to foot.

 

You’re here for a reason dammit!

 

Shaking his head once more, Felix jolted, eyes brightening. “It was you!” Changbin eyed him in question, quirking a brow. “Sorry. Uh.. I called my dad. To check when I had to leave, you know, boring flight stuff.” Felix didn’t miss the way Changbin’s smile dropped, or the darkness in his eyes at that statement. “But he told me something.”

 

Changbin remained silent, waiting.

 

With a deep breath, Felix continued.

 

“He told someone called, asking if I could stay.” Felix took a tentative step forward, hands still at his sides. “He said a ‘friend’ called him, telling him that he would be so torn that I had to leave.” Changbin’s cheeks were tinting red, eyes wavering, but not straying from Felix’s. “He said the guy who called him mentioned being my boyfriend, and told my dad he was in love with me.” Changbin’s eyes glossed over, lighting up in only a way Felix has seen when they are alone, lost in each others embraces. “Is that true?” Felix asked, fingers itching to reach out, but staying firmly at his sides as he waits.

 

And waits.

 

Then Changbin nods, a tear falling down his cheek as he hastily brushes it away.

 

“Yeah Felix. I do love you.” Changbin states, voice even raspier than normal from emotion. “I am in love with you.”

 

Felix felt his chest bloom in happiness, a light feeling filling his being as he smiled wide, finally reaching out to cup Changbin’s face in his hands. “I love you too Changbin.” He placed a chaste kiss on Changbin’s nose, earning a small chuckle from the older. “I am in love with you.” He placed another kiss on Changbin’s forehead as Changbin chokes a sob.

 

“But you have to leave?”

 

Then Felix shakes his head, and feels his own tears fall. “I’m not going anywhere Binnie. I promise.”