• Chapter 35 •

Previously, 
 

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, feeling calmer than he ever was. His ear perks when he heard the sound of the door creaking and soon a pair of hands sliding from his side then wrap around his waist. He smiles softly, feeling the familiar warmth and that hands that he'll always dream to hold.

"You come back" He whispers.


 

• Chapter 36 •

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Chaeyoung receives no answer and in that moment of feeling, she's so close that himself awake somehow, more alive than he has been in a very long time. As if all his pain goes away---mental and physical, mostly the depressing pain. If only he could stay in her arms forever. Just both of them, together, living a happy life, loving each other, no more pain, no more guilt, no more fight but just pure love. Unfortunately, one could only hope.
 

They remain silent in the darkness but bathed in the gentle glow of the moonlight. Chaeyoung restrains himself from turning around when he feels his shirt wet, due to her tears. She's crying silently. And just how much he wants to face her and sees the girl that he'd been missing, he wants her to say something. An excuse, a fit of rage, a nag. Anything.
 

These past few days, Mina tries to block a pining that made her heartache and kept her up at night. Eventually, she became aware that she was tensing her muscles so she wouldn't cry. And eating all those pints of ice cream was just an attempt to stave off emptiness with sugar.
 

She closes her eyes and bites her lower lips as she remembers the one same thing that everyone told her---her sisters, her mother, and even her physiatrist. Which is "to open up yourself" She knows the best thing to do is to go ahead and feel her feelings.
 

"I...I'm mad at you" She trails off.
 

"I'm mad at you for giving the scarf to her, for lying to me, for not taking care of yourself, for forcing to look for me when you can't walk, for standing in the rain, for stupidly waiting for me!" Her voice raises then cracks as she says the last words, cannot holding the already falling tears of herself.
 

"I hate you..I hate you so bad" She continues between her sobs, but soon after her arms squeezed a fraction tighter and Mina breathes more slowly.
 

"But, I keep seeing your face, I keep worrying, I keep hearing your laughter...I miss you..."
 

Chaeyoung brain stutters for a moment and every part of him goes on pause while his thoughts catch up. She misses him. He slowly releases her arms and turns around. Watching the girl having her head low, grasping tightly the end of her sweater. He lifts her chin, so they can stare at each other. Mina eyed him with a pained look and suddenly hold his left arms, she can no longer take the risk and hurt herself.
 

"I miss your smile. I miss holding hands. I miss doing your laundry. I miss you running errands for me. I miss sharing meals together. I miss cycling together. I miss being close, being able to hug with no pain and guilt only happiness...I miss the past us." She pleads with gut-wrenching sobs that tear through her chest. "Let's be how we were back then....please Chaeyoungie" He looks away, as to ignore her begging, knowing where this conversation leads to. Just when he thought that she means something else maybe it's the start of newness, freshness but she just smashes it down. Not even the steady stream of liquid trickling down his face could cure his thirst for her. After all, she wanted a friend, not a lover.
 

Honestly, he's trying so hard not to burst out and yells at the girl. Swallowing all the words that he wants to say.
 

Never.
 

I don't want to go back to how we were.
 

I don't want to be your friend.
 

I don't want to watch you from afar again.
 

Since you can't leave me because I'm your friend and you cherish me,
 

I have no option but to take advantage of our past relationship. I'll keep you close, to stay beside me.
 

He turns his head back and his face softens when their eyes meet. He takes a step forward and gently hugs the girl with one arm around her shoulder. How could you do this to me? He thought.
 

"Chaeyoun---"
 

"No. I don't want." He cut in, breaking the hug when he already set his mind. He just loves her too much that he's slowly losing his own identity and be someone else. A shameless manipulator.
 

"Stay or leave. Decide" He says sternly.






 

*  *  *  *

Chaeyoung stare at Mina who's sleeping in the couch, he turns his body fully to her side to get a better view. His last question wasn't answered though as Mina only stared at him with confusion. She took an amount of time to finally mumbled ''I'm tired. I want to sleep" and that's how he helps prepare a blanket and pillow so she can lay comfortably in the couch. He knows at that moment, offering the bed with him is not the right thing to say so he just let her.
 

Chaeyoung shut his eyes and recalls their fight hours ago, feels disgusted at himself for losing his consciousness and put pressure on her. It comes out impulsively, and once