Chapter One – Love that Fades Over Time

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8 August 2018 - Hapjeong-dong, Seoul

 “Kim Taehyung, Lalisa Manoban, I now declared you to be divorced”

Lisa’s POV

I look around me with emptiness. I don’t know why the place I have been living in for 15 years seems so unfamiliar to me. I just took a step out from Seoul Family Court as me and Taehyung are now no longer husband and wife. I sigh as I look at the document of court’s confirmation of our divorce. It took 15 years for me to realize how toxic our relationship has been.

I saw Taehyung walks to me. He tried to approach me and maybe talk to me for the last time. I have to admit, even after everything that happen to us I still love him, but things are not the same to him. He never loves me like I do. All of the sudden, he offers me a hand shake.

“What is this?” I glared at him a lethal sharp lightning stare. He smiles to me. He must be happy that he finally can leave me.

“You’ve been through a lot. At least, I shall comfort you.” He doesn’t even mean this. His words were a knife in my ribs, the sharp point digging deeper. A guy like him should not be forgiven. I tried so hard to get through and survived in this relationship, but at the end, like how it is supposed to be, this relationship was a wreck at first and it should be meet with an end.

“Okay.” I reach his hand shake. Even though everything was tearing my heart apart, I have to keep strong and act likes nothing happen.

“…. Scumbag” I added a little bit of word to spice up our separation.

“You’ve been through a lot too for the past 15 years, jerk. Don’t forget the alimony.” I can finally get him back as I said that. I leave him with a big smile. He must find me look like a gold digger, but I don’t care anymore about his impression on me.

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I really don’t have anywhere to go. All this time I’ve been living off Taehyung and his family. I leave everything; my family from Thailand and my dream to be a fashion designer just to be with Taehyung. I don’t know how to meet my mom and dad again. They must hate me; it has been 15 years already since I last met them. I drop out from my dream collage when I was 20 years old to marry Taehyung; my family and his family are really not happy with our decision.  I even threw off all my friends and now I don’t even have friend I can count on.

After five years of our marriage, Taehyung got a job and he got to move to Seattle Washington. We both are living really cheap and always fight for almost every single day. As he left to United States, I got to live with his family and I have been working my off for the entire time. I know that his family hate me to death but treat me like a servant was really out of limit. Unfortunately I have to get through all that just because I love Taehyung. I even gain weight over time, and now I even look like a pumpkin that will blow in any minutes. I get into a cab but I don’t really know where I am supposed to go. All my stuffs are still at Taehyung’s parent’s house.

“Drive me to Cheonggyecheon stream please.”

As the cab goes to mention destination, a flood of memories suddenly flashed back to me when I was living with my family in law.

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June 2015 - Mangwon Traditional Market, Seoul

As a daughter in-law who is living in a house with my in-law, almost every house chores have to be done by me but I never really mind. I love taking my walk to the market to find fresh ingredient to bring back to my in-law restaurant and house. I even work as a cook at my in-law’s restaurant.

“Fresh crab, fresh fish”

“Get your fresh vegetables here”

I love how noisy a market can be. It can bring calmness even in the midst of chaos.

“Hello!” I approach a fish stall that already having me as a regular.

“Welcome, madam.” The friendly ahjussi that always sell me the best fresh fish welcomes me with a big smile.

“It should be a female fish to go on the ritual table. But this one looks male.” I take a look at fishes that still alive in the basin.

“Open it up then. You can tell right away.” The ahjussi tried to convinces me.

“Shall I?” I asked him with smile before I duck down and take a closer look at the fish. I pick one of the fish to check on the gender. I am very strict to make sure the fish that will be use as a sacrificial food on the gutsang; a ritual table.

“Oh, my” Out of blue, the fish flattened side to side before its tail slaps me on my face and throw its slippery body off my hands. As a person with a weight of 95kg, I can’t even control my body and let myself slip and get into the fish basin.

I look around me. I can hear people laughing at me and not even offer to help me. I don’t have my 20 years old body shape anymore; I am a fat ugly ahjumma now, that’s why nobody cares about me anymore.

“I’m okay. I’m okay” I even have to answer something that nobody even asks to convince myself and make myself better.

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I get into the house with wet hair; from the sweat and